With a 5-second penalty awarded for a missed goal, which of these two very different, precision machines will cover the course the fastest?

The Jebel Hafeet Mountain Road wraps its way around the Jebel Hafeet Mountain, the second highest peak in the U.A.E. at over 4000 feet. The road offers brave drivers 60 corners over 7.3 miles of perfectly paved asphalt while offering a beautiful view of the desert below. As Tiff points out, numerous drivers have misjudged the corners. The rubber graffiti written all along the road's concrete barriers, a sign some should stick to just going straight.

For those who have mastered all 60 corners of the Jebel Hafeet Mountain Road only a small car park with 2 porta-johns (for you to empty out your pants) and cafe await you at the top of the peak, but we're guessing those aren't the real prize. Did we mention that there's only one way down? We're hoping that Ol' Master Wert will hand us the keys to something special and give us the okay to take a short journey to the oil-rich capital.

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(photo credit: Renen Jose Navalta via flickr)
[via 5th gear]

A 2.5 liter turbocharged five cylinder with 300 horsepower, searing green paintjob, Revoknuckles, Recaro buckets, six speed transmission... perhaps the lustiest forbidden fruit in the hot hatch world right now, it's the 2009 Ford Focus RS. We know it reeks of boy-racer looks but we don't care. We just want to pretend to be zipping around marked stages somewhere deep in the WRC season. The only question now is what color?

[Youtube via Carscoop]

The Fifth Gear crew (apparently also known as "Top Gear" to one confused writer over at Edmunds Inside Line) heads to the snowy Italian Alps with the 5.2-liter V10-powered 552 HP Lambo, and proceeds to the nearest ice track.

Of course he gets the Lambo wide open without traction control as soon as possible, because honestly, who among us wouldn't? But, when that novelty wears off, Tiff turns the stability nannies back on to see just how good the raging bull is on the slippery stuff. Turns out it's darn impressive at protecting you from yourself, juggling power output, brake control and all-wheel-drive bias to keep the car going in the proper direction.

But what fun is that? By the end of the clip the traction control accidentally comes off again and it's oversteer and rooster tails all around. [WCF]

It's no secret that Los Pedran Jalop is not a massive Porsche obsessive. Most of his favorite sons of Ferdinand are racing vehicles, with only the 550 Coupe and 928 to really stoke his passions. But there's something about the new GT3 RS. It's the most immediately soulful road car Porsche has produced since the 928 left the line. A different beast to be sure, but an assured loin-stirrer it is, even to oddball dorks who've always loved 914s and think 912s are rad. It is an undeniable car, and we constantly castigate people who buy mere GT3s for not going full-awesome and waiting for the RS. We do not say this lightly, but the new GT3 RS is simply one of the coolest cars Porsche has ever built. And at a time when German cars are getting consistently more complex, to their own detriment, the latest Rennsport 911 has arrived to restore the mantle of merely essential awesome. As Ferry himself said, "This is why functional designs are so beautiful; so calming." We'd add that they look fabulous in wild-ass-yet-somehow-understated color schemes too. And with that, we hand things over to Mr. Needell to simply race the coked-up snail along Castle Coombe's asphalt straight razor. – Davey G. Johnson

[via Autoblog]

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And Now A Word From Bruce's Patron, Ferry [Internal]

If by the 12-second mark this isn't your favorite video then Jalopnik isn't the site for you. Head over to [CENSORED] — they'll have tons of stuff that will float your boat right up your alley. We apologize for the shit soundtrack in advance — why on earth the jokers that pieced this excellent example of all my hopes and dreams big-grin hoonage together felt the need to provide us with anything other than the sounds of the motors is very far beyond us. Maybe they've been reading [CENSORED]. – Jonny LIeberman

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Supercar Weekend: Tiff Needell Has a Funny Voice [Internal]

It's no secret that our favorite V8 is the 4.2 from the RS4. It is also no secret that a dry-sumped version of that engine lives in the back middle of the the Audi R8. So, turn your speakers way up cause Fifth Gear's Tiff wrings its neck around the Las Vegas Motor Speedway. And it sounds absolutely beautiful dazzling pulchritudinous divine. We'd write more, but we're working on a few different get rich quick schemes... for some reason or other. – Jonny Lieberman

Related:
Supercar Weekend: Tiff Needell Has a Funny Voice [Internal]

Still, any man having a cargasm on camera is worth watching. What's he so excited about? Well, at first Tiff putters around in an Enzo. Which he thinks is OK. You know, just your average run of the mill supercar. But then he gets into the goofy center-seat of a McLaren F1, and well... you should watch. We will warn you, it is not just a "regular" McLaren F1, but one of the extra lust-worthy examples that started life as racecars and were converted back for street use. Meaning that they weigh hundreds of kilos less and sound like heaven filtered through hell. And if you like Tiff here, we've got more of him below the jump. – Jonny LIeberman

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Hoon of the Day: McLaren F1 Driver Freaks Out Wife | Jalopnik Morning Mourning: Pics of the Dead Redline Enzo [Internal]

We'll be honest — one of our greatest joys in life is bombing through Southern California canyons at para-legal speeds. And those canyons are exclusively blind-corner ridden, two-lane affairs where high-speed, head on collisions are most likely to occur. Will this insane test-crash make us rethink our passion? While it will give us pause, we're still answering "No." A) We're dumb B) That's an extreme crash (the equivalent of tagging a big tree at 120mph) and C) human beings could survive crashes much worse than this one if the cars were engineered properly. Think we're nuts? Check the facts. Also — that Volvo didn't look too safe. – Jonny LIeberman

More Reading: John Stapp pulls and survices 46+ Gs {Wikipedia]

Related:
Rein in Blood: Auto Accident Survival Kit [Internal]

Fifth Gear's Tom Ford takes the massive Bentley Azure droptop out for a spin and ends up in a slightly disturbing makeout session with the steering wheel. Good thing the airbag didn't go off. – Davey G. Johnson

Related:
Fifth Gear: Tom Ford on the 335i [Internal]

On a recent episode, Fifth Gear host ( and Clay Aiken act-alike ) Tim Lovejoy learned why sometimes it's important to have a professional around when you're trying to do some quick n' dirty e-brake maneuvers for the first time. It's always good to have someone on hand like Russ Swift, precision race driver. That's because, as you can see from the above video of Timmie's attempts at e-brake maneuvering — it doesn't always go the way you plan. Poor little Volvo estate — you've been through so much to provide us with a life's lesson worth learning — how to hoon park less dangerously. – Ray Wert

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Fifth Gear: Tom Ford On The 335i; Daniel Craig Wears A Cardigan? Fifth Gear Has A Chat With James Bond [internal]

Yes, yes, we know that of the two major British motoring programs, we're biased toward the outlandish hoonage and silly pranks of Hammond, May, Clarkson and the Stig. But we do take a hit off of the Fifth Gear pipe now and then. So what have we today? Tom Ford on the BMW 335i, which is apparently brilliant, yet leaves him itching for a bit more of a tickle in the trouser department. Hopefully, we'll drive one soon and report back on our loins' stirredness or lack thereof. ] – Davey G. Johnson

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Fifth Gear: Mini Works GP vs. R/C Car [Internal]

Turns out that Fifth Gear was in on Volkwagen's 747-towing stunt at Dunsfold airfield that we mentioned a while back. 155 tons, in a basically bone-stock vehicle. We don't care if it was a PR stunt by VW, we still think it's pretty rad. Now we wanna see someone try it with a Rabbit diesel pickup. – Davey G. Johnson

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Bruce Allows for Super Towing Poetential: Touareg Pulls 747 [Internal]

Seriously, the one most unfortunate part of this interview of the new Bond, Daniel Craig, isn't that his first car was a Nissan, or that he can't stand Lambos or Ferraris. It's that he's wearing a cardigan. Absolutely dreadful if you ask us. – Ray Wert

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Bond-ed And Insured: UK Company Pens Estimate For 007's Car Insurance; Is The Dream Dead, Like A Zephyr Product Reference Guide? [internal]