(Hat tip to Daren!)

The hybrid Fiero is being built to compete in the Grassroots Motorsports $2009 Challenge, which means it has to cost no more than that sum of the year and will compete in an autocross, a drag race, and up-close judging. That's right, when this monster is done, it'll get raced. So what's in it? First and foremost, the original GM four banger is staying in place, powering the rear wheels as it has since 1988. But the front wheels are getting a comprehensive rework. Instead of the boring, un-powered design it was originally given, the builder has decided to plop in a 114 HP electric motor pulled from a scrapped electric Chevy S10 between the wheels. This is essentially the same unit which powered the EV1. It'll get power from a couple of battery packs from junked Prii hacked together for more power.

The suspension is basically stock, modified to accept the added hardware, though the upper control arm had to be moved up for clearance reasons. The axles came out of a Saturn S-series, the struts came of a Honda Accord, and the rest of the car is essentially a mutt. Amazingly, this beast is already back on the ground and after some finagling, the electric motor works and turns the wheels. Very cool and incredibly impressive. If this thing doesn't win the Garret Jenkins Memorial Best Engineered or at least get the crowd favorite vote we'll be shocked. Pun intended. [Grassroots Motorsports]

Yesterday, you zombie-loving prom-goers gave the Pinzgauer a twenty-one Nice Price salute, with a solid 68% of you voting it prom queen. Today, we've going to ogle a 21 year-old, and she's a beauty too. But do you have what it takes to do her right?

With the Pontiac brand being yet another celebrity to shuffle off this mortal coil, dealers are beginning to sell off old stock. Most of the spawn of the Indian Chief honorific that you'll find standing on the lots are ‘09s or even a few dusty ‘08s, but it's unlikely you'll come across something old enough not to need a fake ID. Hinton Motors, in Lynden Washington, has been sitting on just such a sweet twenty-one year old, and not only is she of legal age, but is rocking the short skirts and some killer curves. She's got an athletic build, is probably good at sports, and her parent's must have been hippies, because they named her Fiero.

Now, by 1988 Pontiac was over the notion that the Fiero was a commuter car, and had gotten around to fixing many of the things that were wrong with the little two-seater. The craptacular suspension of the previous years was replaced with a racing-honed version that finally had proper geometry, and the rock-solid 2.8 liter pushrod V6 pumped out a healthy-for-the-time 140bhp, 42 more than the Iron Duke in the base models. New disk brakes and revised armstrong power steering also add to the desirability of this last-year for the American mid-enginer. 


There's a lot of '88 Fieros running around, what with over 26,000 built that year, but this one is different. What this car has been doing the past 21 years is a mystery, but we can tell what it wasn't doing was racking up the miles - there's only 221 on the clock. It's possible that, like many a young lass, her parents kept her in a convent or stuffy boarding school during those formative years, meaning that, now of legal age, she's ready to break free and cut loose. And you could be the one to help her out of her shell.

Of course, putting miles on a 21 year-old, 221 mile car is like taking a dump in a Ming Dynasty vase- sure you can do it, but it wreaks havoc on the resale value. So, the best thing would be to find a warm, dry spot in the garage, and make her comfortable. Every now and then go out and tell her she looks nice, and no, that spoiler doesn't make her butt look too big.

Eventually, as seals shrivel, and fluids dry up, she'll grow old, tired, and incontinent. 21 will turn to 30, and then, before you know it, 45, and she'll wonder where her life has gone. She'll pine for the freedom of the open road that, for so long, has been denied her, and will lament that she never met the right person who loved her for what she was deep down inside- a fun-loving sportscar- rather than people who only were attracted to her for her looks. Sure, she still has had only a few cranks on the odo, but there's more to life than what those numbers exemplify, and now, tires rock-hard, and ball-joints frozen, all that has passed her by. There she sits, under the incessant hum of the cold, unflattering florescent garage lights, only occasionally allowed out to stretch her legs, but never for more than a day, and then back to the dark confines of her cage, and under the smothering blindfold of her tight, confining car cover. It's not the life she had imagined for herself. Or would ever wish on even her worst enemy.

It doesn't have to be that way. $40,000 is a lot of Clamato for a twenty one year old, but not if you are in it for the long haul. This is a unique opportunity, a time capsule to make up for past mistakes, a chance to catch that one that got away. Pontiac got the Fiero right by '88, and then condemned her to the ignominy of spending the rest of her life possibly wearing poor-fitting, faux Italian fashions, or worse, and eventually a slow, painful death of junkyard violations and her plastic body warped and faded by the unrelenting sun.

But you can make her an honest woman, and give her everything she needs for a life filled with joy- an open road, a heavy right foot, and the promise always to take care of her, miles be damned. Are you ready for that kind of commitment? The challenge of a life together seems daunting, she comes from a broken home after all. But even more intimidating is that dowry - forty-large. Do you think that's a Nice Price for a life of highway hijinks with such a lithe, pretty young thing? Or do you think she's smoking the Crack Pipe if she thinks she can get you to the church for that kind of scratch?

You decide!

Hinton Motors or go here if the ad gets found out by its oppressive parents. Hat tip to Mustang05_awesome!

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To make us all feel better again, here's a beautiful unicorn airbrushed onto the hood of a Pontiac Fiero. There. All better now? [via 4Chan]

In his last article published by The Atlantic—How to Get a Nuclear Bomb, which later became the first chapter of the book The Atomic Bazaar—William Langewiesche recalls a conversation with an operator in Russia’s nuclear bureaucracy. Their discussion is about the ease with which nuclear weapons can be acquired by any state willing to build them:

“Once a country has made the decision to become a nuclear-weapons power, it will become one regardless of any guarantees. You needn’t be rich. You needn’t be technically developed. You can be Pakistan, Libya, North Korea, Iran. You can be …” He searched for a country even more absurd in his estimation. He said, “You can be Hungary.”

Stinging though it may be for my fellow Hungarians, the Russian’s quick analysis is certainly spot on. While starving North Korea has detonated a Hiroshima-size nuke this Monday, the last glory days of Hungarian military might were way back in the 15th century, when the Black Army of King Matthias Corvinus romped about Central Europe under one hell of a military flag, wreaking havoc every which way. It’s been all downhill from there.

So it is certainly an occasion when a Lamborghini Countach is spotted on the streets of this sad, lonely outpost on the very edge of Western civilization. But then you have to remember that in outposts, appearances can deceive. Which entails that when you start counting a Countach’s cylinders, you come to a sudden halt after six:

And realize that it’s probably not a Countach after all, but a Pontiac Fiero with a body kit.

The only solace for a rueful Hungarian nationalist would be the fact that we would have neither nukes nor the car that put America on wheels without Hungarians (1, 2, 3, 4).

Photo Credit: Balazs Keki

Yesterday, with an 55% vote of confidence, the Aston Martin Vanquish avoided crackpipeddom barely by the skin of its teeth- just like Jimmy B in the third act of damn-near any of his Ian Fleming-based thrillers.

Today, we have a car that Bond never drove- a 1988 Pontiac Fiero Formula with an asking price of just $5,000. The seller claims that the engine is missing out and the brakes are sponage, so it's got that going for it. Other than those foibles, it appears pretty complete and clean. The shiny red paint is amazingly still sticking to the RIM plastic body panels, and it has a generous push bar spoiler on the back deck.

If that's not enough, the seller is ALSO throwing in an '85 Fiero SE. . . with an Olds 403 V8 shoved up its bum. Operators are standing by. So that's two Fieros (Fieri? Fierests?) for the price of one. BUT WAIT, this seller is willing to part with yet another Fiero- a 1986 GT with the twin cam 3.4 in it. That engine has a cooked bearing, but he also happens to have a low-mileage 3.4 that he'll throw in, AT NO EXTRA COST! And you don't even have to call within the next ten minutes to seal the deal. All this, for one low price!

That's right, you get three Fieros for five grand, with not an iron duke between them. And there's that one with the Olds engine in it. That's an as seen on TV mash up of two failed brands. . . FOR THE PRICE OF ONE!

When you leave home, without having a car in the driveway or on the front lawn, you're advertising to criminals; I'm not home, come and rob me. But now you can put a stop to the robberies, and enjoy hours of away-from-home peace of mind with the Fiero, Custom Looks Like I'm Home Crime Stopping System for a low, low price of only $5,000. For that price you get; not one, not two, but THREE Fieros. It'll look like you're having a party. No criminal in his right mind would rob a house when there's a party going on! And with the amazing reduction in theft, that's like money in your pocket.

So, three Fieros for five grand. Is that a price that makes you want to ACT NOW? Or is that less Shamwow and more ShamWhoa?

You decide!

eBay, or go here if the ad is no longer sold in stores! Hat tip to Tomsk!

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Each of these photos is a link to the car's original DOTS page, where you'll find its complete gallery for your enjoyment. Maybe bringing back the illuminated Indian-head hood ornament might have saved Pontiac? We'll never know now.

I'm providing each car's best lap time (which should confirm once again that having a fast car isn't the most important thing for a LeMons team), as well as the number of BS Inspection penalty laps (if any), plus awards earned by the team. You racers in need of all my original, full-resolution shots of your car in action should email me and I'll get them to you. When you're done here, be sure to check out LeMons Supreme Court Justice Lieberman's coverage over on Speed:Sport:Life.

Thanks to Nick Pon and Ashley Freed for many of these photos. Here they are in finishing order, the Top Lemons Of The 24 Hours Of LeMons South Spring 2009:

SF '07	Arse Freeze '07	SF '08
Detroit '08	New England '08	South '08
Texas '08	Arse Freeze '08	Texas '09

You may have noticed that the words "Fiero," "Pontiac," or even "GM" don't get mentioned anywhere in the description, but the statement "v6 tuned port fuel injected with an auto transmission that shifts like a dream" tells the whole story: this is a Fierrari. However, its Fiero origins aren't so obvious at first glance (other than the engine and gauge cluster) and the build quality seems pretty decent. Would you be better off taking your $34,500 and purchasing a clean 308 or Mondial, with enough left over to pay shop bills for a couple years… or do you get the nicest Fierrari in town instead?
[eBay Motors]

[Craigslist Chico, go here if ad disappears]

You might also enjoy Motorweek's coverage of the LeMons South event:

[New York Times]

Photo Credit: Fabrizio Costantini for the NYT

Unique is an understatement here. This is why we love the return of traditional hot rods to the scene: you never know what you're going to get. And hey, who said hot rods aren't practical. We bet that thing has a huge trunk up front. [Hemmings]

According to the seller, this car was featured in the obviously well known motion picture "13 million," a movie we all remember fondly (never mind that even IMDB has never heard of it). We just can't get over how spectacular this thing is put together. Is it possible for a car to be so bad it crosses the line into greatness? The answer is yes. (Thanks Henry) [eBay listing]

Ah, the Fierrari! Do a search for "Ferrari" in any online classifieds, and you'll find that most of the results are Fiero-based cars. Your Fieroborghini tends to be more crass, less refined, but a good Fierrari is always a joy. You get the attention-grabbing looks of the real deal, but you can get parts for chicken feed at your nearest junkyard. Better still is the Fierrari with V8 engine, because then you get extremely manly handling characteristics that permit you to show off your skid- and spin-recovery skills just driving down to the corner store. The key is to get one with a body kit that isn't too slavish a ripoff of a real prancing-horse machine, and we've found just the thing with this Fiero convertible with kit (go here if the ad disappears), with a clearly-negotiable asking price of 10 grand. We're not sure what the "kit" involves, but maybe it has something to do with the engine. We're hoping it's a V8, but that's just one of many questions you'll have for the seller, because other than the wheel sizes (18s in the rear, 17s in the front) and the paint color, we really don't get much information about this Fierrari's story. But don't worry about its condition, because this car comes from a private collection!

You're a big fan of the Zimmer Golden Spirit, but need something a little easier to park? Just step onto the steal-packed lot of Lowball Lucifer's Quality Pre-Owned Automobiles, my friend, and see how you feel behind the wheel of this 1986 Zimmer Quicksilver. Yes, in addition to the Golden Spirit, Zimmer manufactured 170 Fiero-based Quicksilvers in the mid-1980s, and were they lookers or what? The only problem with this one- well, aside from the trashed interior and body damage, that is- is that it has the low-po V6/slushbox combo. You'll need to do something about that, first thing, and we suggest a nice Cadillac V8 swap, maybe even a Northstar swap if you're feeling ambitious. We don't know where the reserve has been set, but the current high bid is only $1,225 at the time of this writing, so we think you'll be able to get quite the deal on a genuine Zimmer.

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We're going to pull our punches here and choose a V8 that's not only fairly small for a DOHC unit but already set up for a front-wheel-drive application. That means the engine and associated transaxles are already lined up in correct orientation in the recipient cars' chassis. So whip out $1,600 and drop a Buy It Now bomb on this 300-horse late-90s Northstar engine, then head to the junkyard for some transaxle shopping fun.

You won't be the first lunatic ambitious project builder to take on the Northstar Fiero project. Far from it- why, it's been done many times! Here's a guy who makes the whole process look pretty straightforward. You can keep repeating to yourself the mantra "GM engine... GM car... easy swap..." as you head on down to pick up this very reasonably priced '84 Fiero (go here if the ad disappears). Only 400 bucks asking price! You can go ahead and make plans to have your new 300-horsepower Fiero terrorizing your town on the very same weekend, that's how easy it's sure to be... well, actually, you might need to spend some time fixing brakes and stuff, since the car has been sitting for "5 or 6" years (probable translation: 10 or 12 years). So let's say two weekends, tops!

Isn't it cheating to swap in an engine made by the same corporation that made the car? The Northstar might even bolt up to a GM transmission that fits perfectly in the Fiero, and where's the fun there? Not only that, the Fiero came with a V6 from the factory, which means there's room for a somewhat wide engine. That's why you need to spring for an extra hundred bucks and buy this '86 Toyota MR2 (go here if the ad disappears). Dad says it's gotta go, and when Orange County dads say it's gotta go, they mean it! All we know about the car is that it "NEEDS WORK," because the owner, Steve, needs to repeat his phone number four times and runs out of motivation for describing the car itself; hey, it works on radio ads, so why shouldn't it be even more effective in print? You might think that shoehorning a Northstar into an MR2 would be damn near impossible, what with the fact that the little Toyota came with only an inline-four engine and all, but it's been done! With 300 horsepower (or more, since you might as well add supercharging to this already-hopeless challenging project), your MR2 should have the kind of power-to-weight ratio seen only on racetracks (and in car-crash stories that make the national news).

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The Fiero GT came with GM's 2.8 liter V6, which was rated at 140 horsepower. Of course, many other GM engines have been made to fit in the Fiero's engine compartment, from the supercharged 3800 to the Cadillac 4.9 to the good ol' Chevy small-block.


This car had a list price of $12,875, which was more than 4 grand steeper than the Honda CRX Si (which I'm pretty sure was faster and quicker than the Fiero; we're assuming- well, actually, hoping- the mid-engined Fiero handled better than the front-drive Honda, and most would agree the Pontiac was the better-looking of the two). But still, $4,000? Ouch! Sadly, the Fiero didn't get the "good" suspension until the '88 model, by which time the carbuying public's attention span had long since wandered from the little plastic Pontiac.


Still, these cars had style. They were different. So let's have a poll to see what the mob thinks about Fieros on DOTS:

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