Yesterday, you zombie-loving prom-goers gave the Pinzgauer a twenty-one Nice Price salute, with a solid 68% of you voting it prom queen. Today, we've going to ogle a 21 year-old, and she's a beauty too. But do you have what it takes to do her right?

With the Pontiac brand being yet another celebrity to shuffle off this mortal coil, dealers are beginning to sell off old stock. Most of the spawn of the Indian Chief honorific that you'll find standing on the lots are ‘09s or even a few dusty ‘08s, but it's unlikely you'll come across something old enough not to need a fake ID. Hinton Motors, in Lynden Washington, has been sitting on just such a sweet twenty-one year old, and not only is she of legal age, but is rocking the short skirts and some killer curves. She's got an athletic build, is probably good at sports, and her parent's must have been hippies, because they named her Fiero.

Now, by 1988 Pontiac was over the notion that the Fiero was a commuter car, and had gotten around to fixing many of the things that were wrong with the little two-seater. The craptacular suspension of the previous years was replaced with a racing-honed version that finally had proper geometry, and the rock-solid 2.8 liter pushrod V6 pumped out a healthy-for-the-time 140bhp, 42 more than the Iron Duke in the base models. New disk brakes and revised armstrong power steering also add to the desirability of this last-year for the American mid-enginer. 


There's a lot of '88 Fieros running around, what with over 26,000 built that year, but this one is different. What this car has been doing the past 21 years is a mystery, but we can tell what it wasn't doing was racking up the miles - there's only 221 on the clock. It's possible that, like many a young lass, her parents kept her in a convent or stuffy boarding school during those formative years, meaning that, now of legal age, she's ready to break free and cut loose. And you could be the one to help her out of her shell.

Of course, putting miles on a 21 year-old, 221 mile car is like taking a dump in a Ming Dynasty vase- sure you can do it, but it wreaks havoc on the resale value. So, the best thing would be to find a warm, dry spot in the garage, and make her comfortable. Every now and then go out and tell her she looks nice, and no, that spoiler doesn't make her butt look too big.

Eventually, as seals shrivel, and fluids dry up, she'll grow old, tired, and incontinent. 21 will turn to 30, and then, before you know it, 45, and she'll wonder where her life has gone. She'll pine for the freedom of the open road that, for so long, has been denied her, and will lament that she never met the right person who loved her for what she was deep down inside- a fun-loving sportscar- rather than people who only were attracted to her for her looks. Sure, she still has had only a few cranks on the odo, but there's more to life than what those numbers exemplify, and now, tires rock-hard, and ball-joints frozen, all that has passed her by. There she sits, under the incessant hum of the cold, unflattering florescent garage lights, only occasionally allowed out to stretch her legs, but never for more than a day, and then back to the dark confines of her cage, and under the smothering blindfold of her tight, confining car cover. It's not the life she had imagined for herself. Or would ever wish on even her worst enemy.

It doesn't have to be that way. $40,000 is a lot of Clamato for a twenty one year old, but not if you are in it for the long haul. This is a unique opportunity, a time capsule to make up for past mistakes, a chance to catch that one that got away. Pontiac got the Fiero right by '88, and then condemned her to the ignominy of spending the rest of her life possibly wearing poor-fitting, faux Italian fashions, or worse, and eventually a slow, painful death of junkyard violations and her plastic body warped and faded by the unrelenting sun.

But you can make her an honest woman, and give her everything she needs for a life filled with joy- an open road, a heavy right foot, and the promise always to take care of her, miles be damned. Are you ready for that kind of commitment? The challenge of a life together seems daunting, she comes from a broken home after all. But even more intimidating is that dowry - forty-large. Do you think that's a Nice Price for a life of highway hijinks with such a lithe, pretty young thing? Or do you think she's smoking the Crack Pipe if she thinks she can get you to the church for that kind of scratch?

You decide!

Hinton Motors or go here if the ad gets found out by its oppressive parents. Hat tip to Mustang05_awesome!

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Yesterday, with an 55% vote of confidence, the Aston Martin Vanquish avoided crackpipeddom barely by the skin of its teeth- just like Jimmy B in the third act of damn-near any of his Ian Fleming-based thrillers.

Today, we have a car that Bond never drove- a 1988 Pontiac Fiero Formula with an asking price of just $5,000. The seller claims that the engine is missing out and the brakes are sponage, so it's got that going for it. Other than those foibles, it appears pretty complete and clean. The shiny red paint is amazingly still sticking to the RIM plastic body panels, and it has a generous push bar spoiler on the back deck.

If that's not enough, the seller is ALSO throwing in an '85 Fiero SE. . . with an Olds 403 V8 shoved up its bum. Operators are standing by. So that's two Fieros (Fieri? Fierests?) for the price of one. BUT WAIT, this seller is willing to part with yet another Fiero- a 1986 GT with the twin cam 3.4 in it. That engine has a cooked bearing, but he also happens to have a low-mileage 3.4 that he'll throw in, AT NO EXTRA COST! And you don't even have to call within the next ten minutes to seal the deal. All this, for one low price!

That's right, you get three Fieros for five grand, with not an iron duke between them. And there's that one with the Olds engine in it. That's an as seen on TV mash up of two failed brands. . . FOR THE PRICE OF ONE!

When you leave home, without having a car in the driveway or on the front lawn, you're advertising to criminals; I'm not home, come and rob me. But now you can put a stop to the robberies, and enjoy hours of away-from-home peace of mind with the Fiero, Custom Looks Like I'm Home Crime Stopping System for a low, low price of only $5,000. For that price you get; not one, not two, but THREE Fieros. It'll look like you're having a party. No criminal in his right mind would rob a house when there's a party going on! And with the amazing reduction in theft, that's like money in your pocket.

So, three Fieros for five grand. Is that a price that makes you want to ACT NOW? Or is that less Shamwow and more ShamWhoa?

You decide!

eBay, or go here if the ad is no longer sold in stores! Hat tip to Tomsk!

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The Fiero GT came with GM's 2.8 liter V6, which was rated at 140 horsepower. Of course, many other GM engines have been made to fit in the Fiero's engine compartment, from the supercharged 3800 to the Cadillac 4.9 to the good ol' Chevy small-block.


This car had a list price of $12,875, which was more than 4 grand steeper than the Honda CRX Si (which I'm pretty sure was faster and quicker than the Fiero; we're assuming- well, actually, hoping- the mid-engined Fiero handled better than the front-drive Honda, and most would agree the Pontiac was the better-looking of the two). But still, $4,000? Ouch! Sadly, the Fiero didn't get the "good" suspension until the '88 model, by which time the carbuying public's attention span had long since wandered from the little plastic Pontiac.


Still, these cars had style. They were different. So let's have a poll to see what the mob thinks about Fieros on DOTS:

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