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Detroit, 3:16 PM
Wed Nov 25
26 posts in the last 24 hours
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03:00 PM
02:59 PM
mid-western america, watch out for me in the next 15-20 yrs or so... when i can finally build it...
speeding corn, awesome.
02:58 PM
If I hit the exact center of the space, all vehicle occupants will be peppered with leading questions like "Whoo, nailed that one didn't I?" and "Am I closer to the line on that side?", etc. I am a shameless parksturbator like that.
02:41 PM
Also, you got that damn Beck song stuck in my head. FU, Sam.
03:12 PM
02:36 PM
Parking lots are the dark side. They're the antithesis of everything we love about cars. Cars are for driving, not for sitting in neat little rows. They're for taking corners at stupid speeds and blasting across deserts to bring the horizon to us. They're for carting vast quantities of humans and goods from one place to another in great movements of commerce and civilization. Cars are instruments of independence and prosperity. They are tools, and tools are given meaning and purpose by the tasks for which they are constructed. A parked car is a car not doing its job, a tool with no purpose, a waste of space. Think about a junkyard-- hundreds of hulks, cars with no more miles left in them, arranged in neat little rows, left to rot and be picked dry. A parking lot is a foreshadowing of that, minus the usefulness of inexpensive parts. If Ray Bradbury's point holds true, that 4 a.m. is the closest a man comes to being dead while still living, a parking lot is the closest a car comes to the junkyard while still retaining some semblance of life.
If I may be permitted to reference your earlier post, Mr. Smith, which pointed out some of the more remarkable machines of our era, you may realize that almost every one of these cars would draw attention in a parking lot. Beside Sebrings and Accords, even the common RX-8 throws up a flag. It's a spark of life that says, "I don't belong here. I should be out on the road, turning dead dinosaurs into motive power, making noise, creating passion in human beings." If we glorify vehicles that move us, how can we simlarly elevate an institution--the parking lot--which serves only to hold these vehicles captive?
02:26 PM
Parking lot for women.
02:30 PM
02:59 PM
02:24 PM
I do have to point out that if it weren't for parking lots where would I do burnouts?
02:22 PM
How do I love thee, dear parking lot? Let me count the ways:
1) You're where we stop to take a piss in hopes that no one will see us.
2) You're where we get in more accidents than anywhere else.
3) You're a place that we circle for hours on end just because we have to have a spot in front to "save time", while the few people who take what they can get are in and out long before we've seen an empty spot.
4) You're a timeless setting for being a douchebag and pissing off other people by parking our BMWs in two spaces.
5) You're a place of chaotic consternation waiting in aisles that are endlessly jammed up because some asshat is sitting directly in the middle of the aisle for no reason whatsoever.
Alternatively, some crack pot bum could be slowly strolling up the middle of the isle with a cart load of whatever, completely ignorant of the massive temptation to run him down, especially in the holiday season.
6) You're a place where we can be pricks to other drivers, and take out sweet ass time loading our cars, getting in our cars, turning the ignition, turning on the AC, finding a radio station that we like, checking our text messages, lighting a cigarette, putting our seat belt on, putting the car into gear, and at last backing out; all the while, we have caused a massive traffic jam in the parking lot.
7) You're a place where the odds of getting mugged rise exponentially.
8) You are a place that is great at absorbing heat, and turning our cars into de facto ovens.
9) You're a place where our cars are most frequently stolen from.
10) You are a magnet for crap of all kinds, from oil slicks to nails that pop your tires.
11) You're a place with an almost infinite supply of the most obnoxious speed bumps known to man.
12) You are a favored venue for drug deals and gang activity.
Oh parking lot, oh parking lot, your awesomeness is so....not there. Screw you, parking lot.
I cannot, however, deny your significance.
02:21 PM
02:20 PM
Trying to put heart to the heartless?
NEVER
A parking lot is a place where cars are tortured. Scraped. Bumped. Dented, Dinged, Sideswiped, Bent, Broken etc, etc.
Same with garages. They are places you leave the object of your affection behind.
The only true, happy place a car can be is on a ribbon of asphault, with a slight bend, cool breeze, an arm hanging out the window and driver muttering to him (or herself)....
"Fuck Yeah"
....then glancing up at the rear view mirror to appreciate the section of road just passed, for all the wonderful memories it just made.
That is soul. That is Jalopnik.
02:47 PM
02:16 PM
03:01 PM
03:11 PM
02:14 PM
02:11 PM
But not The Man. He sucks.
02:08 PM
03:15 PM
01:36 PM
It is about humanity, and everything wonderful we have created.
An insane, over-engineered, leather-wrapped rocket, an unruly, redneck sledgehammer, a protein-fueled, space-age-material'd Spitfire of the roads, a Skynet-beating, neck-breaking robot for the Nurburgring, a sometimes sensible, sometimes crazy nausea machine for four, a near-flawless precision crafted German with a sense of fun and such a wonderful aura that Bangle is almost forgiven, a much-maligned and often forgotten boy-in-the-corner-of-the-classroom who does everything the hard way but somehow, somehow, still matches the rest of the class, a baby cut off from the umbilical cord of homologation, but grew into a world-beating athlete with a big mouth to eat up everything it catches up to, and finally, two reminders from yesteryears to Detroit and Stuttgart and Turin and Tokyo that Iacocca and Chapman were two of the brightest of all humans.
02:15 PM
However, each is completely remarkable for how well it completes its intended purpose. Each does this because every one is the purest fulfillment of a very simple idea.
1. Uber.
2. American supercar.
3. Agility.
4. Digital speed.
5. Everyday speed.
6. Utter competence.
7. Challenge every convention.
8. Fast in any conditions.
9. Muscle car unplugged.
10. Go fast.
When a single, simple philosophy is utterly embraced and commonly understood by every member of a car's design, engineering and production teams, these cars are the result.
03:14 PM
Thank you, and *click!*