Jalopnik: Fat

Screw Nuts, This Truck's Got Ovaries

Matt Hardigree — Fri, 16 May 2008 18:20:00 EDT

We tell ya — spy photographers see the darndest things, don't they? Like a statue of a fat woman in the back of a Silverado. Maybe they just didn't want to be shown up by the snowdick? Whatever the reason, it could only happen in the U.S. of A. That's right, because this is our country, and these are our mammaries.

Celebrate Fat Tuesday With A Gas Can Flask

Travis Hudson — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 13:30:00 EST

Super Tuesday, schmuper Tuesday. It's Fat Tuesday, period. Go cast your ballot early and get ready to celebrate the start of Mardi Gras with tons and tons of drinking. If you are still stuck at the office, there is one way to get a head start on the celebration, and it is with this gas can flask. Fill her up with your liquor of choice and let the work day begin.

The gas can flask even includes a replica funnel for refilling it quickly and easily. It is available for $25. Happy Fat Tuesday, all—just hand off the keys. [Gas Can Flash via Nerdapproved]

The Big Push: Overweight Man Pushes Stratus, Loses Pants

Matt Hardigree — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 10:30:00 EST

Obesity is a serious disease in this country and we don't mean to make fun of it, but video of a half-naked overweight person losing his pants while trying to get his Dodge Stratus to the side of the road is just too hilarious not to use. There's so much crack we wonder if this video wasn't shot in Baltimore. We're also curious how the videographer managed to be driving by with a camera, but we'd never doubt someone needing to push a Dodge Stratus. Enjoy the full moon.

Poultry Fat Causes Chaos on Virginia Roads

Matt Hardigree — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 18:00:00 EST

If you live in Virginia and accidentally put a dent in your parent's new Bimmer we've got a great excuse for you: a truck carrying poultry fat left a trail of greasy, smelly lard 20 miles along northbound Route 13 in eastern Virginia, causing at least four accidents and creating a massive stink. It all started when a driver for Perdue somehow sprung a leak while carting the waste product to a disposal facility. Despite leaving a "greasy film" and broken fenders in his wake, it wasn't until he made it to a weigh-station that the cops caught up to him.

Perdue has contracted with a cleaning company to help clean up the spill, which is apparently an environmental and driving hazard. We fell in love with the Perdue Wonder Chicken thanks to the Chicken Hut in Chicago, so we're glad our noses weren't anywhere in the proximity of this greasy disaster. [AP]

Auto Engineers Really Like The Long Camera Lens Of A Spy Photographer...Or Maybe It's Just Me

Ray Wert — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 14:20:00 EDT

("Follow us as we lift the hood on the world of industrial automotive espionage in From The Car Spy's Dossier, a series of road reports from A-list spy shooter Brenda Priddy and some of the world's greatest car spies!) It's been just 4 weeks since the hot weather test season officially started and I've put well over 7500 miles on my car, two oil changes and even logged a few thousand air miles. And no matter where I go, it seems that I trip over other spies trying to photograph the same cars. So while I honestly tell people only one out of every ten sets of spy photos actually sell, the odds of a successful sale are even lower this time of year.

But I have a different MO (method of operation) than the other guys: The men tend to shoot from behind tress and shrubs, garbage cans or whatever else is available at the moment. I tend to get a bit close. Sometimes a bit too close. But I like to think it's what helps me to always get the best pictures. And, well...maybe the most unique.

Yeah, I get threatened. I've even been physically assaulted once or twice, and my son was once the target of two not-so-nice engineers in high-powered prototypes. But then there's what I call the "Bond Effect" - there's just something about spies - especially women spies - that seems to fascinate men. One minute they're blocking me from every angle and the next...well...they're taking their picture next to me and asking for my autograph. From AM General to Veyron, engineers have asked me out after their "secret" prototypes are tucked away for the night. Does life get any stranger?

And it's not exactly an ego trip, but next to Britney and Paris Hilton, it seems like I have more cameras pointed at me than even Nicole Richie! I'm sure the "other guys" laugh it off, thinking "that's no way to get the job done". But on the contrary, no one else gets as close or gets the kind of offers I do!

And although these aren't exactly pictures of "fans," I doubt any other car spy can offer a gallery like this one!

Brenda Priddy

Connecticut Bus Drivers Should Be Thanked For Fattening Up Their Riders

Ray Wert — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 14:20:00 EDT

I am a former fat kid. Yes, that's right, an FFK. Not to make things too personal here, but because of that I'm not so much a fan of McDonald's. Which is why I perked up to one of the promo pieces CNBC's got running for a special taking viewers "Inside the McDonald's Empire" tonight at 9 PM. The piece catching our eye was this one for the service provided to bus drivers who bring their buses into a McDonald's in ~~Darian~~ Darien, CT. The drivers get their bus cleaned, they don't wait in line and often they don't even pay for their McMeal. Wonderful. Thank you bus tour drivers of Darian, CT — thank you for helping make your riders get more and more fat. I'm so upset I'm going to run over and grab a sack of the new one-third pound burgers and shovel them down my throat until the fat overload makes me feel better.

Cars keep putting on the pounds like they're ...

Ray Wert — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 22:30:00 EDT

Cars keep putting on the pounds like they're eight months pregnant. [USA Today]

Cadillac Seeks Street Cred, Creates YouTube Channel

Ray Wert — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 10:12:00 EST

Looks like the luxe brand at the General's looking to gain some street cred by enlisting help from the wonderful world of web 2.0. They've enlisted the marketing mavens at Modernista! to create some kind of pseudo-YouTube channel and custom website to highlight their attempt to use the new CTS (photo gallery below) to bring Caddy to the masses. Will it work? Despite hiring Joan Jett (in front of CBGB, even!), Tiki Barber, Travis Barker and Fat Joe, we're going to have to go with "probably not." But bully for Caddy on the attempt! – Ray Wert

My Cadillac Story [via YouTube]