When you're showing up at the track with your $500 race car, four cylinders under the hood is ho-hum. Six is a little better, and eight will get you some respect. But when you pop the bonnet and reveal a V-12 beneath, the resulting shocked silence in the pits will be gratifying indeed. Now, there's no way in hell you'll ever get a German V12 machine for under $500 (well, no way that will convince the LeMons judges, at any rate), but folks have this completely justified totally irrational fear of the V12-equipped Jaguar XJ-S... and that means it's deal time! Say, a deal such as this 1991 Jaguar XJ-S (go here if the ad disappears) with an asking price of $500 (which smells like an actual price of more like $300, or some "game room things"). It comes with two V12s, so you have to figure you can make one runner, right? Hell yes! Then you're sure to be able to sell off plenty of unneeded parts on eBay (hey, if I can sell $350 worth of parts off an '84 Volvo, anything is possible) after you've gutted the half-ton of leather and wood from the car. Now, since it's a '91 you'll need to deal with some of the Lucas electrics if you want the engine ECU to function, but maybe all those Prince of Darkness jokes have no foundation in real experience! Get a rollcage in it, put some Cherry Bombs on that sweet-sounding V12, and get ready to leave those peasants in their lesser cars in your dust at the race!

Roaring onto the track in a V12 Jag would get you some respect, all right, but you wouldn't appear to be a total madman with that choice. Sure, your team would look like the greatest mechanics who ever lived if your Jag managed to finish 25 laps under its own power, but where's the Lunatic Factor? That's why you need to consider a car with a 5/95 weight distribution, primitive suspension, and a flimsy fiberglass body. Something, for example, such as this VW-based dune buggy with Olds Toronado transaxle assembly (go here if the ad disappears), which has an asking price of only $450 (or a "NEW OR NEWER HIGHER END LAPTOP"). It doesn't come with the 455 engine, but that's no problem. You see, that transmission has the BOP bolt pattern, which means a huge range of Buick, Oldsmobile, and Pontiac V8s- all available in $50 junker cars in a location near you- may be bolted right in. Oh, and did we mention that Cadillac V8s also used the BOP pattern? No? That means the 500-cube V8 out of the Eldorado will bolt right onto this baby! Just imagine it, if you can: a spindly VW dune buggy with a five hundred cubic inch engine hanging off the back! You might have some oversteer problems at the race, not to mention interesting handling characteristics when you pull the front wheels off the ground under hard acceleration, but you'll have the advantage of a wide berth from all the other drivers on the track. We recommend a really good roll cage, and even better life insurance!

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

Normally, when commenters post awesome links on the site, we let them have the glory. And we are giving commenter rgseidl all the credit for this one, but we had to bring it to the wider attention of our readership. Imagine all of the glory of the Joie Chitwood Thrill Show, crossed with with rank amateurishness, oddball European cars, strange homebuilt specials, a Corvair-engined dune buggy losing a backwards drag race to a Subaru-liveried DAF and a Messerschmitt up on two wheels. Then add the fabulous backdrop of late-'70s fashion and a Dutch announcer who lapses into creepy voices. Top it off with DAFs in reverse crashing spectacularly at Zandvoort and well, this, dear followers of tha Jalop, is a nugget of pure, unadulterated amazingness. This, friends, is the glory of the August 1st, 1978 episode of Te Land, Ter Zee en In De Lucht. Avoid it at your peril. You will be a better person for having watched. We guarantee it's likely to be the best 50-or-so minutes of your day. [/end superlatives] – Davey G. Johnson

Related:
Sir Jack Stole the Clutch! Brabham-Daf Formula 3 Car! [Internal]

Rubber bands, boxer engine, fiberglass body, retro-design and a inflatable dolphin! And yeah, it's a Camino. You cannot find a hotter and/or uglier ride anywhere. I checked. Davey, you have no victory. The Dutch karate is too strong. More topless, clutchless, eyesore-ness after the jump. – Jonny Lieberman

Related:
The DAF vs. FAF Jihad [Internal]

You thought the dune buggy went the way of Murph the Surf? No way, fink boy. Bruce Meyers, the guy who created and marketed the fiberglass buggy body that would become as recognizable an icon of motoring as the '65 Mustang — the Meyers Manx — still has a going concern for the cute little buggers. In fact, you can get a new Manxster kit that sits atop a VW Beetle chassis for as little as $5395 — though considering how rare good Beetle bodies are becoming, the finished product will likely climb by a factor of three. Car and Driver's test Manxster was a corporate prototype that would cost in the exclusive neighborhood of $35,000, putting it in the realm of other high-ticket nostalgia rods. Then again, it does have a Subaru flat-four from an Impreza WRX STI. Whoa, momma.

Features Review: 2006 Meyers Manxter 2+2 [Car and Driver]

Related:
Meyers Manx Redux: O.G. Dune Buggy Reborn! [internal]

Before Bruce Meyers got the idea to rebody a VW Beetle and tear off down the Baja Peninsula in the sucker, guys were building crazy homebrew dune buggies to drive on the beaches of the California coast. One such character was Bob Forgnone, a service-station owner from Salinas, California, land of John Steinbeck and Cole Foster. Forgnone and his pals built their dune buggies from exhaust tubing and used wacky parts like fire-truck air cleaners and Ford FE mills. And as the magnificent Mister Jalopy says of one of Forgnone's early creations, "If I built this exquisite vehicle, I would be so proud I would sleep in the garage with my arms around it."

My Family's Dune Buggies Over the Years: 50's, 60's, 70's [via Hooptyrides]

Related:
Meyers Manx Redux: OG Dune Buggy Reborn! [Internal]