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Stupid Thief Tries Stealing Car, Forgets How To Drive A Manual

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mytdawg
07/10/09

In reply to Stupid Thief Tries Stealing Car, Forgets How To Drive A Manual

The first stick shift I ever drove was a 1968 Camaro SS that belonged to my girlfriends brother. I was about 15 and had taken my motorcycle out to their house several times. He said he'd let me drive his car after he got it fixed if I let him ride my bike, yeah sure whatever.

My buddy called him out on it a few weeks later and he did actually let me drive it out on the country roads. First stick shift, 327 Camaro with a Hurst and a heavy duty clutch. I couldn't figure out what gear it was in, I stalled it, my starts (when I could get it moving) were all herky-jerky.

To the guy's credit, he never once cringed or griped or anything. He knew damn well I didn't have a license. He sat in the back seat poking around in the crevasses and eating the caramels he found. He must have been nuts, I wouldn't have let me drive that car. Damn, it was nice...
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Edited by mytdawg at 07/10/09 7:50 AM mytdawg was starred mytdawg was unstarred

spuy767
07/10/09

@mytdawg: My dad was never really playing dad when I was younger, he's making up for it now, but I digress. As such, he never got around to teaching me how to drive a stick shift. One day, I decided that I was going to learn to drive a stick shift. With an engineering degree, albeit electrical, I understood the basic mechanical concept of the manual transmission, so I drove out to my local Infiniti dealership, was treated wonderfully by a salesman named Dennis, and traded in my 525i for a G Coupe with a six speed. No excuses now. While not as precise as the gearbox in, say, an S2000, I do love the tranny regardless of the grovellers who say that the clutch pedal is hard to depress.
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Edited by spuy767 at 07/10/09 9:23 AM spuy767 was starred spuy767 was unstarred

mytdawg
07/10/09

@spuy767: I taught my daughter how to ride a dirt bike when she was about 5 and to drive my standard 1985 S-10 Blazer when she was about 16.

Nobody ever really "taught" me, it was pretty much trial and error. My dad rarely let me drive his car at all. Once I drove that Camaro, the others were much easier. A hot rod is not a very good car to learn on. Kind of squirrely.

I've got no practical experience with anything as nice as the G or S2000. I've got an ION Red Line and a 4WD S-10 with standards. Not exactly the benchmarks for fine shifting. But it works for me.

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Novaload
07/10/09

In reply to Stupid Thief Tries Stealing Car, Forgets How To Drive A Manual
"Note To Self:: Update resume--remove "Wheelman."
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Paul Y. don't drive too fast.
07/10/09

In reply to Stupid Thief Tries Stealing Car, Forgets How To Drive A Manual
So, since we have some Europeans here, I wonder: away from Jalopnik, does most of your continent not realize that most vehicles aren't even offered with (much less sold with) manual transmissions anymore?

That tweaker didn't forget how to drive-- he never learned in the first place.
Every so often in the news, you hear about a thief or carjacker who got caught because they couldn't figure out how to operate their victim's car, and it's never not funny.
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gomerkyle9
07/09/09

In reply to Stupid Thief Tries Stealing Car, Forgets How To Drive A Manual
That's how my face looked when I saw a platypus for the first time.
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Novaload
07/09/09

In reply to Stupid Thief Tries Stealing Car, Forgets How To Drive A Manual
Hah! You can actually see that the clutch in his brain is worn out--
"Wow, uh, this seems familiar...but the gear shift, the thing won't stay in gear. Wow. It's not supposed to wiggle around like that...what? WTF? There's some kind of writin' on it. Numbers? And what's the big "H" there in the center stand for? Am I in a Honda? Wow, man. There's something really, really, really....what was I saying?"
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Braff
07/09/09

In reply to Stupid Thief Tries Stealing Car, Forgets How To Drive A Manual
Is he wearing someone elses face as a mask in that video?
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SuperVette....Chevette
07/09/09

In reply to Stupid Thief Tries Stealing Car, Forgets How To Drive A Manual
This is actually how I learned to drive a stick....ahhhh my D-Town upbringing....
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leavethegun-takethecannoli
07/09/09

@SuperVette....Chevette: By stealing cars?
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leavethegun-takethecannoli
07/09/09

@leavethegun-takethecannoli: Replying to a comment approves it?
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Mobius
07/09/09

@leavethegun-takethecannoli: Yeah, coz you have a star, you automatically approve/promote a comment by replying.
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DoctorNine
07/09/09

In reply to Stupid Thief Tries Stealing Car, Forgets How To Drive A Manual
Did you see that vacant stare on the first guy? That's the 'meth has dissolved my higher cognitive functions' stare. I'd really like to laugh, but it's too freaking pathetic. On the day he was born, his mother never said, "I want him to grow up to be an industrious car thief and substance abuser!" But it comes to this. Pitiful.
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that ain't the way to have fun, son
07/09/09

In reply to Stupid Thief Tries Stealing Car, Forgets How To Drive A Manual
I see the problem.

The shift knob has been turned 180° & it's a VW with the funky, to-the-left-and-up, while pushing down, reverse.

Or he's just an idiot. The picture is perfect, honestly.
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A strolling player
07/09/09

@I wanna get drunk, let me make it real clear...: When we replaced our '88 Honda Accord for the legendary Previa, we sold it to my uncle. He then turned the knob 180 degrees and explained that it would deter potential thieves.

I used to think he was joking.
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the good dr zero
07/10/09

@I wanna get drunk, let me make it real clear...: I've actually done something similar (and I daily drive a manual), when I was trying to reverse in an unfamiliar car. Took me about 3 minutes of gear into what I hoped was reverse, slipping the clutch and going forwards, before I finally figured out I had to lift the boot collar up to get it into reverse instead of first.

It was rather embarrassing.
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Edited by the good dr zero at 07/10/09 2:49 AM the good dr zero was starred the good dr zero was unstarred

900pilot
07/09/09

In reply to Stupid Thief Tries Stealing Car, Forgets How To Drive A Manual

The internet has surely gone too far!
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Edited by 900pilot at 07/09/09 6:09 PM 900pilot was starred 900pilot was unstarred

KillerBee
07/09/09

In reply to Stupid Thief Tries Stealing Car, Forgets How To Drive A Manual
Wait a minute... this is a British TV show called "America's Dumbest"? Something tells me I should be a little offended...
I mean, it's one thing when Jeremy Clarkson calls us fat, quite another to dedicate an entire TV show to the subject... even if they're right...
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Edited by KillerBee at 07/09/09 6:03 PM KillerBee was starred KillerBee was unstarred

bzr
07/09/09

@KillerBee: It's a declaration of war. Get the Pentagon on the horn and man the ICBMs!
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bzr
07/09/09

In reply to Stupid Thief Tries Stealing Car, Forgets How To Drive A Manual
Oh c'mon, Europeans making fun of Americans for not being able to drive manuals is too easy, it's shooting fish in a barrel. It's like making fun of your parapelegic neighbor because he can't slam dunk a basketball.
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Dhillaz 2.0
07/09/09

@bzr: You're not parapelegic, you just like the electric wheelchair because it's fun!
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PetroSapien
07/09/09

In reply to Stupid Thief Tries Stealing Car, Forgets How To Drive A Manual
I am finding it very amusing that we are on the path to living in a world where a manual transmission could almost be considered an anti-theft device!
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enKrypt
07/09/09

In reply to Stupid Thief Tries Stealing Car, Forgets How To Drive A Manual
I wonder how often car thieves actually do that "MUAHAHAHAHAHA" laugh when they think they've gotten away like the 2nd guy.
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Dhillaz 2.0
07/09/09

In reply to Stupid Thief Tries Stealing Car, Forgets How To Drive A Manual
You need to be able to handle the stick if you're going to master bait.
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