Jalopnik: drunk

Drunk Driver Calls Cops On Himself

The Auto Insider — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 16:30:00 EST

A Pennsylvania man called 911, on himself, to inform the cops he was too drunk to drive. It's a commendable gesture in a sort of dumbass-with-a-drinking-problem sort of way.

According to UPI, the man pulled over into a parking lot and waited for the officers to arrive. He of course, was arrested.

We appreciate the fact that this guy realized his mistake and wanted to pull of the road, but he just epic failed himself. Wouldn't a cab or even a hotel been cheaper than getting arrested? We hope his second call is to an AA meeting or rehab.

[CL via UPI]

Tony La Russa Not Convincing in Field Sobriety Tests

bwojdyla — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 17:45:00 EST

Both Jalopnik and sister site Deadspin covered news of Cardinals manager Tony La Russa being a sleepy drunk driver back in March, but now we can see the video evidence. On November 28th, prosecutors in the case finally released the video from the cruiser and booking proceedings. Frankly, we're surprised that Mr. La Russa was able to walk a straight-ish line, hold up his foot for five-ish seconds, and recite the alphabet (ABCDEFGHIJKLMIZMNOPPQRSTUVZTVXYXZ) after two whole glasses of wine and a 6 a.m. wake up call. What kind of asshole restaurant serves wine that shoots you past 0.092 BAC after only two glasses anyway? We love that Ford product placement at the beginning too. Those viral marketers are clever ones.

Naked Man Causes Accident on I-95, We Find His MySpace Page

Matt Hardigree — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 13:00:00 EST

In what must be the most interesting thing to happen in Delaware since the Revolutionary War, Ardonas Gilbert was arrested for running around naked and drunk on Interstate-95. Passing motorists tried to stop him, but he attacked them and ran cursing back onto the Interstate, causing three separate accidents. Who is this fine fellow? We grabbed his MySpace Page to find out.

According his MySpace Page, Ardonas is a single and straight Black Muslim, which makes this latest foray into drunken, naked depravity especially sinful. A graduate of Chester High School, he now makes a pretty decent living as a barber/landscaper. His MySpace page also asks you to please "Fuck Off." Not today Ardonas! (Hat tip to Richard!)[NY Times]

Drunk Dad Passes Out While Pumping Gas

Matt Hardigree — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 16:45:00 EDT

I can only guess what issues Wes Anderson has with his father, but I'm fairly sure the senior Anderson has nothing on this delinquent dad from Auckland, New Zealand. With his two year-old girl in the car, he drove into a local gas station and attempted to pump gas. Nothing strange there. But, allegedly, he was so drunk (four times the legal limit) that he fell asleep midstream next to the car. When he woke up 40 minutes later, the bad dad was in police custody and his car was being hooked up to a tow truck. Let's all just be thankful that this story ended with incarceration and not immolation. – Matt Hardigree

Tot Saved As Dad Flakes [Daily Post]