Screw the snuggie. Say goodbye to the beer helmet. Adios, ironic John Deere hats. FlairHair is the hot new spiky-haired hat phenomenon that's set to sweep middle America like an especially virulent form of herpes.

When my friend Dan asked me to be the best man at his wedding, I asked for a silver Mercedes for the bachelor party. It was gonna be just like The Hangover... except they sent me an R350.

This weekend I risked heart failure and trans fat-poisoning at the Texas State Fair — the lard-fried mecca that invented corn dogs — to uncover the secret behind fried beer, fried butter and yes, even fried Pop Tarts.

"The beer is supposed to be green, and we can't legally sell it" the bartender explains as he pours. This inevitably leads to me proving you can travel in the back of a Nissan 350Z and why I probably shouldn't.