Benjamin Franklin once argued it was better to have an older mistress because they're more grateful and more experienced. Taking this advice to heart, we want a car that's "been around the block" a few times. We also want something beautiful just in case we run into it when we're out with friends. Most importantly, we want something challenging and exotic. We also want a unique experience. Every dentist can buy time with a Porsche, or two, or three. This is why the Toyota 2000GT is the object of our prurient attention. It's gorgeous, it's unique (less than 400 made), it's not blisteringly fast but it's fun. Most importantly for this exercise, it's undeniably sensual.

On the other hand, our fearless leader just wants an Audi R8 — or, failing that — a Nissan GT-R because he think both have a real pretty mouth...and tailpipe.

(QOTD is your chance to answer the day's most pressing automotive questions and experience the opinions of the insightful insiders, practicing pundits and gleeful gearheads that make up the Jalopnik commentariat. If you've got a suggestion for a good "Question Of The Day" send an email to tips at jalopnik dot com.)

The whole thing's on YouTube, so there's six parts. We've embedded the first above the jump and here's links to the rest. In case all this piques your interest in a way that you really, really shouldn't tell us about, here's Sex With Cars: A Tutorial.

My Car Is My Lover Part 2

My Car Is My Lover Part 3

My Car Is My Lover Part 4

My Car Is My Lover Part 5

My Car Is My Lover Part 6

Hat tip to G-Ram!

Living with, and calling a white Volkswagen Beetle, your "girlfriend" is not something that most of us would consider to be normal, but Edward Smith insists that he loves his beloved Vanilla (that's her name...) and insists that he's not sick and has no intention of ever changing his reptilian dragon-style ways. And why would he? Who else do you know that's "been with" 1,000+ partners and doesn't use a healthy dosage of Valtrex?

Smith said in his defense:

I appreciate beauty and I go a little bit beyond appreciating the beauty of a car only to the point of what I feel is an expression of love. Maybe I'm a little bit off the wall but when I see movies like Herbie and Knight Rider, where cars become loveable, huggable characters it's just wonderful.

I'm a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what's in my heart and I have no desire to change. I'm not sick and I don't want to hurt anyone, cars are just my preference.

Right...

Smith, 57, recalls having his first sexual encounter with a car at the ripe ol' age of fifteen and claims to have never been attracted to either women or men, although he slept with women in his early years. His last 'real' (and we mean that in the loosest of terms) relationship with a woman was over twelve years ago, but he was unable to consummate it due to his love for the tail pipe. His biggest claim to fame and admitted 'most intense sexual experience' was with the famous helicopter from the 80's hit TV show Airwolf. Ever since he's had a new attraction to all things mechanical.

Wiktionary gives us this semi-official definition:

mechaphilia

From mechanic + -philia

Noun

Singular
mechaphilia

1. A sexual desire for a mechanical inanimate object.

Somehow our own personal fetishes don't seem all that bad anymore. (Hat Tip To Clay!)

[via Telegraph.co.uk]

A: It's an Audi R8 4.2L FSI.

Photo Credit: Scott Burgess

Using some very clear visual cues, Cyanide and Happiness clarifies two terms we've always been confused about. The first, seen above, is the now-clear notion having sex with cars is not called "Autoeroticism."

But, it leaves open what term one should use for sexual stimulation of oneself with a car. But fear not, we're happy to step into that breach. Yes friends, we're now sure it must be called "Dragoning." And frankly, if it's not yet called that, then it should be.

The other clarification of terms is "Metrosexuality," which is sensually illustrated at Explosm.

Highlights are at 30 seconds, 2:30 and pretty much everywhere in between. Make sure you have a sturdy book ready to um ... just get it ready.

We totally want to make dragon-love with those four exhaust pipes — Is that wrong?

[via Evo]

We've seen both dragons and real people having sex with cars before, but never one car humping another. This video is an in-movie ad for the fictional Liquid Karma-powered Treer Saltair SUV. We think it nicely extends the premise of most car advertising, particularly the Kate Welsh Cadillac ad, to its logical conclusion.

This clip make you wonder if you should sit down and watch the entire 144 minute film? Don't bother, we have. It's awful.

In addition to being a dragon and having the alias of Sandy Wong, apparently, according to the Kids in the Hall, Henry Ford didn't seem to like the Jews so much. Who knew? [Kids In The Hall via Funny or Die]

Spence: That is seriously cute. Diesels are for dragons kinda like Sarah Silverman is for straight guys. She's kinda funny looking and probably a little psycho, but you still wanna [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] her.

Wow.

Detroit Auto Show: BMW Hearts Diesel

Sheriff Colin Miller was the unlucky person stuck with having to give the quote to the press: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."

Oh God! We think we knew what's happening to all those Rare Falcons. Where's Beowulf when you need him? [BBC News]

The Bonus Question of the Day (BQOTD for those who track such things) was, "What would drive on a date with Jezebel's Slut Machine?" Today's winner said:

Being a dragon, I [am] much more interested in which car SHE'S driving.