Given that Alameda is separated only by a 100-yard estuary from Oakland, Donk Capitol Of The Universe, you'd think that great big wheels would be a common sight on the island. Not so, partly because Alameda's car freaks are more likely to be into old-school musclecars and/or dorifto-type Japanese stuff… and partly because the APD is well known for its heavy hand with the ol' fixit-ticket pad.

I suspect that this Nova wagon- which features plenty of paint over body rust- is sort of an ironic donk, if such a thing is possible. It lives on the same block as the mean-looking '73 Electra, and I suspect the two cars share an owner with a sense a humor.

What do you think? Pretty funny or head-clutching abomination?

Use the arrows and the plus signs to click around the image at various hot objects—LucasArts style—and discover people doing, well, things. Many of the people are well-endowed women. Make sure you click with the sound on as the creators have made an excellent effort at depicting audio depth.

Warning: While nothing explicit happens in the pictures, there is enough implied seediness to make this potentially NSFW.

Source: Qinetiq

TheEastBayKid spotted this fine machine not far from 24 Hours Of LeMons Headquarters, in the former bootlegging capitol of Northern California, Emeryville. As befits an Oakland native, TheEastBayKid describes this Kenosha wagon as having "hella bass." We certainly hope so!

The early ‘90s Buick Roadmaster Estate Wagon was a derivation of the Chevy Caprice/Olds Custom Cruiser wagons, sharing the 116-inch wheelbase and 218 inch overall length of these Farragut class destroyers.
The 170HP 5.7 liter engine kept things from getting interesting, and the steering, brakes and shift motions were more theoretical than actual in practice.

So, not a car that speaks to your inner gymkhana, but still a good candidate for a family trip to see this America all the cool kids are talking about. And today, we have a Nice Price or Crack Pipe candidate that brings a little something extra to the nuclear-family's driveway- lightly donked wheels, Pep Boy's floor mats, and more faux hardwood than an entire Ikea.

Now, normally the woodgrain on a wagon is constrained to the flanks, never broaching the pillars or mirror region. But not on this Buick; the old-growth goes all the way up, almost touching the tinted Vista Cruiser panel in the roof, and lending a curious "ya' didn't know when to stop, didja?" quality to the car. Make sure to check out the peg-and-groove side-view mirrors and the rear bumper step. Sublime they are not. However, the juxtaposition of the painted-on oak siding, and the burled walnut photo-finish on the plastic dash is a bold artistic statement.

This Buick is very clean for a 16 year old car, and twelve grand isn't a lot of cheddar. And those 20" wheels have got to be worth at least 10% of that price, don't they? The seller does warn prospective buyers that if driving this car, ". . .be ready to draw a crowd!" They do not mention if that crowd would be carrying torches and pitchforks, however. They also don't say why a 2-owner Florida car needs heated mirrors, but that's a detail that just adds to the Buick's mystery.

So at $12,900 what'll it be, Nice Price for a woodie that's a goody, or Crack Pipe for a wagon that wouldn't interest a dragon?

You decide!

eBay or go here if the ad falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it. Thanks to NurseRatched for the tip.

Help me out with NPOCP. Click here to send a me a tip

A Chevy on 28-inch rims flipped over and died in Florida over the weekend. Authorities found a note next to the body leading them to believe suicide was the likely cause. Family members refused to go on the record, but did say the donk had been depressed ever since it received its new 28-inchers. A short service will be held at the Palm Beach County impound yard next Thursday with RIDES magazine hosting a light lunch after.

[YouTube via WPBNews]

We can't be 100% sure of this, but it looks as though this Fiat 127 is hanging out somewhere in Greece, if we're reading the signs right. Given the commonality of the Fiat 127, the owner thought to make it stand out with a few tweaks. Taking a page out of America's playbook, the person behind this Fiat recognized the crappy condition of the car means it is a perfect candidate for "donking." Given the original wheels were likely 12 inches, the addition of larger rims necessitated some minor bodywork. But you can barely tell. (Thanks to Paul for the tip) [Source: Radikal.ru]

This car has had a mild donk treatment, but it's just the wheels- no suspension destruction, bubbly purple window tint, or rhinestone emblems indicating wheel diameter. If you like the way it looks with these wheels, great… and if you don't, it could be switched back to factory wheels and hubcaps in a matter of minutes.


For '66, the four-door sedan Continental listed at $5,750, which was 169 bucks more than the Cadillac DeVille four-door hardtop and just $17 more than the Imperial four-door. The Lincoln came with a 340-horse 462 engine, the Cadillac had a 340-horse 429, and the Imperial won the luxo-barge horsepower war that year with 350 horsepower out of its 440-inch plant. Which one was the best-looking of the three? I just can't decide!

Not sure if a student could afford 24s, but how many teachers would slap sparkly "24" emblems on the pillars? The '69 Continental that parks just down the block could well be a student car, though it's summer vacation now and the Lincoln is still there.


As we know, most Jalopniks prefer a dekotora to a donk, but there's no need to get all riled up over a '76 Regal 4-door with 24s if you don't groove on the donk thing; wheels can be replaced.


In '76, the Regal came standard with a 140-horse 350 engine. Since 1976 cars are not smog-exempt in California (1975 and earlier cars are exempt from emissions tests), that's most likely the engine that's hauling this car's vast bulk these days (though a 455 could probably be swapped in, as long as it looks like a 350 to the smog techs and passes the tailpipe gas test).

Look, folks, if you're going the donk route, do it right! It's like having a dekotora- do you want subtlety or restraint? Of course you don't! You want to put big jeweled emblems advertising your donk's wheel size, preferably all over the car, but at least on the fenders. Iced Out Emz has a vast selection of such emblems, available for 20s all the way up to monster-truck-esque 30s; you can choose "diamonds," "emeralds," "rubies" and so on. Thing is, what if you're donking a Honda 600? 15" wheels would be considered donkworthy in that case, but unfortunately no 15" emblems are available. – Murilee Martin

Iced Out Emz: Redefining Ballerism [icedoutemz.com]

Related: SEMA Show: Donk a What? [internal]

At the Oakland Coliseum BART station yesterday, we spied this '69 Buick Skylark sitting proudly by itself in the parking lot. Not so much a donk as a car heavily influenced by donkism (and Oakland, proud home of 2 $hort, is certainly on the leading edge of donkitude, what with the box Caprices teetering on absurd-diameter wheels you see towering over traffic around here), this Skylark actually looks halfway decent with the treatment...

The wheels completely fill the wheelwells but don't bust up the nice lines of the car's body, and nothing that permanently screws up the car has been done here. It's possible that this Buick has been subjected to every trend of the last several decades; maybe its rear was jacked up four feet on big air shocks and Mickey Thompson steamrollers back in the late 70s, followed by a stint as a lowrider with negative-offset 12" wheels. That's the beauty of the '68-'72 GM A-body- it's incredibly adaptable.

We're giving a thumbs-down to the Pep Boys HID headlight conversion, of course, but lights are easy to replace. No lasting harm done.

We'd like to think that there's a 455 living under the hood, all ready to burn some more tread off those tires, but (sigh) it's probably just a 350. Yeah, one of these days we'll get a better camera phone. For now, stay tuned for the next Down On The Street car. – Murilee Martin

Related:
SEMA Show: Donk a What? [internal]

Okay...it's clobberin' time. Are you gonna roll on 30s, with possible Dada-esque corporate sponsorship all over ya box? Or are you gonna take Hetfield's advice and hit the lights? Mob up or convoy? How would you, dear reader, rather roll through West Oakland cranking a bootleg of Tim Armstrong and Matt Freeman of Rancid's unreleased Downfall record? Head nods mandatory. Just don't break ya neck. – Davey G. Johnson

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Super Extra Dekotora! Mad Donkage, Broseph! [Internal]

It's 10:46pm California time as I sit down to write this. But I'm not in San Pedro. I'm somewhere near Saint Marks Place in New York City, and the only sounds in the room are the tapping of two Apple keyboards and the rattling dull whine of air filters sucking the cigarette smoke out of the air of a spacious loft replete with a machine gun and a glass-encased model of the Bismarck. On the chairs at the bar hang three jackets, with a black, non-descript number in the middle. To its left is a navy blue Red Kap work jacket with a lakes modified roadster screenprinted across the back, reading "GEARHEAD." To its right hangs a high-visibility orange example sporting a rearing horse patch on the sleeve denoting a foreign police agency.

The night before, I'd been talking to Wert at the Manhattan Classic Car Club. In classic fashion, he looked out the window only to see a man in that same jacket smoking a cigarette and began to mildly panic. "Davey. Davey! I think the fire marshal is here!"

"Ray," I replied, "That's not the fire marshal. That's Alex Roy."

For the last few months, I've been helping the longtime friend of (and occasional contributor to) tha Jalop whack his upcoming memoir into shape. He swears he's finishing the last two chapters tonight. I swear I'm going to get this draft of "Fast as a Shark" done before I rest, despite being entirely sleep-deprived.

Coming off of a lackluster New York Auto Show, Alex's Polizei jacket and my Gearhead jacket hanging there as we attempt to tell stories worthy of publication, got me thinking about the contrasts between circumstances that create the awesome and ones that contribute to the black hole of suck.

For my money, best part of the New York show was the Taxi 07 exhibit, featuring the RIDES Crown Vic hi-riser, the Smart Design Kia Rondo cab concept, and the ungainly-yet-fascinating Standard Taxi. Being a California boy, I've never had much use for taxis, even in San Francisco. In New York, when one is pressed for time or has a bat's chance on Saturn of immediately grasping the lay of the land and figuring out bus and subway routes, cabbing it is simply a fact of life. But even for non-New Yorkers, the yellow cars are a symbol of what's regarded by many as a town to rival the Londons, Parises and Romes of the world, and indeed in the production of items of cultural import for both export and consumption at home, its only true rival is Los Angeles.

On the other hand, it's a telling thing when your auto show's only truly fantastic booth is one celebrating something that's basically a workaday appliance — something willingly admitted by the Standard Taxi representative to Spinelli and I yesterday.

Otherwise? North American premieres of exciting vehicles we'd seen unveiled at other major auto shows; Johan de Nysschenn using derivatives of "precise" too many times (I'm beginning to think Audi execs do this just for exposure on this site), Emil Rensing, Spinelli and I spending too much time speaking in German accents and Subaru's unveiling of the most uninspired-looking WRX in the marque's storied history.

The best parts were ancillary. The night I arrived, Herr Roy and I exposed two young bucks to the glory of Rendezvous and watched their minds enlarge in real time. Bumbeck and I had a nice chat with an incredibly drunk girl during a frigid walk to a bar where Black Flag's "TV Party" blaring from the outside speakers enticed us to stop in. We listened to elder statesman of the profession David E. Davis orate and pontificate and had a guffaw-riddled end-of-press-days chat with the Autoblog boys. Of course, best of all was finally hooking up with Krucoff, Dana of #1 Hit Song fame, Jeff Musical, The Highly Official Phillip A.V. McCarthy and the rather dashing Larry Forney.

In short, the awesome in New York was to be found in the human stories; the stories behind the carbon-based life-forms behind the cars; behind those who sell and market the cars and those who drive the cars. Ostensibly, the recent auto show season has been about rethinking cars. But the overarching subcurrent in New York seems to be that the automakers have currently thought themselves into a corner and are looking for a way out. Oddly enough my two favorite reveals at New York were the Chevy minicar triplets and Ford's Flex family hauler. The last Chevy concept that excited me was the SSR, a car that never should gone into production. But if freaking Chevrolet can come up with designs as fresh, interesting and exciting as the Beat, the Trax and the Groove, it could well mean that the bar is about to move again. Dear Titans of Industrial Might: stop trying to make the people drink and instead sing a siren song to lure them to the water. I say this to the automakers, in the spirit of the words of the mighty D. Boon: Get your hands in there and feel what the awesome is all about!

Thanks for listening. Sorry we told you we'd see you next Wednesday last Wednesday. But really, we'll see you next Wednesday next Wednesday. – Davey G. Johnson

"Fast as a Shark" is a weekly electronic broadside aimed at what has been historically right and terribly wrong with the autmotive industry and culture. And yes, when we once had had a diminutive German metal singer as our IM icon, a drunken friend thought he was talking to Alex Roy.

Related:
Fast as a Shark: Cannibalism in Pursuit of the Elusive Awesome [Internal]

Too early for a moment of Zen, you say? Ok, then, how about a wake-up call. This cartoonishly orange high-riser box Chevrolet Caprice fitted with $30,000 clear rims, performing a class-1 burnout, offers a more bracing start to the day than cold OJ ever could. Enjoy, in a sense. – Mike Spinelli

Cruisin' On My 30" Clears! {CarDomain Blog]

Related:
SEMA Show: Clear Wheels [internal]

People think that this whole "sitting up high" trend only dates back to the rise of the minivan and SUV and carried further by monster trucks, donks, boxes and bubbles. No, friends. It goes back to the carriage. People have always liked sitting up high. It's the fault of the step-down Hudson and the Chicanos in East Los Angeles and Colin Chapman and Duffy Livingstone that we ever thought we were supposed to be low to the ground. Fahrzeugfabrik Eisenach AG was established in 1898 Heinrich Ehrhardt, and by 1902, they were cranking out the Wartburg. 8.5hp, 640kg. And no doubt, it's definitely a proto-donk. – Davey G. Johnson

Wartburg [team.net]

Related:
Thnderblt Picks Up Thor's Gauntlet: Der Wartburgamino! [Internal]