Go to Dairy Queen. Get the largest Flurry they have. You can thank me after your brain unfreezes. In an emergency you may substitute the largest Big Gulp.
I've always marveled at how Europeans bemoan Americans' use (overuse?) of air conditioning, but can't quite grasp that they live at much higher latitudes than most North Americans, and that the warmth of the Gulf Stream current makes what would otherwise be a cold, largely sunless Europe livable.
For example:
* New York City and Madrid are roughly on the same lattitude
* Paris and St. Johns, Newfoundland are on the same latitude
* London and Calgary are both 51° north of the Equator
* Raleigh, North Carolina and Algiers both lie on the 36th Parallel
* Houston and Kuwait City are both on the 29th
* Casablanca is slightly south of Los Angeles
Essentially, we get significantly more intense sunlight and solar heating than the vast majority of Europe.
Gripe all you want, but I for one, appreciated my A/C when I left work yesterday, at 5pm, in 102° (38.8°C) ambient air (the car was at least 120° inside), and that's down from Monday's 105° (40.6°C).
@sharkd: I've been in England when it was unusually hot during the summer and there was (we'll say) insufficient cooling apparati. Bloody miserable, it made us. There's a reason that Health & Safety issue warnings in Blighty when the temperature gets up there.
@Jeb_Hoge: I'm not saying it doesn't get hot in Europe -- it does, but it usually only does so very briefly (which is why longer European heat waves tend to be so deadly). Here, in Durham, NC, we had our first 90°+ day in April, this year.
I've been in the UK and northern France in June and July, over the course of a couple of years (mainly for the Paris and Farnborough air shows from 2001-2005), suffice it to say, I wish I'd brought a jacket.
Yeah, we love our AC. Out here in the West, where it's dry, we like our swamp coolers. Mine's cranking right now.
Here's a novelty for you: Ice. We like it here. It's frozen water, and you use it to cool your drink. Go to the 7-11 and fill your Big Gulp with it. Take all you want. We have machines here that produce tons of the stuff.
I was stationed in Italy for over two years when I was in the Army and couldn't help noticing that ice is a rare thing in Yurp. Order a rum and coke over there and you get a lonely little lump of ghiaccio and that's it.
Along with big block V8's, 120 volt electricity, cold air conditioning, and big juicy cheeseburgers, add big badass ice machines to the list of what makes living here a unique and wonderful thing. We're weird, and I like it.
@CptSevere: 1 h-click. Ice definitely is a mystery to the Europeans. Even in the UK most homes never seemed to have any when I was there. I was the guy who always bought a bag of ice to any party I went to over there. I knew it didn't have ice.
Don't listen too all these idiots mate! The best way to criss cross the country is in one of these. The 1986 Cadillac Brougham Sedan.
The ultimate in comfort. The ultimate in luxury. BMW can keep its "Ultimate driving machine." We Americans have our "Ultimate comfort machine." It's all about Life. Liberty. And The Pursuit.
All the while propelled around by monstrous fire breathing 5.0 liter V8 producing a whopping 140hp. Take that Europe!
"New muscle car" Phht! You want to experience America then you need to stuff yourself in a vintage unrestored and authentic 70's beater hot rod and then drive it farther than safely advisable.
Something with a touch of rust or vintage patina. Something with enough old hoses, seals, and lines to make your successful arrival at your destination a 50/50 proposition. Something that gets such lousy gas mileage that you'll be lucky to get 125 miles on the freeway without having to stop and fill up again. Something that's had questionable maintenance and even more questionable ownership.
I suggest a 70's vintage Trans Am, Camaro, or Corvette but I'm partial to those. Even an old Dart or Challenger or Mustang would be fine as long as the dashboard was sunbaked, the gauges were flaky at best, and there were unidentifiable rattles and squeaks coming from the chassis. Holes in the floorboards would be an added bonus.
@mytdawg: I'd loan you this but it still needs yet another axle bearing. At that point every single suspension component will have been replaced. PCH indeed...
@mytdawg: In addition to making me laugh my ass off, you just about nailed it. But let's recommend something modern and reliable, as he is a beginner after all. Once he does it a few times, then we can start recommending the old clunkers, and, eventually, allow him to move his way up to an AMF-era Harley.
As Bullit417 points out, an 02-05 Ford Thunderbird would be a great car to drive. Those particular T-Birds are kind of a guilty pleasure. You know they are somewhat fruity, and it certainly won't be carving those corners at terrifying speeds, but at the same time, as you point out, it's a car with a lot of heritage to it. Despite a slight over-emphasis of femininity, it is a stylish car that looks nice and rides nice. In a sense, it is the epitome of what an American car should be: a large, stylish, and comfortable cruiser that can eat away at the miles and is backed by a big, healthy V8 with an abundance of torque.
This is the kind of thing that you just don't get in Europe very often. There are very few cars that are offered in Europe that can do what the 2002-2005 Thunderbird does, and what few that can are exorbitantly expensive and ill suited to the European driving environment that has smaller roads with a great deal more gradient and far fewer long, open stretches that really let you exercise the car's ability to get up and go.
So many people criticize American cars and motorcycles, particularly muscle cars and big cruisers like T-Birds, and apply the stereotype that they can't go around corners as fast as their smaller, foreign counterparts.
And you know what? It's absolutely true. They can't.
And the reason is simple: In a country the size of the United States, we don't have only twisty roads. We have as many twisty, sporty roads in the California as you'll find in all of Europe combined, but what we also have is long, flat, open highways, and are cars are designed to reflect that. They may not all corner quite so flatly, but that pays dividends when you out on the open highway in complete and utter blissful comfort making your way across the United States at 90+ mph speeds.
This is what you must experience. There isn't much activity along Route 66 these days, but it is still a beautiful drive, and you can still find pockets of activty populated by people who are obsessed with American car culture and live to keep the memory alive. They may not be the picture of stylish fashionistas that New York snob society likes to paint, but they are interesting people to meet and be around, and more often than not are quite friendly.
As long as you are here in a place that is so different than the Europe that you are used to, then immerse yourself in it and enjoy the diversity. Try and get your hands on one of those T-Birds, or, if you're feeling really brave, a nice Harley-Davidson Road King, and enjoy a nice cruise.
If you can truly let go of the European driving mentality for a while, you might just find there is more to automotive culture than cheesy French deathtraps and high-strung V10s/V12s wrapped in the body of an Italian knockout but with the personality of a bitchy British supermodel.
Let go of what you know and take for granted for once, and allow yourself to be swept away by the breathtaking beauty that the American landscape has to offer while being coddled in the comfort and endless sheets of torque of a proper American cruiser and being serenaded by the deep, but elegant, bass of a proper American V8, or if you dare, a V-twin.
Try it, Mr. Crazy Euro Car Boy, and see if you don't learn to appreciate a little bit of beautiful variation in life and the many different facets of automotive culture that exist in the world.
@pauljones: That was beautiful.
However, my girlfriend and I have discussed the possibility of driving Route 66 as a honeymoon (several years down the line). I just keep coming back to the '04-'06 GTO - it still does the big lazy American cruiser thing well, but it can also do the Eurosnob thing ok. Then again, I just really want one.
@pauljones: The Challenger accomplishes everything the T-bird set out to, and does a better job of it, and he is already complaining about it; why would the T-bird be any different?
@eggwich: Simple... Open top Cruising... A nicer looking (IMO) interior, though I will admit the SRT seats do one up the T-bird. Driving a T-bird is a completely different experience than a Challenger. In a challenger you feel like your supposed to go fast because its a muscle car. In the T-bird, you could care less about the stereotypes, you just drive (at least based on my experiences) If you want to go fast, you go fast...if not screw it.
@Maymar wishes Jalopnik a happy 5th birthday: I'd go the GTO route, too. It is a fantastic car. If I can find myself an 05-06 GTO in Brazen Orange for a good price, I will buy it, even it has an automatic.
@Bullit417: Yeah, I could have phrased that better. It doesn't help that I really hated New York City every time I went there, though.
@Super Traction: Cue up "Born In the USA" by Bruce Springsteen
@eggwhich: Because like all Europeans (and a growing amount of younger Americans these days), he just doesn't get it. Going for a brief drive in New York is not sufficient to allow the virtues of either the Challenger of the Thunderbird to shine through. The man needs to go on a real road trip. Also, the Challenger really does have a comparatively lousy interior. The Thunderbird's interior. is much better by comparison.
Rattyass pickup is the most American choice you could make- I think I could help you out.
Just remember to put a quart of oil in it every thousand miles, you'll be all set.
The American AC is a thing of beauty. Our Subaru and Honda Civic air conditioning units are the equivalent of being breathed on by an asthmatic guy with a straw and halitosis. But if there's one thing I could remember about our 1996 Chevy Lumina, it's that it could give someone instant hypothermia in a matter of seconds. Ice would be practically forming on the dashboard.
@bzr: I recently rented a Honda Fit on vacation, and it was about 104 degrees F at the time, and the A/C was NOT getting the job done. My Neon, on the other hand, blows A/C so cold that I have to turn it off after a bit.
Well, you've got the muscle car covered; now you just need to spend time in a pickup truck (anything rolling on Super Swampers will do) and whatever the hell the biggest Cadillac is called nowadays. Then, your trip will be complete from an automotive standpoint.
@Maymar wishes Jalopnik a happy 5th birthday: No, there is a HGUE difference in driving/riding around in an Escalade v/s Paul's specified Super Swamper-equipped (and obviously lifted) truck. One rides like a Cadillac, the other rides like it has no suspension (even with 8" of suspension visible). Plus, you get the added bonus of the Swampers whining down the highway, drowning out all conversation. Added points for doing it in the middle of nowhere while drinking a pissy light beer and shooting at signs under WOT conditions.
Apparently I need to get one of these here new Dodges. Last evening an amazing black on black burbled by me and reved up just because it could before it took a bypass exit. This morning I thought it was the same one, coming onto the bypass the other way but it had out of state tags. Definitely eye catching and very large presence in person.
I think seeing these two is an omen.
While I agree Detroit, New York and DC are fine examples of Americana, standards even, they only tell half the story.The fact is that all major American metropolitan areas are trending towards sameness. Urban America is urban America. You have regional cultural influences, sure, but these seem more like nostalgic nods to a time gone by, rather than living and breathing examples of the local culture. So experience the big cities, but don't forget those millions of miles of interstate, where the blandness fades away, and your left with absurd, backwards and yet often profound and enlightening examples of what America is all about. Maybe then you'll think more of America than just pop tarts and cheap dodge interiors.
Welcome to the greatest country in the world! Are you here to learn socialism from us?? You know our government makes the best cars! Hell I am proud of that challenger! Take that you capitalist bastards!
Peter Orsoz:Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Hungary.
08/12/09
08/12/09
For example:
* New York City and Madrid are roughly on the same lattitude
* Paris and St. Johns, Newfoundland are on the same latitude
* London and Calgary are both 51° north of the Equator
* Raleigh, North Carolina and Algiers both lie on the 36th Parallel
* Houston and Kuwait City are both on the 29th
* Casablanca is slightly south of Los Angeles
Essentially, we get significantly more intense sunlight and solar heating than the vast majority of Europe.
Gripe all you want, but I for one, appreciated my A/C when I left work yesterday, at 5pm, in 102° (38.8°C) ambient air (the car was at least 120° inside), and that's down from Monday's 105° (40.6°C).
08/12/09
08/12/09
I've been in the UK and northern France in June and July, over the course of a couple of years (mainly for the Paris and Farnborough air shows from 2001-2005), suffice it to say, I wish I'd brought a jacket.
08/12/09
08/12/09
Here's a novelty for you: Ice. We like it here. It's frozen water, and you use it to cool your drink. Go to the 7-11 and fill your Big Gulp with it. Take all you want. We have machines here that produce tons of the stuff.
I was stationed in Italy for over two years when I was in the Army and couldn't help noticing that ice is a rare thing in Yurp. Order a rum and coke over there and you get a lonely little lump of ghiaccio and that's it.
Along with big block V8's, 120 volt electricity, cold air conditioning, and big juicy cheeseburgers, add big badass ice machines to the list of what makes living here a unique and wonderful thing. We're weird, and I like it.
08/12/09
08/12/09
Don't listen too all these idiots mate! The best way to criss cross the country is in one of these. The 1986 Cadillac Brougham Sedan.
The ultimate in comfort. The ultimate in luxury. BMW can keep its "Ultimate driving machine." We Americans have our "Ultimate comfort machine." It's all about Life. Liberty. And The Pursuit.
All the while propelled around by monstrous fire breathing 5.0 liter V8 producing a whopping 140hp. Take that Europe!
08/12/09
Something with a touch of rust or vintage patina. Something with enough old hoses, seals, and lines to make your successful arrival at your destination a 50/50 proposition. Something that gets such lousy gas mileage that you'll be lucky to get 125 miles on the freeway without having to stop and fill up again. Something that's had questionable maintenance and even more questionable ownership.
I suggest a 70's vintage Trans Am, Camaro, or Corvette but I'm partial to those. Even an old Dart or Challenger or Mustang would be fine as long as the dashboard was sunbaked, the gauges were flaky at best, and there were unidentifiable rattles and squeaks coming from the chassis. Holes in the floorboards would be an added bonus.
08/12/09
@mytdawg: I'd loan you this but it still needs yet another axle bearing. At that point every single suspension component will have been replaced. PCH indeed...
08/12/09
08/12/09
08/12/09
This is the kind of thing that you just don't get in Europe very often. There are very few cars that are offered in Europe that can do what the 2002-2005 Thunderbird does, and what few that can are exorbitantly expensive and ill suited to the European driving environment that has smaller roads with a great deal more gradient and far fewer long, open stretches that really let you exercise the car's ability to get up and go.
So many people criticize American cars and motorcycles, particularly muscle cars and big cruisers like T-Birds, and apply the stereotype that they can't go around corners as fast as their smaller, foreign counterparts.
And you know what? It's absolutely true. They can't.
And the reason is simple: In a country the size of the United States, we don't have only twisty roads. We have as many twisty, sporty roads in the California as you'll find in all of Europe combined, but what we also have is long, flat, open highways, and are cars are designed to reflect that. They may not all corner quite so flatly, but that pays dividends when you out on the open highway in complete and utter blissful comfort making your way across the United States at 90+ mph speeds.
This is what you must experience. There isn't much activity along Route 66 these days, but it is still a beautiful drive, and you can still find pockets of activty populated by people who are obsessed with American car culture and live to keep the memory alive. They may not be the picture of stylish fashionistas that New York snob society likes to paint, but they are interesting people to meet and be around, and more often than not are quite friendly.
As long as you are here in a place that is so different than the Europe that you are used to, then immerse yourself in it and enjoy the diversity. Try and get your hands on one of those T-Birds, or, if you're feeling really brave, a nice Harley-Davidson Road King, and enjoy a nice cruise.
If you can truly let go of the European driving mentality for a while, you might just find there is more to automotive culture than cheesy French deathtraps and high-strung V10s/V12s wrapped in the body of an Italian knockout but with the personality of a bitchy British supermodel.
Let go of what you know and take for granted for once, and allow yourself to be swept away by the breathtaking beauty that the American landscape has to offer while being coddled in the comfort and endless sheets of torque of a proper American cruiser and being serenaded by the deep, but elegant, bass of a proper American V8, or if you dare, a V-twin.
Try it, Mr. Crazy Euro Car Boy, and see if you don't learn to appreciate a little bit of beautiful variation in life and the many different facets of automotive culture that exist in the world.
08/12/09
However, my girlfriend and I have discussed the possibility of driving Route 66 as a honeymoon (several years down the line). I just keep coming back to the '04-'06 GTO - it still does the big lazy American cruiser thing well, but it can also do the Eurosnob thing ok. Then again, I just really want one.
08/12/09
08/12/09
08/12/09
08/12/09
08/12/09
@Bullit417: Yeah, I could have phrased that better. It doesn't help that I really hated New York City every time I went there, though.
@Super Traction: Cue up "Born In the USA" by Bruce Springsteen
@eggwhich: Because like all Europeans (and a growing amount of younger Americans these days), he just doesn't get it. Going for a brief drive in New York is not sufficient to allow the virtues of either the Challenger of the Thunderbird to shine through. The man needs to go on a real road trip. Also, the Challenger really does have a comparatively lousy interior. The Thunderbird's interior. is much better by comparison.
08/12/09
08/12/09
08/12/09
Rattyass pickup is the most American choice you could make- I think I could help you out.
Just remember to put a quart of oil in it every thousand miles, you'll be all set.
08/12/09
08/12/09
08/12/09
08/12/09
08/12/09
08/12/09
08/12/09
I think seeing these two is an omen.
08/12/09
08/12/09
08/12/09
Welcome to the greatest country in the world! Are you here to learn socialism from us?? You know our government makes the best cars! Hell I am proud of that challenger! Take that you capitalist bastards!
Peter Orsoz:Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Hungary.