Best Reveal
While we don't want to hate anymore on Toby Keith and his Ford Truck Man-liness, we have to give Dodge and their team for putting together such a steer humping good time. Hundreds of Longhorn cattle will trump jingoistic country music any day.

ADVANTAGE DODGE RAM

Most Unnecessary Press Shot
We think we heard from Ford PR people at least 1,000 times that you could load a flatscreen television in the back of the F-150 with it's folding seats and roomier cabin. And while that might be a good selling point we get the fucking picture. But just in case we didn't they actually sneaked a press shot of the F-150 with a flatscreen television box inside of it. If that comes with the review vehicle we're keeping it.

ADVANTAGE FORD F-150

Best Feature
There's nothing more we hate than having to go back into a cooler to get our beverage or sub sandwich. That's why we're glad Dodge put a storage area with a drain hole (for ice) on the floor of the rear passenger space. Anyone want a beer? You're out of luck, all we have is the fancy herb lemonade from Smart.

ADVANTAGE DODGE RAM

Best Gigantic Grille
You have to give it to the F-150, though the Ram's grille continues to grow in size, there's nothing that quite matches up to the F-150 in sheer shiny chromeness. And not only can you have the chrome, you can have the chicken-wire grille, full on mesh and the new Platinum Edition's weird electric shaver to mach 3 look.

ADVANTAGE FORD F-150

Best Power

Ford won't release power numbers, towing numbers or MPG numbers. To hell with that.

ADVANTAGE DODGE RAM

WINNER

So far, inconclusive. Look for a real head-to-head comparison when the cars are actually drivable.

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The Detroit Auto Show was an absolute hootenanny of reveals, confirmed rumors, shattered expectations, and free tea sets. Of course, we handed out grades to automakers. And you, dear readers? Which ones did you think flunked? Which soared? And which aimed squarely for the mediocre middle? Don't hold back. Spare the rod and spoil the child.

The organization decided the best way to serve the duty and keep operational firetrucks ready for emergencies at the same time would be to set out to purchase and refurbish a classic pumper truck. Seagraves were the predecessor the the later dominant Mack offerings, but at the time the Detroit Fire Department owned about 80% of the Safety Sedans ever made. The example we see here was one of the early Seagraves in the DFD fleet of 87 total.The original chassis has been replaced with a modern one from Mack, and Chrysler was generous enough to contribute a new Detroit Diesel power plant. Nearly four years of labor and dedication have gone into getting the truck to this point and the craftsmanship is unbelieveable. We're sure when it's finished, the hours of hard work from countless volunteers will be well worth the effort. If you'd like to contribute the effort or just want to know a bit more, you can go directly the Detroit Firemens Fund website.

Audi
A-
Most of us loved the breakfast sausages served in the Audi cafe each morning of the show. They were as delicious as the Audi R8 V12 TDI — which just staring at gave us more enjoyment than almost anything else at the show. The two-liter Audi TTS goodness was nothing to sneeze at either. But Wert kind of wishes the sausages had been beef.

BMW
B
Flat, but competent. The new X6 "sport activity vehicle" looks perfectly tasty and should be just the ticket for beautiful folk who value precision, performance, and whatever the eff "sport activity" is (sounds clean, could be dirty). On the MINI front, the already-much-viewed Clubman showed up again, essentially unchanged. Soooo... how about a diesel possibility? Or something? Anything? Bimmer? Bimmer?

BYD
A-
When Build Your Dreams revealed their Ferrous Battery-powered Hybrid they hoped that, as one of the smaller Chinese manufacturers, they'd get a little attention. Just to make sure, the company's Chairman took one of our writer's on the ride of their lives. Did it work? Ask the people that read the NY Times business section. Their young exec is so scoring.

Changfeng
A+
Dadaist press releases from thisambitious Chinese carmaker. Hysterical, borderline propaganda, for the second year in a row. Bravo, Changfeng, and bravo to your legion!

Chrysler
B
Fugly in-the-flesh concepts, but the one-two combo of the now-legendary horny cattle-drive debut more than made up for it. Now if only they can get those concept cars a powertrain that's not powered by powdered unicorn horns. Although we're pretty sure the pixie-dust emissions aren't too bad for the environment.

Ferrari
B-
Ferrari's new F430 Scuderia, shown in Detroit in stunning Avio blue, makes our knees buckle. But even that sublime machine couldn't gild a halfhearted attempt to join the global greenmarket. The company showed a prototype Ethanol-powered F430 Spider sporting a slight power boost and a single-digit reduction in emissions. Nice, a grass-colored logo.

Fisker
B+
Erstwhile BMW and Aston Martin designer Henrik Fisker showed off the Karma, an imposing luxury sedan that shares a series-hybrid drivetrain with a Delta Force recon vehicle. With a reported $10 million investment from Sili-valley heavyweight Kleiner Perkins, Caulfield and Byers, Fisker could pick up where the imploding Tesla Motors leaves off. Deduction for risk of vaporware.

Ford Motor Company
C+
A gloomy pall extends across the Blue Oval as it struggles with an almost $12 billion loss during this past fiscal year. And it doesn't help they're the first automaker revealing product on the first day of the show, but by gum, they did their darndest. They've got the awhmighty new 2009 Ford F-150, and if they have to make a go of it on "an American icon" like Knight Rider's KITT, so be it. Oop, wait a sec... there was the Lincoln MKT reveal too. Hope, sorta. Hey, anyone see Mercury anywhere?

Geely
Fucking A!
For sure, the most sarcastic dang A we'll ever dispense, due entirely to Geely's swagadelic tea set. We didn't have the instruments to check it for lead content, but it looked safe enough and didn't dissolve when we added vodka. In a shameless display of retro-Anglophilia, they also brought a London cab. Bully!

General Motors
A-
Arguably the hometown hero of the show. Whether the General was wowing the crowd with a largely unexpected, and sharply attractive, CT Coupe, or walking away with the North American Car of the Year award with the Chevrolet Malibu, or turning aging auto journalists to adolescent dragons with the Corvette ZR1 and new 2009 Cadillac CTS-V, there seemed to be buzz emanating from the GM booth and growing each time we looked. But, uh, not a single, buzz-building peep out of needy Pontiac? The arrowheaded-brand looked like a sad and lonesome red-headed stepchild in the back of the display.

Honda
F
Like they even care. Of course, they have the upstart Chinese makers ripping them off left, right and center, so maybe their plan is to allow imitation to remain the sincerest form of marketing. But it's never good when you get upstaged by a Ford Explorer concept with the unveil of the 2009 PilotAlso, Siler, who attended the reveal, tells us that the light show was inducing vertigo. Honda, we expect better from you — really we do.

Hyundai
B
Hyundai's rise from unconscionable crapwagon to belle of the ball has been well documented. But the Korean automaker put a fat cherry on top, rolling out the long-awaited, V8-powered, upmarket rear-drive Genesis sedan. So what if they haven't quite settled on which grille to use. We say go with the Klingon forehead one. On the other side of the spectrum, budget-minded brand-brother Kia unveiled the Borrego — the badge's first foray into the mid-size SUV market. How will it fare? Only time and gas prices will tell.

Lamborghini
B-
Gallardo and Murcielago design personalization services do not buzz make. But hey, the booth babes are among the most — umm — yeah. So, umm, bonus for that.

Land Rover
C-
Note to any SUV-making brand about to be bought by an Indian automaker: Let's say you're holding your press conference at the end of the first day of the Detroit Auto Show and you've just lifted the cover off of your new concept car everyone's already seen the images of. If an auto journalist about to collapse from exhaustion comes over to a PR person and just wants to snag a press kit so he can run, quick like a bunny, back up to the safe confines of the press room to post — just give him the damn press kit. Just sayin'... Anyway, they revealed the LRX concept — we'll probably post on it sometime soon.

Maserati
B-
The newly-profitable Maserati have a spank-me-gorgeous, entirely Pininfarina-designed product line, and the company still has the most attractive floor models outside Modena — but their reveals? Slightly less stunning. The highlight was the new, spec'd-up Quattroporte Collezione Cento that with iPod docking station, wireless internet and two 10-inch touch screens for rear-seat passengers makes us scream "mobile office." Unfortunately, this is the Detroit Auto Show — not SEMA.

Mazda
B+
Despite the new Mazda RX-8 looking so disappointingly similar to the old RX-8, we'll break out Mazda from their Ford Motor Company overlords for only one reason — the Mazda Furai concept. It's simply epic.

Mercedes-Benz
A-
Elder frottage plus CLK reveal plus Dr. Z serving drinks at the Firehouse plus the Sixties-vintage fratboy opportunity for much of our staff to stuff themselves into a Smart meant Mercedes provided us with enough comic relief to last a while. You need this sort thing when you're living on Diet Coke and sad ham-wrap sandwiches.

Mitsubishi
B+
No one, except maybe the cast of Friends, needs a comeback more than Mitsubishi. It took another step in that direction this week by giving sport-compact kids the midpoint racer they've been clamoring for. The Mitsubishi Lancer Ralliart has 11 more horsepower than Subaru's new, ungainly WRX, and will come with the same SST dual-clutch automanual as Mitsu's top-line Lancer EVO. On the other hand, rolling out yet another concept car hinting at the absent Eclipse EVO just rubs salt in the wound. And oh, how it burns.

Nissan
C
A concept car for parentswho urgently need "Nanny 911"? Or who might want to warm up a few slices of cold pizza? Scintillating, no. But appealing to moms and dads WHO-HAVE-JUST-ABOUT -HAD-IT-UP-TO-HERE -AND-WILL-TURN-THIS-CONCEPT-CAR-AROUND-IF-THEY...yeah. Anyway — what's up with the lack-of-a-press-conference un-reveal on the Forum anyway?

Rolls-Royce
F
When we think of Rolls, ancient quasi-Homeric terms come to mind: heavy, thick, deep, and of course rich. So naturally the only news dispensed by management from Goodwood Manor was that the forthcoming "smaller Rolls," the RR4, is not some cut-rate rattletrap that runs on siphoned gas. Too bad that's about all they brought to the dance.

Subaru
D
Buzz factor zero. Subaru rolled out a single car here in Detroit, the 2009 Forester. Once a boxy quirkpot, the new Forester, based on the company's latest Impreza platform, takes the more conventional shape of a modern crossover SUV. It also hints at the ill-accepted Impreza, which shouldn't hinder its acceptance among golden-retriever-transporting Scooby diehards. Pre-show rumors of an STI version equals false hopes and expectations unmet.

Tang Hua
B
The yellow phallus car. The yellow car that floats—for President Bush! Miraculous names, as well, from Tang Hua: "Book of Songs"..."Detroit Fish." Lovely. But they did get that oh-so-desirous New York Times business section mention today — so that counts for something, right? Of course we were mentioned as well — maybe not as much as we thought.

Toyota
C-
Just a weird show overall for the Japanese. However, we were encouraged to see that, with the A-BAT concept Honda Ridgeline-like mini-truck, Toyota has intensified the tailgate-features arms race, even if the actual bed is scarcely large enough to hold a Dodge RamBox. The Venza Crossover Sedan was equally perplexing, a sort of... kind of... oh for chrissakes, it's a station wagon! When will the crossover madness end? Stop the insanity!

Volkswagen
B
Volkswagen AG scored here in Detroit with the Audi R8 V12 TDI concept and surprise sexpot Volkswagen Passat CC, both of which satisfied expectations, at least visually and theoretically, to a tremendous degree. Minus grade for hiring the craggy Canadian Bryan Adams to serenade the new Audi TTs. Cleanup on aisle 1985!

Unlike the pictures we saw earlier, the doors and the rear hatch roof were now removed on the vehicle I checked out, which made the HX look even more familiar and justified my relentless drilling of the designers about Halo.

I fully expected Rojas and Jablonski to quickly deny any kind of link—but the llevel of denial was stunning. Not only did Rojas quickly shoot down even the slightest bit of speculation, he was adamant, repeatedly stating the he neither owns an Xbox nor plays Halo. Jablonski echoed these denials. On a normal day that would be a fine, except a few days prior GM's director of exterior design for the HX, Carl Zipfel, admitted that "We all play [Halo]."

If you want to take a gander at this thing, it's clearly not a direct copy of the Warthog, but there are certain factors that one could draw assumptions from. The removable wheel fenders expose plenty of wheel-well action, which looks a lot like the Warthog. A completely covered and protected undercarriage and wheel wells is a necessity in Halo, to protect virtual combatants from imaginary barrages of assorted munitions. The Hummer designers must be anticipating that the HX will encounter similar action in the real world because the vehicle's protected undercarriage is a highly touted feature. The tailgate also opens for quick loading into the back with the folded down seats for when you have to quickly jump in and mount a gun turret. The roof of the HX is also removable, revealing a square top, which could be construed as similar to the Warthog's t-top.

So what's the final word? There isn't one. We've heard mentions of a link from insiders. We've heard speculation of a link across the Web. And even Rojas and Jablonski were quick to joke about the possibility of some kind of partnership with Bungie, makers of Halo, to get the Hummer HX into the game. While in-game advertising isn't something new, Bungie is not the kind of studio to participate in that, but on the other hand, Bungie's partial equity owner, Microsoft, would be more likely to join in.

It is safe to say that the Hummer HX is not a direct copy of the Warthog from Halo, but I can't get away from the fact that they share similar functionality, purposes, intentions—and that the designers were so adamant about their denials. Regardless, the fact of the matter is that neither the Warthog from Halo or the Hummer HX are actual production models. It's intriguing to see video games having a little bit of influence in the automotive industry, even if it is just with a conceptual design that will never see the light of day. Will we ever see GM hire away designers from the video game industry? Who knows?

Spence: That is seriously cute. Diesels are for dragons kinda like Sarah Silverman is for straight guys. She's kinda funny looking and probably a little psycho, but you still wanna [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] her.

Wow.

Detroit Auto Show: BMW Hearts Diesel

5.) Saab 9-4x BioPower: Stainless-steel ski rack. Sure, it looks fine, and having the titanium-carbon-fiber Rossignols on the roof is just too risky these days. But where will the douchebag couple who spends the eight hours to Vermont talking about their trip to St. Bart's sit? Think about it.

4.) Saturn Flextreme: Clamshell trunk. While shellfish and trunk space are both well liked, combining the two is a pipe dream that'll, unfortunately, never be fulfilled. Saturn designers deserve credit for out-of-the-mollusk thinking, though. Hiho!

3.) Lincoln MKT: Those massive gauge tubes were reportedly inspired by Swarovski crystal. While they do add an upmarket, Ice Pirates ambiance to the Lincoln, no corporate lawyer in Scarsdale who's ever had a knock-down-drag-out with his spouse in the living room would risk another crystal decanter to the face, under any circumstances.

2.) Maybach Landaulet: Rear-seat convertible top. When everything shakes out, the 2010s may be known as the decade robber barons returned to lord it over the faltering middle class. But will the new JP Morgans and Vanderbilts really want to be chauffeured al fresco? We're betting not. These days, the proles have guns and laser scopes.

1.) Mazda Furai: Itself.

BONUS: One Feature Missing from a Detroit Concept Car: Hummer HX. Notwithstanding its visual connection to the Halo 3 Warthog fighting vehicle, the Hummer HX concept could be a great success on the dystopian streets of post-revolutionary America. But the kids would demand a turret mount, a glaring omission from the concept. Keeping the Covenant from attacking humanoid refugee shelters would be impossible without it.

Can't believe you guys fell for that. If you remember correctly, Porsche thumbed it's nose at NAIAS last June. Bet you didn't even miss them with the epic awesomeness of the Audi R8 V12, the Mazda Furai, and the Cadillac CTS Coupe Concept.

Diesel, it's not your fault

Many years ago, you were created with the best intentions.
The weight of the world's needs were put on you.
And you served a purpose - you got people from point A to point B.

But you were loud. You were smoky.
And let's face it, you stunk.

No one was able to harness your power.
No one was able to make you truly fuel-efficient.
No one was able to reduce your emissions.

Until now.

Introducing BMW Advanced Diesel with BluePerformance.
Now you can go more than 500 miles on a single tank.
Now you can emit less CO2 than any other diesel in your class.
Now you're our most powerful, cleanest-burning six-cylinder diesel ever.

And now you're coming to America.
America's first diesel with a variable twin-turbo inline-six engine.
Finally, America will learn why over 60% of our sales in Europe are for diesel.

Diesel, welcome back.

The Top Five Favorite Press Meals At The Detroit Auto Show

1. Hot Dogs With Spud Webb & Bill Walton &mdash Kia

When Kia announced their 2009 Borrego the crowd of journalists was overwhelmed by vendors throwing at hot dogs and peanuts at the assembled press. The press was then led through a confusing presentation in which Bill Walton and Spud Webb started shooting (and missing) basketballs. What does this have to do with a Kia? We don't know either, but a hot dog is always a nice treat.

2. Pretzels & Beer &mdash VW

Though we like the Passat CC, we were a little underwhelmed by the presentation. Thankfully, VW had a well-appointed lounge above their stand complete with Heineken and freshly baked pretzels in which we were able to ponder our disappointment.

3. Bass, Crabcake Salad & Blueberry Cobbler &mdash Chrysler

As we mentioned, the food and beer flows at The Firehouse, where Dr. Z is our new Sam "Mayday" Malone. The crabcake salad was a nice change from the junk food and power bars we'd been downing all morning, and the blueberry cobbler was divine.

4. Tea & Espresso &mdash Infiniti

Though the Infiniti Infotainment System is fun to look at, it's the tea and espresso (InfiniTEA, get it?) that the company provided that made our morning just a little more enjoyable.

5. Lox Egg Croissants &mdash MB

The classiest egg McMuffin you'll ever see was at the Mercedes lounge, where in between gossip about Dr. Z and Kim Catrall's secret love nest in Pennsylvania you could chow down on mini croissants with egg, nova lox and a dash of fresh sage.

The back of the QX56 contains the brains of this demo vehicle. Understand that the Infotainment Vehicle is completely customized and built for demonstration of all of XM's next generation goods and won't be hitting an Infiniti dealership in this current state. Despite the mess of electronics and other goods, there is actually four different, independent computers powering everything inside the QX56. This ultimately could allow every screen inside of the vehicle to operate independently.

Easily, the most impressive feature is the XM NavWeather, NavInfo and NavTraffic. The NavWeather provides live weather updates on the fly. It divides up the map into a grid. Each square on the grid is approximately 4.3 square miles and provides its own independent weather information. Pair this up with Infiniti's navigation to provide accurate and completely customized driving forecasts.

NavTraffic provides up to the minute traffic information with the navigation. As with other traffic analyzers, roads are color-coded based based on pace of traffic; specific incidents are highlighted and can be opened to provide details. The Hyundai Genesis is one of the vehicles being shown off at the Detroit Auto Show and the first Hyundai that will be including NavTraffic. Many vehicles from Acura, Cadillac, Ferrari, Lexus, Infiniti, Nissan and Toyota also include XM NavTraffic.

NavInfo is a robust suite of information about everything from flight times and statuses, gas prices and more. It is also integrated into the navigation seamlessly.

XM's Parking Link is still a ways away from reality, but the idea is good. On the map, parking garages are highlighted and information is given based on available spaces. It can also display prices. XM also said that a street-level version of Parking Link is far off, but nonetheless under discussion.

Sports scores, stock prices and standard XM radio with a programming guide are also parts of the Infotainment Vehicle and the future technology available from XM.

No emissions targets or environmental impact limits have been set. While we would love to see racing reduce its impact on the world around us, thus furthering research into enabling passenger cars to do the same, we can't help but feel efforts like this merely pay lip service to being environmentally friendly in order to placate critics.

When I attended the BYD Auto press conference for the Ferrous Battery-Powered Dual Mode Hybrid, I expected it to be the usual mixture of iffy translations and awkward-looking Chinese cars. Instead, we get the unveiling of technology that's something we haven't seen before. And while it's not earth shattering, the system was intriguing, which was why I decided to go back to see them.

The BYD F6DM Dual Mode Ferrous Battery Hybrid Unveiled

Thankfully, by the time I made it back to the floor the press had scurried off to the next reveal leaving the entire BYD Auto team mostly alone. They were just lounging about after the auto press gang bang they had just received and were feeling playful. One of two American officials from BYD Auto, Michael Austin, was there to help. After explaining more about how the battery system worked, he asked me with a straight face how far other dual modes go without gas power. Then the conversation turned to how we might import one of the test models, including a quasi-legal "gray market" job that involved leaving one of the show cars behind.

An example of how the dual mode hybrid system works

I was trying to get the guy to tell me where the cars were going next when he suggested that we drive the driveable hybrid concept car a few feet, the first "test drive" in America for a company that had just held it's first American press conference only an hour earlier. We hoped to mimic something in the original press conference where the chairman drove the car back and forth a few feet for the cameras (nearly running over our own videographer who was standing in front of it).

I was jumping at the chance to get the exclusive first drive of the concept car and was therefore not too worried by the suddenly confused look all of the Chinese executives got on their faces when Austin suggested this idea to them. A tall and young executive lunged at me with a business card while the rest of them tried to construct a game plan. While discussions continued, the chairman jumped in the car with a translator in tow and invited me to hop in the passenger side.

This is before I realize what was in store for us

I flashed a look to Sherry, our photographer, that said "please dear God be getting this on film." After being visually assured we were going to get art I joked to the translator that we should buckle up. This was a joke because everyone expected the car to only go back and forth a few feet in their display area. Little did we know the chairman had other plans.

After pulling the car forward a few feet so Sherry and a photographer for BYD could snap a few shots we slowed to a crawl. Then he turned the wheel towards the rest of the auto show. I should explain that we're in the middle of an auto show hall at the Cobo Convention Center in Detroit. Everyone has their carpeted show area and there are pathways a few feet wide in between all the automakers (in this wing mostly Chinese). It's not an area that anyone would consider driving. But the chairman's not anyone.

All of a sudden the chairman drives us out into the hall

All of a sudden the car starts moving down the hall and towards the Michelin design gallery. While this is happening the contingent of BYD executives that aren't snapping pictures realize that they need to move people out of the way lest they be hit by the chairman. The translator cooly explains the merits of this clearly workable prototype as the chairman calmly drives around as though he's navigating a quiet boulevard in Shenzhen.

I'm now completely taken with my good luck at getting a real test drive from the Chairman, looking back at the BYD booth now 100 feet away. I was convinced that this was the end of the trip and the car would be backed up to the booth. And then the car sped up to about 10 mph, which is an uncomfortable speed in the middle of a convention center. There was only one obstacle in the way: a press conference.

Little did the ALMS people know the Chinese were on their way

The American Le Mans Series was holding a press conference to discuss the environmental innovations they were making in their racing (including the introduction of E85 ethanol to the racing series). It was fitting then that the chairman of the small chinese automaker, that sells annually in China what Honda sells in a month in the US, was pointing his answer to the environmental question right at them.

The ALMS people are starting to regret having their meeting in the Chinese wing as we drive right in front of the press corps.

And we mean right at them. Right in front of the car was a soon-to-be confused production assistant with a headset going through the sequences of the conference on her walkie-talkie on the area in front of the press, completing the tasks she probably rehearsed all day. She stood alone in the small path that separated the stage with all the conference presenters and the assembled automotive press with their photographers and TV cameras.

Despite the obstacle the chairman pressed on straight at her. A fast acting reporter in the front row tugged on her jacket and she quickly turned to see us in the prototype car. As she moved out of the way I did my best to indicate to the collected press and the poor production crew that I was so sorry we had suddenly driven through their press conference.

After that it was all open road convention center floor. Either everyone had gotten the memo or the BYD folks acted quickly enough to move those who weren't in the press conference, because the chairmen was able to glide the prototype quickly around the floor and back towards the BYD booth.

I thank the Chairman and give a thumbs up to the BYD photographer, I'm probably on a brochure already

The staff quickly worked to help the chairman back into the display before anyone noticed (other than all the press) that we'd driven a car under a strict-import rule that's not certified to drive on roads, let alone not certified to drive around a convention center. When we jumped out I thanked the Chairman and his staff for letting me be the first, and only, member of the American press to get a drive in this functional prototype due for production in China in the near future.

Dr. Chaunfu is China's answer to Dr Z.

And how was the car? I have to admit, besides it's "heavily borrowed" styling, the F6DM was quite smooth and with a level of fit and finish that was superior to many of the other full production cars on display from China. And that electric motor? Quiet as a mouse. And though we didn't get the high-speed tour, the car drove smoothly and easily around the floor. Is this the future? I can't be sure. But there's no doubt that the company's Chairman is dedicated to proving his car works. Conventions and convention center staff be damned.