[Source: Andretti Racing]

Celebrity: David Hasselhoff and Gary Coleman
Car: K.I.T.T.
Why So Embarrassing: It's the creepy thumbs up that makes this picture awesome to everyone not in it.
Suggested By: F1Morgan, Scandanavian Flick

Celebrity: 50 Cent
Car: Pontiac G8 GXP
Why So Embarrassing: Though we love the car, it doesn't particularly do it any good to get tarted up by 50 Cent on what seems to be the down-slope of his career. We bet Kanye could have sold more G8s.
Suggested By: BuickBoy92

Celebrity: Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence, John Travolta, William H. Macy
Car: Harley Davidson Bikes
Why So Embarrassing: The four of them look like a gay biker gang, but not in the good way. We do give them props for their realistic portrayal of the typical lame Harley owner in this shot from the film Wild Hogs.
Suggested By: Golferal

Celebrity: Michael Johnson
Car: C4 Corvette
Why So Embarrassing: Oh so 1990s. You may be fast, but you'll never outrun this Glamour Shot.
Photo Credit: Mike Powell /Allsport

Celebrity: Mila Kunis
Car: Lexus SC430
Why So Embarrassing: We're not big fans of the Lexus SC430, but it's not particularly embarrassing. Parking it in a handicapped spot to grab a coffee is.

Celebrity: Michael Phelps
Car: Mazda6/Atenza
Why So Embarrassing: Immediately following his pot bust/gold medal marathon Phelps was tasked with pushing the Mazda brand in China. We'd probably start using drugs as well.

Celebrity: Andre Agassi
Car: Vector W8
Why So Embarrassing: Posing near a Vector W8 is only cool in a semi-ironic sort of way. In this case, Agassi is trying to show off all he has: big hair, awkward car, soon-to-be-ex girlfriend.

Photo Credit: John Russell/Getty Images

Celebrity: Danica Patrick
Car: Chevrolet Bel Air
Why So Embarrassing: Danica Patrick is talented, but she also understands the connection between her sex appeal and her ability to get sponsors. Unfortunately, this photo is just awkward. It's supposed to be enticing and seductive but the strange outfit and uncomfortable look makes us wish we'd never seen this photo.
Suggested By: PowerMatic

Photo Credit: FHM/George Holz/JEGPhoto

Celebrity: Adam West
Car: Chrysler 300C
Why So Embarrassing: Adam West, Batman, drives an old man car. Whatever, he's hilarious. He gets away with it. What he doesn't get away with is the "NBR1BAT" license plate. Holy Vanity Plate Batman!
Suggested By: 57sweptside

Celebrity: Conan O'Brien
Car: Ford Taurus SHO
Why So Embarrassing: Yes, Conan O'Brien is trying to look ridiculous. Yes, we love the Ford Taurus SHO. This is embarrassing for Conan because his attempts at appearing silly fail. You look awesome Conan.
Suggested By: Nerdwa

Celebrity: Sting
Car: Toyota Prius
Why So Embarrassing: Really, the guy who wrote Outlandos d'Amour is suddenly out cruising town in a Prius. We thought tantric sex was about extending the pleasure. Hybrids cut it way short, Gordy.
Suggested By: JamesMarino

Celebrity: Michael Schumacher
Car: Fiat Work Van
Why So Embarrassing: Schumacher looks the part too well. Also, "the quick gardner" sounds like a bad German translation of a man who fires quickly in bed.
Suggested By: Mr_Sives_Remotoc.

GoDaddy was to air its "Speeding" commercial twice during the United States Open this weekend. The ad features GoDaddy gal-pal Danica Patrick in a vintage, American-made Ford Mustang. Late yesterday, GoDaddy was informed Lexus didn't want "Speeding" to air. As the exclusive sponsor of the NBC broadcast, Lexus declared no other automakers can be shown in commercials airing during the United States Open.

Seriously, Lexus? Really? The ad's not about selling cars, it's about selling web sites. Talk about a move that'll do nothing but make you look silly to, you know, every car enthusiast on earth and many web folks as well.

What makes things worse is, according to GoDaddy CEO Bob Parsons, Toyota let Accura air an ad during the same U.S. Open broadcast they'd been denied access to show theirs on. Hey Toyota, why the hate for American classic autos? It's not like they've got products in competition with the Mustang, and certainly not in competition with a classic Mustang!

To see the banned ad, head here.

What's not ballsy is her now backing away from those comments. We're more inclined to believe what she said first as opposed to what she's saying now. Here was her initial comments to Dan Patrick:

Dan: "If you could take a performance-enhancing drug and not get caught, would you do it if it allowed you to win Indy?

Danica: Well, then it's not cheating, is it? If nobody finds out?

Dan: So you would do it?

Danica: Yeah, it would be like finding a gray area. In motorsports we work in the gray areas a lot. You're trying to find where the holes are in the rule book."

(Hat tip to John!) [via SI.com]

Photo Credit: Jamie Squire/Getty Images

Danica has proven herself in IRL by being the first woman to win an Indy Car race and with the 100th anniversary of the Indianapolis 500 approaching quickly on May 24th, we're wondering if she'll get her taste of sweet, delicious milk on the podium this year. If not, we've got milk and cookies awaiting her at the Jalopnik office just in case.
[via bodybymilk]

This clip shows off Danica in ways we've seen before, but this time, instead of straddling a Shelby Cobra, she's waist-deep in a gorgeous ocean-front pool with an extra creepy dose of light diffuser-holding goodness. Seriously, what's up with that guy?

Oh, and yes, you better believe if there were a similar video of A.J. Foyt, we'd damn well be running it. [YouTube via IndyCar.com]

To be fair to Patrick, her choice of creepy seductress Jolie is really just an extension of Patrick's bizarre level of self/brand-awareness. Angelina is an action star and more age appropriate for the role of a 26-year-old than the 40-year-old Aniston. For marketing purposes it would be a much better fit. And what about America's sweetheart Mandy Moore? Too tall. We're imagining a similar sequence passed through Pitt's mind when he ditched the former "Friends" star for the one-woman African baby kidnapping gang.

Watch the video, shot by a group of Canadian bloggers, and you can see Patrick has already figured all of this out. The success of Danica Patrick has a lot to do with her being a really good driver wrapped in a fantastic marketing strategy. Fortunately, all of this is just hypothetical. Unless she dies in a horrible crash Patrick is only at made-for-TV movie level. For a feature studio film with a big star she'll have to win the Indy 500 or get killed by terrorists.

[MyHogtown]

Patrick has proven herself as a driver by being the first woman to win an Indy Car race, which has nothing to do with her being the first Indy driver we'd be okay with seeing in a bikini (sorry Andrettis). In the end, this is more of the well-coordinated campaign to make Danica Patrick simultaneously a: sex symbol, pioneer for women in motorsports, bankable marketing figure, and relevant athlete. Thanks to Graverobber for the tip!

[More photos of Danica and other quasi-athletic women in swimwear at the 2009 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Microsite]

Unfortunately Go Daddy violates viewers’ trust by failing to be truthful in their advertising. While she does apparently hop in the shower with a fetching German woman, Go Daddy fails to show viewers even a hint of cleavage. To say we’re outraged is an understatement. We’ll henceforth be running a totally boycott of Go Daddy’s domain name services until such a time as we see boobs. Who’s with us?

Patrick went to the Dreyer & Reinbold Racing pit box after the morning practice to complain about her struggles to pass Duno, but Duno did not like Patrick's style. [...]

On a video shot by a friend of Duno's and shown to The Star, Duno told Patrick on several occasions to "go away." When Patrick didn't leave immediately, Duno twice threw a towel in Patrick's direction, prompting Patrick to use foul language before the minute-long incident ended.

All we have to say is Me-yowza! [via Deadspin, IndyCar, Indianapolis Star]

We don't mean to indicate that Sarah Fisher isn't a capable driver or team owner, it's just that she's never won a race and her best finish is 17th. We think that "top woman" honors should go to Danica Patrick, who actually won a race. Still, after this we predict a 15-point spread for Hillary in Indiana. (h/t Hyman_Decent)

[NYTimes]

"Could you do me a favor? In our motor home, in the bedroom, go to my closet. All the way in the back of the closet, there's a blue dress. Maybe you should wear it next time you qualify!"

"the IRL is not real racing. Not real good racing, anyway. It's not the best car circuit in this country — that would be NASCAR ... what is the IRL? It's a training ground for decent drivers who hope to be good enough to race somewhere important some day ... Winning in the IRL isn't a matter of talent..."

"The IRL is the junior varsity of racing, is what I'm saying. Danica Patrick finally won herself a JV race, and that's good for her, and it's a neat story. The first woman to do anything — the first man to do anything, too — is always cool. But let's not take this too far, OK?"

According to F1-Live, the 37-year old de la Rosa said:

"There are less and less obstacles because there are now many women in kart racing ... The base of the pyramid is expanding ... I would be delighted to see it happen sooner or later, but it is more difficult for women because of the important physical elements of racing in Formula One,"

...as something other than a piece of meat. Well, she did do that Sports Illustrated photo shoot, so you can probably still look at her like a piece of meat — just now you'll also have to realize she's a piece of meat that's faster than you, Helio Castroneves, Scott Dixon, Dan Wheldon, Tony Kanaan and your brother Sal. [via ESPN] Picture Credit: Sports Illustrated