Jalopnik: Danica Patrick

Danica Patrick, Milka Duno In Towel-Snapping Cat Fight At Mid-Ohio

Ray Wert — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 14:34:13 EDT

Let's be clear here — we'd call it a "cat fight" even if the two drivers screaming at each other were men rather than the twin female towers o' power of IndyCar — Danica Patrick and Milka Duno (often pronounced "Milk n' Donut"). Apparently Danica thinks Milka's too slow and has been blocking her with the big rear-end of her car whenever she tries to pass the little French pastry. Yesterday after the morning practice at the Mid-Ohio Sports Car Course, Danica decided to confront Duno. We'll let the Indy Star pick up the story from here:

Patrick went to the Dreyer & Reinbold Racing pit box after the morning practice to complain about her struggles to pass Duno, but Duno did not like Patrick's style. [...]
On a video shot by a friend of Duno's and shown to The Star, Duno told Patrick on several occasions to "go away." When Patrick didn't leave immediately, Duno twice threw a towel in Patrick's direction, prompting Patrick to use foul language before the minute-long incident ended.

All we have to say is Me-yowza! [via Deadspin, IndyCar, Indianapolis Star]

Danica Patrick Runs Into Crewman At Indy, We're Checking To See If That's A First For A Woman

Travis Hudson — Fri, 09 May 2008 18:00:00 EDT

Danica Patrick, the current headline maker of the IndyCar Series has made yet another headline, this time it's not so much of the rah-rah-go-women type. In a practice round for the upcoming Indianapolis 500, she managed to run into Charles Buckman, the chief mechanic for Mario Moraes' Dale Coyne Racing team. Buckman suffered scalp and facial cuts as well as a concussion. We're not going to make stereotypical comments about women drivers, but we can't imagine what is going to happen when the Goodyear ad people find out, they're going to have a field day. [ESPN] (Images via AP; Video via ESPN)

NY Times Calls Hillary-Endorsing Sarah Fisher IRL's "Top Woman"

Matt Hardigree — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:40:00 EDT

In a long article about the Indiana Democratic Primary, there's a picture of Hillary Clinton getting the endorsement of IRL racer and team-owner Sarah Fisher, with the caption "Hillary Rodham Clinton paid an election-day visit to the Indianapolis Motor Speedway on Tuesday to appear with race car driver Sarah Fisher, a top woman on the Indy car circuit, who endorsed her this week." This is true in the same way that Hillary Clinton is the top performer in the Democratic race for the White House in that "top" here means "supreme but for those other people with superior records." Technicalities.

We don't mean to indicate that Sarah Fisher isn't a capable driver or team owner, it's just that she's never won a race and her best finish is 17th. We think that "top woman" honors should go to Danica Patrick, who actually won a race. Still, after this we predict a 15-point spread for Hillary in Indiana. (h/t Hyman_Decent)

[NYTimes]

The Anatomy Of A Race Car Driver

Travis Hudson — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 16:45:00 EDT

It pains us to hear it, but everyone is up in arms lately over the racing wins by Danica Patrick and Ashely Force. One of the lingering stances on the matter (and one we heard on that bastion of common sense: talk radio) is that the women have every right to compete and win because racing relies mostly on the car, and not the competitor. Well, anybody whose driven a car faster than 65 mph knows that a car can put strain on the body. Wired put together an excellent infographic detailing parts of the body and what a 200-plus mph can do to it. Click the picture above or the link below to see it in its full glory. If anything, being a race car driver is harder on women who generally have smaller body frames than men, possibly making their victories even more impressive. Now, let the debate begin! [Wired]

Wife Busts Tony Kanaan's Balls After Qualifying Behind Danica Patrick

Ben Wojdyla — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 16:40:00 EDT

She's everywhere these days - Danica Patrick is the Valentina Vladimirovna Tereshkova of open wheel racing and everyone wants a piece of the moment. Well, maybe except teammate Tony Kanaan and his wife. A quick item at Automobile relays a phone call from Kanaan's pregnant wife after he qualified third and behind Patrick at the last Mid-Ohio IRL race. When she heard about the result, she had a question for him:

"Could you do me a favor? In our motor home, in the bedroom, go to my closet. All the way in the back of the closet, there's a blue dress. Maybe you should wear it next time you qualify!"

Man, that's cold. She knows Tony looks so much better in red dresses. When asked for a comment, Kanaan replied by saying "Why do I look like Vin Diesel?" [AutomobileMag] photo source AP

CBS' Doyel Rules IRL Isn't Real Racing, Danica Is "Junior Varsity"

Mark Arnold — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:20:00 EDT

We all know what Pedro de la Rosa thinks about women in motorsport. Now, we've got CBS Sports' Gregg Doyel weighing in on Danica Patrick's win, proclaiming the Indy Racing League to be an inferior racing series. Most people will agree the IRL isn't the highest pinnacle of motorsports, but Doyel thinks

"the IRL is not real racing. Not real good racing, anyway. It's not the best car circuit in this country — that would be NASCAR ... what is the IRL? It's a training ground for decent drivers who hope to be good enough to race somewhere important some day ... Winning in the IRL isn't a matter of talent..."

" Wait, what? He thinks NASCAR takes more skill? Hmm. Certainly there are some very skilled NASCAR drivers, and sure, there is competition, but it seems to us like Doyel is just shooting his mouth off. Suggesting the IRL isn't real racing, given the timing, comes across like Gregg is trying to deny Danica's skills. Which he then proceeds to do:

"The IRL is the junior varsity of racing, is what I'm saying. Danica Patrick finally won herself a JV race, and that's good for her, and it's a neat story. The first woman to do anything — the first man to do anything, too — is always cool. But let's not take this too far, OK?"

Reading the full article, you get the feeling that Doyel doesn't think he's being sexist. Isn't that sort of like how Max Mosley doesn't think of himself as a Nazi? [CBS Sports via VWvortex]

McLaren's Pedro de la Rosa Thinks Women Are Too Weak To Race In F1

Mark Arnold — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 09:20:00 EDT

With all the buzz over Danica Patrick wiping the floor at Twin Ring Motegi in Japan last weekend, it's easy to forget there's other talented females engaged in various forms of motorsport across the world. Just look at Michèle Mouton's rally career — multiple wins in her Audi Quattro and finishing a close second place in the 1982 WRC championship. So you know that the girls can go just as fast as the boys — and as we saw this past weekend, sometimes faster. So this ultimately leads to the question, "Can a women be successful in Formula One?" Well, veteran McLaren test driver Pedro de la Rosa seems to think women might just not be strong enough to deal with the rigors of the track.

According to F1-Live, the 37-year old de la Rosa said:

"There are less and less obstacles because there are now many women in kart racing ... The base of the pyramid is expanding ... I would be delighted to see it happen sooner or later, but it is more difficult for women because of the important physical elements of racing in Formula One,"

Although we wonder what Danica would have to say about that, we're pretty sure she's too busy on a Sports Illustrated or FHM shoot to dignify it with a response. Of course as soon as she's done with that, she'd probably point out to de la Rosa that she managed to do pretty well against Helio Castroneves, Scott Dixon, Dan Wheldon and Tony Kanaan. Of course none of them were in Formula 1, but who's counting. [via F1-Live]

Danica Patrick First Woman To Win IndyCar Race, Proves She's Not Just A Piece Of Meat

Ray Wert — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 02:15:10 EDT

The checkered flag dropped today in Japan, and with it came the paternalistic stranglehold on professional motorsports as Danica Patrick wins the Indy Japan 300 — besting her previous highest finish of second place at the Detroit Grand Prix. The win, 5.8594 seconds ahead of pole-sitter Helio Castroneves on the 1.5-mile Twin Ring Motegi oval occurring after leader Scott Dixon pitted with five laps left and Dan Wheldon and Tony Kanaan came in a lap later, makes Patrick the first woman to ever win an IndyCar race. Finally, people will be forced to look at Danica Patrick...

...as something other than a piece of meat. Well, she did do that Sports Illustrated photo shoot, so you can probably still look at her like a piece of meat — just now you'll also have to realize she's a piece of meat that's faster than you, Helio Castroneves, Scott Dixon, Dan Wheldon, Tony Kanaan and your brother Sal. [via ESPN] Picture Credit: Sports Illustrated

Tony Kanaan, Danica Patrick Go First, Second In Crash-Filled Finish To Detroit Grand Prix IndyCar Race

Ray Wert — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 18:14:53 EDT

Tony Kanaan wins the IndyCar race here at the Detroit Grand Prix, and Danica Patrick took second place in her best ever finish after a shocking last lap and a half. Just before the white flag came up a number of drivers were involved in some "contact" that included "the wall" and "other drivers." Oh and Dan Wheldon came in third despite thrashing his car today earlier in practice— who woulda thunk it? We'll have more shortly — full results below the jump.

1 Tony Kanaan (11) ... 1:13.8906 100.852 47 1:55.5276 64.504 89 D/H/F Pit
2 Danica Patrick (7) 0.4865 1:14.9125 99.476 65 1:49.0264 68.350 89 D/H/F Pit
3 Dan Wheldon (10) 1.2207 1:15.5578 98.626 62 1:46.8565 69.738 89 D/H/F Pit
4 Darren Manning (14) 1.9217 1:15.7840 98.332 8 1:46.6266 69.889 89 D/H/F Pit
5 Kosuke Matsuura (55) 1 lap 1:16.8399 96.981 24 1:25.4777 87.181 88 D/H/F Pit
6 Dario Franchitti (27) 26.7568 1:13.5110 101.373 65 3:46.3920 32.916 88 D/H/F Pit
7 Buddy Rice (15) 2 laps 1:14.9325 99.450 66 1:17.2492 96.467 87 D/H/F Down
8 Scott Dixon (9) 0.3174 1:13.9671 100.747 47 1:17.0664 96.696 87 D/H/F Down
9 AJ Foyt IV (22) 5.8999 1:15.9727 98.088 84 1:15.9865 98.070 87 D/H/F Down
10 Ed Carpenter (20) 3:22.0789 1:16.5793 97.311 15 1:25.3308 87.331 87 D/H/F Pit
11 Scott Sharp (8) 7 laps 1:16.6533 97.217 45 1:29.9598 82.837 82 D/H/F Pit
12 Sam Hornish Jr (6) 14 laps 1:15.9201 98.156 20 1:46.2941 70.107 75 D/H/F Pit
13 Tomas Scheckter (2) 22 laps 1:15.0292 99.321 64 1:16.0919 97.934 67 D/H/F Accident
14 Helio Castroneves (3) 0.1228 1:14.0702 100.607 46 1:15.9849 98.072 67 D/H/F Accident
15 Vitor Meira (4) 58 laps 1:16.2266 97.761 13 1:59.8095 62.199 31 D/H/F Accident
16 Sarah Fisher (5) 60 laps 1:19.4239 93.826 21 2:02.6506 60.758 29 D/H/F Accident
17 Marco Andretti (26) 62 laps 1:15.0482 99.296 24 1:46.7042 69.838 27 D/H/F Mechanical
18 Ryan Hunter-Reay (17) 65 laps 1:15.2302 99.056 20 1:25.5628 87.094 24 D/H/F Mechanical

OMG! Is that really Danica in the lead?!? ...

Ray Wert — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 17:22:02 EDT

OMG! Is that really Danica in the lead?!? Oh wait, no — she just hasn't pitted in a while.

Mini Scooters: The Official Paddock Transport Of Danica Patrick And All Of IndyCar

Ray Wert — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 15:41:05 EDT

First it was Marco Andretti on his li'l scooter and now we've caught Danica Patrick on one just outside of the paddock here on Belle Isle at the Detroit Grand Prix. Which got us noticing there's a lot of these things out here today. Here's our gallery of the little Paddock cruisin' moped-looking things. We're going to walk on over to the grandstand now for the start of the race — we'll bring you an update shortly.

Five Questions For Today's Detroit Grand Prix IndyCar Race

Ray Wert — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 09:53:48 EDT

We're up and runnin' today from the Corvette chalet here in the middle of the Detroit River to finish off our Detroit Belle Isle Grand Prix coverage with some hot IndyCar racing action. So whether you're coming to the race today, watching it on ABC at 3:30 or reading our live-blog here (hint-hint) here's five questions we've got for the race today that maybe you can help us to answer:

1.) Can Detroit native Roger Penske make the Detroit Grand Prix a one-two punch with a win today by Helio Castroneves after Penske Racing's Romain Dumas piloted his Porsche RS Spyder to the win in yesterday's ALMS? No pressure Helio.
2.) We've got to ask it, mostly 'cause she's sitting in seventh in overall points — can Danica Patrick win her first IndyCar race?

3.) Who'll be the first driver to take a car into a concrete barrier today?

4.) Given you've now answered the last question, here's one that's just as important — which concrete barrier will take the first hit today? Will it be in turn one? Turn two?

5.) Will Tony Kanaan take down Target Chip Ganassi racer Scott Dixon today in a fit of protective rage over Dario Franchitti?

Racing starts today at 3:45, but we'll have coverage throughout the entire day, so keep your eyes on our Detroit Grand Prix tag for the hottest in racing action.

Champ car needs a hero...and he's gotta be ...

Ray Wert — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 15:15:00 EDT

Champ car needs a hero...and he's gotta be strong, and he's gotta be fast, and he's gotta be fresh from the fight. Or they need a really hot female racer. [Canada.com]

Music Videos Make Anyone Look Fast: Danica Patrick Shows Jay-Z And Dale Jr. What She's Got

Ray Wert — Tue, 17 Oct 2006 14:45:00 EDT

Quickly, before YouTube ganks it again — and thanks to our brother/sister site obsessed with all things music — check out Jay-Z's latest music video, "Show Me What You Got" — featuring Danica Patrick in a Pagani Zonda S out-racing a Ferrari F430 driven by none other than Dale Earnhardt, Jr. — with Mr. Shawn Carter (aka Hova, aka S.Dot, aka Hov, aka Jigga, aka Lucky Lefty, aka Iceberg Slim, aka — ok, you get the picture, Jay-Z's got a lot of nicknames) in the passenger seat. You know, we kind of feel like this is totally a race Danica could win — one where she's got a car fully 70 hp faster than the competition. Still, we totally know Jay-Z's just going to say he lost cause she weighs less than he and Dale Jr. [Hat tip to will!] – Ray Wert

Videodrone: Jay-Z, "Show Me What You Got" [Idolator]

Oh, Look! Danica's Making More Money!

Davey G. Johnson — Thu, 21 Sep 2006 08:30:00 EDT

The domain-name registrars at Go Daddy have signed on to help fund Danica's Motorola-marqueed Andretti-Green car for next season. They find her "edgy, innovative and fun!" according to some guy named Bob who helms the company. H sker D was edgy, innovative and fun. Danica is not H sker D . Meanwhile, in more interesting news, Bumbeck began the initial stages of a Jet-Valvectomy on his Starion up at the place we like to refer to as "Robin Masters' Compound East." Boss pic, non? Danica? Potential. Starion? SUPER POTENTIAL! [Thanks to Haller for the tip.]

Go Daddy Press Release On the Dealy. Only click if you want another useless PDF cluttering your machine. Trust us, we gave you the best bits. We gave you Starion! [Go Daddy]

WaPo Co. Slipping? Recruiting Subpar Writers? Danica in Newsweek

Davey G. Johnson — Tue, 19 Sep 2006 00:45:00 EDT

Awesome! Newsweek wants to compile a list of 20 women leading their fields. The downside? Well, we picked up an issue of the magazine the other day and it felt a bit light. Has the diluted ad revenue that seems to be endemic across the print-publishing board these days inspired the elimination of the copy desk? Or having interviewees whose finest skills may not be at the keyboard write their own stories? Case in point: Danica Patrick's profile in the September 25th issue of the august newsweekly. What do we get? Subpar writing coupled with the misspelling of "go-kart" as "go-cart," followed by "nerve-racking" instead of "nerve-wracking." We'd at least expect Danica to be able to correctly spell the types of cars she's driven.

We've got a bet with Money CJ of SO. DAMN. INDY going as to whether the Newsweek people will fix the errors online. If he wins (he thinks they will), he gets an eighteener of Miller Lite. If Jalopnik wins (we think they won't), Jamie Little gets our phone number. Readers, encourage the Washington Post Company to stick to their guns. Meanwhile, Duffy Livingstone is pissed.

Twenty Top Women on Leadership [Newsweek via SO. DAMN. INDY.]

Related:
Danica 'Burning Bridges' With Rahal-Letterman [Internal]

It's Black, It's Sort of Sleek, It Looks Fast: Danica Shows off New Car

Mike Spinelli — Thu, 14 Sep 2006 08:24:39 EDT

AP /Julio Cortez

Danica Patrick hosted a press rendezvous with her new IRL car on the streets of Chicago yesterday, offering the first look of the black, Motorola-sponsored No. 7 car she'll be driving next season for Andretti Green. Breaking from the script, Parick raced up State street, dodging cars and pedestrians, before pulling a four-wheel drift on to Wacker Drive, where she clipped Oprah, who coincidentally had been crossing the street at the time, then stopping near Lake Shore Drive to do doughnuts until the car's tires exploded, sending fragments of rubber right into the poppy seed hot-dog buns of several onlookers. Right. Actually, she did a quick burnout in the rain before posing for pictures for six or seven hours.

Danica Patrick Unveils New IRL Car [Associated Press]

A PR Flack Drops His Guard Regarding the IRL

Davey G. Johnson — Wed, 06 Sep 2006 21:00:00 EDT

We're not exactly sure why IRL racer Jeff Simmons' PR guy Karl berbacher had to go list his three favorite records as Fun House by the Stooges, Sabbath's Master of Reality and then poison an until-then fantastic list with Gene Simmons' "I Am Indy" single. But then again, that's why we're broke-dick bloggers who jet-set around the world as Denton permits and Karl jet-sets around the country getting into near bar-brawls and apparently boffing twins while promoting clients. Oh, and there's good Danica dirt, too. Click through, because CJ over at So. Damn. Indy. got Karl to ladle the gossip on the side of racing the sponsors don't want to know about.

Meet Karl. [So. Damn. Indy.]

Related:
This Shit is Genius, They Are Indy, Etc. [Internal]

Danica 'Burning Bridges' With Rahal-Letterman

Davey G. Johnson — Sun, 13 Aug 2006 00:30:00 EDT

CJ over at SO. DAMN. INDY. had readers send in questions for Rahal-Letterman driver Jeff Simmons, who shed light on the organization's chassis situation, race-day activities, and of course, women. Simmons mentions that he thinks the potential for open-wheel returnee Sarah Fisher at Kentucky tomorrow is high, considering she'd taken a pole there, but of course, the burning question on everyone's mind is Danica Patrick's situation with Rahal-Letterman's organization after the announcement of her departure to Andretti Green for next year's IRL season. Click through for Simmons' comments.

SoDamnIndyFan: How many times, roughly, has Danica Patrick talked directly to you? I'm thinking it has to be less than five...

Jeff Simmons: I've talked to Danica a lot of times, but after some things I heard she was saying on the radio in Michigan, I'll be less likely to engage in casual conversation with her. She's definitely burning all her bridges with the team. (Ed. Note: WOW!)

Note, that when Simmons references "the radio in Michigan," he's talking about the car-to-pit radio, rather than AM/FM broadcast airwaves.

You Asked, Jeff Anwered [SO. DAMN. INDY.]

No NASCAR for Danica: She's With Andretti, Leather

Davey G. Johnson — Tue, 18 Jul 2006 00:45:00 EDT

Amusingly-monikered blog My Name is IRL adds to what So Damn Indy broke earlier today. Danica is indeed leaving Rahal-Letterman, but she's not, as has been rumored, headed to NASCAR. Rather, she's apparently off to the land of Andretti-Green, where she'll be paired with the series other Golden Child, Mario's grandson. We'll likely be seeing Mario in a little over a week, so see if we can't ply him for some info then, unless of course, Michael keeps him out of the loop on this stuff.

2nd Report: Danica moving to AGR in 2007 [My Name is IRL]; BREAKING: Danica And RLR To Part Ways For 2007! [So Damn Indy]

Related:
Danica Inching Toward NASCAR? [Internal]

Danica Inching Toward NASCAR?

Davey G. Johnson — Fri, 14 Jul 2006 16:15:00 EDT

"My biggest thing in everything is that I want to win, and I don't care who it's with," says everyone's favorite Twinkie-package star. With every article we read, it seems as if Danica Patrick is thinking more and more about rubbing up against Jeff Gordon and Tony Stewart in the France Family Circus. Just don't get any of Junior's Drakkar on you, Danica.

Patrick: NASCAR's Too Big to Ignore [Forbes]

Is Menstruation the Key to Danica's On-Track Success?

Davey G. Johnson — Thu, 13 Jul 2006 17:30:00 EDT

According to IRL racer Ed Carpenter, Danica Patrick would do just fine in NASCAR, commenting "I mean, you know especially if you catch her at the right time of the month, she might be trading plenty of paint out there." Danica, for your career's sake, here's hoping a hysterectomy isn't in your immediate future. [Thanks to Kelly for the tip.]

The right stuff? [CNN/SI]

Danica Moving to NASCAR?

Davey G. Johnson — Tue, 11 Jul 2006 16:45:00 EDT

Danica Patrick's contract with Rahal-Letterman is up at the end of this year, and while it's purely speculation at this point, rumors are starting to float that she may abandon the IRL for some paint-tradin' stock-car-type action. Apparently, Patrick's father, T.J., has been in exploratory conversations with several NASCAR teams, and attended Sunday's race in Chicago as a guest of Roush Racing. Roush's people claim it was merely a courtesy extended to Danica's family and that there have been no discussions as to whether Danica could be doing seat time in a Ford Fusion stocker. First Montoya and now this? It's only a matter of time before the France family's "persuaders" recruit Jenna and Barbara Bush to drive. [Thanks to Daniel for the tip.]

Danica Patrick next to join NASCAR? [TSN.ca]

Related:
Que Pasa, Bubba? Juan Pablo Coming to NASCAR [Internal]

I Am Indy: Yes, We're Stuck In The Corporate Hospitality Suite With You

Ray Wert — Sun, 28 May 2006 14:52:12 EDT

So here's our concept. I'm eating in the corporate hospitality suite — Austin's watchin' the race and I'm watchin' via Austin — all through the wonders of instant messenger. Here' s our convo:

Wert (1:29:43 PM): Austin, my boy — what's up?
Austin (1:30:09 PM): I lost your seat man
Wert (1:30:43 PM): It's ok dude. We're both here in the suite. I'll just blog n' eat — cause this is totally cool too...especially since I dunno anything about racing.
Wert (1:31:04 PM): And speaking of that — I've got some questions for you oh-great-one-who-knows-all-about-racing.
Austin (1:31:14 PM): this is the basic idea: go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.
Wert (1:31:30 PM): Ok, but maybe something more technical.
Wert (1:31:45 PM): Like — do they always turn left?

Austin (1:32:13 PM): Sometimes they swerve right, but all the turns are to the left. You are an idiot.
Wert (1:32:47 PM): I mean — it seems like they could really shake things up and like try turning right and go the other way. I mean that could totally like bring in a new demographic to the race, right?
Austin (1:34:18 PM): no
Wert (1:34:25 PM): Oh.
Wert (1:35:46 PM): So Travis Parman, Chevrolet's PR dude-extra-ordinaire is totally trying to tell us that he *loves* it when we call the Corvette "6th Generation" — and doesn't understand why we call it C6. I don't either. Care to explain?
Austin (1:36:46 PM): I'm a little confused. What?
Wert (1:36:52 PM): Nevermind.
Wert (1:37:04 PM): So what's going on in the race — gimmee an update.
Austin (1:37:39 PM): 19-year old Marco Andretti is in 5th
Austin (1:37:52 PM): Helio has fropped back to 9th
Wert (1:37:57 PM): K
Austin (1:37:59 PM): Danica just moved up to 11th
Wert (1:38:04 PM): Is Danica still hot?
Austin (1:38:25 PM): It depends.
Wert (1:38:46 PM): depends?
Austin (1:39:23 PM): On whether or not you think she's hot in the first place
Wert (1:39:42 PM): I think she's hot.
Wert (1:39:50 PM): I'd totally do her.
Austin (1:41:10 PM): It actually takes a fair amount of attention to figure out what's going on, because we can't hear the PA play-by-play here in the suite
Wert (1:41:27 PM): What about on those fancy yellow headsets ya got on?
Austin (1:41:33 PM): And the TV here isn't the ABC feed so it doesn't have all the information graphics
Wert (1:42:28 PM): ABC's not with us today, Leather.
Austin (1:42:42 PM): Wheldon: "Get fucking lyundke off the track, he's fucking terrible." At leadst I htink it was Wheldon
Austin (1:43:02 PM): Yeah we're with scanners so we can listen in on all the pit-to-car communications
Austin (1:45:24 PM): So the first series of pit stops has occured, or is occurring. That when they stop for more gas, Ray
Austin (1:45:28 PM): That's
Austin (1:45:40 PM): Now stop talking to me, I'm trying to watch.
Wert (1:46:20): Fair enough — they just brought fried biscuits in and I totally wanna get me some of that!

This Shit is Genius, They Are Indy, Etc.

Davey G. Johnson — Sat, 27 May 2006 22:26:20 EDT

So you know, Austin's all about the ladies forming a line to his left for makeouts and dudes forming a line to his right for hi-fives. Wert is all about tossing his dorkdom to the wind and wincing when it blows back in his face, then posting video of it anyway. Here we have video of Wert attempting to coerce Austin into conning Danica into the line to his left and Austin chickening out. According to Austin's sister, the Austin children are video-averse. Wert, however is a cammin' machine, which makes for some classic, short-short verit . Thankfully, though, neither of our correspondents are wearing short-shorts. Our sporty, spicy brother over at Deadspin had this up earlier today, but since our boys in Indy didn't seem to feel it was Jalop-worthy, we're making an executive decision and posting it here. Now go get that Chaim Witz interview, dammit!

Jalopnik is All Over Indy [Deadspin]

Related:
More Wert/Austin Indy Antics [Internal]

I am Indy: The Parade's the Thing, Part 1 -- Helio's The Man

Ray Wert — Sat, 27 May 2006 20:50:03 EDT

One of the big events on Indy Weekend is the IPL 500 Festival Parade, and yeah, we were there. Actually we weren't just there we were in the parade. We might have even flashed a "You're with me, leather" Deadspin logo on ESPN. Someone needs to check the TiVo and get back to us, asap. Also, Ray is maniac. But we're getting ahead of the story, check out part 2 if you want to get to the good stuff. In the meantime, here's a post of my random thoughts while watching the greatest show in Indy...on Memorial Day weekend...that is not the Indy 500.

It all started in the grandstands at noon...

...things took a turn for the sweet in the end, but the first three quarters of the parade were just not that thrililng. The guy sitting behind probably disagrees, though, judging by the number of times he said "now that's a good-looking car" in reference any one of countless classic rides ferrying a seemingly endless stream of c-list celbrities. And the marching bands, oh, there was an endless amount of marching bands.

Ray, being the blogtastic blogger that he is, was actually writing down notes on his laptop from the grandstands. I was happy with my notepad, in which I noted that Ray is a huge nerd for using his laptop and reading his future blog posts to me out loud in public. I was also puzzled as to why he was taking pictures of every single row of drivers. Ray, you don't have to pay attention until the fourth row or so, none of the people in the back are going to win.

I also noted that the Bob the Builder balloon is awesome, and Scooby Doo riding on top of the Mystery Mobile is more awesome. The Shriners, driving tiny replica race cars, are absoludicrously incredible. And in between floats promoting old people still being alive and science being cool, was the row-by-row driver line up for Sunday. Each row was preceeded by a giant star baloon that looked like Super Mario Bros. come to life. The crowd went crazy for Danica Patrick, seemingly unaware that her car isn't that fast and she hasn't finished better than 8th all year. She does look beautiful in person — cause I've never been so much struck by her beauty so much as her slowness — so I guess that's something to cheer for.

But Danica is nothing compared to Buddy Rice's wife, who is hott, hawt, and quite possibly even haut. Scott Sharp, flanked by two women so beautiful that they caused traffic to stop in a three-county radius, is cleary a pimp. Not to be outdone, Helio Castroneves brought three women in his car, one of whom is Miss Brazil. Note to self, get better at racecar driving.

Related:
More Indy 500 coverage [internal]

The Jalopnik Morning Shift

Ray Wert — Mon, 10 Apr 2006 08:50:00 EDT

• NASCAR, NBC and Muslims...which two of these things does not belong? [AP Sports]
• Wagoner has balls. We like balls. [Reuters]
• G-d bless Texas, it's The Wraith of Kahne. [Freep]
• Nah...we don't need to schedule the strike vote. We want it to be like the Spanish Inquisition...no one expects it. [The Car Connection]
• I dub thee...Super MINI! [Detroit News]
• We'd totally go 200 mph with Danica Patrick, and sure, we'd even keep it a Secret. [Secret Deodorant]
• My battery-powered car is faster than your battery powered car! [Business Week]

Six Rahal-Letterman Cars Entered at Indy, Six Degrees of Separation

Davey G. Johnson — Fri, 24 Mar 2006 15:41:51 EST

One afternoon, nearly six years ago, at a backyard barbecue in Benicia, we got involved in a game of six-degrees one-upmanship. A girl was winding her way through some convoluted explanation of something or other when our friend simply says, "Well, we know Joe Strummer, and he knows Letterman, and Letterman knows everyone." Which, we suppose puts us three degrees from Danica Patrick, Buddy Rice and rookie Paul Dana, all of whom have two cars each entered in the Indy 500 under the aegis of Rahal-Letterman racing.

Rahal Letterman Racing enters six cars for Indy 500 [CBS SportsLine]

Related:
Gene Simmons Hearts the IRL [Internal]

Bernie Makes the Dumb List!

Davey G. Johnson — Thu, 26 Jan 2006 20:17:39 EST

Whoo! We're just chock full o' Bernie Ecclestone today! CNN/Money's posted Business 2.0's list of 2005's "101 Dumbest Moments in Business," and Little B's infamous quote on Danica Patrick's fourth-place at Indy made the list!

Quoth his infinitely self-righteous self: "Women should be all dressed in white, like all other domestic appliances."

Other auto-tangenital moments? The city of Detroit being mocked by our lowly hometown of Sacto via jumbotron at a Kings/Pistons game, the Mercedes cruise-control cockup and pro-automaker lobbyists running afoul of concerned scientists. [Thanks to Chris for the tip.]

101 Dumbest Moments in Business [CNN/Money]

Related:
Tribute to Bernie! [Internal]

The Danica Show: Patrick Floats the IRL

Davey G. Johnson — Thu, 25 Aug 2005 14:46:32 EDT

We'll admit that while we're all for women in racing (we need more of them), and we don't question her driving talent, we just don't like Danica Patrick. Sure, she's fairly attractive, but we've dated hotter women than her. Maybe it's that tat of Old Glory that graces her lower back. Maybe it's her lifeless personality. Maybe it's that it seems like she has nothing of import to say in the interviews we've read. She's just not that interesting or likeable. So while we're tired of her as the face of the IRL, we're glad that she's brought viewers back to open-wheel racing in America. Now if she'd just shut up and drive, we'd be even happier.

Other guys owe Danica thanks [San Jose Mercury News (Reg. Req.)]

Related:
Worst Danica Patrick Indy 500 Headlines [Internal]

Rice, Patrick to Run Chocolate Mini-Grand Prix in SF

Davey G. Johnson — Fri, 19 Aug 2005 09:51:39 EDT

Celebrating the IRL's first race in its ten year history on a permanent road course, Buddy Rice and Danica Patrick will take to the streets of San Francisco in the Chocolate Mini-Grand Prix on August 24, a publicity event prior to the running of the Argent Mortgage Indy Grand Prix at the facility known to diehards as Sears Point. While we don't have the purse totals for the race in Sonoma, we do know that the winner of the Mini-Grand Prix gets a 10-pound chocolate bar from confectioner Ghirardelli. No word whether Detectives Stone and Keller will be in attendance.

IRL Cars take to the San Francisco streets in Chocolate Mini-Grand Prix [WhoWon?]