"In the spirit of violating the spirit of the Concours d'ignorance, I would like to roll up in a magnificent Cumberford Martinique. Mahogany body, BMW engine, Citroën suspension, cocaine styling."

This aluminum and wooden bodied mongrel features a whole lot of parts from a whole lot of folks. While the chassis is all Cumberford, the engine is sourced from BMW, while a Citroen CX contributes the suspension and steering components. This baby is sourced from a little bit of everywhere. Considering the crazy progeny of components, we're shocked it's a functioning automobile, but we found reports of pretty decent reliability (those reports may be highly overstated). So, what do you think; greatest potential for Jalopnik staff car, or potential hell-on-wheels? [Sourcing: here, here, and here]

You've got your Simcas and your Peugeots, your Renaults and even your Matras... but when you're talking serious French Project Car Hell, you're talking Citröen. When you're Citröen shopping in North America, you need to ask yourself: Do I want a car that was imported by Citröen, or do I want a crazy gray-market car with zero parts availability and questionable street-legality? Do I even need to answer that question? What any Project Car Hell masochist aficionado worth his or her salt yearns for is a nice long-wheelbase Citröen CX, suitable for use as a chauffeur-driven limousine. Better run to your bank for $8,500 in cash and catch the next flight to Denver, because we've found this '87 Citröen CX2500 Prestige (go here if the ad disappears) for you. Gadzooks! I know you're still staggering back from the magnitude of this find, so you'd better grab onto something solid before you read this statement from the seller: "This stealth body design is virtually invisible to radar." Yes, it's a stealth Citröen! No word about the running condition, other than the tiny fly-in-ointment of "Unresolved intermittent ignition circuit problem." Hey, that won't be hard to fix, right? Walk in the park, Billy! Thanks to Davey G for the tip!

We love that CX Prestige, of course, but doesn't the truer, more pure Hell come from a German car? Built with relentlessly excellent engineering and quality control, a Mercedes-Benz gives you no excuses for not finishing the project... which means you'll have the character-building experience of weeping hopelessly over a nightmare of unobtainable parts and maddeningly complicated leading-edge technology, while all your friends think you're just inept. And how about a Mercedes-Benz Ponton? They built 'em in huge quantities, and most of the W121s are still around... easy, right? Then you should have no problem getting this 1960 Mercedes-Benz 190 station wagon back in top shape, ja? The asking price is a bit higher than that of the Citröen, sure, and it's been sitting for a seal-shrinking, fuel-system-corroding, upholstery-ossifying 15 years, but don't let that scare you. Only 65,000 miles on the clock! One owner for the last 25 years! No mention of rust, but such mention really isn't necessary when you're talking about a 48-year-old New York car. We're sure body parts will be no sweat to obtain, and you'll be able to put off a complete fuel system rebuild during the weeks decades you spend trying to find correct 190 wagon interior parts. Thanks to Teargas for the tip- and that reminds me: those of you who have sent me tips used in two separate PCH episodes need to remind me when you've earned the PCH Tipster T-shirt.

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

Citroen CX extended, extra axle, cargo box on back. It's one monster that I covet.
The Yellow CitroCab is a CX as well, with custom interior by its owner. How can you not love a car that can hold 4 people and all their camping gear for 2 weeks - and a 4-banger to boot!

You can see VWMiniSpeedster's complete set of photos here. Here's what he has to say about his family's ancestral shop:
May 1, 1918 "Manny & Hanzel" @ 20th & Broadway started by my great-grandfather Sigmund Hanzel
1926 Manny & Hanzel sever ties and now its just my great-grandfather running the show - location @ Broadway & McArthur Freeway
Moved to 23rd & Valdez sometime between '26 and '46.
May 1, 1946 - present - current location @ 456 23rd Street. Grandfather Ed Hanzel had the building at the current location constructed. Within the body shop he had his side lines of HanzLift (tow truck fabrication), Hanzel Air Conditioning and Hanzel Battery. His 1952 Ford F-3 tow truck is still in use today.
1955 - 1959 "Hanzel Motors" was established as well. The wide range of "big sellers": Citroen, Panhard, Morgan and Lloyd. The location is where the current Kia dealership is at on Broadway across from the VW dealership.
Current owner Henry Hanzel took over ownership on June 1, 1984 and has continued the Hanzel legacy to the present day. Henry's daily driver is a 1972 Citroen DS21 wagon with Citromatic shifting and 290,000 miles. When the wagon is presenting troubles he has a spare daily driver in the form of a 1970 DS21 Sedan with a manual 4 speed. This PLUSH ride has also seen thousands of miles, 280,000 to be precise; some in the form of SCCA rallies in the 1970's. Henry drove to the race, raced, often didn't finish last, and drove home with the AC still blowing cool air after an exciting weekend.

Not only that, he's got a nice solid Volvo 740 sedan that's just begging to be made into a 24 Hours of LeMons car. Don't be put off by the $500 price, because I've already learned that Volvo parts are easy to sell!

Maybe the first thing you should consider for a potential Project Car Hell candidate is its HJIYC score. Weighing in with a respectable 120 points is this '81 Citröen CX Pallas diesel (go here if the ad disappears), suggested by none other than the Loverman himself and available for just 6,000 frogskins. It would have had more points, only the latitudinally mounted "Euro-trash diesel" cost it 30 points. But don't worry about that; since you'll likely be the owner of the only Citröen diesel in your time zone, the Hell-O-Meter is going to be registering in the red part of the gauge for you... which means you get a bonus 250 Jalopnik Special Hell Project Dispensation Points. The seller of this car claims that everything works but the AC, and that all it needs is some "cosmetic tlc." We know better, of course- this car will have you looking to bust a Dien Bien Phu on France the very first time you pop the hood and stare in bewilderment at the (broken) alien devices lurking there. We recommend converting it to run on straight vegetable oil- hey, it worked for the Canola Rollaz at the 24 Hours of LeMons!

That Pallas is pretty damn cool, all right, but without the 250 bonus points it's still a 120-point car on the HJIYC scale. How would you like to scorch the very flesh off your bones with a genuine, on-its-own-merits 245-pointer? Step right up, my friends, and take a gander at this '78 Lotus Éclat with V8 transplant (go here if the ad disappears)! It's got a Buick (aka Rover) 215 V8 with Edelbrock carb, new exhaust, and other goodies (including a "new interior," though that may actually mean "new to this car"). The engine has been "recently" rebuilt (which reminds me about the time when Zhou Enlai was asked what he thought was the significance of the French Revolution and he responded "It's too early to tell"), and the seller gets an Understatement of the Week Award for his statement "This car requires some small fixes (its a 30 year old british car)." But just think about how much fun this thing would be if you could banish the Prince of Darkness long enough to make it past the end of your driveway (and how much more fun it would be with a big blower sticking out of the hood)! Thanks (and a half-credit towards a Project Car Hell Tipster T-shirt) to BrandonValentine for the tip.

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

Press Release:

Mitsubishi Motors lineup at 2007 Frankfurt Motor Show

Mitsubishi Concept-cX
New European Lancer sedan

Tokyo, August 29, 2007 — Mitsubishi Motors Corporation and its European unit Mitsubishi Motors Europe B.V. will unveil the European market version of the new Lancer sports sedan at the 62nd Internationale Automobil Ausstellung (IAA; commonly known as the Frankfurt Motor Show). In addition to the Lancer, the Mitsubishi innovative Electric Vehicle (i MiEV*1) will be shown to the European public for the first time (press day only) and the MITSUBISHI Concept-cX*2 compact SUV will have its global unveiling. In total, 19 models (17 during press pre-viewing) will be on display. Held at the Frankfurt Messe Complex, the 2007 Frankfurt Motor Show will be open to the public from September 15 through 23, with press and media pre-viewing September 11 through 14.

The new Lancer sedan has already been launched in North America, Russia and Japan (Japan-market name: Galant Fortis) and has been well-received as a "global standard sporty sedan" that achieves the optimum balance between quality of ride, road performance, safety, environmental and comfort performance.

To meet European market requirements, three engines are available in the new Lancer: a new 1.8-liter DOHC MIVEC with aluminum cylinder block [max. output 105 kW (143 PS)]; a 2-liter turbocharged diesel [103 kW (140 PS)]; and a 1.5-liter DOHC MIVEC [80 kW (109PS)] unit.

The MITSUBISHI Concept-cX is a new-generation compact SUV that realizes the ideal balance between environmental and everyday practical performance. The concept car is powered by a new Euro 5 compliant high-output, high-efficiency 1.8-liter clean diesel engine mated to Mitsubishi's new Twin Clutch SST (Sport Shift Transmission) that delivers superior power transmission efficiency. This powertrain delivers zippy performance with excellent fuel economy and low emissions. Among the number of new environmental technologies applied in the Concept-cX is the extensive use of interior trim materials made from Mitsubishi's own Green Plastic — made from bamboo and other plant-based resins — part of an effort to stop global warming and slow the depletion of oil reserves.

The Mitsubishi Motors Frankfurt Motor Show press briefing is scheduled to start at 10 am on Tuesday September 11 and will be held at the company's stand.

*1 i-EV in Germany-market
*2 cX: compact crossover

1. New European Lancer sedan product features
- The packaging realizes generous living space with a body that is wider and taller but only slightly longer than the current model. The wider track realizes better stability.
- The exterior design creates a body with vibrant looks and a strong road presence using proportions comprising a large cabin wrapped in sporty, wide-stance styling and by combining the Mitsubishi Motors hallmark inverted-slant nose with a trapezoidal grille. The new Lancer is the first model to employ the new design identity that will mark Mitsubishi Motors sedans to be introduced in future.
- The following powertrain configurations are available: A new 1.8-liter DOHC MIVEC engine with aluminum cylinder block [max. output 105 kW (143 PS)] mated to either the INVECS-III 6-speed Sport Mode CVT or a 5-speed manual transmission; a 2-liter turbocharged diesel engine [103 kW (140 PS)] mated to a 6-speed manual transmission; and a 1.5-liter DOHC MIVEC engine [80 kW (109PS)] mated to a 4-speed manual or a 5-speed automatic transmission. All the powertrains deliver responsive power and excellent environmental performance. The high-rigidity platform, used on the Outlander and Delica D:5*3, delivers outstanding crashworthiness; a revamped suspension underpins and supports high levels of handling and response together with safety performance.
- Features enhancing passive and impact safety include: SRS airbags (driver and front passenger airbags, driver knee airbag, side and curtain airbags); adaptive front lighting (AFS) that improves the driver's field of vision at night; and rain-sensitive auto wipers.
- The European Lancer's utility and convenience specification includes a Rockford Fosgate premium sound system, giving superior sound reproduction, as well as with paddle shifters that allow the driver to change gear without taking his hand off the steering wheel. Standard on all models is Mitsubishi Motors Cocochi interior that includes a pollen-removing air filter in its occupant-friendly specification.

*3 Only available in Japan

2. MITSUBISHI Concept-cX product features
- The MITSUBISHI Concept-cX is a compact car that creates a new SUV/sports hatchback crossover category; a crossover that stirs a sense of adventure to "cut a swathe" through the hustle and bustle of urban life. The design gives the exterior a purposeful and functional form using a dynamic wedge shape and large tires. The front visage combines the inverted-slant nose with trapezoidal grille that defines the new Mitsubishi Motors design identity and tailors this to the car's crossover pedigree to project an appearance that is aggressive and powerful. The interior uses a modern and sporty design that engenders a sense of expectation about the car's performance and melds this with a high level of comfort. By visually accenting the strength of the underlying frame structure and through the contrasting use of soft padding, the design creates an interior space that wraps its occupants in a protective and comfortable cocoon.
- The concept car uses a new high-output, high-efficiency 1.8-liter clean diesel engine, featuring a variable geometry (VG) turbocharger for optimum boost control and a diesel oxidation catalyst (DOC) with diesel particulate filter (DPF) in the exhaust system for compliance with Europe's Euro 5 emission standards. The power unit is mated to Mitsubishi's new Twin Clutch SST (Sport Shift Transmission) which delivers superior power transmission efficiency in a powertrain that realizes zippy performance with excellent fuel economy and low emissions.
- MITSUBISHI Concept-cX employs interior trim materials made from Mitsubishi's own Green Plastic — made from plant-based resins — in a step to stop global warming and slow the depletion of oil reserves.
- In its packaging MITSUBISHI Concept-cX 's 4100 mm compact body makes for easy maneuverability around town and the high driving position improves visibility and brings the easy drivability expected of a SUV. Utility is enhanced with the split tailgate already well received on the Outlander for the way it facilitates loading and unloading of luggage. In the performance department, Concept-cX also uses Mitsubishi's electronically-controlled 4WD system and large 225/45R19 tires to deliver outstanding handling performance and stability both on tarmac and off-road.

Let us face it, the Dutch are strange, and DAF was a strange and wonderful automaker who embraced that tradition of quirky oddness. But the French? The French are flat-out weird. Plus, they're aggressive and arrogant, while the Dutch tend to be pleasant and friendly. René Magritte was Belgian, which may explain the insanity of his art, sandwiched as he was between these two nations who, by their very nature, have produced some of the most surreally awesome cars ever to take to the road. But did DAF ever have an ad where Grace Jones drove a car out of her own mouth? We think not. Sorry, Loverman. – Davey G. Johnson

Related:
Want to Know What Los Jalops Actually Talk About?; DAF vs. FAF [Internal]