We didn't actually know Portland, Maine had crime or even roads, we always just assumed it was an idyllic beach town where Bostonians drove for long weekends to eat big lobsters. Apparently it's actually Maine's largest city and the location of a seriously impressive crime spree straight out of Grand Theft Auto. Thomas Cassidy, 19, apparently went off the deep end and randomly began burgling and vandalizing and then starting cars on fire. He managed to get through ten cars in a little over two hours before police caught up to him by accident while canvasing for witnesses.

Veteran firefighters couldn't believe the speed with which Cassidy was able to start the blazes — faster than they were able to respond and put them out. The Portland Press Herald has a Google maps overlay of the path of destruction and the in-depth story, but we were shocked to find nary a reference to violent video games leading to the fall of western society. Hey, just as a word of caution, El-Wert-o may want to stay away from purple Jeep Cherokees in the Portland Maine area. photo credit to the Gregory Rec/Portland Press Herald

Normal granddads sit on porches in their boxers and yell at little kids to get off their lawn, they don't, as a rule, rob banks in Palo Alto, Calif. Although, this is exactly what happened earlier this week at a Wachovia bank. A man described as between 65 and 70 and bearded rolled into the bank in his electric wheelchair and proceeded to rob the place at gunpoint. He then rolled out the door and got away scot-free. He may have rolled into a wheelchair van for his ultimate getaway, but we like to think gramps managed to succeed in the slowest escape ever. [NBC11]
photo credit to StreerodStuff

The Pederson family may have taken inspiration from the case of the 8-fingered Skyline thief, and have turned to the web to try to recover a stolen 1959 Corvette once owned by their late uncle. After saving his whole life and finally purchasing the red and white 'Vette, the uncle discovered he had cancer and died in late 2007. Only two months later the car was swiped from its Ronkonkoma, NY garage and hasn't been seen since. A VIN search turns up registration in Florida, but you know how accurate those thing can be these days. So, just in case you're in the market for vintage Corvettes (Junkman, we're looking right at you) keep your eyes peeled for a car with the following description:

1959 Corvette Roadster. Red with White Coves, Red interior and a white hard top. The Corvette is an automatic with spinner wheels and white wall tires. VIN J59S100698.

We'll pass on any leads we get, and hopefully this comes out with a Law & Order-style happy ending. Someone cue Fred Thompson. [Hemmings]

There's a certain unbelievability to this story out of the city of angels. In 1970, Eugene Brakke had his shiny gold '65 Ford Mustang stolen from him. He reported the theft, but nothing came about for another 38 years. Sure he could have used the Lost Car Registry, but that takes two to tango. Little did Brakke know, but the car had been sold through a (crooked) dealer to the father of Judy Smongesky, who gave it to her as a high school graduation present. Judy has held onto and maintained the car all these years, even having two engine rebuilds and a paint job done. It wasn't until she tried to sell the car that the red flags went up.

Police notified her of the car's stolen status and put her in contact with Eugene. Happy ending: The car will be returning to the original owner in a different color with an extra 300,000 miles on it. But its heading home. Though, at this point, "home" is a relative term, since Judy owned the car for 38 years and Eugene had it only four. [Local6 News]

One upping the shenanigans of Unique Performance, a group of fine Italian coach builders has been caught by the police after attempting to forge supercars - badly. Seems these upstanding fellows thought slapping some kit car bodies onto the delightful chassis of GM's famed Fiero was a great idea, then the plan was to pass them off as one of Italy's most famous exports. We're not convinced, we're barely even holding in the laughter. The best is the buff mag on the work bench being used for inspiration. The Wall Street Journal article about this story seems to have only gotten the story partly right (typical).

In addition to the forged Ferraris they report on, we spy with our little eyes a fake Lamborghini Diablo in the mix as well. Suppose they just missed that one, or is the Ferrari angle just sexier? Somehow all of this reminds us that Car und Driver's Mike Austin still has a Fiero left over from LeMons in his garage. Or maybe it belongs to Phil Floraday of Winding Road - can't quite keep that straight. We're thinking those guys have to be involved in this somehow.

Brandy Hicks is a young lady of many talents, stripping being one of them, lying to the cops being another. Seems she didn't want the party to end after her shift at Orlando's Dancers Royale on Monday, and danced the night away, with booze. Waking up in the morning she was confronted with a problem, seems the 27-year-old has a father who kept his daughter on a strict curfew, and he would be none too happy his little darlin' had missed it. So she did what something that probably sounded brilliant at the time - lied.

Miss Brandy (or Bambi, Honey, Candi, Porsche, whatever her name is) concocted a story which placed her at the center of a car jacking where a man approached her car at an intersection and whacked her over the head. She of course blacked out and woke up six hours later in the woods, missing her purse and her car. Police, being the nosy types that they are, started investigating and found Hicks' awesome Geo Storm that anybody would die to car jack only a few blocks away from the scene of the 'crime' (stumbling distance wethinks). This is when it all fell apart and Brandy admitted to the whole half-assed attempt at getting out of trouble. She was released but still may be charged with being a pain in the ass making a false report, she's definitely being fined $600 for wasting Police time.[wftv.com]

We don't know what kind of car 17-year-old David Leib used to recreate a police cruiser, but the safe bet is on a Crown Vic. We also don't know what the young lad was thinking when he decided to turn on the cherries and attempt his first traffic stop outside of Moline, Illinois. We do know the off duty police deputy he was attempting to pull over found it a little off and dialed the real cops to check things out. Needless to say, things ended with David in cuffs himself. This could have been the dumbest thing this chap had ever done, but if he was enterprising enough to build the replica without his parents putting the smack down, it's a safe bet he was a sneaky little bastard to begin with.

Whatever the intent was, he's certainly going to be dealing with the ramifications now. Leib will be facing two felonies in grown up Illinois court for his foolishness - Impersonating an officer, and having red, white and blue oscillating lights on his private use vehicle. We can think of at least a dozen things we were far more interested in when 17, and none of them involved being a fake police officer. [via QCTimes]

Remember when we told you how Tomas Delgado was suing the parents of the boy he struck and killed to recoup bodyshop money? Well it seems the Spanish people got a little miffed by what would have to be considered one of the most ill-conceived legal actions in Iberian history. Local outrage has pressured Delgado-the-sleazy D-bag into withdrawing the suit. Hundreds of protesters gathered outside the courthouse and the pending lynch mob convinced Delgado and his lawyer that continued litigation would be a bad idea. The latest coverage also brings to light additional details that make the case both more appalling, and more bizarre.

This article on CNN delivers some info we weren't aware of. First and foremost, the accident occurred in August 2004 - over 3 years ago. What kind of man circles back to such a tragic incident and not only forces the family to relive it but brings a lawyer to the party as well? A sleazy d-bag, that's what kind of man. Also, we discover that the victim, young Enaitz Iriondo Trinidad, was on vacation, biking back to the campground where he was staying, when he was struck by Delgado and dragged for 347 feet. Grisly. We also find out the police estimated that Delgado was traveling 107 mph in a 55mph zone, higher then reported before. Of course, Delgado may regret that he stirred up a hornets nest with his latest maneuver. Antonio Iriondo, Enaitz's father, has announced that he may pursue criminal charges in the case. That's right, Delgado killed a kid while speeding and didn't even have to face jail time.

Sometimes it's so easy to be proud of your fellow statesmen. Let's say you live in Adrian, Michigan, your wife has taken the car, you have run out of wine, and there's a snowstorm raging outside. What would you do? If you were Frank Kozumplik, you would hop on your John Deere lawn mower and drive down the middle of the street to the liquor store to get some more. Police arrested Mr. Kozumplik after catching up to him as he made his way home with four more bottles and a 0.20 BAC. The coppers seized the mower and released Mr. Kozumplik to his home, where he likely finished his bottles and made another attempt on a child's big wheel. [via MLive.com]

In what can only be called the worst case of AADS (Asshole Audi Driver Syndrome) ever recorded, Tomas Delgado, a Spanish businessman, is suing the family of a boy he killed while speeding in his Audi A8. The accident caused 14,000 Euros of damage to the all-aluminum luxury car, and Delgado is also looking to cover the additional 6,000 Euros in transportation costs he incurred while the Audi was in the shop. He argues that his 17-year-old victim, Enaitz Iriondo, who was wearing dark clothes while cycling at night, caused the damage while he was in the process of having his young life snuffed out by Delgago's hurtling death chariot. Quoting Mr. Delgado—and please restrain your urge to vomit here: "I'm also a victim in all of this, you can't fix the lad's problems, but you can fix mine." His lawyer, Beelzebub, Esq., offered no comment on the case, which will see an expected verdict on January 30 and perhaps witness the Earth open up to swallow Delgado whole. [via The Mail]