Michel Foucault's Discipline & Punishment focuses on the transition into the modern system of punishment, away from public embarrassment into a gentler and more measured approach. We Americans welcome Canada into the league of nations going the other direction. Speeders in Oshawa, Ontario are now being given the choice between getting a speeding ticket or having to sit through a poorly-written essay on speeding from a teenager. One driver broke down crying after having a teenager exclaim she was now dead because the driver chose to speed, though we're not sure if the crying was due to the emotional impact of the text or the labored rhetorical strategies most teens employ. Nevertheless, we think this is a great strategy as there's no one more self righteous than a teenage girl on a power trip.

Seriously, what's a better deterrent than that? Though we joke, the stern talking to happens at an intersection with numerous collisions within a kilometer of about 3,500 school children. Their best quarry so far has been an embarrassed and horrified vice-principal from another school. Finally, someone has managed to harness the awesome power that is a teenager's inability to shut up for more than four seconds. (h/t PhkMark) [Toronto Star]

Justin D. Grill, 19, was just minding his own business, taking his '87 Crown Vic out for a little spin in Chippewa Falls. Oh sure, he had a sandwich in one hand and a cellphone in the other (no doubt delivering one of those riveting monologues that goes like "And so I MFFGP SMOFF told that sumbitch GLOOMPH NARF GLRMPH he could kiss my SPLRMPH GRUNCH..." and makes you wonder whether the unseen spirit of Miss Manners had a hand in subsequent events) when he sideswiped an oncoming police car on a bridge, but you really couldn't say that was his fault, right? His reaction? "I'm getting a ticket? For what?" [Chippewa.com]

Today must be vigilante day at Jalopnik with fire sprees and identity theft already going on. Now, a vandal in the Santa Rose, Calif. area has a thing against people looking to get some good gas mileage as he or she has vandalized six Toyota Priuses (Priusi? Priuii?) in the same area. The reports say that five of the occurrences involved a brick, rock or hammer thrown through the window with another occurrence involving a dented fender and all are likely related. You know, if the vandal really wanted to get back at the Prius owners, he or she should just fill up the vehicles tank with gasoline. Yeah! That'll show those no-good environment lovers. [Press Democrat] (Image)

We didn't actually know Portland, Maine had crime or even roads, we always just assumed it was an idyllic beach town where Bostonians drove for long weekends to eat big lobsters. Apparently it's actually Maine's largest city and the location of a seriously impressive crime spree straight out of Grand Theft Auto. Thomas Cassidy, 19, apparently went off the deep end and randomly began burgling and vandalizing and then starting cars on fire. He managed to get through ten cars in a little over two hours before police caught up to him by accident while canvasing for witnesses.

Veteran firefighters couldn't believe the speed with which Cassidy was able to start the blazes — faster than they were able to respond and put them out. The Portland Press Herald has a Google maps overlay of the path of destruction and the in-depth story, but we were shocked to find nary a reference to violent video games leading to the fall of western society. Hey, just as a word of caution, El-Wert-o may want to stay away from purple Jeep Cherokees in the Portland Maine area. photo credit to the Gregory Rec/Portland Press Herald

Normal granddads sit on porches in their boxers and yell at little kids to get off their lawn, they don't, as a rule, rob banks in Palo Alto, Calif. Although, this is exactly what happened earlier this week at a Wachovia bank. A man described as between 65 and 70 and bearded rolled into the bank in his electric wheelchair and proceeded to rob the place at gunpoint. He then rolled out the door and got away scot-free. He may have rolled into a wheelchair van for his ultimate getaway, but we like to think gramps managed to succeed in the slowest escape ever. [NBC11]
photo credit to StreerodStuff

The Pederson family may have taken inspiration from the case of the 8-fingered Skyline thief, and have turned to the web to try to recover a stolen 1959 Corvette once owned by their late uncle. After saving his whole life and finally purchasing the red and white 'Vette, the uncle discovered he had cancer and died in late 2007. Only two months later the car was swiped from its Ronkonkoma, NY garage and hasn't been seen since. A VIN search turns up registration in Florida, but you know how accurate those thing can be these days. So, just in case you're in the market for vintage Corvettes (Junkman, we're looking right at you) keep your eyes peeled for a car with the following description:

1959 Corvette Roadster. Red with White Coves, Red interior and a white hard top. The Corvette is an automatic with spinner wheels and white wall tires. VIN J59S100698.

We'll pass on any leads we get, and hopefully this comes out with a Law & Order-style happy ending. Someone cue Fred Thompson. [Hemmings]

We've never been on the receiving end of an overly ridiculous parking ticket, but the Daily Mail rounded up 10 of the most ridiculous tickets ever issued. The fines aren't even restricted to cars, a horse was cited for standing in a no parking zone for too long. Our favorite follows the jump.

The bus stop gambit

Manchester bus driver Chris O'Mahony pulled up at a bus stop in his No 77 to let passengers on. While he was handing them their tickets, a Manchester City Council parking attendant handed him one.

Passengers looked on in disbelief as the warden joined the queue to prepare the parking ticket, deposited the £40 notice and walked off.

The driver, apparently, had parked in a restricted area. The attendant said he'd been told to issue tickets to buses that park.

We'd love to see a parking ticket on a bum sleeping in a gutter, or maybe a parking ticket on some kind of an inanimate object. We understand that meter maids have to make a living as well, but some of these are just too much. [Daily Mail]

There's a certain unbelievability to this story out of the city of angels. In 1970, Eugene Brakke had his shiny gold '65 Ford Mustang stolen from him. He reported the theft, but nothing came about for another 38 years. Sure he could have used the Lost Car Registry, but that takes two to tango. Little did Brakke know, but the car had been sold through a (crooked) dealer to the father of Judy Smongesky, who gave it to her as a high school graduation present. Judy has held onto and maintained the car all these years, even having two engine rebuilds and a paint job done. It wasn't until she tried to sell the car that the red flags went up.

Police notified her of the car's stolen status and put her in contact with Eugene. Happy ending: The car will be returning to the original owner in a different color with an extra 300,000 miles on it. But its heading home. Though, at this point, "home" is a relative term, since Judy owned the car for 38 years and Eugene had it only four. [Local6 News]

The age of high speed police chases may be coming to an end as the coppers are cutting out the middlemen and deciding to just pick up the criminals in their supposed getaway vehicles. This was the case when two teenagers robbed a store in Ontario. Little did they know that their getaway vehicle was being driven by police officers taking the two directly to jail. Then again, the getaway vehicle was a taxi cab and the police were tipped off by the cab company after the two kids, out of breath, called for a cab in an area that police knew a robbery would be taking place.

These kids aren't the brightest by leaking information that they would be robbing the store prior to the robbery AND calling a cab to getaway. Maybe they got the idea from watching the movie Taxi, and if so, they should be in jail just for that. [Reuters]

Even though drivers who do Wrong Things as a result of distraction caused by cellphones, radio adjustment, or 8-hose hookahs get no mercy from John Law, Justin Vonkummer figures he has an airtight excuse for speeding through Salisbury, Connecticut, in his '93 BMW: he was dunking an Oreo in a cup of milk while driving and dropped the cookie. If this one works, look for the Oreo Defense to become a national phenomenon. [KMEG News]

One upping the shenanigans of Unique Performance, a group of fine Italian coach builders has been caught by the police after attempting to forge supercars - badly. Seems these upstanding fellows thought slapping some kit car bodies onto the delightful chassis of GM's famed Fiero was a great idea, then the plan was to pass them off as one of Italy's most famous exports. We're not convinced, we're barely even holding in the laughter. The best is the buff mag on the work bench being used for inspiration. The Wall Street Journal article about this story seems to have only gotten the story partly right (typical).

In addition to the forged Ferraris they report on, we spy with our little eyes a fake Lamborghini Diablo in the mix as well. Suppose they just missed that one, or is the Ferrari angle just sexier? Somehow all of this reminds us that Car und Driver's Mike Austin still has a Fiero left over from LeMons in his garage. Or maybe it belongs to Phil Floraday of Winding Road - can't quite keep that straight. We're thinking those guys have to be involved in this somehow.

A police officer in Warren, Michigan has gotten himself caught in the crosshairs of the local television investigators for reaping $21,562 in overtime, partially due to the court time he had to put in for the 2,400 tickets he wrote. According to the investigators, Officer David Kanapsky spends a lot of time in court due to tickets he he writes that are contested, especially related to a certain stop sign the city has now replaced with a yield sign. The implication is that he's writing the tickets in order to get the overtime so that he can boost his salary above $80,000.

Of course, like all similar television news investigations there's no hard proof that he's doing this on purpose. It didn't help his case that he refused to comment on the record, but we've driven in Michigan and it wouldn't surprise us if there were 2,400 people worthy of getting ticketed. What do you all think?
[WXYZ via Motive Mag Forums]

Brandy Hicks is a young lady of many talents, stripping being one of them, lying to the cops being another. Seems she didn't want the party to end after her shift at Orlando's Dancers Royale on Monday, and danced the night away, with booze. Waking up in the morning she was confronted with a problem, seems the 27-year-old has a father who kept his daughter on a strict curfew, and he would be none too happy his little darlin' had missed it. So she did what something that probably sounded brilliant at the time - lied.

Miss Brandy (or Bambi, Honey, Candi, Porsche, whatever her name is) concocted a story which placed her at the center of a car jacking where a man approached her car at an intersection and whacked her over the head. She of course blacked out and woke up six hours later in the woods, missing her purse and her car. Police, being the nosy types that they are, started investigating and found Hicks' awesome Geo Storm that anybody would die to car jack only a few blocks away from the scene of the 'crime' (stumbling distance wethinks). This is when it all fell apart and Brandy admitted to the whole half-assed attempt at getting out of trouble. She was released but still may be charged with being a pain in the ass making a false report, she's definitely being fined $600 for wasting Police time.[wftv.com]

Just when we thought there would be a break from the Unique Performance Saga, we get word that things were even more rotten in the city of Farmers Branch. First, an investigation by CBS11-TV has turned up solid evidence that unskilled Texas prisoners were used to do the bodywork on the replica "Eleanor" Mustangs, including removing the VIN plates (which is illegal). Second, the poorly built cars cost upwards of $200,000 yet were built using approximately 13 gallons of Bondo each. Third, the U.S. Secret Service and Texas Department of Public Safety (state police) have launched investigations. Fourth, this may impact the way the prison system work program is implemented. Finally, according to authorities charges are imminent (probably fraud and title-washing to start). More pictures from the evidence locker (everything comes from Taiwan), a statement from Unique Performance owner Doug Hasty's lawyer and a quick primer for those that haven't been following the case below the jump.

History

After the success of Gone In 60 Seconds, Unique Performance with the blessing of Carroll Shelby started building "Eleanor" replicas. Turns out that most of those replicas may have been built with salvage or otherwise questionably titled Mustangs and, despite taking huge deposits, weren't being delivered. After being raided by police and shut down, the company filed for bankruptcy and refused to pay Unique Performance employees. That's where we stood before these latest revelations.

Statement From Doug Hasty's Lawyer

Every customer that has received a car has ultimately been satisfied with the quality of the car they received. Farmers Branch Police are continuing their witch hunt. They continue to leak false accusations to the press knowing that we have not had an opportunity to have access to the cars to rebut their claims. There were no title issues or criminal problems with the titles and no one has been defrauded. We are eager to address these cases in a court of law, on the record, where people will have to be responsible for their conduct. And I'm referring specifically to the Farmers Branch Police Department.

That's the information we have to date.

Special thanks to 67Mustangblog for following the story so closely. [All information via CBS-11 TV]

Leave it to a mechanic named Wang to think of using parts from a public toilet to improve his Mercedes-Benz. Mr. Wang was planing to increase the performance of said car by ripping the heat sensor out of a public toilet and attaching it to the engine. He might have gotten away with it, too, had it not been for the fact that someone caught him breaking into the bathroom where he planned to steal the sensors (we guess he's pouring all of his money into the car). Just to be safe, Taiwanese Mercedes-Benz dealership made a public statement where they declared that their cars cannot be tweaked with potty parts.

Specifically, they said:

"The probability of successfully using a sensor from a public toilet to replace special factory-made sensors was and remains zero.

In addition to not working, the mechanics believe it could also create engine problems that could lead to a fire or explosion. Clearly, this young man has piss-poor judgement. When he does get out of jail, we have some parts he may be interested in. [The Telegraph]

Residents of Bridgeport, Michigan, recently got an unusual response when they called the local state police post. Instead of getting an answer from a dispatcher, callers heard a recorded message prompting residents to "Indulge yourself with the most exciting conversation imaginable," followed by the number for a phone sex line. Unless you're suffering from priapism, a phone sex line isn't exactly what you want to hear in an emergency. The phones have been fixed, but the state police have had to admit that the illicit prompt wasn't the fault of the phone company.

According to Sergeant Alan Renz, this is an "internal issue that has nothing to do with the phone company." Oops. An investigation is under way to determine why someone working at the police post decided to route calls to the hottest singles in the Bridgeport area. (Thanks to DIW for the tip) [AP via WXYZ-TV]

(photo: the-op.com)

Yesterday, while I was slaving working at the salt mine day job, a junk fax came in to inform me and my fellow miners coworkers of an offer of a "Valentine's Day Romantic Getaway Vacation" at a freeway motel on the outskirts of Modesto. For $99, we learned, you could take that special someone to a nicotine-yellowed room that had no doubt housed a bubbling red-phosphorus-heavy meth lab the week before and experience exquisite romance to the soundtrack of Jake Brakes on Highway 99 right outside the window. As part of the deal, you'd get "complimentary pink M&Ms and rose petals," you know, to get ol' Cupid all geared up to make with the bow-and-arrow business.

So that's Valentine's Day in the Valley. Of course, we shouldn't stereotype California's Central Valley too heavily here; after all, Merle Haggard, George Lucas, and Joan Didion (to name a few) hail from Central Valley cities. Not only that, the Central Valley feeds the a good chunk of the world with its staggering output of produce. So keep that in mind when you read this Valentine's Day tale of true love and possible redemption in Sacramento. And, yes, we know it might be a hoax, but let's all just suspend our disbelief, as we so often must with matters of the heart. Thanks to tipster king LTDScott for the tip! [Craigslist Sacramento (go here if ad disappears)]

Ah, San Francisco, the city where little cable cars climb halfway to the stars... unless they get towed away and auctioned off, of course. The story of the stolen car that racked up 29 parking tickets, yet couldn't be found by police was bad enough, but now a new nadir has been reached. In this case, a missing-person report led to police with cadaver dogs impounding a van that the dogs found very interesting. Then the van sat in a no-doubt-incredibly-crowded impound yard... for a week. Meanwhile, the van owners- perhaps realizing that someone might put two and two together- had time to split town before someone thought to check inside the van. Paging Inspector Callahan! [San Francisco Chronicle]

We don't know what kind of car 17-year-old David Leib used to recreate a police cruiser, but the safe bet is on a Crown Vic. We also don't know what the young lad was thinking when he decided to turn on the cherries and attempt his first traffic stop outside of Moline, Illinois. We do know the off duty police deputy he was attempting to pull over found it a little off and dialed the real cops to check things out. Needless to say, things ended with David in cuffs himself. This could have been the dumbest thing this chap had ever done, but if he was enterprising enough to build the replica without his parents putting the smack down, it's a safe bet he was a sneaky little bastard to begin with.

Whatever the intent was, he's certainly going to be dealing with the ramifications now. Leib will be facing two felonies in grown up Illinois court for his foolishness - Impersonating an officer, and having red, white and blue oscillating lights on his private use vehicle. We can think of at least a dozen things we were far more interested in when 17, and none of them involved being a fake police officer. [via QCTimes]

Floridian Tina Williams had had "a few" drinks, lacked a driver's license, and was seen running a red light and swerving across traffic lanes; she played the "I was running out of gas" attempt-to-get-out-of-DUI card with the arresting officer, with predictable lack of success. So far we're not even talking local news story here, but there's more. What catapulted Ms. Williams into the spotlight for her 15 minutes of unwanted fame was the fact that her 1-year-old was roaming around loose in the back seat, yet a case of Busch was safely buckled up in the shotgun position. You know, priorities! [Smoking Gun]

Remember when we told you how Tomas Delgado was suing the parents of the boy he struck and killed to recoup bodyshop money? Well it seems the Spanish people got a little miffed by what would have to be considered one of the most ill-conceived legal actions in Iberian history. Local outrage has pressured Delgado-the-sleazy D-bag into withdrawing the suit. Hundreds of protesters gathered outside the courthouse and the pending lynch mob convinced Delgado and his lawyer that continued litigation would be a bad idea. The latest coverage also brings to light additional details that make the case both more appalling, and more bizarre.

This article on CNN delivers some info we weren't aware of. First and foremost, the accident occurred in August 2004 - over 3 years ago. What kind of man circles back to such a tragic incident and not only forces the family to relive it but brings a lawyer to the party as well? A sleazy d-bag, that's what kind of man. Also, we discover that the victim, young Enaitz Iriondo Trinidad, was on vacation, biking back to the campground where he was staying, when he was struck by Delgado and dragged for 347 feet. Grisly. We also find out the police estimated that Delgado was traveling 107 mph in a 55mph zone, higher then reported before. Of course, Delgado may regret that he stirred up a hornets nest with his latest maneuver. Antonio Iriondo, Enaitz's father, has announced that he may pursue criminal charges in the case. That's right, Delgado killed a kid while speeding and didn't even have to face jail time.

Sometimes it's so easy to be proud of your fellow statesmen. Let's say you live in Adrian, Michigan, your wife has taken the car, you have run out of wine, and there's a snowstorm raging outside. What would you do? If you were Frank Kozumplik, you would hop on your John Deere lawn mower and drive down the middle of the street to the liquor store to get some more. Police arrested Mr. Kozumplik after catching up to him as he made his way home with four more bottles and a 0.20 BAC. The coppers seized the mower and released Mr. Kozumplik to his home, where he likely finished his bottles and made another attempt on a child's big wheel. [via MLive.com]

LOL UR CAR IZ GONE is what Cistrak will be saying when your car is stolen. Cistrak is a small, boxy device that allows for a car to easily be tracked by utilizing text-messaging technologies. Of course, it could also be used by overprotected parents fearful that their kids are hooning it up all over the state. Luckily for everyone involved, the device is fairly simple to use.

Once your car is stolen, or you feel the need to find out where it is, you call the Citrak. It has a designated number. Once called, the Cistrak will immediately send a text message back to the called number with the exact location of the vehicle, including the postal code of the area it's in. Also available is an online service that allows over-protective parents or paranoid car-owners to set a vehicle safety zone. If the car ever exists safety mode, the Cistrak will start firing off alerts and text messages to mom and pops, or to obsessive owners.

Cistrak isn't cheap, at nearly $600. It also requires an annual service fee of $120, after the first year, which the manufacturer throws in for free. [Cistrak via Tech Digest]

Stories like this one make us wish we could write like Kevin Hoover of the Arcata Eye (Warning: Do not click on that link if you need to get anything done during the next several hours!). Basically, what we got here is a pair of Idaho brothers straight out of Northwest Hoon Central Casting, right down to the red flannel shirts, pickup truck, and scrungy facial hair. John and Robert Rasho were minding their own business on a street in Kuna, Idaho, just spinning some donuts in their truck, not bothering nobody, when some killjoy neighbor came out and asked them to, like, knock it off. Next thing you know, you got one hospitalized killjoy, one impounded pickup, and two hoons in jail. (Hat tip to LTDScott!) [KTVB]

In what can only be called the worst case of AADS (Asshole Audi Driver Syndrome) ever recorded, Tomas Delgado, a Spanish businessman, is suing the family of a boy he killed while speeding in his Audi A8. The accident caused 14,000 Euros of damage to the all-aluminum luxury car, and Delgado is also looking to cover the additional 6,000 Euros in transportation costs he incurred while the Audi was in the shop. He argues that his 17-year-old victim, Enaitz Iriondo, who was wearing dark clothes while cycling at night, caused the damage while he was in the process of having his young life snuffed out by Delgago's hurtling death chariot. Quoting Mr. Delgado—and please restrain your urge to vomit here: "I'm also a victim in all of this, you can't fix the lad's problems, but you can fix mine." His lawyer, Beelzebub, Esq., offered no comment on the case, which will see an expected verdict on January 30 and perhaps witness the Earth open up to swallow Delgado whole. [via The Mail]

In the spirit of them Duke boys, a renegade in Ronkonkoma, NY made off with a 1969 Dodge Charger General Lee replica (complete with Confederate battle flag and everything). The car was reported stolen at about 10:00 pm yesterday and was found abandoned at around 7:00 am the next day. We have a couple of theories about what happened. Either the person stole the car expecting to go for a big of a joy ride and then dump the General before getting popped, or they realized that even Rosco P. Coltrane could find a bright orange Charger in Ronkonkoma and quickly abandoned the vehicle. Either way, looks like these good ole' boys have gotten away so far. [Newsday]

We've all thought about it. Why don't those armored truck drivers just take the money and run? Well, turns out sometimes they do. USAToday, being leaders in infographics as opposed to actual coverage, has few details regarding James Parker's robbery of his Brinks truck. Seems the Gainsville, Florida man simply left his partner holding the bag (literally) at a pickup point, cleaned out a couple hundred thousand smackers, then left the truck back at the Brinks parking lot, still running. Ballsy. We can't seem to find anything indicating he's been captured, so if you're in the Gainsville area, be on the lookout for a man with bags full of cash and a smug look on his face.

It's one thing when roads explode, it's an entirely different situation when a bridge disappears. Say what? The lone bridge route across a river to a Russian heating plant disappeared overnight a couple days ago and the police are on the hunt to find the thieves. Employees were surprised to see the 200 tonne bridge in Khabarovsk had been dismantled under cover of night by enterprising (and swift) metal scrappers. Plant officials plan to replace the bridge as soon as possible, this time it will be cast in concrete. [DailyMail.co.uk]

Absentee policing is always a contentious issue. Those for it argue that red light cameras increase intersection safety and act as a deterrent to law breakers. Folks against them get the itchy, big-brother-is-watching feeling and then talk about due process. Well, that or they just blow the things to kingdom come. It seems evidence against red light cameras is mounting. The National Motorists Association, an organization dedicated to protecting the interests of motorists, has collected an international group of studies that point to an increase in accidents and accident severity as a result of the cameras.

Studies from the US, Canada, and Australia are cited and one in particular caught our attention. A study out of Ontario showed a 49.9% increase in property damage, and a 4.9% increase in fatalities after the installation of the cameras. If we were cynical, numbers like that would lead us to believe cameras are only there to collect revenue. [Motorists.org]

CNN is reporting on a story that could make any red blooded, truck driving guy feel a pang of anger. San Diego area man Richard Hoagland was sitting at home minding his own business when he heard his truck start up. Since he wasn't in his truck at the time, something was up. He rushed out to find two men attempting to steal his Dodge Ram and instead of letting them get away, he jumped into the bed and attempted to confront the scum bags. The thieves raced on for several blocks, careening across the tarmac and hitting parked cars. Unfortunately, Richard was killed when the truck crashed and he was ejected from the vehicle. One suspect was caught at the scene but the other escaped. Police are looking for tips, here's hoping they find the other slime ball and run them both up the river. [San Diego Union Tribune]

If you own a car down under worth more than $10,000 we suggest you just incase it in concrete. According to police, thieves made off with this blue Supergas class mustang race car, a 40ft white trailer, an F250 ute and some tools and spare parts. Basically, an entire racing team. This comes after not one, but two rare Falcons were stolen from garages in Australia in the last few months.

What's surprising to us, other than people think they can steal clearly marked trailers and drag race cars and somehow get away with it, is that as of now they have gotten away with it! If you're in the Brisbane area and see a trailer, or anything really, with "Guthrie Racing" on it just call the police. [The Age]

If you're going to San Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair... and some parking tickets on your windshield. And those Department of Transportation and Parking enforcers are ruthless- why, they'll tow your car faster than Inspector Callahan will put a .44 slug through a miscreant's liver if a license plate check indicates that you haven't paid your outstanding tickets. However, don't expect them to do anything if a plate check shows they've found a stolen car- that's not their problem! Michelle Vuckovich had her '00 Civic ripped from her garage and started getting parking tickets in the mail a few weeks later, mostly awarded on the same San Francisco block. And- whaddya know!- a quick trip to that area and she found her car. [San Francisco Chronicle]