Jalopnik: COTD

Commenter Of The Day: Zach Braff Feels More Than You Edition

Matt Hardigree — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 17:40:00 EDT

Though we're still big fans of the first 4.6 seasons and selected episodes from the remaining seasons of Scrubs, there's something about that Zach Braff fellow that rubs us the wrong way. Maybe it's the insistence on being a beacon of indie music that many, many people have already heard. Maybe it's Garden State and its captivating trailer followed by its seriously half-rate viewer experience. Or, maybe, it's the combination of the two that left me having to explain to a kid that, yes, I do like The Shins, but no, the Garden State soundtrack is not the greatest movie soundtrack in history. It wasn't even the best soundtrack to come out that year (The Life Aquatic and Kill Bill Vol. 2 were arguably better). Nevertheless, the story suggested by Cyclopticgaze as a response to our product placement plot QOTD is something we'd watch.

Quad Latte: Zach Braff is a Vespa-driving barista living in Brooklyn, when, one day, unconvincingly young ad-exec Rachel Bilson climbs out of her Prius and into his coffee shop. Can his espresso melt her icy heart? Who gets more MPG? And why does the soundtrack feature so many Death Cab for Cutie songs?

You've got to spend some time... love, you've got to spend some time... DAMNIT!

Commenter Of The Day: Fun With Figurative Language

Matt Hardigree — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 17:40:00 EDT

The problem with analogies and metaphors is that they require some thought before use, and, when speaking or writing, most people aren't thinking. A good example would be a letter we wrote to a girl we liked in junior high. Reaching for our inner Neruda we described the cute brunette's hair by comparing it to a "flowing brown river," which conjures up an image of muddy, polluted stream in Central Africa. Not quite what we were going for. In today's post about the clap-ridden, car-riding koala there were some funny, observant comments. And then there was this possibly drunken, angry anti-koala screed by Muhnkee_2.

koala beers are the meanest grumpiest little b@stards you could ever meet, they will stick their claws a good inch into your arm or hand if you wave it near them. I suppose they are the automotive equivalent of the Morgan Aero 8, they look cute on the outside but they are nothing but killing machine on the inside!

Wait, you think the Aero 8 is cute but violent and Koalas are angry and dangerous bastards? What strange and magical land do you call home sir?

Commenter Of The Day: Strawberry Lemonade And Popcorn Shrimps Edition

Matt Hardigree — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 17:40:00 EDT

Grocery stores are designed to make you pass through as many aisles of stuff you'd only buy on an impulse to get to things you need, like milk or Makers Mark. All the best rides at Disney World are behind six or seven miles of stores selling crap merchandise and overpriced eateries. Our world is designed to make getting where we need as inefficient and profitable as possible. This was a topic of some discussion in today's post suggesting the Ten Best Things To Do While Sitting In Traffic, with Thrashy pointing out that our suburban environments are also like this as well and recommending a congestion-enduring activity:

Curse and threaten the unknown but almost certainly bought and paid for by the Chamber Of Commerce traffic engineer responsible for the timing and frequency of the lights.
The Cheesecake Factory does NOT need its own intersection!

That must be why Shaq parks so far away. ExxonMobil keeps getting all his cheese.

Commenter Of The Day: Mr. Potter Edition

Matt Hardigree — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 17:40:00 EDT

Who is crueler and more villainous than the curmudgeon Mr. Potter from Frank Capra's It's A Wonderful Life? He cares not for the town people whose toil he uses to swell his accounts, he's vindictive and he tries to take down Jimmy Stewart. To make it worse, he never comes to justice. This is a rather bleak, though realistic view, for a movie that's considered one of the most idealistic in the American cannon. Capra claims that he received many letters from individuals unhappy that Potter didn't get his in the end, a sentiment reflected in an SNL skit that involves the town folks beating the crap out of him (video of that below the jump). But as Pollock pointed out in our Dodge Ram versus bank post, there's an upside potential for Dodge.

This would make a great Dodge Ram commercial... and it could have the tag line "F*ck the bank... 0% interest over 6 years financing on all Dodge Rams".

You know what your mistake was Mr. Potter? Double crossing me and letting me live!

Commenter Of The Day: It's A Steal Edition

Matt Hardigree — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 17:40:00 EDT

If there was truly justice in this world, people who could afford the hassle of car theft would be the main victims of car theft. Unfortunately, the reality is that most cars stolen are of the cheaper, more common variety. People who can afford the hassle can also afford parts not sold in the back of a Vanagon camper on the other side of the tracks. It was therefore not a surprise that the most stolen cars turned out to be quite common and quite inexpensive. But with America moving to A- and B-segment cars, SpeedWagon sees another trend in theft on the horizon.

Wait until next year when thieves are running away with smarts and tatas...
I mean literally picking them up and scampering off.

We guess you could always take out the seats, put the front wheels in your bag and chain the frame to a light post, right?

[Photo: Getty Images]

Commenter Of The Day: Haterade Edition

Matt Hardigree — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 17:40:00 EDT

Everybody knows a person dedicated to demeaning, ridiculing or otherwise cutting down everything, good or bad. That person is a hater. Their favorite drink? Haterade. Their favorite food? Hater tots. As Kanye said, they marry hater bitches and have hater kids. It's also possible that they like the comedy of Bill Hader. Or maybe they hate him, because they're haters. Earlier today Mark "Hey" Arnold put up a photo of a GM-sourced Toyota badge stemming back to an old Toyota-GM car swap. Mytdawg launches into a preemptive hater screed, tongue firmly in cheek, nullus.

GM badges are crap, I'd never buy a badge from GM. My gramma had a GM badge and she had nothing but trouble with it. I bought one Japanese badge in nineteen aught screech and I've never even had a tune up or oil change. Japanese badges are indestructible and work every time. GM badges are made by slovenly unkempt overpaid union workers. Japanese badges are made by precision robots (as opposed to the imprecise robots, I suppose).

That's right, those Japanese engineers are working hard. Super hard.

Commenter Of The Day: Moving Day Edition

Matt Hardigree — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 18:00:00 EDT

There's nothing more enjoyable than getting invited over to a friend's house only to discover a U-Haul van, cheap gloves, boxes, packing tape and the promise of a quantity of pizza and beer that is, typically, unequal to the calories expended moving someone else's possessions. It happens all the time, unfortunately. That's why there's one Mitch Hedberg monologue, of the many, that's rolling around in the back of our heads today:

The other day I helped my friend stay put, I just sat around all day making sure he did not load shit into a truck

We were thinking of this today because, as midwestkel suggested, SUV's do serve a purpose other than refuge camp when driven.

One more thing to everyone hating on SUV's/Trucks. Dont call us up asking you to move something for you. Get like 4 Smart cars and tape them together then load up your stuff on that.
4 Smart cars taped together is about the same size as midsize truck right?

You actually need five and, for the record, we love to drive the crap out of trucks, our tongue-in-cheek jabs aside.

[photo: eMercedesBenz]

Commenter Of The Day: Jerry Della Femina Edition

Matt Hardigree — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 17:40:00 EDT

For those who don't move in advertising circles, the name Jerry Della Femina may not mean that much. You may not have heard of his book From Those Wonderful Folks Who Gave You Pearl Harbor, a best-selling look at the ad industry that borrows its title from an implausible suggestion for a Panasonic ad campaign. But we'd bet you know some of his company's work. Can you finish "We love chicken, we love liver..."? That's Jerry. Even better, everyone's favorite Joe Isuzu has the mark of Della Femina. Travis noted a specifically affluent selling point for the green Tesla roadster, but SmalleyXB122 has a slightly different advertising tack and a slogan equally as hilarious and unlikely as the one Jerry used for his book.

It takes green to be green, but if you really want to save the world, I can take a cashier's check.
Ignore the douchebaggery of it being "green", and just revel in the badassery that is the Tesla Roadster.

And then run over some blind pedestrians.

How many blind-pedestrians per second? Or BPPS?

[Photo: The Laugharn Informer]

Commenter Of The Day: Tricky Rhetoric Edition

Matt Hardigree — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 17:40:00 EDT

There are numerous rhetorical devices politicians use to obscure or avoid the truth. One of them is the old "vacuous truth," wherein the true statement has no meaning. For instance, a candidate for sheriff in Texas once accused the incumbent sheriff of being derelict in his duties for not arresting a single communist, despite the fact that there were no communists to arrest. Another tactic is the assertion of a fact that has to be true because you're presenting two ideas with the same meaning, known as a "tautology." George H. W. Bush once famously remarked "It's no exaggeration to say the undecideds could go one way or the other." In Ray Ray's post about the 2010 Ford Mustang SVO, a few people complained that people don't buy muscle cars for fuel economy. To the haters, DCulberson had this to say:

Anybody crying "malaise 2" in response to a 300hp 4-cylinder instantly goes in the "fucking idiot" book.
Malaise involved Corvettes with big blocks putting out 200hp. Adding a 300hp 4-cylinder option to the Mustang lineup would be genius. Unlike what some of you no-never-don't-change-anything Nancies think, choice is good, and having another option would increase the Mustang's sales.

"Nobody buys a Mustang for the mileage" - Well of course not, because it's not any good right now! If a Mustang got 30mpg, and someone was shopping for sporty-but-efficient (ala Miata, Mini, etc) then the Mustang would suddenly be on their list.

I fail to see why another awesome engine option would be a bad thing.

Seriously, I would walk right over to my ATM machine and get the money for a down payment. [DenverTVGuy]

Commenter Of The Day: Trading Places Edition

Wes Siler — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 18:40:00 EDT

Sometimes we wonder why automakers are so risk averse. Why don't they take a little gamble? Why don't they bring in some fresh ideas? Why don't they bet $1 that Eddie Murphy can't run their company better than Dan Akroyd can? Maybe stos is just the kind of street-wise risk-taker Ford needs, someone who's got plenty to learn but plenty to teach also. Take, for instance, the 62 mpg Ford Fiesta diesel. Surely it doesn't make sense to bring a simple, economical, desirable car stateside. Or does it?

With the ability to take a set-in-stone corporate policy and put a slight twist on it, stos might just be the man for the job.

Only Ford would do something like "we have the capacity to build a 60+ mpg car, but we are just gonna leave well enough alone. Can I interest you in a Tarus? It looks like ass!"

Commenter Of The Day: Bushmills? That's Protestant Whisky!

Matt Hardigree — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 19:15:00 EDT

This week was supposed to be all about the ongoing Amerigasm in advance of the 4th of July weekend. We've had the best car commercials and our favorite American patrol cars as well as a tribute to the Dodge Charger Police Spec and The Blues Brothers. We're all about the U.S. of A. But then one of you had to go and be funny in the post about Prince Charles' Ethanol Aston. C'mon, poxpopulus, it's all about the colonies:

I've taken action, converting my biped transportation system to run on Jameson: great mileage but straight line stability has suffered substantially.

Is it happy hour yet?

Commenter Of The Day: Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Edition

Matt Hardigree — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 17:40:00 EDT

Context is very important. For instance, without context, the words "I'm going to put it in her brownie" could mean almost anything. Movie trailers, in particular, rely on enticing the viewer by withholding context. Whole scenes are moved around or spliced together to get someone to see a movie, even if it means selling a film as something it isn't. This has turned into a game, with people taking movies and recasting them in an entirely different genre. The most famous example of this is turning the film The Shining into a happy family film called Shining. Though we think the Quantum of Solace trailer is going where we think the film is going, JohnnyIchiban makes a good point.

You know, taken out of context, that whole

"How long have we got?

30 seconds."

bit with Wright and Craig could be misconstrued for more "flamboyant" Bond adventure

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Commenter Of The Day: USA #1 Edition

Wes Siler — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 17:40:00 EDT

All you haters need to realize. America is the best country on earth. Not only do we make awesome beer, but we win the World Series every year. What have you got to say about that? Nuthin. Occasionally, you dirty foreigners forget this, makin' fancy cars and consumer electronics that challenge our rightful place as #1 at everything. So when that happens, what do we do? We smack all you little people down. Such is the case with the Corvette ZR1 doing the Nurburgring in 7:26.4. In case that wasn't enough, Beercheck was there to remind you who's boss.

I call fake on this whole thing. I read on the internets where a bunch of experts laid the facts out.
slackinfux: [jalopnik.com]
"Seriously, the engineers at GM can talk all the shit they want, but American brute force isn't gonna cut it this time. Keep in mind that the Pagani Zonda, which has 650HP and weighs less than the ZR-1 has only 2 seconds over the standard GT-R. As it stands, they need to pull 11 seconds out of their ass."

Shapeshifter: [jalopnik.com]
"I really can't see the ZR1 beating a 7:29. I don't know, maybe i'm being pessimistic."

Doshu: [jalopnik.com]
"Personally, I don't think the Vette will do it. Even if the Vette manages to do it in less than 8 minutes, I think it says a lot more about the driver than the car."

layabout: [jalopnik.com]
"Goes to show how crap GM are,years at the ring,yet their cars still cant corner."

eltardo: [jalopnik.com]
"why are most GM fans ignorant to technology? THE ZR-1 doesn't stand a hope in hell at beating the GT-R. If the Buggati Veyron didn't come close, what on earth makes you think the Vette will? Wake up Vette Forum fanboi's, it's not going to happen in this life.
AWD will always out perform RWD."

Commenter Of The Day: Sex With Vince Young Edition

Matt Hardigree — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 18:00:00 EDT

There's something that compels all of us to subject our significant others to the full force of our hobbies and preferences. Stereotypically, this means that women-folk try to get us to watch shows on Bravo (before you laugh, Project Runway is sort of addictive). On the flip side, your average American male works hard to get their lady friend into their sport by getting them into the garb of their favorite team, though there's a weird kind of logic to wanting to put the name of a rich, athletic and macho guy that could likely beat the crap out of you on your girlfriend's back. This gets even weirder when said ladyfriend complies by wearing a jersey to bed because, being five times too large for them, it doesn't fit properly. You're then in the situation where you're all of a sudden getting busy with Vince Young (who is, undeniably, a handsome man). Benji's post about the new NHRA-approved vibrator got the magic fingers of tenbase thinking how this might finally bridge some gaps.

finally, I can buy something for my girlfriend out of the Summit catalog.

Don't forget to stock up on lubricant...

Commenter Of The Day: MAHONEY! Edition

Matt Hardigree — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 17:40:00 EDT

We often forget how monumental a year 1984 was in cinema. It brought us Ghostbusters, one of the country's greatest contributions to the art of film. And who can can forget Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom or Axel Foley in Beverly Hills Cop (more on that later)? What about The Karate Kid and Gremlins? There are so many pop-culturally significant films from 1984 already, it's hard to believe that none other than the original Police Academy also came out. A film that spawned almost as many sequels as Karate Kid, Gremlins, Ghostbusters and Beverly Hills Cop combined. This film is so much of an institution that, as Unregular pointed out, it shows up in many surprising places...

the super rich are just like me - they watch Police Academy in their bathroom mirrors...

That's right, if you didn't watch the video of the super-rich car buyers, you may have missed it. Police Academy. In the bathroom mirror. Seriously.

Commenter Of The Day: A Brief Refresher In Italian Words Used In Music Edition

Matt Hardigree — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 19:30:00 EDT

Anyone who has studied music knows that Italian words show up everywhere (thanks Renaissance!). Lucky for you, all Jalopnik writers must attain at least 15 credit hours of C-level Italian or German before getting the job, so we can explain them to you. Forte: literally strong, meaning you should sing or play loudly. Piano: gentle, indicating when one should play softly. Pianissimo: the superlative of Piano meaning very soft. Legato: in Italian "tied together" but in music it informs the musician to play smoothly, as opposed to staccato. This will not only help you understand the name of the soon-to-be-released Kia Forte, it'll help you understand 13oostedwgn's COTD:

Man, if you're driving a Forte, you'll have to be pretty damn Legato to get a chick to touch your Pianissimo.

That was truly a Commenta Buffa, am I right? Ragazzi?

[Photo: Xampled]

Commenter Of The Day: Ha Ha Ha The Office Edition

Matt Hardigree — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 17:40:00 EDT

There's this friend who, when someone quotes popular television shows, purposefully laughs too much and then names the show. For instance, if someone responds to a bit of double entendre with "That's what she said" he'll let out an obnoxious chortle followed by "Ha... The Office." At first it's not particularly bothersome, but after a while people look as if they're going to stuff a blender down his throat. We mention this because Graverobber quotes that most over-quoted show, The Simpsons, in a post about the $413,000 ZR1. Somehow, in this case, it just works.

"What does this automobile have to offer over say a locomotive, which I could equally afford?"

Ha Ha Ha, The Simpsons

Commenter Of The Day: Serious Spoilage Edition

Matt Hardigree — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 17:40:00 EDT

Today we posted some new spy pics of the 2010 Mustang GT Convertible and noted that we weren't big fans of the spoiler and, perhaps, would like a "delete option." This prompted a long discussion about what delete options actually existed, pouring over into Question Of The Day. Though it seems like some of you may be inclined to delete everything but the chassis, engine and steering wheel, EndlessMike identified the proper option.

There's a spoiler delete option. It's just that it runs $3000, also deletes the foglights and front emblem, and only lets you get the car in Highland Green or Black.

Ohhhh... that one. Good call.

Commenter Of The Day: David Spade Keeps Showing Up Edition

Matt Hardigree — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 18:20:00 EDT

Today Mark "My Bimmer's Like A Shark Fin" Arnold featured some video from Garage 419 of Top Gear America's new host Tanner Foust doing some serious drifting, leading to even more discussion of Top Gear America than we thought possible. Is this a sign of shows to come? Just ask Bento:

"Tonight on Top Gear America, Adam Tests the new Corvette ZR1, Tanner races a Mustang Shelby KR against a man in a rocket powered Segway, Eric Strommer teaches us how to Febreeze our Hybrids after delivering homemade Rumaki to your BFFs Pampered Chef Party....and the Stiggette takes the new Challenger R/T on our track, tehn kicks Strommer in nuts.....but first, David Spade in our resonably priced Aveo 5"

Works for us, though why does David Spade in cars keep happening. Is this a new meme?

[Photo: RLD]

Commenter Of The Day: Don't Look Back In Anger Edition

Matt Hardigree — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 17:40:00 EDT

The concept of a mirror image is one nearly everyone, with the exception of tribes living in a Brazilian rain forest, understands after frequent interactions with their reflection (we hear Wert looks at a mirror an average of 103,000 times before breakfast, give or take 300). When you look into a mirror, you perceive a reflected image. This is why Ambulances have "emergency" spelled in an inverted pattern on their hoods. Now that you understand this, 13oosted Lego Wagon's joke is going to make more sense.

Ben "Carriage Return" Woddy reported today on Lewis Hamilton's purchase of the license plate "LEW1S" for approximately $392,000. This after he rear-ended Kimi Raikkonen at the Canadian Grand Prix:

Kimi Raikonnen is about to get a "51 W3l" rear license plate. For free.

That's comedy gold my friends, comedy gold.

Commenter Of The Day: Top Gear USAgasm Edition

Matt Hardigree — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 18:00:00 EDT

If you hadn't noticed, we've written a lot about Top Gear USA today, including posting the official release, the first photos and the host bios. Basically, it was a Toby Keith-sized Amerigasm all over the Jalop today as all the months of wondering, waiting and complaining finally came to an end (well, an "end" until we actually see the pilot of Top Gear USA). But what about the important question: Will it work?

We left it to you and Ted Striker knocked it out for us:

Just like the US version of The Office became a runaway success after finding a voice that was distinct from its UK ancestor, this can work. Will it work is another question; Carolla has always pissed me off, but if he knows his shit, then I'll still watch.

Let's be honest here: this is Top Gear we're talking about, not Shakespeare. If the show is entertaining, features a lot of supercar pr0n and manages to mock shitty cars, I call it a win.

Well then, Top Gear USA, speak the speech, we pray you, not as Clarkson has spoke it to you, bitterly on the tongue.

Commenter Of The Day: WIlford Brimley Edition

Matt Hardigree — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 17:40:00 EDT

There is so much about Wilford Brimley that you didn't know. For instance, he was at one time a bodyguard for the one and only Howard Hughes. How did he get his break in Hollywood? He used to shoe horses for movies and television shows before getting work as an extra and a stuntman. He's 19,000 years old. He actively opposed the banning of cockfighting, guy loves cockfighting. He's also a supporter of John McCain.

And as you all know, he's got diabetes. Thus it took only a few seconds for someone to draw the connection in Thud's post about the diabetes-tracking car. Hats off to SundaySunday for making it funny:

That's really a cool device. However, I'm imagining an additional module that brings Wilford Brimley's voice booming into the car, bloviating for the driver to:
"Buckle up and check your blood sugar and check it often. And turn off your left turn signal, it's been going for the past 3.6 miles."

We can make fun of old people, because they don't have computers. Right?

[Wiki]

Commenter Of The Day: Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner Edition

Matt Hardigree — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 17:40:00 EDT

Remember Jennifer Grey? She was the angry sister in Ferris Bueller's Day Off and then Baby in Dirty Dancing. You may not recognize her because she had a nose job that went horribly wrong and then had to be corrected, leaving her completely different-looking. Her career never quite rebounded, though she was on the sitcom It's like, You Know, which wasn't that great, despite having Chris Eigeman as its star. But all is not bad breaks for Grey: She ended up marrying Clark Cregg, who is kind of a badass.

But not all nose jobs go so poorly, as with the Camaro SS rhinoplasty, though Smalleyxb122 thinks some excuses may be in order:

When asked about the recent press coverage stating that she had a nose job, the new Camaro replied:

"Maybe I did, and maybe I didn't"

Though to the viewing public, it's as plain as the nose on...well, you know.

As the interview was cut short, we were unable to address the controversy surrounding the use of recordings of V8 exhaust when performing on Saturday Night Live.

We'd pay money to see it dance a jig off the stage.

Commenter Of The Day: Mvemjsunp Edition

Matt Hardigree — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 17:40:00 EDT

There are many ways to remember the order of the planets, depending on whether or not you include wee little Pluto. There's the ever-popular mnemonic device "My Very Excited Mother Just Shot Uncle Nathan" or "Men Visiting Earth Might Just Stay Until November, Probably." Not like the information is that important in the grand scheme of things. Inverting Saturn and Uranus isn't going to cause any lasting damage... or is it? We prefer the simple, straight-forward acronym: MVEMJSUNP. How can you forget that?

You'll never forget that, though you may forget about the Saturn Green Line name, which is getting killed. This made Graverobber particularly sad:

Wow, first it was Mercury circling the drain, now Saturn can't teach its customers that green equals hybrid. It's looking like a bad week fro celestial bodies.
Next you'll be telling me Venus Williams has been banned from the WTA for drug use, and Mars Bars are being recalled for salmonella poisoning. Pluto has been spayed for dry-humping Minnie, and Jupiter Florida has been hit with a hurricane.

Geez, I don't even want to hear about Uranus!

Planet jokes, we're in heaven. [Photo: MIT]

Commenter Of The Day: Bohemian Rhapsody Edition

Matt Hardigree — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 17:40:00 EDT

There's a lot of debate about the true meaning behind "Bohemian Rhapsody," a mock-opera by the band Queen. But here's what we do know. When released as a single, the song was paired with "I'm In Love With My Car" as a b-side, thereby making Queen that much more awesome. The general structure of the song points to someone who has accidentally murdered a person and then sold his soul to the devil. In prison, he seeks guidance from God and finds, with the help of the angels, his soul. Hmm... something about to be murdered? What connections could be drawn from that?

More signs point to the death of Mercury cars, including the lack of future supply or any sufficient identity. In Re Re Ray's post Combat Chuck made this point, which we originally ignored:

If you sing the lyrics to Bohemian Rhapsody from the perspective of the Mercury brand, it's just a little bit creepy.

It actually is sort of creepy that Freddy Mercury would prevision the brand's demise. Though Mercury hasn't killed anyone we know of, they did commit the crime of lame badge engineering. But will their soul be saved? Here are the lyrics in case you were curious:

Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide
No escape from reality
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy
Because I'm easy come, easy go
A little high, little low
Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me, to me
Mama, just killed a man
Put a gun against his head
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead
Mama, life had just begun
But now I've gone and thrown it all away
Mama, ooo
Didn't mean to make you cry
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters

Too late, my time has come
Sends shivers down my spine
Body's aching all the time
Goodbye everybody - I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
Mama, ooo - (anyway the wind blows)
I don't want to die
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all

I see a little silhouetto of a man
Scaramouch, scaramouch will you do the fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning - very very frightening me
Gallileo, Gallileo,
Gallileo, Gallileo,
Gallileo Figaro - magnifico

But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me
He's just a poor boy from a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity
Easy come easy go - will you let me go
Bismillah! No - we will not let you go - let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go - let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go - let me go
Will not let you go - let me go (never)
Never let you go - let me go
Never let me go - ooo
No, no, no, no, no, no, no -
Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me
for me
for me

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye
So you think you can love me and leave me to die
Oh baby - can't do this to me baby
Just gotta get out - just gotta get right outta here

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah
Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
Nothing really matters - nothing really matters to me

Anyway the wind blows...

It's just a poor brand, nobody loves it. [Lyrics: QueenWords]

Commenter Of The Day: Different Kinds Of Hybrids Edition

Matt Hardigree — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 17:40:00 EDT

When we think of hybrids we tend to think of a small gas engine and an even smaller electric motor, a la the 2008 Mercury Mariner Hybrid. There's also the inverse, like the Aptera, which uses a small gas engine to power a strong electric motor. But "hybrid" can mean so many different things. It's just two concepts combined to make one. Jon Stewart, for instance, drives a truck-robotic dinosaur hybrid that helps him maneuver through the streets of NYC.

Today, "Gentle" Ben Wojdyla updated us on the full stats of the 2009 Cadillac CTS-V, including its 556 horsepower V8. We have Andy Duncan to thank for pointing out that this is another kind of hybrid:

In 20 years, when we're all driving electrics and bitching about the Indian-import-tuner crowd (henceforth known as "Basmati Ricers"), this is the car we're going to look back at as the anachronistic, bat-shit-crazy example of the excess of the '00s. It rolls into one vehicle the stratospheric horsepower of the '60s muscle-car era with the cocaine-fueled luxury obsession of the Mercedes 80s. It's perfect.

Not only did Andy get the song "White Lines" stuck in our head, we're now also going to try to trademark the term "Basmati Ricers."

Commenter Of The Day: A Very Special Edition

Matt Hardigree — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 17:40:00 EDT

Like a drifter that wanders into town or a magical alien, POLAR arrived unannounced to the friendly confines of the Jalopnik commenting system in order to teach us all a little about the world of cars and, by doing so, a little about ourselves. We're not sure exactly what Polar does that allows him to write 6,000 brilliant comments a month, and maybe we don't want to know, but we found out in yesterday's Commenter Of The Day that he was retiring. Why? Something to do with a promotion that takes him away from the computer. We guess a star (or starred commenter) that burned so bright couldn't do so forever. In that spirit, we're going to countdown some of our favorite POLAR comments and let you choose a favorite.

1. The Plymouth Fury Big Butts Post
Though perhaps not the first, POLAR has been the the best at spinning lyrics into poignant commentaries, as he did with the Plymouth Fury III DOTS car:

Oh, my, god. Murilee, look at her butt. Its so big. *scoff* She looks like, one of those rap guys' gang cars. But, y'know, who understands those rap guys? *scoff* They only drive things like her, Because, she looks like a total bad ass, 'kay? I mean, her butt, is just so big. *scoff* I can't believe its just so long, its like, out there, I mean - gross. Look! She's just so ... BIG!

[SIR POL-A-LOT]:....

I like big Fury's
And i can not lie
you other brothers can't deny
That when a Fury drives in
It lacks such taste
and its looks are in your face
you get sprung,
want to pull out your tongue
'cause you notice the butt
was stuffed
Deep in the sheet metal she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't
stop staring
Oh Fury, I want to get in ya
and take your picture
My Jalops tried to warn me
but with that butt you got
makes me wanna beep horny
Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-bends
you say you want to get in my hands?
Well, use me, use me,
'Cause you ain't got average groupy
I've seen that suspension dancin'
The hell with romancin'
She's sweat, wet,
Don't need to be going like a turbo 'Vette
I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' small butts are the thing
Take the average Jalop man
ask him that.
She gotta pack much back
So, fellas! (yeah) Fellas!(yeah!)
your wagons and camino's got the butt?
(Hell Yeah!)
Tell 'em to shake it!
(shake it!)
Shake it!
(shake it!)
Shake those handy, fill-able butts!
Fury got back!

Fury got back!

I like 'em square, and big
and pack you up when I'm throwing gig
I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal
Now here's my scandal
I wanna get you home
And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh
I ain't talkin' bout Civics

'Cause silicone parts
are made for toys
I want 'em real thick and juicy
So find that juicy double
This Jalop's in trouble
Beggin' for a piece of that Fury
'cause I ain't in no hurry
Small trunk econos
Can't touch what she holds
You can have them minivans
I'll keep my cars like Flo Jo
A word to the thick DOTS,
I wanna get with ya
I won't let other cars hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna
Cruise Till the break of dawn
Baby got it goin' on
A lot of Jalops may not like this song
'Cause them punks like to
hit it and quit it
And I'd rather stay and play
'Cause the Fury's long, and I'm strong
And I'm down to get the friction on
So, ladies! {Yeah!}
Ladies! {Yeah}
If you wanna role in my Fury {Yeah!}
Then turn around! Stick it out!
'cause this white boy's got to shout
Fury got back!

Fury got back!

2. The One Where He Talks About Wes' Ass
We've shown you POLAR at his lengthiest, now we show you him at his most succinct and sort of creepy, responding to news of Wes being taken down on a bike:

I hope you didn't bruise that fine ass of yours Wes, I have such fond memories of it...

3. Polar As A Religion
While POLAR isn't religious in his posts, there's a weird undercurrent of mysticism, Wahhabism and Judeo-Christianity. Sort of like every other Leonard Cohen song. This comes from a post about 14 Romanians in an Opel and it gets, well, spiritual:

Hmm... 14, coincidence, I think not

The 14 Stations themselves are usually a series of 14** pictures or sculptures depicting the following scenes:

POLAЯ is condemned to no more COTDs
POLAЯ receives the dissing
POLAЯ falls the first time
POLAЯ meets His Mother
Simon of Cyrene carries the cross
Veronica wipes POLAЯZ face with her veil
POLAЯ falls the second time
POLAЯ meets the women of the Geneva Auto Show
POLAЯ falls the third time
POLAЯ is stripped of His Restecp
COTDfixion: POLAЯ is nailed with having his styles bit
POLAЯ dies on Jalopnik
POLAЯ is removed from Jalopnik
POLAЯ is laid in the tomb and covered in some good bud and rollies.

**Some people consider a 15th station, The Resurrection of POLAЯ as
C Я 人 P Ѕ T 人 Ї Й.

4. He Can Do Normal Jokes, Too
And just in case you think that his bread and butter is merely being strange and lyrical, we'd like to point out he can do straight up celeb humor, like when we told you about Hulk Hogan's divorce and he chimed in with this gem:

The Hulkster's days of the three demandments are over brother!

She'll get the benchpress, the vitamins, and the bible.

All we're saying is, we hope POLAR retires in the same fashion that The Rolling Stones stop touring (i.e., you better be fucking coming back)

Commenter Of The Day: Weekend Update Edition

Matt Hardigree — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 17:40:00 EDT

In our opinion, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update" was never better than in the early 1990's. In particular, there were three comedians that we were particularly fond of when they appeared late on saturday nights. The first was A. Whitney Brown, who almost no one has heard of in the last 10 years. He had a bit called "The Big Picture" and he made jokes like "Bombs are now smarter than the average high school student, at least they can find Kuwait." The second is Chris Rock, who made a name for himself on Weekend Update with quips like "I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot..." Finally, there's David Spade.

To his credit, since we've had lots of fun at his expense in the David Spade + Challenger "Caption This," Spade was hilarious when he was doing "The Hollywood Minute." We particularly liked when he held up a picture of Eddie Murphy and said "Look kids, a falling star... make a wish." Those were the days. Now Chris Rock has an incredibly successful franchise spanning mediums, David Spade is on a TV show that hasn't been canceled and A. Whitney Brown is, well, he's not in rehab as far as we know. So things could be worse. But he was a celeb seat-filler at an automaker's event and we have to take a whack at him. And as often happens, Ash was the first in and manages to drop a classic right from the beginning.

Hey...David Spade...my grandmother called, she wants her seating position back.

Sure, it's a low-hanging fruit. But it's a delicious low-hanging fruit.

Commenter Of The Day: Better Late Than Never Edition

Matt Hardigree — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 23:00:00 EDT

Yeah, COTD is a little late today. Sue us. Better late than never, right? In this case that term actually works because we still get to enjoy the brilliance from the day together. If we were carrying a kidney transplant and you were dead... well... you'd be dead. Not better. Our favorite use of that phrase is in Ghostbusters II, when the Titanic arrives in New York and ghost passengers start unloading. Cheech Marin, playing a harbormaster for some reason, turns to another guy and says "Better late than never." Hilarious. And appropriate, because the reason why COTD is late has to do with Dan Akroyd. Sort of. But nothing about that until next week.

In today's post chronicling the second Malaise Era there were many of you who do not believe we are there, and Uncle Bo reps them well:

This is not Malaise II - Return of the Granada. The choices we have today are the best ever, even better than the magical (allegedly) 50's and 60's. There's something for everyone nowadays except for the neo-Luddites, and they're not buying new cars anyway so who cares.

Where is the Dodge Aspen, the Triumph TR-8, the Fiat Brava, the Chevette diesel of Malaise Part Deux?
Who exactly is comparing their cars to a Mercedes Benz (well, besides Hyundai, those silly corrupt buy-your-way-outta-prison Koreans)?
How many brands promote rich Corinthian leather or a remote fuel filler door release or a Chronometer?

I distinctly remember 1978 and my folk's Dodge Aspen wagon. I remember how good my mom was at restarting the POS in the middle of a turn when the engine invariably stalled and she lost power steering. I remember the carb icing regularly on our Ford E150 conversion van when we went on family skiing trip to Mammoth Mtn. 30 years ago cars were universally craptastic. Today, Gen Y'ers clog the intarwebs with incessant whining of poor Bluetooth connectivity and lousy dealer service when they're told the factory will not cover a replacement clutch ruined by their fast and furious street racing.

It's not Malaise Again. Its a generation just now realizing life is not free WIFI, illegal music downloads, free condoms, cheap gas, pirated movies, easy sex and all the credit cards you can apply for. And their parents? Don't get me started, they're worse!

Fair point. Except remember, the malaise is only beginning.

Commenter Of The Day: Urban Cowboy Edition

Matt Hardigree — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 17:40:00 EDT

Those who didn't grow up in the greater Houston area may not know that Gilley's Club, featured prominently in Urban Cowboy, is a real place. Or it was a real place. The club featured in the movie was the original Gilley's Club in Pasadena, Texas (which is, by the way, "urban" in the same way that New York is "cozy"). The burnt down under mysterious circumstances after the original founders of the club had a falling out. The club is now located in an actual urban area in Dallas, Texas where rich frat boys from SMU can put on boots, hats and pretend to know how to two-step while requesting Eminem songs.

But we digress. While there are plenty of people who need trucks and live in cities and more than a few who merely want one, this sometimes rubs people like Deezee the wrong way as we found out in today's post about the F150's downfall:

Nothing bothers me more than when I see people with shiny F-150's in the city.

[rant]

YOU LIVE IN THE CITY. YOU DONT HAUL ANYTHING. YOU DONT BUILD HOUSES FOR A LIVING. YOU'RE NOT A COWBOY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING STICKING HALF WAY OUT OF THE COMPACT PARKING IN THAT THING?! WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE?!

[/rant]

While we're big believers in personal automotive choice, we're starting to get a bit tired of people who consider the non-XL Expedition a compact car.

Commenter Of The Day: The Ted McGinley Syndrome Edition

Matt Hardigree — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 17:40:00 EDT

It can't be easy to be Ted McGinley. He's done nothing wrong, as far as we know, and yet he's the perpetual "new Becky." It all started with his first big break as Roger Phillips, a replacement for Ron Howard's Richie Cunningham on Happy Days. Despite holding the role for four years people still associated him with the show's downfall. He also appeared as a character in both Dynasty and Love Boat before those shows disappeared forever. Notably, McGinley was also a replacement on the television show Married... With Children but ended up on the show longer than the actor he replaced. Most recently, he played a pivotal early role on Sports Night, which then died a premature death.

This is a long way of saying we've got a new editor, though we like to think of him as a new character in a show with a long future, like when McGinley played Mark Gottfried on The West Wing. That is if you all don't scare him off first. As Mike The Dog says:

Welcome aboard, Andrew! Please don't be afraid of the commenters, we are (in the words of Douglas Adams) mostly harmless. Except maybe Polar. That boy ain't right, but we like him anyway (or is it because?).

We think Andrew has the stuff to not only endure the random POLAR lyrics, but also enjoy them like we do.

Commenter Of The Day: Bavarian Cream Edition

Matt Hardigree — Thu, 29 May 2008 17:40:00 EDT

There's so much that we, as a country, don't understand about Bavarian cream. For one, it probably isn't the creation of a Bavarian nor was it likely created in Bavaria. Had you guessed it was a French confection, you'd also probably be wrong. Bavarian cream, according to most, is actually a Swiss invention that was created for some forgotten Bavarian dignitary. Whatever its origin, a delicious Bavarian creme is a dessert popular around the world. Another thing, the classic Bavarian cream donut isn't from Bavaria, either. It's an American creation and actually not full of Bavarian cream at all, but rather a thick form of crème pâtissière. This is why some Americans are shocked to find actual Bavarian cream has a taste of liqueur.

What we Americans lack in knowledge of European cuisine we more than make up for with an appreciation of European cars. Our affection for BMW is so great that the 128i Convertible, a decent piece of machinery, fails compared to our expectations. Though we do not lust after the 128i, the E30-based driving sim cockpit is something we all wish our girlfriends would let us make a copy of in the living room. And because we're so fond of those Bavarian cruisers we can appreciate a good joke, like this one from Tenbeers, at their expense:

oh look, no turn signal lever, just like a real bmw!

That's attention to detail. [Photo: Bruno's Gourmet Kitchen, Wikipedia]

Commenter Of The Day: First Fleet Edition

Matt Hardigree — Wed, 28 May 2008 17:40:00 EDT

Everyone's favorite fact about Australia is that it started out as a penal colony. Our favorite fact about Australia is the ute. Until Jalopnik becomes a cultural touchstone for non-auto enthusiasts, Australia will still have to endure the prison thing in other parts of the world. This goes back to when 11 ships set out from Great Britain in 1787 for New South Wales, which was to be home of the first European settlement on the continent. Led by Captain Arthur Phillip, approximately 1400 people (mostly prisoners) of the First Fleet landed in Botany Bay to establish a camp, which sucked. They eventually found what they were looking for at Port Jackson, a safe harbor to the north, where they established a permanent camp (for an interesting fictionalization of the First Fleet we can recommend the play Our Country's Good).

And much like those first settler, there must be a first cast of Top Gear Australia. And like Australia itself, 13oostedwgn needed to make a few generalizations about the program:

G'day, and welcome to Ostraalian Top Geah.

On tonight's program, Browny reviews the new GT-R:
[cut to vid clip]
Warren Brown: "Crikey!"

Coxy reviews the new AMG CL65:
[cut to vid clip]
Charles Cox: "Crikey!"

And Pazzati-y reviews the new basic Fiesta:
[cut to vid clip]
Steve Pazzati: "Crikey!"

Later on, we'll be making fun of pooftas, drinking lots of beeah, and giving hints on how to get the last bits of wallabee out of your grille.

But first, the Crikey wall......

Hilarity.

[Photo: Thinkquest.org]

Commenter Of The Day: Gangsta's Paradise Edition

Matt Hardigree — Thu, 22 May 2008 17:40:00 EDT

At one point, depending on age, you may have found yourself in the back of a bus singing along with the chorus to Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise." The song was infectious, emotional, had an awesome video directed by Antoine Fuqua and is based on Stevie Wonder's "Pastime Paradise." The song is one of the biggest worldwide hip hop singles of all-time, hitting the top of the charts in thirteen countries (Sweden loves Coolio). And if the song wasn't popular enough, Weird Al Yankovic charted on the Billboard Top 100 with a parody called "Amish Paradise." Weirdly, there was actually an ongoing beef between Weird Al and Coolio over this because of a miscommunication over Coolio giving permission for the parody, though there is no legal need to get approval. Ten years later, the beef is apparently over.

And this is good news, because there's enough beefing going on. Take the Google Street View Hold Up going on a few miles from my yuppie paradise on the north side of Chicago. A lot of stereotypes could have popped up with this post, but the affable and consistent Ash78 started things off right with a nod to our preconceptions:

He's clearly just using Roundup on his easement. Notice how the trigger unit is not being held sideways, which according to movies, is the only way to hold a pistol during urban malfeasance.

People take their lawns seriously here, trust us.

Commenter Of The Day: Rahm Emanuel Edition

Matt Hardigree — Wed, 21 May 2008 17:40:00 EDT

Courtesy of Wonkette we have a list of things you might not know about our personal congressman, Democratic Caucus Chair Rahm Emanuel:

He was offered a scholarship to the Joffrey School of Ballet
Raised in the Chicago school of politics, he's sent dead fish to people who have crossed him
The character Josh Lyman from The West Wing is loosely based on him
He's been known to plant steak knives into tables when trying to make a point
He went to Sarah Lawrence
He likes to show off his right middle finger, which was severed in an Arby's accident
His brother is the basis of Ari Gold from Entourage

Why are we telling you this?

Earlier today Murilee chronicled a Nissan-powered Land Rover with a Citroen suspension, which is a mix of weird parts, much like Rahm Emanuel the tough ballet dancing, colleague threatening former Arby's employee. There were a lot of great questions asked but this from Discontinuuity made us chuckle in a way that Rep. Emanuel would likely beat us for:

"Building a Nissan-powered Land Rover with Citroen suspension isn't normal, but on meth it is."

Do meth jokes ever get old?

Commenter Of The Day: Well That Was Strange Edition

Matt Hardigree — Tue, 20 May 2008 17:40:00 EDT

For a day that was devoid of stories of everyone's favorite kinky racing administrator things sure got weird. And we mean weird in that you wake up, look at the other person (or persons) and without saying a word you have a tacit understanding that what just happened will not ever be discussed sort of way. It started with Mecaphilia then transitioned to dragons in Scotland (nessies?) and ended with Minis in leather. We get it, cars are inanimate objects of our desire. That's what this site is about, but let's not take it too far.

When we asked you about your ideal road trip car we got a lot of great answers. But there was only one, from maxforrest32 that not only answered the question but also captured the sentiment of the day:

You first spot her when you are a young boy. Perhaps in first or second grade...but there is something about her that catches your eye. Even at a young age, you know she is not your type. You can't stop noticing her as you grow older...by middle school you've started to understand how the raw sexuality of a woman can override even the most logical male.

High school, and she has taken on a different aura. She is unapproachable, aloof, indifferent and above the rabble of other kids. She is still not your type...but you wonder, secretly, what it would be like...for just one date? Kiss? Tumble in the hay? You know it would be something to remember, you'd come away with some brusies on your heart and on your body, but damn, what a ride.

Graduation day comes, and you've still never taken the chance to speak to her. You leave for college, and you know that you will only catch a glimpse of her during holiday breaks, maybe out to dinner with the family. She still ignites something deep seated, something you can't explain. Damnit, you tell yourself, it could come to no good end. And yet...

Finally, you see her out at a bar. You take the plunge...and it is every bit as painful, exciting, enjoyable and memorable as you'd dreamt, all these years.

Thats how I view my ultimate road-trip car...my father's 1961 triple black Corvette. It sat in various garages over the years, a dusty hulk under tarps...I'm not a Chevy man, and especially not Corvettes...but there is something about that car that makes me want to ditch the hard top, throw a tent, duffle bag and tiny cooler in the trunk, put on some Ray Bans, and point that black, vile beauty west until I hit the Pacific.

It's a beautiful thought and one we can all relate to. Now put your Underdog costume back on and get the hell out of my apartment.

Commenter Of The Day: Walter Bagehot Edition

Matt Hardigree — Mon, 19 May 2008 17:40:00 EDT

On this side of the pond we don't hear a lot about Walter Bagehot, but the Victorian era journalist and thinker was an important part of the English historical school of economics. As the editor of The Economist, Bagehot was able to influence the thinkers of the late 19th century both in Britain and the United States. As an Englishman he was able to recognize that we Americans had "a genius for politics." Granted, he was saying that this genius for politics was the only reason that all of our various points of authority hadn't caused us to completely destroy ourselves. He was so important they still have a column named after him in The Economist. He also said two things that contribute directly to our cause today.

First, he said that "the greatest pleasure in life is doing what other people say you cannot do." Second, he said that "an inability to stay quiet is one of the conspicuous failings of mankind." Today our very own Markie Mark Arnold shared his exhaust system woes with us, launching a spirited and helpful discussion. Then DeadFlorist chimed in with his own story of conspicuous noise and law bending:

I once borrowed my friend's '86 Ford Econoline conversion van for a few weeks. It had the custom "Pederast" package that included extensive rust and blue poly tarp duct taped over a broken window. I was backing it up out of a parking space and it just stopped. It turns out I was running over my own exhaust pipe. Good times. I didn't get much attention from the ladies in that van, but law enforcement was always finding an excuse to stop for a chat.

People can't keep quiet when you're enjoying yourself so loudly. [Photo: The New School]

Commenter Of The Day: Perfect Strangers Edition

Matt Hardigree — Fri, 16 May 2008 18:00:00 EDT

Few shows in the annals of television history are as widely known and completely strange as Perfect Strangers. Employing the typical "fish out of water" scenario that has been abused by sitcoms for the entire breadth of the medium, there's a certain quality of Perfect Strangers that sets it apart from more beloved and successful shows like The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air. One need to look only to the show's genesis, which saw series creator Dale McRaven (who also created Mork & Mindy) trying to capitalize on the patriotism America felt after the 1984 Olympics in LA. No joke. The story of an immigrant trying to enjoy the promise of America, Perfect Strangers is our story.

And so it is with Jalopnik. We're all different people from different walks of life who all believe in the same basic tenants of the automobile including a respect for effort on any scale. And speaking of scale, Ben mentioned this freaking Lego V8 Engine today and, lo and behold, the creator is one of us. And while there was a long discussion with mad tinkerer Nicjasno this one comment tickled us pink:

It's shot in my basement, where the air compressor is.

The fact that this comment makes perfect sense to all of us is probably some sign that we need help. But it's help we don't want.

Commenter Of The Day: Jimmy Hutmaker Edition

Matt Hardigree — Thu, 15 May 2008 18:00:00 EDT

Though now a much loved song, "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by the Rolling Stones was released as a B-side on Honky Tonk Woman, not as its own single. In the middle of the song Jagger sings

I was standing in Line with Mr. Jimmy and Man, did he look pretty ill/We decided that we would have a soda, my favorite flavor: cherry red/I sung my song to Mr. Jimmy, yeah and he said one word to me, and that was "dead"

This has been taken to mean lots of things, including an allusion to Jimi Hendrix. Out favorite origin myth involves Jimmy "Mr. Jimmy" Hutmaker, an individual with an unknown condition who wandered the streets of Excelsior, Minnesota mumbling and chewing a cigar. The story is he ran into Jagger at a drugstore after a show while Jagger was getting a prescription filled (believable so far) and then ordered a Coke but got a Cherry Coke instead, then sighed saying "You can't always get what you want." We find this dubious, but we still like the story.

All that being said, sometimes you can't get what you want, and Combat Chuck speculated that there may be one or two Mexican consumers that didn't want a Dodge Breeze:

Somewhere in the Mexican blogosphere, commenter "combate carlos" is posting a complaint on "El Jalopo punto com" about how he can't have a US spec Dodge Magnum, and instead gets stuck with this piece of crap.

You drive what you need, hombre.

Commenter Of The Day: Two If By Sea Edition

Matt Hardigree — Wed, 14 May 2008 18:00:00 EDT

There's something about American history, specifically American history having to do with the Revolutionary War, that always has to be spiced about up a bit. It's not enough that a small group of citizens organized the overthrow of a global power in order to create a government instituted by men with clear thought given to the protection of minority viewpoints. That's not sexy enough. And so it is with Paul Revere's "Midnight Ride," in which he was sent to warn of the British invasion. It wasn't anything anyone paid much attention to until Henry Wadsworth Longfellow put the story to words in his famous poem. The fact is that at least three riders were sent out that night, but Paul Revere apparently works better (it does rhyme with "year"). And the lanterns were meant for others in case Revere was captured or injured, not for Revere. But people liked to get their history from poems (reality television having not been invented) so now we've got this strange memory of Paul Revere single handedly overthrowing the British and getting the girl and finding the treasure.

The fact is, it isn't that hard to mess with the British as they rarely have any notion of what's happening. For example we have Sir Paul McCartney (leader of the most successful British Invasion), who was completely unaware his Lexus Hybrid was being transported by air as part of a Korean Air flight, which Graverobber points out is quite the nuisance for passengers:

This is why I refuse to fly on Korean Air; you never know when you'll have to spend a 13-hour flight seated next to some smug, big-assed car taking up BOTH armrests and arguing with the flight attendant over whether or not the inflight meal is kosher or low-sodium or something. Jebus, this would be worse than that time I had to sit next to REO Speedwagon's REO Speedwagon from Deluth to Detroit.

It's better than flying with Wert.

[Photo: Paul Revere House]