Unfortunately, "Chrysler New Yorker" only exists on four-track cassette tape, and my ol' Tascam Porta 01 died years ago. That means you don't get to hear that fine song, which thrilled dozens of Japanese college radio fans during the late 1980s. What you do get is the "music video" for the Murilee Arraiac song "Hajoi Hotai," which features the circa-1990 replacement of a 2-speed Powerglide with a junkyard Turbo Hydramatic 350 3-speed in a 1965 Impala. That's me with the Plumber Butt on the right left, and my friend ChunkyDeath on the right. Note ChunkyDeath's innovative "floor jack leg pump" maneuver.

Borg-Warner Dual-clutch Complexitron (with Hydromaniacal Dynashift and one-touch Premature Paradigm Shift-o-matic) - Ash78

Ooze-O-Matic 404. It would come with a little lcd display for the "Gear Not Found" errors. - Mike the Dog Misses POLAЯ, Too!

Ultra-Syncro-Electro-Lightning-Efficient-Slick-Shift, also known as USELESS - mwood10

Gnashville Knucklebuster - Beercheck (who also thought up quite a few additional good names, but only one per finalist... according to the rules I'm making up as I go along)

The BCK, "Bruce Clutch Kicker", on the column, 4 speed, kicks your ass at every gear change - Franzouse

The iShift.. which coincidently you have no means of controlling other than a single button which engages it, and a shuttle which selects either forward or reverse - WheatKing

Pimpmatic Smoothglide Turbo 600. A 6-speed automatic for luxury cars with an attitude. Yes, it's from Detroit. - Deckard97

Manu-muscu-mascu-mover - for installation in half-restored muscle cars of those who only wish to chirp tires for the babes. - MagicalTrevor (who also provided "Muscu-mascu-matic-mover - for the same as above, but for those without the desire to move the left foot")

The Sweet Clutch-Dropping-Christ McShifterton - BreakMyWindow

Narcoti-flite - Feel like you're soaring above the clouds, even after the heroin wears off! - ranger88

Grind-n-Groan Synchro-b-Gone - POLAR Discontinuuity

Problematic - Scotte

Cryoslide Liquimotion Hydraslushmatic with Arcticgrip Overdrive! - SakinaCabiri

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Yes, more Little Tree air fresheners! I've got 25 of these pleasantly-scented little fellas ready to ship out to whoever thinks up the best name for our soon-to-dominate-the-world transmission. And why do I have such a wealth of Little Trees? Well, the Car-Freshner folks were so impressed by my Little Trees In Junked Cars gallery that they decided to help us out with our 24 Hours of LeMons effort.


So, next thing I knew, they'd shipped us a big box of trees, in a variety of scents. We figured, hey, we'll pass 'em out to all the teams at the race, thus bribing them into thinking Black Metal V8olvo = your friend on the track.


Sure enough, the trees were a hit and just about everyone was sporting a brand-new Little Tree in their race car by the time the action started; here we see Team Make:Way with a Sour Apple tree hanging from the mirror.


The Black Ice trees were quite popular, as were the checkered-flag Victory Lane trees... and you'll have a couple of each if your transmission name is the best! With a couple hundred trees and only 90 cars in the race, I've got some leftovers.

So, here's the deal. You think up a cool transmission name- and we know you can do better than Crypto-Slumgullion Octo-Shift 999- and you write it up in a comment. We'll take the best few tomorrrow and put 'em up for a vote. Automatics, manuals, crashboxes, whatever- it's the name that matters!