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Screw Your Pumpkin Flavors: How To Make Apple Crumble

Fun fact! Careful examination of the historical record reveals that, whatever the goddamn Starbucks menu may suggest to the contrary, the consumption of non-pumpkin-flavored foodstuffs between Sept. 15 and Dec. 20 is not a capital crime. Whether the consumption of non-pumpkin-flavored foodstuffs in that time period… » 10/27/13 10:41am 10/27/13 10:41am

How To Make Mashed Cauliflower, Because It Goddamn Tastes Great

The first thing to do is clear up any misconceptions that the reason to make mashed cauliflower, and not mashed potatoes, is that mashed cauliflower is the more calorically or nutritionally upstanding choice. If that is what you are thinking, stop thinking that, because that is stupid. You're stupid. » 10/12/13 2:21pm 10/12/13 2:21pm

How To Make A Lasagna And Prepare For Hibernation

Time was, as summer rounded into autumn, you kept an eye out for that first cool, dry weekend after the leaves started to turn, when the air remained genuinely chilly in the shade all day long, and then you tilted back your floppy coppola hat, hooked your thumbs into your suspenders, gazed thoughtfully into the… » 10/06/13 12:45pm 10/06/13 12:45pm

How To Craft A Caesar Salad And Not Settle For Less In Life

You order a Caesar salad at your humble local steakhouse, or crummy chain Italian joint, or nightmarish, kitsch-bedecked, "Signature Bourbonzola Glaze®"-slinging pan-American shithole—They hire cute bartenders! you're now insisting, not a little bit defensively, as if that is not even sadder than going for the… » 9/07/13 2:42pm 9/07/13 2:42pm

The Foodspin Cookout Reader

Here's your handy-dandy collection of all the Foodspins you'll need in order to put together a cookout good enough to stave off total abandonment by all of your loved ones for at least another 32 hours or so. We'll update this occasionally with new cookout-appropriate stuff. In the meantime, get cookin'. Readin'. … » 9/02/13 8:23am 9/02/13 8:23am

How To Cook Bivalves, The Life-Affirming Pain In The Ass

Listen. Life is hard. You're tired all the time, you're overworked and underpaid, you never have enough time for anything and no one loves you and your hair, seriously, what are you even going for with that look, because it is not working. Most evenings, it's all you can do to doze off into a bowl of cereal and… » 8/24/13 4:23pm 8/24/13 4:23pm

How To Make Pesto, Using That Terrifying Basil Plant On Your Sill

Hey, remember back in the spring, when your significant other or roommate or own tragic propensity for impulsive decision-making came with you to the supermarket and got all, "Oooh, hydroponic basil plants!" and you bought one and took it home and planted it in a big orange bucket, your head swimming with visions of… » 8/11/13 10:36am 8/11/13 10:36am

Exhaust Pipe Burger Grill is Not George Foreman Approved


You may be able to cook cans of beans and foil-wrapped vegetables directly on your engine, but what about meat? Until now, it's been difficult to grill up a good burger on the road, but this conceptual design is trying to prove otherwise. As part of a "Dining in 2015" design competition, a young lad dreamed up a… » 1/23/08 3:45pm 1/23/08 3:45pm