Get it? Sight gags. Those darn nine-year-olds and their bad attitudes are ruining otherwise precious family photos. Darn them and their rebellious ways. Only in the ad-world, would this happen. Everyone else knows from experience those kids would be stuffed into collared shirts and cardigans under threat of life-ending bodily harm in real life.

We're pretty sure this is the first time the term "surfer-dude" has ever been included in a BMW corporate press release, but this isn't a normal presser. This MINI is more a lifestyle flight of fancy, tailored to the single usage of waterside frolicking with styling completed by modern design haus Republic of Fritz Hansen. The Clubman gets a neoprene enhanced interior with "surfer-dude" flower prints, boat-deck floor boards, a surfboard up top and SCUBA gear in the rear hatch.

The Airstream is reduced from a marvel of style and function to a marvel of style, with a one wall folding flat as a sunning deck and a lounge with retro-mod furniture inside. It shares the graphics of the Clubman and gets some nicely machined stabilizers and a coat of satin paint over it's polished finished in an effort to emulate the look of a wet-suit. Still, don't expect to see this combo popping up at your local RV and watersports super-center.

[Source: BMW]

Though not slated for US sales yet, the MINI One Clubman delivers a stripped, 1.4 liter, 95 HP experience totally precedented in MINI history. The modern MINI has grown into a speedy little go-kart, and it's sometimes easy to forget the humble roots of the brand as a cheap commuter car, but this version returns the car to those roots. Though the MINI One Clubman isn't necessarily the sexiest car on the old continent, it does get 52.3 MPG if you measure in the queen's gallons (43.5 MPG US). It comes with a six-speed manual standard and can save on dino squeezin's by utilizing a stop/start system which gets charging help from regenerative braking.

If things turn out to be super boring at the 2009 Geneva Motor Show, we'll be sure to stop by the MINI booth and take a look. Full details below:

New MINI One Clubman set for Geneva show unveiling
Attractively-priced newcomer available to order now

* MINI One Clubman to launch in the UK on 28 March 2009
* Air conditioning now standard on every new MINI

The MINI One Clubman will be unveiled at the International Geneva Motor Show on 03 March 2009. The new entry-level model in the Clubman range gives customers the chance to take advantage of MINI’s renowned low running and ownership costs, and carries a list price of £13,290 OTR.

Powered by the 1.4-litre, four cylinder petrol engine found in the Hatch version of the MINI One, the newcomer possesses all the characteristics that make driving every MINI a grin-inducing experience. With an engine producing 95 hp and the same steering and suspension as its sporty Cooper-badged sibling, the MINI One Clubman boasts trademark go-kart handling and razor-sharp cornering capability.

Outstanding fuel efficiency and low CO2 emission figures are ensured through the standard fitment of MINIMALISM technologies. Brake Energy Regeneration, Auto Start Stop and Shift Point Display are all standard features on the car. Fuel bills will be minimised due to a combined fuel consumption figure of 52.3 mpg, and the cost of an annual road fund licence will be just £35 because of the MINI One Clubman’s impressive CO2 emission figure of just 130 g/km, placing it in VED tax band C.

A short-shifting 6-speed manual transmission is standard, with the option of a 6-speed auto with manual-shift capability.

The performance data for the new MINI One Clubman is as impressive as that of the entire MINI Clubman range.

*260Nm with Overboost

New exterior colour combinations will be available for the MINI One Clubman. It will be possible to specify Silver or Black variants of this model with the same colour C-pillars. Previously the C-Pillar was always supplied in a contrasting shade.

From 01 January 2009, air conditioning is supplied as standard with every new MINI. UK dealers are ready to take orders for the MINI One Clubman now.

Suitability Parameters:
Speed Merchants: No
Fashion Victims: Yes
Treehuggers: No
Mack Daddies: No
Tuner Crowd: No
Hairdressers: Yes
Penny Pinchers: No
Euro Snobs: Yes
Working Stiffs: No
Technogeeks: No
Poseurs: Yes
Soccer Moms: No
Nascar Dads: No
Golfing Grandparents: Yes
Very Serious Businessmen: No
Sheiklets: No

Also Consider:
• 2009 Subaru Impreza WRX
• 2009 Mazda MAZDASPEED3
• 2009 Chevrolet HHR SS
• 2009 MINI Cooper S

Vitals:
• Manufacturer: MINI
• Model year: 2009
• Base price: $24,350
• Price as tested: $32,350
• Engine type: 1.6-liter I4
• Horsepower: 172 @ 5,500 RPM
• Torque: 177 @ 1,600-5,000 RPM
• Transmission: 6-speed Automatic
• Curb weight: 2,900 lbs
• LxWxH: 155.8" x 66.3" x 56.4"
• Wheelbase: 100.3"
• Tires: P205/45R17
• 0 - 60 mph: 6.7 seconds
• EPA fuel economy city/highway: 26/34 MPG
• Jalopnik fuel economy: 28 MPG
• NHTSA crash test rating (Front/Driver Side/Passenger Side): ****/*****/*****

Also See:
• Mini Cooper Clubman S, Part One
• Mini Cooper Clubman S, Part Two

Acceleration: **
The turbocharged Peugeot mill pulls the Clubman forward at a reasonable rate, but it's nothing remarkable. Pushing its power through narrow front tires usually results in tire spin through first gear, followed by an embarrassing lurch backwards as one of the many on-board nanny computers pulls the plug. We really miss the supercharged MINI engine of old.

Braking: *****
A hallmark trait of the MINI brand is retro-thruster-like braking prowess in both models. At any speed and on any road surface condition, the combination of superior braking hardware, a stiff pedal and intelligent programming brings you to a halt pronto.

Ride: **
Although the Clubman rides much more smoothly over rough surfaces than the standard model due to the longer wheelbase, it is still a tiny car which is easily upset by potholes and cracks. The stiffer springs and dampers offered by the S package degrade the ride further but the car remains livable for the daily drag.

Handling: ***
The Clubman fell far short of it's brethren when it came to sticking it around the curves. On sections of road where the smaller model would play along, the Clubman packed up its toys and went home. The clumsiness is due as much to increased weight and altered suspension geometry as to a significant change in the stability programming towards slower driving.

Gearbox: ****
An intelligent autobox is where the MINI Clubman really earned its stars. In standard mode, the Clubman offered quick and properly timed shifts while returning excellent fuel mileage. In sport mode, it downshifted at precisely the right moments to stay in the narrow meat of the power band.

Audio: ****
The audio system produced accurate, crisp sound through well-placed tweeters and midranges. The head unit proved easy to navigate using either the console or steering wheel controls. We're also immensely grateful that iDrive didn't make it to the MINI line up. Yet.

Toys: ***
The Clubman had a reasonable amount of gadgets, from the Bluetooth synchronization to the color-selectable interior mood lighting. Dual glove boxes and plenty of cup holders offered enough storage for anything you might need to carry.

Value: **
At an as-tested MSRP of $32,350, the Mini Cooper Clubman S doesn't add up to a good buy. With a price nearly 50% higher than that of other cars competing in this category, you've really got to want the social cred provided by its one-of-a-kind styling and reputation. And the interior materials? Gag. If you're looking for power and handling in a similarly sized package at a bargain price, it'd be best to look elsewhere.

Overall: ***
The Mini Cooper Clubman S offers acceptable power and adept handling at a steep price. The added mass pushes the car into a larger class and significantly hindering the driving charm established by the Mini brand. The added rear legroom and cargo space may attract a different type of buyer to the fold, but it tosses aside the successful formula used in the smaller version. Frankly, if you're that "different type" of buyer, you'll probably be better off with the non-S version. On the other hand, if you're like us, you'll take the standard-issue Cooper S. Preferably anywhere you go.

Also See:
• Mini Cooper Clubman S, Part One

Thanks to the folks at Motor City Mini!

Hell, Michigan is a microscopic town just 15 miles outside of Ann Arbor. It was founded in 1838 by George Reeves and back then, Hell was actually bigger than it is now: It had both a general store and a mill. Only the general store — selling mostly Hell-centric kitsch — and a small ice cream shop remain today. Since Reeves became infamous for putting excess grain from the mill through his private whiskey still then offering it up for profit, Hell quickly became a popular spot to procure some de-luxe 'shine back in the day. Legend has it that eventually horses began returning to neighboring towns without riders, leading their wives to question the whereabouts of their husbands...a typical response to which was, "He's gone to Hell!" When the State of Michigan eventually asked Reeves what the official name of his settlement was to be, he replied, "Call it Hell for all I care, everyone else does."

Along with overwhelming amounts of kitsch, Hell is home to some of the best sweeping roads in Michigan's Lower Peninsula. Approaching from the south, the road narrows from a four-lane highway to a two-lane pathway. Carving, cambered curves appear out of nowhere and you are quickly drawn further and further into the scenic side of the mitten (for you non-Michiganders, hold up your hand in the shape of a mitten and then, after, noting "Hey look, it's shaped like Michigan!" you'll see where we're talking about). Just fifteen minutes prior, we were trapped in typical rush hour drudgery. Now, my allies and I were soaking in the earth-tone blur provided by the untouchable combination of stiff acceleration, a panoramic moon roof and a winding forest road.

The strong hoonage quotient promised by the turbocharged 172 HP four-cylinder and a chassis overflowing with Bruce pushed us to nail the progress pedal to the floor despite ever-tightening road geometry. The MINI responded with its best Mr. Plow impersonation and we promptly ended up on the gravel shoulder. Something was amiss. The standard-issue MINI Cooper S would consume such a surface like a German inhales a liter of Hofbräu during Oktoberfest. It seems the missing passenger-side B-pillar caused this slower, chubbier and more flexible Cooper Clubman S to lose a bit of its composure at the limit. After some thorough, varied and objective flogging, we concluded that, as enthusiasts, the flawless structure present in the smaller, fitter Cooper S has seemingly been ruined by the addition of a paltry suicide door, a double rear door and 3.1 inches of wheelbase.

Mildly disappointed with the lack of go-kart capability, we proceeded south on the cruising roads leading back to Ann Arbor. Not out of the woods yet, the MINI was wound out in sixth gear and the tub pointed out what proficiency it had to offer over the pint-sized Cooper S. The added wheelbase and extra heft provided a very smooth and controlled glide for such a tiny car over some of the rougher patches of Michigan asphalt. Perhaps the ride was too smooth, interfering with our sense of speed, because we proceeded, cruise-missile-like at a very undisclosable speed past a local lawman doing something untold in the dark outside of his idling cruiser. Witnessing our microshuttle shoot over the crest, our road-following HIDs illuminated the officer while he scurried sideways to assume the position and give chase. This was his one chance to bust one of those big-city yuppies and he wasn't letting a little thing like pulling up his pants get in the way. The officer channeled a bit of Tanner Foust as he slid the old Crown Victoria around in the dust and roared up to a spot about a foot off of our rear fascia while we proceeded at a brisk 35 MPH. Perhaps he was simply admiring the quirky rear barn doors, but after about three miles of trawling along, the officer decided it was quitting time and pulled away. Disaster averted.

We rolled into downtown Ann Arbor with a now-dusty MINI and grabbed ourselves some super premium chow at Ashley's. Even with the added length, we found we could park the MINI just about anywhere in a town that is notorious for a total lack of parking. We decided it belonged best stuffed inside a pathway running through the center of the U of M campus. They didn't design those anti-car posts with this little guy in mind. The automatic door of the University's library's slid open as the MINI rolled past and we debated giving it a try. A steely gaze from the librarian inside smothered those plans and we decided the luck of our collective Irishness had been sufficiently pushed and it was time to hang it up for the night.

Even though it is not quite as lithe as it's smaller brethren, the MINI Cooper Clubman S is suited for a different purpose. If a nimble mountain terror is your prescription, the added bulk might just be too much to bear. This chassis is much better equipped to handle long stretches of straight road at alarming speeds with your friends and gear in tow than testing G-meters on a track. As if acknowledging its mission in life, the car did finally make it out to the airport, on time, with all of its running gear intact, ready for a week of hauling team and gear — nary a track in sight. Frankly, for the first time ever, we're left wondering why this MINI even needs an "S."

Photo Credit goes to Alex Conley.

If we were going to split a Mini in half and bolt a bicycle to it, we'd rather use the front part of the Mini. Not only is the rear half ugly, but it doesn't have any of the drivetrain. Even if we're just being taxied around, we'd rather be hanging on for dear life to a bicycle seat welded on behind the turbocharged four. [China Car Times]

[AutoJunk via AutoBlog]

Also, Kim Cattrall showed up at the event. We'd point out that Ms. Cattrall not only did Nissan commercials that were too sexy for New Zealand but also repped for the Mercedes GLK before showing up at this BMW-sponsored event. Said a jealous Dr. Z, "No wonder she keeps getting all the most Whore-ish parts."

[Source: BMW]

MINI Clubman Coming To Detroit

Everybody loves the new MINI. In its design, its flair and agile handling,
the new MINI has been desirable right from the start. And now the technology-oriented aficionado of the MINI will find an even wider range of convincing arguments and selling points contributing to the success of this great car. So even more than before, the world's only small premium car stands out through top-quality finish, exemplary safety, the most advanced drivetrain technology, outstanding efficiency, extreme reliability, and lasting value. Indeed, it is precisely through these and many other qualities that MINI has already written an impressive story of success in the USA.

Now yet another new chapter is being added to this success story:
the MINI Clubman. The public will have the wonderful opportunity to admire this extravagantly designed new addition to the MINI model range at the 2008 North American International Auto Show (NAIAS) to be held in Detroit from 19-27 January 2008 - and soon they will be able to enjoy the sight of this unique car also on the road, with the market launch of the MINI Clubman in the States starting on February 16, 2008.[Source: MINI]

Please have a wonderful Christmas. Drink too much. Eat too much. Don't feel guilty about the presents you give or those that you receive. Care not for your carbon footprint or the impact of your naked consumerism. Be happy. And remember, you are having a much better time than Gordon Brown because he has no friends and you've got lots.

As reported earlier, Magna-Steyr will be building the Clubman-based mini-utes starting in 2010. The company is set to produce as many as 80,000 per year with many of the taller wagons set for US consumption. What do you think of the name? [Auto Motor und Sport via AutoBlog]