I don’t know what’s going on here, between the whales and the comets and the screaming saxophone, but all I know is that from now on, all car ads should be like this Volvo promo film from 1999. And also, we actually found the answer to who would download a car on the Internet.
Yesterday's unintentionally hilarious/vaguely uncomfortable Alfa Romeo 4C commercial was notable for the fact that it went full throttle with its attempt at sex appeal. The thing is, while that ad did with with absolutely zero subtlety, in terms of sex in ads, it was nothing new for Alfa.
I saw this ad for the 1989 Pontiac Grand Prix, and I am pretty sure I have come out of it a person anew. This ad is my everything, if for no other reason that it has everything. Car phones. Big hair. Someone who appears to not be wearing any pants. A terrible car. Big hair. Sex? Maybe.
Look, I love my adopted country, and I am annoyed by many "weird Japan" posts. It's one trope I am really tired of hearing. However, even I have to admit, sometimes, Japan is weird. Like Japanese commercials. They're totally bizarre. And they've been that way for a long time. Like this 1970s Nissan Skyline commercial.
Fellow UT Austin alum Matthew McConaughey has recently gotten quite a bit of ribbing for his Lincoln commercials, but the twang-toned actor is far from the first movie star to hawk cars on TV. Way back in 1957, actress Jeanne Crain tried to convince middle-class Americans to purchase Chrysler's DeSoto.
The very first Chevrolet Camaro SS 350 advertisement looks like it should have been part of the scenery for the 1960s production of HG Wells' classic novel The Time Machine. It seems to appear, fully formed, from the very magma underneath the Earth's crust.
The introduction of the TR4 in 1961 was a continuation of the Triumph's approach to sports cars. Comfortable, stylish, and aimed squarely at the American consumer.
The Subaru XT Coupe was something of a major departure for the Fuji Heavy Industries vehicle division. Most of its previous offerings were specifically designed for practical applications such as carrying loads or commercial purposes. It was Subaru's first real attempt to produce an affordable sports car.
Remember Peugeot's brilliant 205 GTI commercial from 1986? Of course you do! And now that there's a new GTI, here comes the new ad that puts James Bond to shame with more rockets and more Apache action. Plus the new GTI.
Maybe this advertisement looked cool or happy-go-lucky to 1967 eyes, but to our eyes in 2014, it just comes off as creepy as hell. Like scenes from a period piece horror movie, the circus based Rambler "new cars" ad from the American Motors Company makes my skin crawl. And yet, what is a nightmare for us is probably…
The music! The clothes! The hair! If you loved the 80s, this Holden Barina commercial might just be too 80s even for you. And if you're glad that particular decade has been consigned to the dustbin of history, well you might just find this the stuff of nightmares. This just may be the 80est of 80s Suzuki Swift…
If you believe this ad, the Honda Logo will come to you fresh from rainclouds of Japanese skies. It will fall in liquid blob form to the calls of seagulls into the middle of your standard Japanese urban shopping arcade. Then you can drive around town in its "human sizing." Whatever that means.
Nowadays when you see an ad for a car with any remote semblance of performance, you get imagery of adrenaline-inducing road-holding with the occasional monster or two. But back in 1978, ads for the Ford Capri liked to tout its "safe and predictable" handling. Bummer.
The early 1970s were a glorious time for muscle cars. Ford, Chevy, Dodge, Plymouth, even the forgotten AMC all jumped into the game. But few muscle cars were as sinister as the Challenger, as even cops with speech impediments knew.
The Australian Ford Falcon is dying out, which is sad, but it's had a long and storied past as a sedan with many sporting variants. Recently, you could buy packages like the FPV FG Falcon GT Boss 315, which is a mouthful, but back in the day, you could get every "sport" option individually.
An early 1990s Toyota Camry is world-renowned as not only the car your parents probably had growing up, but also as the one of the beigest of beigemobiles ever created. It is your generic "car," when one has to think of some "car." So the fact that it might be a herald of the 21st century was frightening.
No, these subway ads aren't from an alternate reality at all. They're from history. And yes, that does appear to be a child laying in a pool of his own blood, while a man walks over to make sure he's really dead.
Also, a breakdown in your suspension.
Oldsmobile's got a weird legacy. It was supposed to be sporty, sort of, and it was supposed to slot into a level somewhere above Pontiac, but somewhere below everything else. At the end of the day, it was clearly redundant. So I have no idea what the hell the tagline in this ad means.