The lightest rebuff came last Thursday from Russian Machines, owned by allegedly mobbed-up Oleg Deripaska, which merely denied they were doing anything in an official capacity:

"Russian Machines neither received any proposals to consider acquisition of the Hummer assets, nor is strategically interested in such a deal"

China's Changfeng merely points out the obvious:

"The Hummer is way too expensive for the Chinese military and demand from civilian buyers is not big enough to justify a purchase, especially with oil prices running near an all-time high"

Our favorite is Mumbai-based Mahindra, which not only denied interest but also took a swipe at Hummer's image:

"We are pursuing our own models strategy and we do not want to tarnish our lean warrior strategy."

Ouch. That strategy they're talking about is the diesel-electric Scropio and Appalachian. Maybe those ice cream men can pool some money together.

[Reuters, Reuters and Reuters]

I can't in truth call my Shanghai trip a comedy of errors, although there were errors, one of which resulted in my flying home first class. And while some of the Engrish I encountered was laugh-out-loud gut-busting. I can't quite refer to it as a tragedy, either. What it was, however, was a slightly nebulous, inchoate paradigm-fucker of a time/history/distance shift.

Pudong, the area of Shanghai where Audi put us up, didn't exist in any way, shape or form resembling what it is now a mere fifteen years ago. The government laid a bunch of nightsoil in anticipation of a flood of foreign capital and a thousand skyscrapers bloomed. We joked after Chairman Li's speech in Detroit that the Changfeng press conference was an example of the Great Leap Sideways. Having seen Shanghai, I'm not so sure.

For most of us, the Chinese auto market seems far-off and regrettably goofball. And it is that. It's also the second largest in the world. Bear in mind, the first mass-produced Chinese car debuted in 1958; Henry Ford had over half a century on it, having founded FoMoCo a mere two years after the quelling of the Boxer Rebellion. Today? The market ranges from double-dutied $500k Rollers to $3,000 domestic copies of outdated Suzuki Altos. The Jin Mao Building is the fifth-highest in the world, yet won't-take-no-for-an-answer hustlers hang just outside attempt to pawn genuine faux Rolexes off on you.

Leaving Shanghai, fellow autojourno Jon Guzik and I were strolling through Shanghai Pudong airport. Guzik had picked up a faux Louis Vuitton bag the day before and was using at as a carry-on. Then the strap snapped.

The problem is, that's the reality of much of China — the reality that springs to mind when we're not thinking of Mao posters, little red books, subpar working conditions or the death vans for inveterate cuties. But the reality of the Chinese auto industry is that there will be a day — and that day is rapidly approaching — that the strap won't break. Brace yourselves. Shanghai '07 may well stand as the first drops of a watershed that could flush the colon of the auto industry to the point that we'll no longer recognize it. It wasn't in the cars we saw. It was in the actions; the attitudes. The propaganda was at times laughable, but the grasp on what it takes to compete primarily has to do with Western tastes in marketing. No American shopping for a heavy-duty truck will want to buy "The Floating Aerodrome on Land," but cut-rate goods built to a solid standard are coming — while not as luxe as the A8L we rode in, the Chinese-built A6L's interior panel fit was actually better.

The show may have been somewhat provincial and the air-conditioning non-existent; English-language press kits may have been few and far between; the models may have been beautiful but ill-trained, but there was an undeniable import inherent in the event that I didn't see in Paris, Detroit or New York. Only Los Angeles came close, although it'll be a few more years before it truly regains its footing. Nevertheless, LA and Shanghai are shifting while the others are riding the status quo so cluelessly and intently that they may as well have had the In The Army Now album cranking full-bore for the length of the exhibitions.

A Japanese automaker overtook GM for the first time in first-quarter sales; Japan is an aging population with less and less of a workforce; China is growing exponentially, geometrically, algebraically, ballistically and without regard for your interpretation of integers. The Greater East Asia Co-Prosperity Sphere may be seven decades overdue, but it is coming. And don't be surprised if in 50 years, the big players end in "-eng" rather than "-a."

Thanks for listening. We'll see you next Wednesday. – Davey G. Johnson

"Fast as a Shark" is a weekly electronic broadside aimed at what has been historically right and terribly wrong with the autmotive industry and culture. And yes, a pretty girl once kissed us for singing an Accept song at karaoke.

China Surging in Car Market [DetNews]

Related:
Waiting for the Great Leap Sideways: Changfeng Motor Takes On Detroit [Internal]

We're not sure why we didn't think of this as soon as we realized how heavily Changfeng relied on Mitsubishi technology and design of a certain age. If Mitsu won't give us a new Starion, why shouldn't Changfeng give us an old Starion with a leaping cheetah gracing the front end instead of a diamond star? We can almost guarantee that it would never make us disappointed. – Davey G. Johnson

Related:
Waiting For the Great Leap Sideways: Changfeng Motor Takes on Detroit [Internal]

Besides Thomas Weber's "Wee-Eight" comment, Mark Fields' description of Mercury as "Not Ford" and the apparent "I am going to cum all over you" line from Changfeng's Chairman Li, we only had Alan Mulally's "Ford blands" bit to keep us giggling. Let's just say Detroit didn't leave us with anything quite as golden as "ALUMINUM UND SHTEEL!" or "Your wife, my wife..." Regardless, there were a few gems that came to us away from the show floor. Transcribed verbal snapshots after the jump.

"The cars need to stay on the track."
-A scowling VW employee who didn't much care for the way Los Jalops were playing with the Rabbit slot cars.

"I'm wasting my life in the back of a brand-new Winnebago."
-Antonio Alvendia bemoaning the laggardliness of his hotel's staff

"Were the Northwest people at the show good to you?"
-Two NWA employees smoking cigarettes outside the terminal at the airport. MC Ren was nowhere in sight.

"Oh, can't you give us a break?"
-Audi Communications operative after hearing we'd entitled our post on the Q7 reveal "ALUMINUM UND SEAL!"

"Some days, I wanna put a bullet in my head. Other days, it's great."
-A DCX employee who shall remain nameless on working for the German-American Hybrid

"Every model comes with a free finger!"
-Dan Neil on the working conditions in Chinese factories

"You remember the Corvair? When I was 19, I got a job at the body shop. This was back when they used lead. I had a 36-grit grinder that ran at 36.000 RPM. My job was to smooth the cars out. I wore a hood pressurized to 5 psi with a hose running out the back. Every two weeks, they'd take a blood sample. After six months, they found a small trace of lead. That's when I quit. That's my experience in the auto industry."
-The shuttle bus driver on the way to the airport

– Davey G. Johnson

More from Detroit [Internal]

Changfeng debuted a passel of Liebao vehicles on North American shores this afternoon including the CS6, CS7, Feiteng, and of course, the Black Giant, which "never makes you disappointed." Chairman Li took to the stage at Cobo and at one point sounded very much like he said, "I am going to cum all over you." Meanwhile, Mitsubishi partner Changfeng would like you to note that "The Black Giant's body is broadened, thus body becomes more well-stacked and smooth. Strong power drives the mighty body. You will feel full of momentum and great dignity." Is a new Cultural Revolution at hand? Are we being warned that the Third World is just around the corner? Or will the Wayne County palm-greasers who showed up for Changfeng's presentation re-invent Sino-Detwa relations? In any event, "Let a hundred flowers bloom; let a hundred schools of thought contend." – Davey G. Johnson

Related:
Geely Will Go With You For a Happy Life [Internal]