Jalopnik: Car Wash

Car Wash Calendar Professionals Make Men Feel Dirty, Want A Clean Car

Ben Wojdyla — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 16:00:00 EDT

Most car washes we go to are operated by heavyset sweaty guys, so seeing these professional automotive sanitation engineers extolling the virtues of automated car wash systems in the "Christ Wash Systems" twelve-month calendar seems very odd. The biggest problem we see here is lack of proper safety attire. A car wash operator never wants to get into a situation where debris may cause skin abrasion. Heck, with skimpy little outfits like that, the air jets at the end might just blow them right off.

[Autoblog.nl via WCF]

Lonely And Pathetic? Buy A Saleen Mustang From These Guys

Matt Hardigree — Fri, 02 May 2008 12:00:00 EDT

When we were 11 we had a bachelor uncle who proudly displayed a poster in his bedroom of a woman wearing soap and little else cleaning off a Corvette. We thought it was hot at the time but, thankfully, grew enough over the next two years to understand the difference between things that are sexy and things that are merely unpoetic attempts to allude to sex. Though not everyone, particularly people who own car dealerships, have the evolved taste we developed at age 13, we're guessing you all can see this local advertisement for a Saleen mustang for what it is: two unimpressed bottle-blondes in bikinis doing what they have to do to scrape together enough funds for that final semester of beautician's school. Though it may have helped sell a few more cars, this is only because the dealership is from a northern Dallas suburb, meaning it is even closer to Oklahoma. (SFW, not safe for epileptics) [Motorpasion via CarScoop]

Car Wash Equipment Destroyed By Angry Customer In Pine-Scented Rage

Matt Hardigree — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 11:20:00 EDT

Our philosophy of cotomer sevis has always been to recognize that all businesses make mistakes and that the good business is the one that does what's necessary to correct those mistakes. Taking that one step further was Assi Touti of Forrest Hills, New York who, apparently, wasn't satisfied with the job a Mr. Hand Car Wash did on his Chevy Silverado truck. The management offered him a second wash but explained that he'd have to wait in line before going through again. This made Mr. Touti a little upset. So upset that he crashed his truck into the equipment (not pictured), trapping three employees.

The total cost of not having the patience to wait a few minutes for a second round at the car wash? The equipment was damaged to the tune of $12,000, plus damage to the truck and whatever it's going to cost to deal with a felony count of second-degree criminal mischief and three counts of reckless endangerment. Haven't these people heard of the Better Business Bureau? [Newsday]

The Greeks Get That Bikinis Are The Key To Selling Econoboxes

Matt Hardigree — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 11:15:00 EDT

Though fairly pedestrian by most standards, this humorous Greek ad for the Chevrolet Matiz hatchback is, by American carmaker standards, too hot for TV. It's just a girl in a bikini suggestively washing a car, but the implication of sex means running afoul of any number of conservative family groups that get a hard-on every time they have something to boycott or complain about. Completely safe-for-work unless you work at the Family Research Council. [YouTube via CarScoop]

Georgia Employees in Increasingly Rare Hot Water Over Car Washes

Matt Hardigree — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 14:15:00 EST

Since it hasn't rained in Georgia in something like one million years, the state is on the verge of a Mad Max-esque , post-apocolyptic future. Because of this, ~~Lord Humungous~~ the Governor ordered state employees to stop washing their cars in order to preserve some of the liquid gold. Apparently, not everyone got that particular memo as the Atlanta Journal-Constitution managed to find state employees using their state-issued credit cards for some washes.

Among the perpetrators was Georgia Highlands College President J. Randy Pierce, who claims to have not heard about the particular edict before getting his car washed. Due to his negligence, there was no happy ending after his trip to the Magic Touch Car Wash. The Governor's spokeswoman claimed that employees getting busted for car washes "may be volunteered to be the first to grab a bucket and dredge the dead pool at Lake Lanier." [AJC]

Canadians Wowed by Indoor Car Washing Technology

Matt Hardigree — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 16:45:00 EST

We joke, a little, but it seems that the extra rich in Canada can't be bothered to take their car to the neighborhood Car Wash or, you know, pay the busty O'hanrahanrahan girl to buff their Benzies. According to a list put together by a real estate brokerage network (so you know they can be trusted), an indoor car wash is at the top of the list of must have "home upgrades." For just $30,000 you can enjoy car washing services in the comfort of your own massive garage. [Globe & Mail]

Snoop Dogg to Wash Cars, Clean Toilets

Wes Siler — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 13:45:00 EDT

Snoop Dogg has agreed to wash cars as part of a community service sentence. An Orange County Judge sentenced the rapper to 160 hours of community service for illegal possession of a dangerous weapon. Snoop, who was carrying an extending baton at John Wayne Airport in September 2006, will also be raking leaves, cleaning toilets and collecting litter at an unspecified Orange County park. [Via OC Register]
Photo credit: Mat Honan

Man Killed By Whirling Car Wash Brushes

Murilee Martin — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 15:00:40 EDT

We've always thought of the car wash as a happy and safe place, perhaps because of the influence of the excellent 1976 film Car Wash. However, it turns out that we were very, very wrong; Ricardo Martinez, an 18-year-old employee of the Goo Goo Express Car Wash in Wyoming, Michigan, was dragged into one of the machines and killed in a tragic incident last Friday. [Battle Creek Enquirer]

Wash and Wax Bonanza

Mike Bumbeck — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 12:30:00 EDT

For a long number of years even the idea of washing and waxing our car was unnecessary. Cleanup meant maybe a hosing off, and adding another layer of rattle can primer to key spots. The first paint job worthy of a wash and wax was a defining moment. Washing and waxing the new paint on the old car was suddenly an exciting novelty! For somewhat newer cars, a regular wash and wax keeps the paint from decaying to the clean it with scrub pad and can of spray paint stage. Sure the local car wash is great, but nothing beats the satisfaction washing and waxing your own ride.

Space Age Polymers

The thin layer of space age polymers that comprises modern automobile paint makes the difference between a car that's worth washing and waxing, and that chalk blue Gremlin that Uncle Vito drove around. The paint needs to stay strong enough to protect the steel underneath, yet flexible enough as not to dry out and lose its strength. Nothing beats up on paint like the relentless forces of sun and weather. Once the materials that keep the paint tough yet flexible get baked dry by the sun or wicked away by the rain, bad things start to happen.

Snake Oil

Cleaning first is the key to waxing later. A properly applied coat of protective wax acts as both a sealant to keep the good stuff inside your paint, and a shield to keep the bad stuff out. Which wax to use is open to freedom of choice. As we tend to stick with the classics a good old Carnauba paste or liquid is on the shelf. Others will rant on about the miracle of modern science and synthetic formulas. As with most things, if it sounds too good to be true it likely is. Quality is more important than type, and any protection is better than none at all.

Stuff You'll Need:

· Cool Shady Spot
· Water and Hose with Spray Nozzle
· Bucket of Soapy Water
· Clean Soft Towels of Some Kind
· Super Squeegee
· Top Quality Wax
· More Clean Soft Towels

Rinse it. Park the vehicle in some shade and hose it down from top to bottom with cool, clean water. Hose down that stinky dog if so equipped. Also spray any nearby cats.

Make soapy water. Use a quality soap made specifically for washing automobiles. Dish soap and the like will dry out automotive paint.

Wash it. Use plenty of soapy water and soft clean towels or sponges to wash away dirt and grime. Making waxy scratches in the paint by pushing dirt around is not the desired result.

Rinse it down again. Work from top to bottom to remove detergent. This time say goodbye to dirt and crud.

Dry it. One of the better sawbucks ever spent was on one of these silicone blade squeegee gizmos. Finish drying with soft terrycloth towels or chamois. These microfiber towels work swell too. If a compressor sits in the garage fire it up and use compressed air blow water out of crevices.

Wax on! Apply a thin coat of wax in a circular pattern to a small area at a time. Be careful not to get wax on trim bits or lodged in cracks. Work in the shade. NEVER apply wax in direct sunlight or attempt to apply wax to a hot painted surface. The wax can bake on and become wicked hard to remove.

Wax off! First let the wax to haze over and dry. Next use clean, soft cloths to remove wax. Rotate the cloth surface and shake out any excess wax and as you go. Tip: tear those corner labels off cloths to prevent making scratches.

All manner of modern machines and miracle products are available for the task of washing and waxing. The safest and gentlest on paint method is a good old hand wax. Buffers and polishers can do the job but can also cause damage. – Mike Bumbeck

[A special thanks to various pals, neighbors, and the Analog Assassins for helping out]

Jane, Stop this Crazy Thing: Home Car Washing Machine in 2020

Mike Spinelli — Thu, 10 Aug 2006 09:55:18 EDT

Apparently, in 2020, not only will we have driveway car-wash appliances, but the DeLorean will be back and humans will have evolved into green, faceless silhouettes. A group of designers came up with the prototype drought-busting wash system — which uses only a gallon of water in the form of steam and water vapor to cleanse cars — for the Motor Industry Research Association, commissioned by Ebay. Now, on to the single-tablet dinner and wisecracking robot maid.

Designers unveil 'car dishwasher' [BBC]

Related:
Now That's Extreme Detailin': The $10,000 Car Wash [internal]

Now That's Extreme Detailin': The $10,000 Car Wash

Ray Wert — Thu, 04 May 2006 10:30:00 EDT

We'd seen stories about this on the interwebs for a while now, but what makes things different today — is we've got the video to prove it. We knew we'd seen it on Fifth Gear and now someone's YouTube'ed it to prove it. Feast your eyes on Paul Dalton and his $10K car wash — now that's what we call gettin' cleaned out. Hi-HO! (Hat tip everyone who sent this one in)

London car wash costs $11,500 [news.com.au]

Related:
More workin' at the car wash [internal]

Jalopnik Late Night: Eagle One Takes On The Cheerleader Car Wash, With Nuns

David Thomas — Fri, 28 Apr 2006 00:59:31 EDT

We saw this over the weekend flipping between channels, laughed a bit, then forgot about it. But it is a pretty funny commercial and one of the few that begs the question: "Isn't it really icky that schools/churches/charities use underage girls in bikinis to raise money via a soapy car wash?" Notice how overage these cheerleaders look just so the company covers its ass. The nuns are a nice touch though for those that don't think like we do. And it could be much worse.

Related:
Are the Dodges Homophobes? [internal]

Gee Your Moldings Smell Terrific!: Ford Fusion Voted "Most Washable"

Mike Spinelli — Thu, 09 Mar 2006 09:12:44 EST

It may not be a star performer in the crash-test realm (c'mon, standard curtain airbags are this year's black), but at least the Ford Fusion has great crevices. The International Car Wash Association (seriously, there is one) has elected the 2006 Fusion as its "Most Washable Car" of 2006, for an exterior design that promotes good washing, including its "moldings, bumpers, mirrors and wipers that are securely attached, its smooth lines, and its lack of dirt-trapping indentations and crevices." We're feeling kind of uncomfortable right about now.

2006 Ford Fusion Chosen International Car Wash Association's "Most Washable Car" [The Auto Channel]