Police: Texas Man Stole BBQ, Torched House, Led Cops On Corvette Chase

This is a crime story out of Texas, but it’s so insane it’s downright Floridian in nature. A man in my hometown of San Antonio faces multiple felony charges after cops say he stole brisket from a barbecue joint, evaded police in a stolen truck, set a house on fire, escaped in a stolen Corvette, and then was finally… » 4/15/15 9:50pm Wednesday 9:50pm

Texas Declares Man's License Plate Offensive To Upside-Down People

Are you inverted 180° from normal human position, either through a gravitational anomaly or perhaps the use of gravity boots? Maybe you’re Raph? Are you also a highly sensitive person? If so, then you better sit down. Or, I guess, sit up. Because Texas just figured out that a Lambo’s license plate, 370H55V, can be… » 4/10/15 12:45pm 4/10/15 12:45pm

Watch A Naked Aussie Rub His Butt And Junk All Over A Speed Camera Van

If you’re one of our Australian readers, chances are you’re not feeling too safe, because you know a criminal is on the loose. A man, still at large, wanted for the chilling crime of waving his li’l Ned Kelly at a van-based speed camera, and then rubbing his junk and ass all over the van. Well, I guess if you’re a… » 4/01/15 9:05pm 4/01/15 9:05pm

Watch This Guy Escape A Tow By Driving Right Off The Truck

Getting your car towed is, objectively, horrible. And once it’s on the truck, that tends to be the end of the argument you’ve got with The System. Even if you get to your car before the truck drives away, that’s it. Unless you’re this Jeep owner. In which case you just drive away anyways. » 3/30/15 4:35pm 3/30/15 4:35pm

Woman In Rolling Sebring Passed Out Cold On San Diego Freeway

Now, before we all jump to very reasonable and probable conclusions about intoxication, please keep in mind this woman was driving a Sebring, and passing out cold is just part of the driving experience. That said, it's lucky she didn't get killed/kill anyone, and that CHP officer handled this remarkably well. » 3/29/15 1:40am 3/29/15 1:40am

Truck ID Helps Nab Chronic Masturbator Named Dick In Tickle Creek

Those of you who keep track of all the chronic masturbators I write about on Jalopnik may remember this creepy-ass, Chevy truck-driving public Onanist. Well, good news! Thanks to an ID on his truck, he's been caught! And his last name is Dick, and was caught after exposing himself in a place called Tickle Creek. How… » 3/26/15 4:54pm 3/26/15 4:54pm

Kansas Cops Nab Guy In Skyline Doing 176 MPH Until His Engine Blew

Driving absurdly fast on public roads with general traffic on them is a colossally stupid idea, and this time it looks like the car agreed, committing suicide instead of being part of continued stupidity. The Kansas Highway Patrol arrested a man yesterday for going 176 MPH on Interstate 35, and caught him because his… » 3/23/15 3:20pm 3/23/15 3:20pm

How America's Speeding Tickets And Traffic Fines Are Totally Broken

John Oliver's most recent segment on Last Week Tonight was generally about the 'fuck barrel' of draconic municipal fines in this country. It should come as no surprise that a great deal of these fees start with speeding tickets and traffic infractions. It should come as even less of a surprise that the system is a… » 3/23/15 2:15pm 3/23/15 2:15pm