Jalopnik: bruce

Bruce Wayne's Subtle Lamborghini

Mark Arnold — Mon, 05 May 2008 10:20:00 EDT

As if Lamborghini didn't already inherit enough Bruce from their parents at Volkswagen/Audi, now the supercar brand is associating itself with a different type of Bruce. Yes, we're talking about Batman's, or rather Bruce Wayne's, Murcielago. It's a nice subtle daily driver— well, compared to the Tumbler. This inevitably leads to the question of who would win in a race: Batman in his Murcielago, or Iron Man in his R8?

Mercedes 2.3-16 Is Brucer Than Our Imprecise Minds Can Comprehend

Matt Hardigree — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:15:00 EDT

When we showed you the pics of a well maintained Mercedes 190E 2.3-16 yesterday it was nice to see that the rest of you share our love for this Cosworth-tuned Benz. In fact, you all liked it so much that one of you, Comedian, shared an uploaded 2.3-16 advertisement from the 1980's. Enjoy the novelty of a performance Benz with a manual and the phrase "with a four-cylinder, 16 valve jewel of engine." [YouTube]

BMW's Busted Balls of Bruce?

Mark Arnold — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 10:45:00 EDT

Ze Germans are all about über-precision. So why is it that they don't even have a properly functioning set of perpetual motion balls? We found these at the BMW stand at the New York Auto Show, and our first thought was the Bavarians had busted their balls. But it turns out that these are supposedly part of some ironic demonstration of some sort of BMW safety somethingoranother. It's a bit confusing, but we still think the SLR 722 GTR parking struggle over at the Mercedes stand was a bit more embarrassing.

Audi Promises to Prevail at Road America

Davey G. Johnson — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 21:00:00 EDT

Sick of humiliation at the hands of their part-owners and rivals, Audi boldly steps up the rhetoric and claims that they shall emerge victorious from this weekend's ALMS event at Road America. Having been soundly rounded by LMP2 cars in the last five races, the ALMS has made some next-season concessions to keep the diesel LMP1 cars in front of the pack. According to Audi's press release, "Team Audi Sport North America believes it has the opportunity to beat the preferentially treated LM P2 cars, which recently celebrated five successive overall victories. As a consequence, the LM P2 car's minimum weight has been increased by 50 kilograms by the rule makers for the 2008 season." Audi claims that Road America is a friendlier course for the R10, and what's more, that they've gone unbeaten at the track. Will the ghosts of Ferdinand and Ferry smite them? Or will August Horch's apparition appear and give the diesel cars the edge? Press Release after the jump.

PRESS RELEASE:

Audi aim to end LM P2 cars winning streak

• Elkhart Lake next stop for the American Le Mans Series
• Fastest track of the year
• Audi unbeaten at Road America to date

The Audi R10 TDI has been front page news in the American Le Mans Series since March 2006. With the revolutionary Diesel Sportscar, Audi is also proving just how efficient modern Diesel engines are on the race track. The programme in the world's most important Sportscar racing series is important in paving the way for AUDI AG's forthcoming Diesel offensive in America.

Next stop on the Audi R10 TDI's US tour is Elkhart Lake in Wisconsin state. The 6.563 kilometre (4.048 miles) long "Road America" circuit is the fastest on the American Le Mans Series calendar - and one which the Audi drivers are especially looking forward to.

The Diesel Sportscar, developed specifically for the 24 Hours of Le Mans, is at home on fast circuits. This is why Team Audi Sport North America believes it has the opportunity to beat the preferentially treated LM P2 cars, which recently celebrated five successive overall victories. As a consequence, the LM P2 car's minimum weight has been increased by 50 kilograms by the rule makers for the 2008 season.

Defending ALMS LM P1 Champions Dindo Capello and Allan McNish head to Road America as leaders of the LM P1 drivers' championship. They hold an 18 point lead over their team-mates Emanuele Pirro and Marco Werner. The race starts on Saturday (11 August) at 4.p.m. local time (11 p.m. in Germany) and lasts four hours. An extra three points are awarded due to the longer race distance. Audi is unbeaten at Road America to date.

Quotes before the race at Road America

Dr Wolfgang Ullrich (Head of Audi Motorsport): "In Road America we aim to continue with the big victories we recorded at the beginning of the season. However, this is no easy task as we have two handicaps handed out to us by the regulations when compared to the LM P2 cars: the higher weight and smaller fuel tank. We also lose time during the pit stops because diesel flows slower into the tank than gasoline. In spite of this, we'll do everything possible to beat the LM P2 cars - even though there are no points awarded in the American Le Mans Series for doing this."

Dindo Capello (Audi R10 TDI #1): "After having raced at several circuits that didn't quite suit our R10 TDI, we can hardly wait to drive at Road America. We should be capable of extracting the full potential of our Diesel Sportscar there. Our last overall victory was more than four months ago. It's high time that Allan (McNish) and I return to the winner's circle."

Allan McNish (Audi R10 TDI #1): "Road America is a fantastic track that has some very fast sections. It is demanding and you need to be quite courageous. Dindo (Capello) and I love the track. We were very strong there last year, but we nevertheless lost the win to our team-mates just before the finish. That means we have a score to settle at Road America. In view of the way the season's been running up until now, we are very hungry for success."

Emanuele Pirro (Audi R10 TDI #2): "In my opinion, Road America is one of the best circuits on the American Le Mans Series calendar. I really enjoy going back to race there. I have fond memories, not only of our win last year. The battle I had with Tom (Kristensen) in 2002 was even better, and I'll never forget it. At Road America I hope that Audi is finally seen in a more familiar position: right at the front."

Marco Werner (Audi R10 TDI #2): "Every one of us is looking forward to Road America. It's an extremely fast track with one very long straight. Road America is a big challenge for the driver, just how I like it. The R10 TDI is designed and built for Le Mans - and therefore rather more for Road America than for Lime Rock or Mid Ohio. I hope that we can get the R10 TDI right at the front again."

Dave Maraj (Team Director Audi Sport North America): "We lost too much time in the pits at Mid Ohio. We analysed exactly where we can be faster. As a team we do not give up. Even if Porsche has an advantage we want to beat them at Road America. It'll be difficult to repeat last year's one-two finish. But we'll definetly try."

We Totally Knew There Was Something To Those Ford-BMW-Mercedes Talks

Ray Wert — Sun, 22 Jul 2007 09:00:00 EDT

Or not. Jalopnik reader CJ snapped a picture of this aborted merger of German Bruce and American Dave he found behind a BMW/Mercedes dealership in Minnetonka, MN.

Bruce's Baja Bug!

Davey G. Johnson — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 18:45:00 EDT

A man had or has a cousin named Bruce. In the 1970s, Bruce built a Baja Bug, apparently before the style became somewhat codified as a classic icon of Californian backyard engineering. It features a wacky cue or six, but after growing up surrounded by custom Beetles, the fact that we see fewer and fewer on the road these days makes us nostalgic for the days when any nutball with a wrench would cut up a Bug and make it his own. Here's to you, Bruce.

Carrera Libido

Davey G. Johnson — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 17:00:00 EDT

A fine specimen of precision double-xx chromosomal engineering gives a sterling hunka-hunka burnin' Bruce a thrill. Ah, those wacky Germans.

Bruce as Economic Motivator

Davey G. Johnson — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 22:15:00 EDT

According to BMW honcho Norbert Reithofer, the trick to succeeding in the global marketplace as a German-based company can be summed up in a deceptively simple sentence: "It's all about mastering complexity." Such, then, is the cost of delivering Bruce to the people and existing as a serious component of a newly resurgent economic engine in Deutschland, a nation that saw 2.8% economic growth last year, despite notoriously stringent labor laws and a strong euro. Time dives headlong into the highly-precise morass of German industry. – Davey G. Johnson

BMW Drives Germany [Time]

Related:
BMW to Volvo? Ford Says It's a No-Go [Internal]

Father of Teen Killed In TN Pro-Mod Accident Sues

Davey G. Johnson — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 20:15:00 EDT

The father of fifteen-year-old Scarlett Replogle — killed in the Selmer, Tennesee accident when Troy Critchley's Pro Mod got out of line during an exhibition burnout at the Cars for Kids charity event earlier this month — is suing for 2.5 million dollars in compensatory damages, on top of $7.5 mil in punitive damages. Bruce Replogle has named Cars for Kids, Critchley and car-owner AMS as defendants in the case. In other news pertaining to the tragedy, the Tennessee Department of State is checking into whether Cars for Kids was correctly licensed as a charitable organization under the state's tax code. – Davey G. Johnson

Father of teen killed in Selmer drag car accident sues [Houston Chronicle]

And Now A Word From Bruce's Patron, Ferry

Davey G. Johnson — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 13:00:00 EDT

Ferry Porsche oversteered his way to the great Nürburgring in the sky nearly a decade ago. But sometime in the late '80s or early '90s, the man filmed this awesome promotional spot that puts current Porsche advertising to shame. 959, 928, Porsche's amazing line of sports-racers, the 550, etc. — they're all here. This is the kind of clip that turns small boys into lifelong Porschephiles and commands respect from anyone with even the slightest hint of petrol coursing through his circulatory system. – Davey G. Johnson

Autoextremist Upset About Porsche Detroit Snub

Davey G. Johnson — Thu, 14 Jun 2007 17:45:00 EDT

Denizens of the Motown are proud of their city. And we understand why. It's a great place with plenty of friendly people and lots of good food. But Detroit has one problem — when it comes to cars, it still thinks that it's the center of the universe. The Brucemeisters at Porsche obviously don't see it that way, leading Peet to totally castigate the company. But we ask you this, while Detroit is unquestionably still the king of the North American auto shows, LA saw a vast improvement this year. We wouldn't be surprised if the LA show begins to steal more and more of Detwa's thunder. Because who wants to go to Detroit in January when one can be in Los Angeles in the late fall? Will LA take the crown from Detroit? Discuss amongst yourselves. – Davey G. Johnson

Porsche cuts off its nose. [Autoextremist]

European Authorities to Crack Down on Rallying

Davey G. Johnson — Wed, 23 May 2007 21:45:00 EDT

Following the death of a Macedonian couple earlier this month on the Gumball 3000, European cops are urging a ban on Gumball 3000, Carbon Black and Cannonball Europe. Tispol-affiliated officers plan to share information about the rallies and their routes with each other in order to stop the events, much in the way German Police officers halted the Gumball in Germany. It'll be interesting to see what effect the coordinated effort has on this summer's Cannonball, scheduled for July, as well as its impact on rallies run in the United States. If we needed any more evidence that the Golden Age of Rallying is kaput, Tispol's clampdown is it. – Davey G. Johnson

Police seek ban after Gumball Rally deaths [Times, UK via Team Polizei]

Yes, We Still Need a Citroen SM

Davey G. Johnson — Tue, 22 May 2007 17:45:00 EDT

Merak motor, a thousand GBP just for a new clutch, French quality, and well, we just don't care. It doesn't matter one bit. The Citroën SM is one of the top-ten coolest cars of the 1970s, and indeed of all time. If you don't agree, find someone to kick you in the head. Auf wiedersehen! – Davey G. Johnson

Related:
Franco-Italian Fabulosity: The Citroen SM [Internal]

Porsche 959 at the 1986 Paris Dakar

Jonny Lieberman — Sun, 20 May 2007 09:00:00 EDT

We have but two things to say. Number one, our new goal in life is to hammer on a 959. And we mean it – literally hammer. Number two, this video could have been several hundred minutes longer. All hail the 959. Make the jump to hear some nice engine noise. – Jonny Lieberman

Related:
Whoa! 959 On eBay! [Internal]

Isetta in Drag: The Whatta Drag

Mike Spinelli — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 11:00:00 EST

As its name attests, the Bruce Weiner Microcar Museum is the venue for all manner of microcar, from the Grataloup to the Vespa 400 and right up to the towering Isetta. In fact, funny story. There was this Hot Wheels car called the Whatta Drag. It was part Isetta, part drag bike and all the kind of Hot Wheels car that sat, unpicked, in the back of the box when cars were played. Nonetheless, the team at Bruce Weiner went about building a full-scale version of the Whatta Drag, using a 1959 Isetta 300 and a worked-over Chevy 502 big-block V8 - blown, natch — producing 730 hp. No word on trap times (we wonder if it's been dragged), but we'd imagine this could run in the threes of wheels. – Mike Spinelli

BMW Isetta Whatta Drag: Hotwheels inspired, 730Hp Chevy V8 powered [Carscoop]

Merkel Don't Need No Merkin: German Chancellor Stands Up for Bruce

Davey G. Johnson — Tue, 06 Feb 2007 21:30:00 EST

Angela Merkel just applied a blast furnace to the cockles of our speed-freak hearts by standing up to the EU and asserting that unrestricted autobahn speeds aren't negotiable. The key to the development of the most Brucetastic vehicles in the world, the highways are a wonder of order and precision, at least when compared to the 405. The German chancellor stared down EU Environmental Commissioner Stavros Dimas when he asserted that Germany isn't doing enough to be green. Funny, because when we studied in Germany a decade ago, it was a helluva lot greener than the US is now. Plus, gas prices and the cost and rigorous nature of driver training in Germany, as well as serious TUV inspections, combined with impeccably-maintained roadways make travel by car in the nation, from our anecdotal experience, some of the safest and cleanest in the world.

We agree with Merkel; the unrestricted Autobahn and its success add to German prestige. And as the EU clamps down on emissions, practicioners of Bruce's black, precise art will simply build more powerful, cleaner engines. You cannot stop Bruce. You can't even contain it. It will triumph. And the autobahn is Bruce's natural habitat. Limit the 'Bahn and you neuter Bruce. Remember what happened last time international governments cut the Germans off at the cojones? – Davey G. Johnson

Germany's Open Speed Limits To Continue — But for How Long? [Inside Line via Autoblog]

Precision Is Expensive: Welcome To The BMW Experience

Ray Wert — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 10:31:00 EST

I've come to the conclusion that BMW spends more money on sending promotional materials to their customers than any other automaker. Let's use my mom as an example. Momma Wert just bought BMW's new mini-UV, the X3. Since she bought the new car four months ago, she's received a "welcome letter" and "an exclusive invitation" to an event for new BMW X3 owners as well as "BMW magazine," a monthly "lifestyle" magazine for bimmer owners. Gag. As the topper to these wonderful parting gifts, last week she received a beautifully packaged official "BMW Welcome Kit." This kit, which looks like to cost the equivalent of a monthly payment, congratulates my mother for becoming the "new and proud owner of an X3 3.0si" and according to BMW's US office is meant

"To help you gain a deeper understanding of your vehicle, the community that surrounds it and the free-thinking company that created it, we've developed this Welcome Kit. It contains a host of information about your BMW Ownership Experience..."

But wait, there's even more precision packaged into this here plastic-wrapped promo-pack. They've enclosed a "Passion for Performance" DVD giving a "closer look at The Ultimate Driving Machine" as well as — get this — books on CD, or what they're calling "a special thank-you gift designed to make your next road trip even more exciting." We'd like to tell you what we thought of the DVD and books-via-CD, but after I took pictures of the package my mother promptly threw the entire thing in the garbage, disustedly exclaiming "I think they should cut the price instead of sending me more crap." My mother's a wise woman. – Ray Wert

2 Legit 2 Quit: Mercedes 300D Limo

Mike Bumbeck — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 13:31:11 EST

In the sub-basement level parking garage of a hotel in fabulous El Segundo is this forlorn Mercedes 300D limo. Why this fine example of prestige and luxury is sitting on four flat tires is a source of great mystery. With no celebrity or executive to transport, the Rial mesh rims and rear deck lid wing have no one to impress. Perhaps MC Hammer and entourage rode with Bruce legit before the mighty Mercedes quit. – Mike Bumbeck

Aluminum und Spiel: Audi R8 in Nevada

Mike Spinelli — Mon, 22 Jan 2007 09:32:16 EST

The Fans of World Cars posted an Audi corporate vid of the new R8, as it's put through some light hoonage in Nevada. Dig the highly precise doppler effect on the RS4's 4.2-liter V8 as it's moderately wrung, though still mellifluous, on road and track. – Mike Spinelli

Related:
More on the Audi R8 [internal]

Here In This Place is a Means to Your End: BMW Nurburgring Mini-Doc

Davey G. Johnson — Sat, 20 Jan 2007 05:15:00 EST

Sure, sure, it's Bimmer-centric, but when there's this much Brucestastic Green Hell hoonery, who gives a flying damn? Added bonus? Hans Stuck on the Autobahn pushing 200. Sabine in a helicopter, too. Go ahead, touch it. Feel it. Whoa! [Thanks to the mighty Punkey for the tip.]

Loverman Dead of Aneurism: M5 Touring Video!!!

Jonny Lieberman — Tue, 09 Jan 2007 18:02:10 EST

Oh man. We typed the headline before we watched the video. So far we're at the 3-minute mark and we've learned that the M5 wagon is made of metal, has an interior complete with seats and an engine that says "V10" on it. Snore-a-roo. There's no sound, either. Wait, we're 3:14 in and the uberest of all uber-wagons (or at least the highest reving) is starting to move. 3:26 and we finally get the engine note. It sounds like five Hyabusas taking part in an Anaconda-style sex ball (don't ask, I'm on a roll). And... you know what? Even something as truly, righteously Bruce as a frigging 500 horsepower station wagon is just murdered by low-quality, low-production, low-rent internet video. And people wonder why we like Top Gear so much. How can this be so boring? Do a donut or something. It's at the 5:30 point and I need more coffee. Still, the car sounds quite good. But why bother — what's the point? Of the video — the rationale behind the car is crystal clear. Christ this is dull. And now it's over. – Jonny Lieberman

Detroit Auto Show: Variable Turbo Diesel Bruce

Mike Bumbeck — Tue, 09 Jan 2007 17:26:56 EST

Behold the highly efficient BMW variable twin-turbo diesel engine. The not equal size turbos are there for a reason. The smaller turbo brings forth boost at low engine RPM and exhaust velocity. The larger turbo takes over at higher engine RPM, and handles forced induction chores up to the five-thousand RPM redline. Boost? Try 40 psi. Cleanup is handled by a catalyst and particulate scrubber after the turbos, and another catalyst after the urea injector. The not wee twenty liter urea tank needs filling only every 40K miles or so. The result is maximum diesel Bruce with a minimum of exhaust nastiness. – Mike Bumbeck

Bruce Goes to Malaysia: Brabus to Offer Quick Tuning Service in Bangsar

Davey G. Johnson — Tue, 02 Jan 2007 20:30:00 EST

The evil masterminds at Brabus began their quest for the domination of Malaysia's roadways back in 2000, and with the opening of the Naza Group's new Bangsar facility, will begin offering a quick-tuning service that only takes a few hours. According to Naza executive vice-president of operations Faisal Nasimuddin, "Brabus owners can leave their cars at the showroom for a few hours to install a power kit in the engine and have it tuned for a few thousand ringgit." He then began cackling madly, a skill which he apparently picked up while visting Brabus headquarters in Bottrop, Germany. – Davey G. Johnson

Quick engine-tuning for Brabus cars soon [Internal]

The Subaru Legacy Touring Bruce

Davey G. Johnson — Sat, 30 Dec 2006 01:00:00 EST

Ol' Thnderblt said it best: "Porsche may have bruce, but only Subaru has Bruce." We have nothing more to add. – Davey G. Johnson

Related:
For Relaxing Times, Make it Suntory Times [Internal]

Zey Vill Soon Change Zher Name to Bruce AG

Davey G. Johnson — Thu, 21 Dec 2006 13:00:00 EST

We are willing to be bet that there is no machine shop anywhere in the world with a name as good as this. Well, there might be one in Japan, as we did see a set of wheels in a Clarkson Motorworld clip where he finds a set of wheels at Autobacs that read "SUPER POTENTIAL," among other things. We like having wheels with at least a modicum of potential, and we like our engine-parts machining highly precise. The only thing that concerns us from a marketing standpoint is that German Precision's website...well, let's just say Bruce was in Zuffenhausen, rather than Sunnyvale, CA the weekend this thing was designed. – Davey G. Johnson

German Precision

Related:
More from the wonderfully precise world of Bruce [Internal]

Pith Helmet On, Bruce! Audi Goes to India

Davey G. Johnson — Mon, 18 Dec 2006 17:30:00 EST

We don't know how to say "Vorsprung durch Technik" auf Hindi , but we're sure the boys in Ingolstadt have that covered. Utilizing excess capacity in the Indian Skoda facility in Aurangabad, they plan to send knocked-down A6s from Deutschland and assemble them on the subcontinent. Right now, they're only planning about 300 Indian-built cars for '08, but assuming the market demands it and the Germans find the assembly precise enough, we wouldn't be surprised to see more Indian Audis on the roads as the country's affulent classes grow. – Davey G. Johnson

Audi to start making cars in India in autumn 2007 [Forbes]

Porsche-Diesel! We Didn't Know!

Davey G. Johnson — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 18:45:00 EST

Herr Doktor Ferdinand Porsche was certainly a prolific fellow, this much is known. The gargantuanly-hairball Silver Arrows, the Beetle, and various German military vehicles of the Roughly-987-Less-Than-a-Thousand-Year-Reich. He also sired Ferry Porsche, who gave the world the vaunted Neun Elf, and great-uncled Ferdinand Pi ch, who spearheaded both the Can-Am-killing 917 program and the sales-underperforming Volkswagen Phaeton.

If Bruce were a substance that could replace blood plasma, sure as shootin' that's what Dr. Porsche had coursing through his arteries. But who knew dude designed anything as pedestrian as air-cooled diesel tractors? Or furthermore, that anyone ever designed a tractor as awesomely named as the Volkschlepper? Jeez. He makes Dr. Z look like he earned his doctorate via a serindipitous Cracker Jack purchase. – Davey G. Johnson

History of Porsche-Diesel [Porsche-Diesel North American Tractor Registry]

Related:
One of the Rarest: Porsche 916 on eBay [Internal]

Holy Crap! Auto Union Type D Going on the Block!

Davey G. Johnson — Sat, 02 Dec 2006 23:15:00 EST

Excuse us for a second while we wipe the drool from our chin. And our chest. And our toes. Unsavory as it might be, we are literally swimming in a sea of saliva at the moment, and here's why. In the 1990s, this Auto Union was discovered in pieces in the former Soviet Union, having been taken back to the Rodina after the war to be studied in the hopes that the precision of German racecar technology could somehow advance The State's auto industry. It didn't work. We got the Lada instead.

It's since been reassembled and restored, and now Christie's is putting it up for bid. We fantasize about buying the car, getting a vintage racing suit and a red metalflake open-face helmet with "Bruce" emblazoned on it, and tearing through New Braunfels, Texas and on up to Gruene while all the while screaming, "ALUMINUM UND SHTEEL, LEUTE! ALUMINUM UND SHTEEL!" And then going out like Bernd Rosemeyer, only, you know, with more Texas State Troopers. – Davey G. Johnson

Hitler's racing car to set record? [Ananova via Autoblog]

ALUMINUM UND SHTEEL! TUNED! Mit Extra Bruce! The Oettinger TT

Davey G. Johnson — Sat, 02 Dec 2006 01:15:00 EST

The bwahs und grills at Oettinger have taken the new Audi TT under their wing and slapped on a body kit and dug into the 2.0 turbo mill to add sort of extra boost to the formerly Bauhausian and now rather butch little Rabbit-based car constructed of a hybrid of aluminum und shteel. Besides the ber-precise 350 horsepower on tap for the highest bidder, cotomers can also opt for lesser 230, 280, and 310 hp sevises. Mostly, though, we wish Oettinger would make use of their well-earned umlaut. Bruce would want it that way. – Davey G. Johnson

Oettinger Tunes the TT [Autoblog]

Related:
Ze TT is a Car for Our Desperate Housewives [Internal]

Wa Hey! C/D Announces 10Best!

Davey G. Johnson — Fri, 01 Dec 2006 21:30:00 EST

It's an institution, and one we largely admire. The rational, occasionally zaniac minds (hopefully the graduation of one Mike Austin from our ranks to theirs will help bring that deft touch back) at Car and Driver have announced their 10Best list for 2007. And frankly, it's chock full o' the usual suspects. Three are imbued with a healthy dose of Bruce, two proudly wave the Stars and Stripes (although one does double-duty, carrying the banner for the Schwarz-Rot-Gold as well) and five hail from the land of kabuki, zaibatsu, sashimi and bukakke. Click through for the list.

Car and Driver's 2007 10Best List

2007 BMW 3-series
2007 Chevrolet Corvette
2007 Chrysler 300
2007 Honda Accord
2007 Honda Fit
2007 Infiniti G35 sedan
2007 Mazda MX-5
2007 Mazdaspeed 3
2007 Porsche Boxster and Cayman
2007 Volkswagen GTI

– Davey G. Johnson

LA Auto Show: Porsche Remains Logical

Mike Bumbeck — Fri, 01 Dec 2006 16:33:59 EST

Stating that all Porsches are logical evolutions, and by merely talking about their latest in logicmobiles they were getting all goosebumpy, the affable yet precise Germans at the LA Auto Show rolled out the latest from Stuttgart. Porsche also showcased a less evolved example of Porsche racing history by putting a 908/3 on a pedestal. While the 908/3 kicked out around 300-500 hp in the 70's depending on race trim, the new-to-North America GT3 belts out 415 hp. That's 115 street-legal hp per liter of naturally aspirated displacement, kids. While driving a vintage 908/3 on the street would certainly be fun, spinning it ass-first through the plate glass window of the local Starbucks would likely land your ass in the hoosegow. The new 911 Targa 4S is pretty sweet too. More fast logic in the gallery. – Mike Bumbeck

Adventures in Italian Signmaking

Davey G. Johnson — Thu, 30 Nov 2006 14:05:00 EST

Bruce, apparently, is not in the Italian lexicon. (Lambo excepted). And no, this is not a Photoshop job. – Davey G. Johnson

En Fuego! Renault's Sporty Coup

Davey G. Johnson — Wed, 29 Nov 2006 05:30:00 EST

According to one David A. Knox, who runs a webpage devoted to the glory of the departed Renault Fuego, "I have tried to be accurate about my facts and figures, but, as anyone who has done automotive history knows, precision is often an unapproachable goal." While we feel that Knox may need to have a chat with Bruce, we do appreciate his dedication to Renault's oft-forgotten sports coup of the 1980s, which was available and your friendly, local and rather desperate American Motors dealer. Plus, at one point, it even had a hemi! Then again, so did the Starion, and it was actually driven by the correct wheels. Regardless, the Fuego's worldwide production span lasted until 1993, which gives it the longevity edge. – Davey G. Johnson

Renault Fuego: A Retrospective

Traction Avant: Wrong-Wheel Drive Never Sounded so Right

Davey G. Johnson — Wed, 29 Nov 2006 04:00:00 EST

We were just IM'ing with commenter Punkey — whose true identity shall be revealed tomorrow, er later today — when he busted out with the best line we've heard from anyone all day besides "You're an asshole." We were debating the relative merits and demerits of the 2CV vs. the Beetle when the topic of Bruce entered the argument and he dropped this gem: "The French haven't even heard of Bruce. He's not even in their MySpace extended network."

Regardless of Bruce's shameless absentee parenting, the French penchant for difference at all costs led the Citro n Traction Avant to be the first front-wheel-drive mass-market unibody car. Featuring a front-midship engine location and a bling-ass chevron on the grille that puts the crest on the current 'Slade's manhood to shame, it was a favorite of French criminals, German occupational forces and gendarmes alike. – Davey G. Johnson

Citro n Traction Avant Crash Test [Citro n Crash Test]

Related:
Franco-Italian Fabulosity: The Citroen SM [Internal]

Combative Sports Elevator: Cayenne With Lambo's Horns

Davey G. Johnson — Mon, 27 Nov 2006 17:15:00 EST

In their ever-increasing quest to infuse Lamboghini with more Bruce than Iron Maiden's frontman's tights after a rousing rendition of "Hallowed be thy Name," Audi has apparently handed off development of the successor to the infamous Rambo Lambo to their sort-of corporate masters at Porsche. The resulting vehicle looks rather imprecise, although we're sure that under the skin, there beats the heart of a bull crafted with superior metallurgy and the world's finest micrometer, which pumps the blood of fallen GSG 9 men in tribute. – Davey G. Johnson

Return of the Rambo Lambo! [Winding Road]

Bruce Allows For Super Towing Potential: Touareg Pulls 747

Davey G. Johnson — Fri, 24 Nov 2006 14:15:00 EST

Oh, it's always fun combining our petty little memes. But we will not be using "Hibernigasm" or "Teutonogasm," or even "Rudolfdieselgasm" in this post. You know that 747 that the Stig and stars in reasonably priced Lacettis and Lianas blow past at Dunsfold Airfield during on-track segments of Top Gear? Yes? Yeah, they towed that 155,000-kg beast with a lowly TDI Touareg. In second gear. And nothing broke. We're waiting for the An-124 vs. Polo challenge. [Thanks to Sean for the tip.] – Davey G. Johnson

Touareg pulls off heavy-duty tow-job [Motoring.co.za]

Team Police Officer Arrested by Polizei

Davey G. Johnson — Fri, 24 Nov 2006 13:00:00 EST

Since we got tipped to this by Thnderblt, Jamillah of tha Beeb and Herr Roy himself, we kind of can't not post it. A 35-year-old G ttengen man was taken in by German authorities for impersonating an officer in a 30-year-old California Highway Patrol car. Apparently, the man was taking the car to Bavaria to sell when he was accosted by the Brucetastic forces of the Osthessen Polizei and booked for outdated registration, impersonating an officer and carrying a replica Smith & Wesson without a permit. But the best part? His ID badge read "T.J. Lazer." Yes! – Davey G. Johnson

German police get their phoney US Highway Patrolman [Reuters]

Do Not Front on My Brabus, Nor Should You Front upon Mein Bruce: Claus Ettenberger's Florida Shop Due in February

Davey G. Johnson — Wed, 22 Nov 2006 21:30:00 EST

We like Claus Ettenberger, a man who can rock a Hugo Boss cap without irony, and will complete a cross-country rally as fast as possible simply to have time to shower, say hello to his family and then head up to Ventura to play fu ball. As an official installer of all things Brabus and AC Schnitzer, not to mention Oettinger, Herr Ettenberger has chiseled a career from the embrace of Bruce. The new highly-precise (although our jury is still out on Schnitzer precision) facility will offer the sale and installation of hop-up pieces from Novitec, TechArt, Azev and Antera, as well as the aforementioned brands. Rich people who prefer hurricanes to earthquakes and snow, warm up your checkbooks: the new shop opens February 24th in Miami.

Miami Vices [0-60]

Related:
Claus Ettenberger: Teutonic Butterfly Sadist [Internal]

A Triumph of German Precision: Benz Sells 25th Million Car Since WWII

Davey G. Johnson — Wed, 15 Nov 2006 07:00:00 EST

Given that companies that survived the Second War were essentially given a reboot following the cessasion of hostilities, it makes sense that the brainchild of Gottlieb Daimler and Karl Benz is celebrating the sale of 25 million automobiles since 1945. So they are, having delivered their 25,000,000th vehicle (an E-Class) to a taxi company owner at the Sindelfingen plant. If only they'd done it in Accept's hometown of Solingen, and if only it was a reproduction of the AMG Hammer, we would be very happy. Regardless, happy brucetastic milestone, Merc. Now please just stop building stupid cars like the R-Class and go do what you do best: make people poop in fear whether they're inside the car or outside of it. – Davey G. Johnson

Sales milestone for Mercedes-Benz: 25 million passenger cars delivered [Paddock Talk]

Related:
AMG Hammer: They Put it in the Mix [Internal]

CHMSL Not Bruce Enough For You? Try Winky The Cat!

Davey G. Johnson — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 22:30:00 EST

If the third brakelight on your 911 simply isn't highly precise enough, might we suggest adding Winky the Cat to your rear parcel shelf? When interfaced with your taillights, Winky's eyes blink in sync with your signals, telegraphing an extra degree of safety to following motorists. Commenter Murilee Martin lamented his deletion from the JC Whitney catalog, but according to the folks at Nostalgia Unlimited, who also sell Betty Boop clocks and bobblehead dogs "made of 'realistic' flocked material," Winky's back and better than ever. Don't delay! Order today! – Davey G. Johnson

Hula Dolls, Bobbing Head Dog Page [Nostalgia Unlimited]

Related:
News Flash! JC Whitney Sells Cheese!; More Bruce [Internal]