Yes, your loved ones will look like the Chaim Witz of endurance racing when they honor the team that came in 75th (out of 123 entries) at the Yeehaw It's Texas 24 Hours Of LeMons, just by wearing this T-shirt. Just go here and take care of all your holiday shopping needs!
[Zazzle]

The one that caught my eye first was the very clean, automatic-equipped 1976 BMW 2002. The odometer reads just over 4,000 miles, which means it's either a very well-maintained 104,000-mile car or a 4,000-mile car that spent several decades moldering in a driveway somewhere. When I mentioned this car to 24 Hours Of LeMons Assistant Perpetrator Nick Pon, he had to rush right over to the yard to pull some pieces for his '76 2002.

Right next to the 2002 sits a fairly complete 1970 Triumph Spitfire. The engine and front suspension look pretty nice; a Spitfire Hell Project owner could definitely feast on this junkyard find!

That's not enough? Hey, there's something for you lovers of vintage Japanese machinery as well: a California-built 1988 Toyota Corolla GT-S. It's an automatic car, and the underhood sticker identifies the engine as a 4A-LC… but that sure looks like a 16-valve 4A to me.

Now let's see what the Server Hamsters do when I present them with these photos in our new gallery style. Fasten your seatbelts!

The entire story comes from our shooter here, who was awakened by a phone call from the police and rushed down to the scene where he reports the following:

So the police call me at home at 9:30 AM Sunday morning ... and tell me my car was involved in an accident. My first panicky thought was "what'd I do?" and my second was "what'd my car do without me?" and my third was to grab my camera as I dash out the door and up the hill. I am greeted by the scene you see here.

The SFPD just wants me to move my car (not shown), which was parked seven feet away from the modern sculpture you see above. My vehicle was just an innocent bystander.

Somehow the driver managed to build this little masterpiece while backing out of his driveway Sunday morning. My car needed to move so they could fit the tow truck in there for some artistic deconstruction.

No one was injured in the accident (whew).

The presumed owners of the BMW 2002 (shown on its side), in pajamas, were present sitting on their steps — they had parked in front of their house. She was sobbing on the telephone as the police dropped flares to block off the street. Neighbors and joggers stood around and tried to reverse-engineer the physics.

The driver was an older man, with handicapped plates. He called the police.

We're left wondering how the heck that happened, and just how much the bill will be to fix that piece of sweet Bavarian steel. [Automatt's Flickr stream]

Best of all, the name of this engine's designer is so perfect that we're forced to assume that the guy chose it for himself upon getting hired as a BMW engineer: Baron Alex von Falkenhausen. Yeah, an American engine designer would have to take on a name like Gutpunch McRodbender to be even half as cool as BAvF. Really, we don't make this stuff up! The Baron's design proved to have plenty of room for added displacement, growing from 1.5 liters to 2 liters during its reign. Variations of the M10 were used in the New Class BMWs, the E21 and E30 3-series cars, and four-cylinder-equipped E12 and E28 5 Series cars (North American E12s and E28s all got the six-cylinder).

[Wikipedia, US Auto Parts]

Our last DOTS 2002 was also a '76, and now we're on the seventh in the series (after this '72, this '72, this '73, this '75, and this '75). That's two pre-Malaise examples, one small-bumper Early Malaise car, and four Monster Bumper Malaise-M-Ws.


Let's take a look at one of those monster bumpers. Granted, it's hard to imagine many cars that were uglified by such bumpers as badly as the 2002 (though the Spitfire managed to accomplish the feat), but the 5 MPH bumpers were way better at brushing off minor impacts than today's body-colored hardware. Was it worth it? More to the point, was 98 horsepower in a 2,383-pound car enough to deserve the Hofmeister Kink?

This car belongs to 24 Hours Of LeMons Assistant Perpetrator and Ecurie Ecrappe member Nick Pon, better known around these parts as TheEastBayKid. He's an Oakland guy, but he had some business to attend to in nearby Alameda and I took advantage of the opportunity to shoot his daily-driver/vintage-rallyer 2002 while it was parked here.


It's a good solid car, but BMW restoration fanatics would likely find much to frown about here. The engine is dead stock, except for the air cleaner (1976 model year cars are subject to California's super-strict emissions-equipment laws), but the suspension has some upgrades that wouldn't please the numbers-matching crowd. This is our sixth Alameda DOTS 2002 (after this pretty nice '72, this total beater '72, this '73 2002tii, this automatic-equipped '75, and this work-in-progress '75), and I've got a few more photographed and ready to go. The 2002 is actually one of the most commonplace old cars on Alameda's streets, though not as easy to find as Beetles, Mustangs, or Darts/Valiants.

1972 was the last year before the Malaise Era, so the power was still there (though the new horsepower rating system pushed the numbers down) and the gigantic bumpers hadn't arrived yet at the time this car was imported.


Even though this car will need to bring tire chains to get to Tahoe this ski season- hey, that's why you need an SUV in coastal California, right?- the owner is willing to make some sacrifices in order to keep driving this car every day.

First up is this BMW 633CSi, found in northwestern Denver by Ejacobs. This car looks about as nice as it's possible for a 25-year-old driver to be, particularly in a town with snowy winters and harsh sun.


Now it's Kitt's turn. This 2002 was shot last winter- yeah, it sometimes takes me forever to get to these photos- in the parking lot at the Arapahoe Basin ski area. Yes, Colorado BMW owners know you don't need a damn Explorer or Forester just to go skiing! This car's a little rough, but it still gets the job done after all these decades.


Here's a Malaise 2002 I found near the University of Denver; the square taillights and 5 MPH bumpers mean it's a '74-76 model, and it appears that Denver-registered vehicles newer than 1959 require biannual smog checks, so the owner of this rough-but-serviceable 2002 can't do much about the lo-po engine and remain legal. Can't they get rid of wood-burning stoves instead?

[eBay]

Look how clean this guy is. Stee-rait, totally straight. Even the chrome is fab. Only in California. And you could park your Vespa on that back bumper.

Mick Dundee Impression: "You call that a Malaise Era bumper? This is a Malaise Era bumper." Crikey. And another thing, what is with that indicator light?

Need another reason to love this 2002? Feast your eyes on the tiller. Man, I want to lick that wood. What? I'm weird. And I'll lick the near perfect leather, too.

The engine is clean, but (surprise) leaks oil. And the sunroof (bigger surprise) leaks water. In fact, I've yet to meet a 2002 that doesn't leak water through the roof. We love that back in the day German makers would stamp their logo (Hi VW!) on every single engine component. I mean, they even stuck the roundel on top of the carb cover. So very, very cool.

Anybody left unbowed enough to argue that the new 3-Series is somehow good looking? We're smitten with this little sucker. Though, the bumper has to go.

Una mas para la caretera. Oh, also, it's for sale. $4,000. E-mail if you're interested.