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2011 Mercedes B-Class Patent Drawings Reveal Shapely Hatchback
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bzr
04/01/09

In reply to 2011 Mercedes B-Class Patent Drawings Reveal Shapely Hatchback
"shapely hatchback?" Now THAT'S what I call the best April Fool's joke yet.
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MushyHeirloom
04/01/09

@bzr BLACK GOLD!: Came here to say it. Holy shit, that's worse than an Aztec...
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drewdrawshashtags
04/01/09

In reply to 2011 Mercedes B-Class Patent Drawings Reveal Shapely Hatchback
I drove a B-class around Europe last summer and thoroughly enjoyed the experience. It drove well, cruised at 120mph comfortably on the Autobahn, fit 4 adults and luggage easily and somehow didn't look ridiculous (silly, yes, ridiculous, no).

Bring it Mercedes. I dare you.
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pauljones
04/01/09

In reply to 2011 Mercedes B-Class Patent Drawings Reveal Shapely Hatchback
I've always wondered what the bastard love child of Quasimodo and Humpty-Dumpty looked like.
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Brimful of Ash on the 78
04/01/09

In reply to 2011 Mercedes B-Class Patent Drawings Reveal Shapely Hatchback
Mark my words, this will never come to the states. Mercedes are pompous idiots in this country and don't want to tarnish their precious image.

Sort of like Buick in China.
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wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx
04/01/09

@Ash78: I wouldn't say its pompous, its about 75% smart and 23% pompous to me. Its smart to keep it upscale where more people have money. Its pompous too.

The last 2% is balls. I think Mercedes has that little bit of balls left they need to crack into. Ew. Crack into balls. *Shudder*
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Brimful of Ash on the 78
04/01/09

@wrx-fuckingTyrannosaurusWrx: I never said it wasn't smart (er...SMART). But they realize that they have (1)access to the world's biggest car market and (2)a very protected image of high class and wealth, which most of the rest of the world does not have.

I disagree with this and think most manufacturers should run the gamut. Let's put an end to badge snobbery, because it's killing a lot of otherwise great cars. I'd love to see every major company be okay with selling cars from $15k to $100k instead of sub-segmenting it all out. The logical result of that is the GM badgineering clusterfark.
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wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx
04/01/09

@Ash78:I concede to your point, sir. I agree almost completely. Though, I do think that some companies could literally never sell a subcompact (I just love my Pagani Panda!!!) and some could never make anything more upscale than an Aveo (like Hyundai).

I hate that I can't help with undermine all my own points with humor. This was almost a legitimate and coherent thought until the end. Damn it, Wrx. Keep it together.
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darex
04/01/09

@Ash78:

The current B-class is selling very well in Canada.

The R-class was a stupid knee-jerk reaction to their (and others') tired cliché that Americans hate small cars, and hatchbacks. It was ridiculously huge.

We were supposed to get the B-Class too, but it was cancelled for the US market in the end.

The B-class appeals to some of the same people who buy MINI Coopers, although not all (as it's too big, bulky, unsporty for many of them).
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FLB is on vacation
04/01/09

@darex: I spent two weeks last month in Europe (in the UK, Switzerland and France).

I only remember seeing a single R-Class during that time. It wasn't a failure only in North America.
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Brimful of Ash on the 78
04/01/09

@darex: I don't dislike the B-Class. I love cars like this.

Are you in Quebec, by chance? If so, all bets are off because the QC car market more closely resembles Europe. Less so with the rest of Canada, but it's markedly different than the US.

Another case in point: The Mazda 5, another nice vehicle, was the best-selling Mazda there last year...while it was in last place in the US (or maybe second from last). It's all silly.
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Brimful of Ash on the 78
04/01/09

@FLB: You know what's funny about the R-Class...I see about 6-10 of them every day in the wealthy 'burbs. They're still not as popular as the big GL three-row SUV, but people don't seem to have an aversion to them.

My parents, who live in the Balto/DC area, said they saw more in Birmingham in one day than in the past four years at home.
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wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx
04/01/09

@Ash78: I live in the Baltimore area and I see a lot more GLs than the R class, but I still see a fair share of the R's. Whenever I see one, I look to see who's driving to see who I can stereotype as driving one of those...odd...things. Usually its men, which surprised me.

It seems like I've seen more women driving the GL and almost every R class has been driven by a man. I'm so confused.
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Brimful of Ash on the 78
04/01/09

@wrx-fuckingTyrannosaurusWrx: Yeah, the GL is most definitely a woman's car. The R is a mixed bag, like what you say.

I used to see a few R63 models around with manufacturer plates. Sadly, it's very rare these days with the plant cutbacks and the floundering sales of that model. I thought it had potential and was unjustly maligned. The funny thing is that now GM and Ford are offering mainstream versions of the same thing (Acadia, Flex, etc). M-B was just a few years ahead of its time.
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wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx
04/01/09

@Ash78: Minivan replacements are never ahead of any time.
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Maymar
04/01/09

@Ash78: I've driven the current B-class, and it's absolutely nothing to get worked up over, it kinda blows. Except the engine sounds wheezy, so maybe I should say it sucks. Eh, it's crap.
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wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx
04/01/09

In reply to 2011 Mercedes B-Class Patent Drawings Reveal Shapely Hatchback
It looks like a shrunken R class. With much stupid involved. Mercedes shouldn't make economy cars in the States, it would ruin their whole brand imagine.

Like if Rolls Royce made a cheaper model based off of a parent company's large car architecture. Ha, wouldn't that be stupid to dilute the brand's imagine and not move it further upscale to sell to the rich that are still rich?
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A strolling player
04/01/09

In reply to 2011 Mercedes B-Class Patent Drawings Reveal Shapely Hatchback
It's shaped like a Fit!

This is a good thing. Excepting that the grille is a ridiculous anachronism with that kind of design.
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dmdukejr
04/01/09

@A strolling player - GOLD Member: This is why I love Jalopnik, and yet find it frustrating - the only thought I had about this was "wow, that grille looks ridiculous on such a small car," and here someone has already said the same thing, albeit much more eloquently and succinctly. Jalopnik makes me feel stupid.
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A strolling player
04/01/09

@dmdukejr - more of a twatter than a twitter: It's all good, I'm usually on your end of that stick anyways. It's a rare chance that a lull in work or class responsibilities and an occasional stroke of literacy come together into a prime opportunity for a proper Jalopping.
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Alfisted
04/01/09

In reply to 2011 Mercedes B-Class Patent Drawings Reveal Shapely Hatchback
What is its drag-out-of-wet-concrete coefficient?
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FЯeeMan
04/01/09

@Alfisted: well played!
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Leeeeena the Jalopchick
04/01/09

In reply to 2011 Mercedes B-Class Patent Drawings Reveal Shapely Hatchback
It looks so cartoony!
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beercheck
04/01/09

In reply to 2011 Mercedes B-Class Patent Drawings Reveal Shapely Hatchback
Threadjack:

Anybody notice how pleasant it is over at Jez today?
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SirNotAppearing
04/01/09

@beercheck: Hmmm. Jezebel is deemed inappropriate by my IT overlords. Oh, wait, you're just April Fooling me into actually going over there.
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Leeeeena the Jalopchick
04/01/09

@beercheck: Got me too. I just spent the last ten minutes searching in vain for something interesting over there. The closest thing I found to entertaining was an article on the new trend of Japanese women wearing loincloths to the beach, complete with video. You made me waste precious time that I could have used Jaloping! Jerk.
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beercheck
04/01/09

@Leeeeena is patiently awaiting Jalopnik Platinum: I swear, that was just a lucky side-effect.

Didn't you notice how....spooky it was? How quiet? How toooooo quiet?
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pauljones
04/01/09

@beercheck: They're planning an invasion of Jalopnik.

Those Jezebelers have long memories.

They must still be pissed at the mayhem that Ash, Dearthair, and I unleashed in some random Paris Hilton thread.

Either that, or their idea of April Fool's day is fooling themselves into thinking that aren't actually totally addicted to blogging.
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drewdrawshashtags
04/01/09

@beercheck: I think I'm in the running for COTD over there.

*Finally have a chance, finally have a chance...*
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Brimful of Ash on the 78
04/01/09

@pauljones-Fresh Out of April Sarcasm: I tried frequenting that place, but their sheer post volume makes it a full-time job.

That, plus the fact that 90% of their thousands of commenters are left-wing men-hating NYC-dwellers with little concept of practical reality, but incredible array of modern literary knowledge. I don't know any human beings like that in real life, so my theory is that Jezebel is actually a 2-3 person operation being run out of someone's apartment. The groupthink and homogeneity is insane.
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pauljones
04/01/09

@Ash78:

The trick is to figure out which one is the alpha female that they are all aligning themselves with, and then go from there.
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Brimful of Ash on the 78
04/01/09

@pauljones: You see, the trick is kick someone's ass the first day, or become somebody's bitch. Then everything will be all right.
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pauljones
04/01/09

@Ash78: Long live the antijezebels.
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Leeeeena the Jalopchick
04/01/09

@beercheck: LOL! I didn't bother actually opening any of the posts, so no, I didn't notice. Nice. The interwebz finally found a way to mute them.
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2011 Mercedes B-Class Patent Drawings Reveal Shapely Hatchback

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