We could excerpt the whole article about how life was so tough for Jeff Gordon, how ordering food in a restaurant alone was a great victory and about all he had to through before he felt worthy of his supermodel wife. But we like you.

The lede is just a gem of unnecessary exposition:

In the cramped single-seater men's restroom at Café Luxembourg in Manhattan, on the wall behind the toilet, hangs a '40s-era black-and-white photograph of three women, naked, leaning on the bar, bare bottoms in all their cheeky glory right out there for the world to see.

In the photo, the ladies in the middle and on the right face forward, away from the camera. One stands left hand on hip, right elbow on the counter. The other holds a cigarette. Both lean easily to the right. Confident. Meanwhile, their counterpart on the left peers nonchalantly over her right shoulder and directly into the lens in a sassy, "What're you lookin' at?" sort of way.

The photo is striking, a testimony to perfect comfort in one's own skin.

It is the restaurant's mantra, it seems, so it is quite appropriate that Jeff Gordon loves the place.

She commanded attention, a striking beauty who visually smote him as she walked by and dove directly into the pool.

Oh dear. While our impending Sebring review will go down in teh internets annuls as "why Loverman is unemployed," one thing is certain — the 2007 Chrysler Sebring is an abomination. One of the most visually vile cars to ever come to market. However, James Healy of the full-color-weather-maps-on-page-one rag writes, "The front of the car is dramatic, alluring, exciting." Um... Bullshit! He continues, "It has a special charm, especially visually" Oy vey iz mir... Can you do that? Can you just make shit up? Really? And his paychecks don't bounce? Unbelievable. – Jonny Lieberman

Sebring emerges as bigger, better, visually charming [USA Today]

Related:
Between the Lines: AutoWeek on the 2009 Cadillac CTS [Internal]

Of all the sleazy little quid pro quos practiced by the mainstream automotive press — undeclared first-class junketeering, advertising that looks like editorial, editorial that looks like advertising — the long-term test car is the most offensive. I'm sure editors can think of 500 reasons why it's OK to "test" a Ford GT for a year. I can think of one good reason why they shouldn't: It clouds their editorial judgment. IRS auditors note: Buff books like Motor Trend are some to the worst offenders. They've assembled entire fleets of freebies; erstwhile journalists dip into the company key bowl like sex-mad suburban swingers. And when it's time to "update" readers on the writers' favorite perk, what's the chance they'll pull their punches?

Chevy promised great things from its new-for-2005 Malibu. The premise was that GM needed a car that could legitimately take on Camry and Accord, which long ago assumed the roles of America's best-loved and best-selling family sedans. The aptly named Maxx sportswagon variant- something the others don't offer- is intended to help eke out some extra volume. The appeal is more rear legroom and cargo space than in a conventional sedan, without it being a crossover or conventional sport/utility. Our well-equipped example cost $27,045 all in and included other rear cabin accoutrements such as a glass roof and DVD system.

Anyway, anyone other than GM PR Supremo Steve Harris and his camp (not to say effeminate) followers will immediately recognize this lead as a withering indictment of The General's ambitions. Actually, reminding readers that GM positioned the Malibu as an Accord and Camry-killer takes us well beyond the realm of rebuke, into the province of a good old-fashioned bitch slapping. Unfortunately, the writer fails to go the distance and make the implicit explicit— although the phrase "eke out some extra volume" is classic groin-kicking BTL.

I'm equally amused (but not amazed) by MT's report that "their" loaded-to-the-gunnels Malibu Maxx "cost" $27,045 all-in. What would it have cost MT to put a small disclaimer in or near this two-page spread? "Chevrolet loaned the Malibu Maxx to Motor Trend for a one-year period." Anything less is nothing at all. And while nothing at all tells us everything we need to know about MT's ethics, it seriously misleads their less media-savvy readers.

The Maxx wasn't the car our staff lusted after for high school reunion duty, but it seldom spent a night in the garage. "I have stuff to pick up from the hardware store this weekend, so I'll take the Malibu," or "I need to schlep people to the airport- is the Maxx available?" It also served as a support vehicle on road tests and photo shoots.

In fact, I feel sorry for MT's Malibu-driving groundlings who watched the aforementioned hoi-polloi pull away in the seriously good stuff. But my heart really goes out to the poor bastard who had to write this drivel, balancing a report on the Maxx's execrable reality with, well, lies. The rules of the game are clear: For every carefully couched or creative diss there must be an equal and opposite hosanna.

The Sigma platform architecture and "high value" V-6 powertrain didn't rock our world, but got the job done. The Mr. Roboto styling isn't my favorite design trend," commented one editor, "and the 3.5-liter V-6 has all the aural charm of a jigsaw." But there are Malibu characteristics we have warmed to. The structure is as solid as some BMW's or Mercedes, and as a result, the modest tire-wearing Malibu slices through urban/suburban territory with its head held high, managing a decent ride in the process.

The Malibu Maxx's steering is "as numb as an electric train controller" but "the brakes fared better." The engine is rough, but it "will probably run fine for decades." The four speed autobox isn't "state of the art" but its ratios are "well matched to the engine's power curve." The interior is "awash in plastics of just-average quality" but "they withstood our abuse well." The radio reception "wasn't good in mountainous areas" but "the unit spent so much time set to XM it mattered little."

How much more of this can you stand? How about one more paragraph: the conclusion.

Make no mistake: this is a utilitarian piece. If you're about style and/or driving excitement, shop elsewhere. GM can't match the Japanese-brand titans in terms of materials quality or powertrain performance and refinement, but compensates, with some success, by offering more creature features and a slightly lower price. Although it's hardly an emotion stirrer, we did get solid, reliable, useful experience out of our Maxx. If it suits their needs, most buyers will as well.

If a magazine wants to report on the long-term utility and reliability of a modern motor, they should rely on owner surveys and empirical data. MT and the rest of the automotive press shouldn't accept ANY free long-term loans from ANY manufacturer. The practice undermines their integrity. Accepting free cars on a long-term basis brings dishonor to the magazine and automotive journalism in general.

[by Robert Farago]

[Jalopnik's Between the Lines column parses the rhetoric of the automotive industry, and the media that covers it, from the point of view of that kid at the back of the class with ADD, a genius IQ and a thirst for mayhem.]

Related:
Between the Lines: Motor Trend on the Cadillac BLS [internal]

I'm not a big fan of bait and switch. For example, Automobile's June cover features the Bugatti Veyron's bodacious butt with the tease "Coast to Coast in the USA." In fact, Editor-in-Chief Jean Jennings drove the Bug from one side of Florida to the other. AutoWeek's editors may not practice this kind of morally reprehensible despicably dishonest deceit, but there's no question that they're willing to skirt the line between what they know we want and what they've actually got. Dozens of AW covers promise readers the inside dope on the latest four-wheeled crack — only to throw down a couple of pages of Photoshop fantasy with a bit of tarted-up conjecture. Jenis Meiners' WORLD EXCLUSIVE on the '09 Cadillac CTS Coupe is a perfect case in point.

Cadillac plans to re-enter the coupe segment with a powerfully-styled CTS-based two-door, possibly by 2008 as a 2009 model.

Cadillac had hoped to keep the lid on the project, which was pushed back because of General Motors's financial situation. The program has not been officially approved, but work is well under way — and "Bob Lutz really wants it," sources familiar with the project tell AutoWeek. "The biggest problem for this car is GM has other, more urgent business to take care of right now.

Obviously, getting to the truth of the matter isn't Meiners' main priority. First, Meiners' sources are patently fictional. "Bob Lutz really wants it," is the kind of made-up quote that belongs in a National Enquirer article on the secret sex life of septuagenarian auto execs. The clunky sentence construction used by the "sources" (not source) "familiar with the project" (but not directly involved) screams invention, along with that vague statement about "other" (what?) "more urgent" (such as?) business supposedly sucking-up GM's development cash.

As Foucault's Pendulum taught us, sometimes strange fiction turns out to be stranger fact. If AW's invisible friends are right, if GM can't afford to develop the new Caddy coupe because it lacks the cash, that's a HUGE story. (Either that or it lacks the brains; Caddy introduced the CTS four years ago, in 2002.) Oh wait. I forgot. AutoWeek's editorial department lives in an alternative universe. The single most important story in the automotive industry doesn't exist — save for a couple of columns that were about as urgent in tone as an episode of "Martha Stewart Living"; maybe less.

Cadillac's coupe will be based on the upcoming, second-generation CTS sedan, which was partially unveiled April 2 by GM vice chairman Lutz on the CBS newsmagazine 60 Minutes. On the program, Lutz pulled back a car cover revealing a dramatic Cadillac grille and headlight cluster, along with a taillight, but stopped short of showing the rest of the car. Now that our spies have snapped these photographs of the actual next-generation CTS in testing, it is obvious the car Lutz showed on 60 Minutes was the 2008 CTS.

The same V6 engines offered in the CTS will power the coupe, but a V-Series coupe with a 400-hp-plus Northstar V8 is likely as well. Cadillac also is mulling a convertible version. "It would add cost, but convertibles are where the volume is generated in this segment," says a source.

Anyway, if you're inventing sources, it's a good idea to dream one up who knows what he's talking about. Discounting folding hardtops, there's only one coupe that outsells the hardtop version by a large margin: the Jaguar XK. But hey, I admire Meiners' Deep Throat's balls (so to speak).

While the CTS-based coupe could be developed quickly, there is speculation of a larger coupe with a V12 engine that carries design cues of the Cadillac Sixteen concept car and could be sold in the $75,000 range.

Now that's what I call a pipe dream. Again, Meiners' made-up possibility is actually what Caddy should be doing, or could be doing (if there's a product God in heaven). But it's journalistically irresponsible to put your own advice into an imaginary source's mouth. Think I'm making it up about Meiners making stuff up? Check this:

"The new vehicle is definitely a Cadillac," an insider says. "There is a lot of enthusiasm for it within the company." GM can probably expect that enthusiasm to extend to fans of the marque who appreciate its history."

Fans like... Jens Meiners? If that doesn't smell like phantasmagorical bullshit to you, you need to spend a little more time in the countryside. Anyway, it's bad enough that AutoWeek kisses ass and pulls punches in its car reviews. But allowing a journo to weasel his or her way through a puff piece clearly labeled "news" is just plain wrong. [by Robert Farago]

[Jalopnik's Between the Lines column parses the rhetoric of the automotive industry, and the media that covers it, from the point of view of that kid at the back of the class with ADD, a genius IQ and a thirst for mayhem.]

Related:
Between the Lines: Motor Trend on the Cadillac BLS [internal]

Despite the warm hotness that is the CTS-V, the words "Cadillac" and "small" go together like "male porn star" and "small." Cadillac obviously forgot to learn that lesson back in '81, when they released the "Cimarron by Cadillac". The badge-engineered Chevrolet Cavalier — complete with in-line four and four-speed manual — was the smallest, nastiest, most heinously over-priced Cadillac ever produced — followed closely by its replacement, the Catera. (People watching Saturn's decaying orbit should note that the Catera was a rebadged Opel Omega, imported from Germany.) And now, finally, the Cimmaron has a proper suck-cessor: the BLS. It's a Euro-only model, and Motor Trend's de-capitalized paul horrell likes it.

Cadillac remains one of those American things that just keeps getting lost in translation, especially in Europe, where the Standard of the World sold just a couple of thousand vehicles in 2005. If Cadillac is to get itself dug in over there, it needs a compact sedan. That's where all the other luxury brands maintain their balance- and a small car by itself just isn't enough.

But it has a re-bodied Saab 9-3. Well, now it does. Rather than attack Cadillac for badge-engineering a product for a thoroughly disinterested overseas market — when their North American operations still haven't quite got the measure of that whole corner-turning thing — horrell worries if the BLS will cannibalize Saab sales abroad. If only.

Well, if you rely on looks alone, the new Cadillac is sufficiently differentiated not to cause the Swedes too much angst. Of the skin, only the glass and roof are shared; and some cunningly applied matte black paint disguises the greenhouse similarity quite nicely.

A modern six-speed auto should shift smoothly every time, but this one occasionally stumbles. The front-drive tires are overwhelmed if you give it the max in a tight corner; otherwise you can take curves with little roll. Steering is accurate, too, though entirely without the feedback you'd want in a European sports sedan. The recompense is the ride, which is one of the most placid in this class.

This is a 16-valve unit that revs happily beyond 5000 and kicks out 236 pound-feet at 2000 rpm. This sort of torque performance, together with real-world 30 mpg (US) even in rapid European driving, is why people love diesels over here.

The BLS hides the fact that it's something of a stopgap conceived after the Saab and sharing a platform with some honest but inauspiciously non-premium machines, the Pontiac G6 for instance. GM's next-generation Epsilon platform is already under development to feed into now fewer than nine brands around the globe, and among them will be a BLS version developed from the start of the program. It'll likely get cabrio and five-door sportwagon body styles, too. And if the U.S. market is clamoring for a more fuel-efficient Cadillac by then, it might just make it over the pond.

RF

[Jalopnik's Between the Lines column parses the rhetoric of the automotive industry, and the media that covers it, from the point of view of that kid at the back of the class with ADD, a genius IQ and a thirst for mayhem.]

Related:
Between the Lines: Motor Trend on the Chevrolet Tahoe [internal]

"There's an internal fight going on in the Impala SS, an existential struggle between the car's performance and family duties that is glaringly apparent with the first turn of the wheel. Neither personality emerges as the dominant one, and the result is a car that feels unfinished and confused as to its purpose."

Pray, forsooth, why doth Master Tony Quiroga employ such an arch tone and deploy sentence construction convoluted enough to make Chaucer seem like a comic book? More to the point, Tony Q's lead seems like the same old Car & Driver apologia. Veterans of the art form would be forgiven for fanning the page, concluding that the mag will pronounce the Impala SS "flawed" instead of "crap." But wait! Tony Q is about to get really rather nasty.

"After stepping out from behind the wheel, the driver can't help being impressed by the SS's power and its ability to generate astonishing numbers- 0 to 60 in 6.5 seconds, for one. The SS seems to have been created to produce impressive numbers on paper with little regard to driver enjoyment."

Hey, that's pretty rough stuff for C&D: a simple declarative statement that a new car is crap to drive. Well, it would be, wouldn't it? You don't have to know much about physics to realize that a 303-horse V8-powered front-wheel drive car is an open invitation to seriously mad torque steer. You know: floor it and you'll get either a humongous cloud of white tire smoke and no forward progress (best case), a steering wheel with a mind of its own and plenty of forward progress (worst case), or a combination of the two (automotive Armageddon). Tony Q tells it like it is:

"The SS has so much power going to its front tires that when traction control is engaged, the tires hunt for grip and the steering wheel tugs left or right. The culprit is the traction control. As it engages each front brake to combat the slip, torque is sent back and forth between the tires. We thought it was torque steer until Mark Clawson, the Impala's marketing manager, pointed out that if you switch off the traction control, the car will spin the front tires with nary a twitch from the leather-wrapped wheel. However, this only occurs on billiard-smooth roads with the car pointed straight ahead; the slightest imperfection or steering input set the tires on different missions, and the car gives the feeling that it's waging war with itself."

I'll take two! Seriously, we all know who's going to lose the Impala's uncivilized civil war: the driver, his passengers and any car or pedestrian within forty feet of a stop light. Note: this $30k (before discounts) wrong-wheel drive muscle car is cheap enough for some damn fool kid to buy, dag nabbit! But don't worry folks, Tony Q is looking out for you. Provided you pay your $3.99...

"Any sporting input is foiled by a mess of undamped and uncontrolled body motions. Dive, squat and roll control could be described as nautical."

It could be described that way, could it? In fact, it should be. In fact, it is. Perestroika! The Car Czars at Car and Driver are finally getting into the spade calling business. Go Tony, go Tony; it's your birthday, it's your birthday!

"One upside of the flabbiness is that the highway ride is compliant and never jarring; unfortunately, the Jell-O-like suspension keeps the body moving, and speed only exacerbates the problem. Impressed by the 154-mph top speed? Driving the SS at that speed is scary enough to be a stunt for NBC's Fear Factor."

Passive construction? Tired metaphors? Shameless plug for a show owned by the same media conglomerate? (I just made that up.) Who cares? BTL celebrates Mr. Quiroga's willingness to piss on the Impala SS from a great height. We haven't read this kind of no-holds-barred car critique in C&D since Brock Yates was alive [sic] and bottoms had bells (don't ask).

The next two paragraphs continue the micturational downpour. Tony Q slates the SS' low-speed ride and 40-ft. turning circle, then says, Dude, where's my car? In other words, he flags the fact that the SS comes complete without telescopic steering wheel, stability control, communicative steering and equal-length driveshafts.

Of course, that kind of curmudgeoning really takes it out of a guy. And GM is still, well, GM with a whole bunch of cars that need reviewing and junkets that need attending. No wonder, then, that Tony kicks-back and finds a few nice things to say about the crap Impala SS.

"Fire up the SS with the standard remote starter, and you'll have the pleasure of walking up to an unmistakable V-8 beat emanating from the dual exhaust and entering a warm car (or cool one)... Keep the dynamic challenges to a minimum, and one begins to notice the well-laid-out and uncluttered interior. Although the plastics aren't of the soft touch variety, the interior appears bolted together nicely, and all the controls are easy to use."

Although it pains me to say so, Tony has retreated into the kind of mealy-mouthed ass-kissing obfuscation that makes C&D a tired old joke amongst today's pistonheads. Given that Tony Q has declared that the Impala SS is crap to drive fast, slow and in-between, you've got to assume that "keeping the dynamic challenges to a minimum" means remaining stationary. I nominate "appears to be bolted together nicely" as a dictionary example of "damning with faint praise." And labeling the Impala SS a cool car— even by accident— is simply beyond the pale.

Tony Q's conclusion is equally and predictably timid, in that tipping the hat to the Gov'nor kinda way.

"Try to exploit the SS's extra oomph, and there is little reward... if the Impala is far happier when equipped with a 242-hp, 3.9-liter V-6, what's the point?"

What's the point of making nice when you've just shot someone through the temple? Over to you Cubba Chedda.
[By Robert Farago]

"My days of competing in the vibrant IMSA GT road-racing circuit came long before Jim Mullen's historic Spice GTP race car (page 94) was brand new. Actually, they came and went one fine day in May 1982, but more on that later. Those early days of the IMSA Camel GT were heady ones, the very end of an era where heroes had won the 24 Hours of Le Mans and the Indy 500, even Formula 1 stars and NASCAR legends, were out there scrapping with a real-world grid that included real estate agents, club racers, mechanics, television commentators, actors, journalists, car dealers, drug dealers and advertising executives."

There are few writers in this world whose work wouldn't benefit from a good old fashioned edit. Unfortunately, there are just about as many good editors as there are good writers, and the editors that can't edit, write, without editing. In other words, you call this a lead? It's dull, self-indulgent (there you go Dave), rambling ("more on that later"?), passively constructed, poorly punctuated, interminable, and, in the end, barely literate. It fails to answer the question that every lead must answer: why should I give a shit?

The fact that there are three "historic" pictures of the author's racing days provides a valuable clue to both Jennings' motivation and Dave's distress. "Vile Gossip" is the first piece of writing in the entire magazine. Like any "Letter from the Editor," it should set the table for the literary experience to follow: welcoming readers into the magazine's world and preparing them for the pleasures to come. Instead, Jennings uses this editorial holy ground to burnish her ego, without even a hint of a wider point. What could be worse? Boredom.

"There were nineteen Camel GT race weekends in 1982- ten of which were endurance races of three to twenty-four hours— beginning and ending with enduros at Daytona. The cars were split into main classes: GT (prototypes), GTO (engines over 2.5 liters), and GTU (engines under 2.5 liters). The GTU class typically had its own one-hour race, while the GT and GTO classes combined for the main one-hour feature. But on enduro weekends, all three groups took the green flag at once. Bedlam."

Wakey-wakey! And I hope you've taken notes. No? Well, I count one actively constructed sentence (actually a part of a sentence) since Jennings' prose first took wing. Pet peeve aside, there's a terrific image in there, somewhere: a crowd of wildly disparate race cars charging (an excellent verb for those who need one) away from the starting grid. I'd like to know what happened in that first corner— but then www.wreckedexotics.com is one of my favorite websites. But no, Jean's put us to bedlam. And in case you've forgotten, it's all about Jean.

"I came in on the coattails of Renault Racing, which had developed an amusing, six-race IMSA series called the Renault/Koni Cup, meant to get its dealer body enthused about the crappy French cars it had to sell."

Hang on; this is killing me. Try this instead: "My racing career started at the tail end of the Renault series: a six-race competition designed to endear its crappy French cars to the company's US dealer network." OK, back to the Gallactica...

"You brought your Le Car from the local dealer, added the approved racing components, and, in many cases, drove it to the race. I, being a journalist, of course brought nothing. Renault had a couple of cars for journalists to race, and my colleagues thought it would be prudent for me to begin my racing 'career' in one."

Clearly, Jennings never met a comma she didn't like. I hope, for her fellow racers' safety, that Jennings' driving, being that of an amateur, didn't have as many stops, and starts, as her writing. I'm also a little worried about Jennings' off-hand comment equating journalism with... what? Poverty? Either that or gluttony and sloth. BTL has constantly slated automotive journalists for accepting manufacturers' gifts without full, frank and public attribution. Is this a long-overdue mea culpa (now that Renault has turned tail and left the American market), or an indication of Automobiles' laissez faire policy on freebies. We report, you deride.

"My mother wanted to hear nothing about it and said rosaries for my salvation. My mother-in-law at the time was not religious, but she, too, wanted to hear nothing about it, because the thought of my racing was too horrifying. Which left Aunt Red solidly in my corner. Her response was to buy an expensive camera, take a quick photography lesson from the salesman, pick-up a six-pack of beer, and drive eight hours to Mid-Ohio to cheer me on."

After four paragraphs, Jennings finally gives us something interesting: Aunt Red. Not that it has much to do with anything, but when you're in the desert, even cat piss is welcome refreshment. This passage also reminds me of Jennings' family connection. Did you know that she's part of the Lienert family; the father, mother and son car critic combo that helps to fill the pages of The Detroit News and Forbes? Hey, if Jennings can write a section of her magnum opus apropos of nothing, so can I.

Strangely, although this piece is all about The Prime of Miss Jean Jennings, it ambles towards the finish line without the Automobile Ed-In-Chief's first person account of Ye Olde Racing. Jennings switches to the second person for the single bit of in-car narration.

"You would ram the car in front of you, pushing it ahead and dragging you in its wake. It was surprisingly effective, enough so that the guy behind me managed to bump me all the way down the back straight past the earnest Road & Track competitor who had qualified ahead of me. Poor him."

Poor us. We would have enjoyed a lot more of this sort of real-time(ish) description. No really. Who wouldn't want to hear about a po-faced Road & Track writer being bumped aside by a babe? And how'd the drug dealers deal with the competition? Did Jennings see any of her compatriots doing blow? Enquiring minds want to know. I mean, we made it this far... And so to the final 'graph, where readers ask, "What's it all about Leo?"

"I snagged a Le Car ride once more, at Detroit's F1 Grand Prix, which was slightly more officious than an IMSA event. As exciting as it was mingling with the Euro studs of the day, they just didn't feel quite as comradely as my fellow superstar drivers on the IMSA paddock."

So now we know. But there is one final question: does pride goeth before a fall or is it still safe to renew my subscription?

Related:
Jalopnik Goes to Detroit: Cobo Arena! Are You Ready to Blog! [internal]

As country singer and professional Burt Reynolds pal Jerry Reed sang, when you're hot, you're hot; when you're not, you're not. Of course, back when The Guitar Man recorded his career-topping paean to the joys and sorrows of shooting craps, the second gen Chevrolet Camaro was minting money for The General and Burt's struggling film career was about to receive some divine deliverance. These days, Reed's just released a live album to prove he is, Burt's had so many face lifts he looks like a distant cousin and GM's rolled the dice on its newish SUVs: the GMT900 series. So, is GM's range topper, the GMT-based Cadillac Escalade, hot or not? 'Cause if it ain't, the company's going down. I know! Let's ask The Car Connection!

Climbing into the new 2007 Cadillac Escalade, I get the feeling that I am seriously underdressed. No gold chains, no diamond stud in my ear. And my raggy jeans definitely would not pass muster on MTV."

Ever since the first 'Slade hit the streets, back in 1999, this massive SUV has proven the product of choice among rappers and rock stars. And if the looks we got tooling around San Diego during Caddy's recent preview were any indication, the new '07 model is likely to maintain its image as the king of all bling.

If only Eisenstein had taken a virtual stroll over to www.urbandictionary.com before penning this review. The Car Connection's founder — the hardest working hack in cyberspace — could have stuffed his review with obscure, genre appropriate expressions: breakfast burrito, a deja fuck, a P base three and more. Now THAT would have been funny. Instead we get unintentional humor: a white guy getting props in San Diego for driving "the king of all bling" — instead of "The King of Bling."

To be honest, I never quite understood the appeal of the original Escalade. It was a quick fix, little more than bolting a Cadillac wreath-and-crest onto a GMC Yukon Denali, and didn't really come together. The second and third-generation models were progressively better. The new version is, without question, the best yet. Though it does suffer from a few notable flaws, the 2007 Escalade is arguably the best full-size domestic ute on the market.

Recognizing mounting concerns about fuel economy, GM engineers put a lot of emphasis on aerodynamics. Such things as the steeply raked windshield help reduce wind drag about 11 percent, according to Cadillac, and though 13 mpg city/17 highway might not sound like much, those are good numbers for a vehicle of this size and heft.

I like that: "recognizing mounting concerns about fuel economy." It's a bit like General George A. Custer recognizing mounting concerns about encirclement. I'm also enamored with "such things as the steeply raked windshield." Could Eisenstein be any more vague? Saying that, 13 mpg is pretty damn specific, in a k-hole kinda way.

Let's accept Eisenstein's acceptance of the Escalade's EPA numbers (calculated on a rolling road with the climate control switched off) and imagine he ran the beast dry. As he was in San Diego, let's theorize that he stopped at the Pacific Beach Chevron on 1575 Garnet Ave and filled the 'Sclade's tank with regular. That's twenty-six gallons at $3.24 a gallon, for a total of $84.24, every 338 miles, or, if you wanna keep it real, several dozen soccer Mom miles less.

Eisenstein is seriously remiss for not highlighting these facts, right here, right now. While the Escalade is aimed at an upmarket audience (98% of whom do not make their living singing about cappin' rivals and hosing bitches), fuel mileage is THE SUV question of the moment. It's entirely misleading to suggest that the Escalade's EPA figures are "good numbers" just because they are no better or worse than anyone else's. And, by the way, the new Escalade AWD's urban mileage remains unchanged from the previous model's.

But Bluetooth is just one of several features you have reason to expect from a luxury vehicle, whether car or truck, but which are absent on the Escalade. Another is express, or power-up, windows. You'll find that feature in even a mid-level Hyundai, but not the Escalade, at least until next year. The 'Slade could also use a power tilt-and-telescope steering wheel. Indeed, there's no telescoping feature at all. Instead, you have to settle for power-adjustable pedals.

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about! Gen-u-ine criticism from my man with the Connection! No one touch-window action? A static steering wheel in a $57k truck? Fuhgeddaboutit motha fucka! Never mind Eisenstein's funky, clunky sentence construction; who said The Car Connection can't even gum a bad car to death? (Hint: me.) Oh wait; here's the next line:

That said, our complaints were few indeed.

And handling remains unexpectedly taut for a vehicle weighing in at nearly 5700 pounds. Flogging this beast around a corner, our seat-of-the-pants test told us the '07 is the most predictable and nimble of the American full-size utes. Give credit to the Cadillac Stabilitrak systems, an electronic suspension that is the fastest and most responsive on the market.

The ute also features some great brakes, a much-needed improvement. There are largely rotors and calipers, and the pedal feel is both firmer and far more linear than those in the last Escalade. That fits the mantra for the GMT900 development team, 'Lives bigger, drives smaller.'

But those who expected big problems need look at the sales numbers. So far, the automaker's new SUVs are scoring big with consumers, and based on our initial experience, we expect the Escalade to do at least as well, if not better. It clearly has the bling to get those dealer cash registers going ka-ching. While there are a few problems we'd like to see Cadillac address, the new Escalade is about as good as a full-size SUV gets.

[by Robert Farago]

2007 Cadillac Escalade [The Car Connection]

[Jalopnik's Between the Lines column parses the rhetoric of the automotive industry, and the media that covers it, from the point of view of that kid at the back of the class with ADD, a genius IQ and a thirst for mayhem.]

Rabid Rick Wagoner, GM's beleaguered CEO, recently responded to increasing calls for his resignation by asking The General's Board of Bystanders for a vote of confidence. While it would be uncharitable to suggest that the Board's thumbs-up is an example of the blind leading the deaf, you gotta give Ricky credit for balls. I mean, what low testosterone corporate manager would risk an Ed Koch-like "How Am I Doing?" after losing more than a dollar per human on the face of planet earth, overseeing a relentless drop in market share and cooking — I mean, "accounting errors"? What in the world could Wagoner say to sweep all THAT under the carpet? For an answer, we turn to Newsweek.

When Rabid Rick's minions offered Newsweek face time, his people and their people decided to People Magazine the deal. In other words, rather than an analytical piece laced with Rick's self-ingesting cyanidal remarks, they agreed on Q&A format. Given limited space and the need to keep readers from returning to their iPods, the format requires some pretty heavy editing. Even so, clocking Rabid Rick's stilted syntax, we think the result is the straight shit. So here, then, is how GM CEO faces the music.

NEWSWEEK: How secure do you feel in your job?
RICK WAGONER: Completely. Because I know in the end all of us are going to be judged on accomplishments, whether we address issues and take advantage of opportunities. And I think we're moving on both fronts frankly pretty well. So I feel very confident.

If Rick Wagoner feels completely secure in his job he's either a liar, stupid or insane. I don't know about you, but I'd feel pretty nervous about being the head cheese if my company lost money, market share and capitalization. I mean, isn't there some kind of three strikes rule for that sort of thing? Anyway, when is it OK to judge Wagoner on his accomplishments? Now would be good...

NW: Some say that because you grew up in the GM culture you're unable to engineer the radical overhaul that's required and that new blood is needed. What do you think of that?
RW: That is so simplistic. These are sophisticated problems with historical tails that run back 80, 90 years. The chance of someone coming in and not understanding our business, making the right calls and doing them in cooperation with key constituencies like dealers and unions, is absolutely microscopic. That would be the biggest risk I've ever heard of.

Obviously, Rabid Rick's never heard of Evel Knievel. Sorry, I don't mean to sound simplistic. I guess I just don't have the historical perspective, the deep cultural understanding needed to analyze GM's vast enterprise and devise suitable rectification. By the same token, I suppose my father's recipe for success — take in more money than you spend — doesn't apply to The General. And that the only person qualified to knock GM's union and dealer heads is the same guy who's been kissing their ass since he graduated from Harvard's MBA program.

NW: What about the coverage has annoyed you the most?
RW: They talk about that we are not moving to address the problems. I want to say, "Excuse me, what part of $15 billion in health care [cuts], 12 plants [closing], 30,000 people [cut], attrition programs, salaried health-care and retirement [cuts], salaried head-count reduction, a new sales and marketing strategy, advancing product programs—what part of that doesn't exhibit not only a sense of urgency, but most importantly a sense of urgency in doing what matters?"

NW: If Delphi does go on strike, does that make it inevitable that GM will file Chapter 11?
RW: No, there's a lot of footnotes on that. If one plant at Delphi goes on strike for a week? No. I mean it's inconvenient, but conceivably minimal impact on us. If the whole of Delphi goes on strike for a long period of time, well, I don't see why they would do that. It's not in Delphi's interest. It's not in the UAW's interest. And it's not in our interest.

Those guardians of megawealth, Sanford & Bernstein, reckon GM's stockpiling parts for a Delphi strike. Even so, Wagoner's casual dismissal of the possibility of a walkout at its mission-critical parts supplier is worrying. Even if you only consider the psychological impact of union action on GM's shareholders, banks and buyers; a Delphi strike would be "inconvenient" in the same sense that one nuclear bomb can ruin your whole day.

Rick's inability to directly answer this question highlights two important facts. First, Rick doesn't understand that the UAW sees Delphi as a fight to the death. And second, that he's unwilling to face the full horror of what's ahead. Well, at least publicly.

NW: You're a former CFO: how did GM's accounting errors happen on your watch?
RW: Well, to be perfectly fair, I was last CFO in 1994. But it doesn't mitigate the fact that, hey, mistakes were made.

NW: GM's stock-market value is less than a tenth of Toyota's. Why is there so little confidence in GM among investors?
I think people are waiting to see what happens with [the partial sale of] GMAC and Delphi. And they're waiting to see some turn in our business results.

NW: When that turn is coming is a question you won't answer, right?
RW: You got it.

NW: Cadillac has been a great turnaround story. Why can't that same formula be applied to the whole company?
RW: It's not just Cadillac that we've done that with. Hummer, I think, has been extremely successful. The Pontiac Solstice. The Chevy HHR. I think you see it coming out on a regular basis. And just stay tuned for Saturn. This is rolling out as we speak.

NW: This is an incredibly stressful time; how do you sleep at night?
RW: There's been a lot of work, so there hasn't been a lot of time to sleep. The issue has been as much allocating time to sleep as sleeping when one gets to the allocated time.

And what's all this about "allocating time to sleep?" If that doesn't make Wagoner sound anal retentive, nothing does. If there's one thing worse than a sleep-deprived exec at the head of the world's largest automobile manufacturer, it's an anal retentive sleep-deprived exec at the head of the world's largest automobile manufacturer.

NW: In 15 months do you still expect to be sitting in this office with things going better?
RW: I have a lot of confidence in the future of this company. I don't think I'm at all unrealistic about the challenges we face. I think the progress we've made in a short period of time is reinforcing the fact as to how much we can take on problems that have been around for 50 years and really move the needle.

[by Robert Farago]

GM's Feisty CEO Fights Back Against Critics [Newsweek]

[Jalopnik's Between the Lines column parses the rhetoric of the automotive industry, and the media that covers it, from the point of view of that kid at the back of the class with ADD, a genius IQ and a thirst for mayhem.]

Related:
Between the Lines: Gary Witzenburg on the Cost Disparity Between Domestic and Asian Automakers [internal]

The future is a terrible investment. Consider Tommorow- land. Disney s ode to the joys of scientific progress has been causing the Mouse conniptions ever since it opened in 1967. And no wonder. Unlike the past, the future is always changing. One minute everyone s flying around with nuclear-powered backpacks popping food pills like a Jacqueline Susann character, the next they re freight training across intelligent highways in fuel cell minivans munching on apples genetically engineered to make them pay their taxes — er, more alert. Anyway, when Automobile decided to ask a futurist for a glimpse of the road ahead for their 20th anniversary issue, the results were bound to be debatable. But who knew they d be so predictable?

The photo for Car on Demand tells us we re in for some truly demented geek speak. It s a screen shot taken from Intrago s Mobility Network Manager, an imaginary device that drivers of the future will use to plan their journeys — and the only motorists aid I ve ever seen capable of making BMW s iDrive seem intuitive. Right; it s the future calling! Time to read the lead.

What if your second car was your cell phone? What if your second car could carry fifteen people; have a V10; get 70mpg; use gas, ethanol, diesel, hydrogen, or electricity for power; tow a trailer; be a convertible; and be equally at home on freeways, off-road trails, or bike paths? What if it made the air cleaner, the roads less congested, and your wallet fatter?

Of course, Dan Sturges is just messing with us. The President of Intrago (unfortunately, both entities actually exist) wants us to imagine a car share network accessed by your cell phone — ignoring the fact that the Mobility Network Manager s display screen would require 0.0006-sized font. Futurist that I am, I m jumping ahead. First, Sturges wants to establish his visionary cred. Take it away Dr. King:

I had a dream the other night that every vehicle on the road was either a hybrid or powered by fuel cells. The cars were beautiful and the technology was amazing- the only problem was that none of them were moving, trapped as they were in a massive traffic jam. I woke up realizing that simply using more fuel-efficient vehicles isn t going to do anything to relieve an overburdened infrastructure. We need a comprehensive answer that addresses efficiency as well.

Imagine one million cars parked all over a city, with credit card readers molded right into the driver s door. Customers could walk up to any available vehicle, swipe their card and drive away. All of their transportation needs could be managed via cell phone. Considering that the average American car is driven only one out of every twenty-four hours, it s easy to see the efficiency of the mobility by the mile approach.

With a tip of the hat to the future is closer than you think [but I wouldn t invest a plug nickel in it if I were you] Flexcar franchise, Sturges has us switching cars like Tarzan through the vines. He especially likes the idea of motorists doing half a Chinese fire drill as they enter a city, jumping from high-speed intercity automobiles into microcars or smaller vehicles in less time than it takes for a traffic light to cycle. I guess it s only a matter of time before credit card swiping is an Olympic sport. And no, Sturges is not talking about a nanocar; he s referring to the Segway!

(Yes, it s true that presently vehicles such as these, like the Segway, have struggled for traction, but remember that the bicycle was banned in Europe for five years after it was introduced.)

To conclude, Sturges whips out the old I m right, they re all wrong motif.

While automakers continue to search for the next people s car, this future suggests that consumers will not own just one vehicle, but instead will have a fleet of cars available at their fingertips. Rather than pursuing the next Model T, perhaps the focus should be on creating the Model E mobility system.

If that s E for Ecstasy, count me in.

RF

[Jalopnik s Between the Lines column parses the rhetoric of the automotive industry, and the media that covers it, from the point of view of that kid at the back of the class with ADD, a genius IQ and a thirst for mayhem.]

Related:
Between the Lines: AutoWeek on Norway s Car Taxes [internal]

Our little corner of the infosphere is not immune from political considerations. We re often ground zero for petro-political debates about the connection between American foreign policy and the way the needle in your big-ass SUV's gas gauge swings to E like a Big Band bee-bopper. We re also the subject of discussions about the negative effect of the exhaust gasses blasting out of the conjoined pipes of your Cayman S on California s Mighty Redwoods. Zzzzzzz.

Yes, it s true: Most pistonheads are preoccupied by far more prosaic matters than the political bias of the American media. As far as I can tell, there s no left / right journalistic divide on whether or not GM should just shut the Hell up and go ahead and build the new Camaro before we completely lose interest in retro-designed cars; or if the Honda S2000 s slick shifting six-speed is the world s greatest gearbox in the history of the world ever because a bunch of people on the s2ki forum say it most definitely beyond-a-shadow-of-a-friggin -doubt is.

No wonder, then, that AutoWeek scribe Matt Davis wants to play a strange sport with readers of his Wheel Play column. Anyone fancy a quick game of let s see if I can convince you to pay more taxes on your car to rid America of its oil addiction and sweeten the air ? I don t know about you, but this sounds like fun!

Norway and Iceland are the only two deliberate holdouts in the "United States of Europe" vision for the European Union.

Is Mr. Davis unaware that an entire nation of French and Dutch voters delayed their habitual after-work drinking session so they could go and tell those scheming rat bastard Bruxellois bureaucrats to fuck off and die? Doesn t he know that the Swiss — the human equivalent of a System X supercomputer — rejected membership in the European Economic Area? I mean, it wasn t even the full Union. Just an area.

Doesn t Mr. Davis know that Denmark and Sweden rejected the Euro; two nations whose language makes the word uuuuurrrow sound so sexy you feel an almost testicular urge to learn their impenetrable mother tongue (so to speak)? Doesn t Mr. Davis know that less than three in ten Brits who could be bothered to answer a prying pollster s numbly worded, rain-soaked questions support the idea of European political and economic integration? That they believe, with no small amount of plausibility, that the whole Euro thing is little more than Germany s third attempt to take over the world?

Doesn t Mr. Davis know about the Euroscepticism in former communist countries like the Czech Republic, whose inhabitants are inherently war-like and three kinds of crazy? Why didn t Davis type european integration into the search bar at www.wikipedia.org, click on Euroscepticism, scroll down to the section marked Euroscepticism in Central and Eastern Europe and read that Czech President Vaclav Klaus said The enemies of free societies today are those who want to burden us down again with layer upon layer of regulations. We had that in communist times. But now if you look at all the new rules and regulations of EU membership, layered bureaucracy is staging a comeback ?

Both northern republics, with their extremely healthy economies (Iceland fish; Norwegian fish, oil, natural gas, lumber and high-tech), are hesitant to throw it all in with the southerners. The Norwegians in particular continue to live in a socialist system that mostly works brilliantly. Norway would undergo radical EU changes were its citizens to vote in favor of joining. Issue No. 1 in any socialist setup is taxation. To my point: taxes on new cars.

Bottom line: the average Norwegian knows his tax money pays for more than enough government pencil pushers without adding a couple of thousand more working out of Belgium.

That said, the Norwegian government is at least socialist enough to control all of the nation s oil production. And wouldn t you know, Norway is the world s third largest oil-producing nation, second only to our good friends the Saudis and our equally reliable friends the Russians. Last year, Norway sold $38.4b s worth of Texas Tea. With a 78% tax on oil company profits, the government s coffers are stoked enough to put a fiskerfarse in every pot and pay for sensitivity courses for all men aged eight and up. Of course, none of the money flowing through its oil spigots stops Norway from taxing the shit out of its people; you know, being a social capitalist system and all. Which is Davis point, I think.

In Norway, after the importer has its way with setting the price [of a Porsche Cayenne Turbo S], and after tacking on the 24 percent sales tax, then adding the engine dimension surtax and finally the horsepower surtax, my Norwegian friend says the price will come to roughly E250,000, or $297,000.

Only Denmark rivals Norway for this insanity that, in the end, is geared to keeping motorized traffic and pollution to a minimum while collecting huge luxury taxes. On the other hand, the environment in these extreme societies is crystal clean and the roads are perfect.

On one hand, Davis wants to create taxation shadenfreude. It is, after all, a terrific way to convince you that you just THINK you re paying high taxes on your motoring pleasure. In that sense, the Porsche Cayenne Turbo S is an inspired choice for an example of Norway s House of Horror automotive taxation: It s a hugely expensive, over-engined, geographically appropriate capitalistpigmobile that still seems way cool to AutoWeek s pistonhead audience. (Dude! Imagine driving that thing over some totally rad ice fields!)

In truth, Norway is a country of fuel-efficient Volkswagens and Peugeots. A glimpse at the tax bill for one of these more representative daily drivers would have provided a far better understanding of Norway s automotive tax burden. But hey, who needs genuine illumination when you re talking politics?

On the other hand, Davis lives in Italy, a left-leaning political clusterfuck if ever there was one. So he can t be quite sure how politically tolerant his bosses at AutoWeek are gonna be. So Davis probably figures it s best to play it safe and label Norway s Turbo-Porker taxes insane. This places him safely in the capitalist camp — where he s about as comfortable as a PETA activist sitting at the head table during Wild Game Night at The University Club. So the columnist quickly touts the benefits of this insanity.

With America s highways going to Hell in direct proportion to tax-cutting politicians seeking to hold office, I wonder if high taxes are that bad. Granted my own Italy is a monument to dysfunction regardless of the tax issue, but the more those seeking office here play the tax-cut game, the longer notorious stretches of highway construction will remain unfinished.

I know: low car use is a good thing for people who cherish a crystal clean environment and perfect roads (even if they can t afford to drive on them). As for the negative effect of tax-cutting US politicians (who? where?) on the state of American highways, the connection exists purely in Mr. Davis imagination.

The US federal excise fuel tax is currently 18.4 cents per gallon of gas, 24.4 cents for diesel. Three-quarters of the $40b generated goes directly to transportation. What s more (much more), the 2005 Highway Act adds another $244.6b of your hard-earned money to the exact same end. Sure, the bill contains lots of pointless pork — a gold-fenced pig farm full — but you gotta think there s plenty of money left over for a little tarmac here and there.

Mr. Davis writing betrays the fact that he firmly believes government can — and should — solve all of world s problems by throwing money — yours — at them. The more money government spends, the faster the problems disappear. Presto! If the strategy fails, it s because there wasn t enough money (again, yours). Ironically, Davis rant includes a tacit admission that government fraud, waste and corruption pretty much kills this taxes are good for you and me and everyone on the planet theory.

Davis finishes his paean to the joys of taxing the Hell out of US motorists by citing the eternal road construction afflicting Autostrada A3. He concludes with The Big Question:

Would ratcheting up the tax burden on passenger vehicles, Norsk style, automatically improve the air and roads? It may be too late for Italy.

RF

[Jalopnik s Between the Lines column parses the rhetoric of the automotive industry, and the media that covers it, from the point of view of that kid at the back of the class with ADD, a genius IQ and a thirst for mayhem.]

Related:
Between the Lines: Daniel Howes on Presidental Help [internal]

As bankrupt and bankrupting suppliers begin to supply General Motors with potentially lethal trouble, the debate over free trade is quickly heating-up. Despite the issue s enormous complexity, or perhaps because of it, auto writers are beginning to analyze the effect of international trade relations on American automakers and, by extension, American workers. Despite being a former GM Spinmeister, or perhaps because of it, The Car Connection scribe Gary Witzenburg has decided to tackle the Big Kahuna. If America s failing automakers and their engorged unions are looking for an excuse to assume a victim mentality, Witzenburg is happy to oblige.

Everyone knows how Japanese automakers invaded America's auto market, one after another. Their progress was slow at first because their cars and reputations weren't very good. Then a 1973 Arab oil embargo caused a long, painful, scary fuel crisis. The smaller Japanese cars were more fuel-efficient than American iron, and as their quality improved, they gained popularity at the home teams' expense. U.S. makers' initial sloth in addressing the widening quality gap and a second 1979 fuel crisis accelerated the share erosion that continues today.

The Japanese makers (especially the best two) continued improving until the now-impenetrable notion of Japanese superiority, regardless of brand, became widely perceived as fact despite tardy but truly impressive improvement by the domestics that today sees them fully competitive. But there was another element of that story that I don't recall anyone addressing: the substantial difference in the cost of doing business in Japan compared to the U.S.

Witzenburg suffers from an id e fixe: the media simply refuses to understand that domestic products are now just as good as vehicles produced by foreign-owned manufacturers. Show Witzenburg the latest issue of Consumer Reports — whose Top Picks for 06 doesn t include a single domestic automobile in any of 10 categories — and he ll find a way to dismiss the result. Clearly, GM s corporate Kool Aid has gone straight to his brain.

It s also taken its toll on his memory. The writer s declaration that he can t recall a single story about the difference between Japanese and American carmaker s costs makes him willfully ignorant or ignorantly willful. Oops! I m misreading. Witzenburg referred to the cost of doing business in Japan. What s that got to do with anything? Let s see:

Primarily because the Japanese government (unlike our own) correctly views its automotive and other manufacturers as hugely important to Japan's economy and the livelihoods of its people, those companies enjoy substantially lower business costs compared to ours not just wages, benefits, materials, and services but the total cost of doing business. In these United States, that includes the considerable costs of multiple layers of taxation and regulation and out-of-control litigation that competitors do not have to bear. Lower business cost obviously enables more investment in products, R&D, marketing, and advertising.

There are two main reasons why The Big Three s costs are higher than their competitors . First, unionization; although the foreign competition pays their [mostly American] non-union workers competitive wages, their workforce s relative youthfulness means they don t carry astronomical legacy costs. Second, bureaucracy. The waste and inefficiency built into the domestics administration, design, production, sales, public relations and marketing is intergalactic in both scope and scale.

Witzenburg mounts an interesting defense of his thesis: the Big Three s competitors MUST have lower costs because they offer more stuff.

Kia's impressive new Sedona minivan, for example, claims $4000 more feature content than its segment-leading domestic target, Chrysler's Town & Country, at a comparable price. Could Kia do that if its costs were comparable? Not for long. Considering that nearly all remaining media criticisms of domestic cars - "needs more standard safety features," "needs more transmission gears," "needs richer interior materials" - center on items that inevitably would add cost to improve, what domestic (or Japanese, or European for that matter) vehicle team would not sell its collective soul for another four grand to invest per vehicle?

While Witzenburg is trying to have a good old bash at the politics of international trade and labor relations, he knows his beloved GM and its not-so-slovenly-anymore compatriots are busy undermining his cost-based argument by outsourcing more and more or their parts manufacturing to China. Lest we forget, the Chevrolet Aveo is made in South Korea. But is that their fault? Hell no.

With so much of today's excessive business costs outside of the companies' control, U.S. business (not just our auto business) needs help, not bailouts, from labor and government at all levels or will have no choice but to continue out-sourcing more parts and services and moving more operations to lower-cost countries to survive and compete with lower-cost rivals.

RF

Witzenburg: Elephant in the Boardroom [The Car Connection]

[Jalopnik s Between the Lines column parses the rhetoric of the automotive industry, and the media that covers it, from the point of view of that kid at the back of the class with ADD, a genius IQ and a thirst for mayhem.]

Related:
Between the Lines: Daniel Howes on Presidental Help [internal]

Daniel Howes writing for The Detroit News sets the gold standard for automotive journalism. His news pieces are comprehensive, insightful, balanced and eloquent. Lately, Howes has eased-off the hard news and ramped-up his commentary. Specifically, he s written a series of columns analyzing Motown s woes, from GM s fall from grace to the region s faltering fortunes. While keeping one foot in objective journalism, Howes has gradually become the best (if not the only) cheerleader The Big Three have got. And now he wants a word with the President.

"Help us Mr. President" begins with a recap of the Commander-in-Chief s recent rebuff to Detroit s struggling automakers. Howes puts his quote marks around W s statement that Detroit needs to become more relevant and learn how to compete. And then the counter attack.

If only it were that simple, Mr. President. Yes, Detroit's automakers and their biggest union, the United Auto Workers, have been undermined by their manifold mistakes. They're also slaves to their obligations to hundreds of thousands of workers who expect pensions and health care in retirement — and are getting them.

If unintentional, Howes defense becomes a passive
having their cake and starving too statement: admitting Detroit s mistakes while painting its blundering protagonists as honorable victims. By adding the phrase and getting them to the legacy cost issue, Howes seems to be saying Sure they screwed-up, but at least these goombas are honoring their obligations. And then a threat.

I doubt you or any of your successors would want the alternative. That's why the drama playing out here right now — the restructuring of General Motors Corp. and Ford Motor Co., the bankruptcy of Delphi Corp., the embrace of alternative engine and fuel technology — is so important to the industrial health of this country, even if the coastal elites you're so fond of are utterly indifferent to much of anything here in flyover country.

Strategically, it s a big mistake. At a key stroke, Howes has alienated readers considering his remarks from the right hand side of the political spectrum, where, lest we forget, the power currently resides. The flyover country comment is another misstep, indicating the presence of a large chip on the writer s shoulder. Luckily, Howes quickly and completely regains his rhetorical balance, emphasizing Detroit s contention that they aren t seeking a bailout.

What they want is an advocate whose sweeping concept of national security in a globalized world doesn't end with the Pentagon, the CIA and the Department of Homeland Security. It includes manufacturing, the indigenous auto industry and new fuel technology because a robust and independent industry can still be a bulwark even in the allegedly post-industrial 21st century.

Let me be clear: The smart heads in this town, at least the ones who don't live in the past or go to work each day at the UAW's Solidarity House headquarters, don't want a bailout from Washington because they know they won't get one. They also know too many people think they don't deserve one.

Again, it s a fair cop — even if Howes previous statement that GM makes more money in China than anywhere else in the world takes the sting out of the tale. As always, the devil s in the details. Which Howes fails to provide. All we get is this:

But when no less than the consul general of Japan admits in Friday's editions of The Detroit News that "Japan did intervene in foreign currency markets in the past for the sake of predictability" — well, that tells you everything you need to know.

Good luck explaining all that in a few graphs. Even so, it would behoove Mr. Howes to provide a more detailed analysis of this tilted playing field, and give us guidance how it might be leveled by the President, should he have the legal power to do so. Otherwise, the average reader will simply return to the Prez common sense connection between crap cars and failing automakers.

Clearly, that kind of thinking sticks in Howes craw. So much so the writer takes off on a major league digression, switching from offense to defense.

There are some fundamental truths about the Detroit-based industry you should be reminded of, too, even if you don't see them in the clips culled from the coastal papers, which generally have already declared Detroit dead and only Detroit doesn't know it.

First, Detroit does build "relevant" product, such as the white Ford F-250 you drive down in Crawford. Despite all the ballyhoo about Nissan's new Titan pickup, the Mississippi-made behemoth you touted on a visit down there continues to miss sales targets — so much so that Nissan cut production while Ford's F-Series trucks continue to sell near record levels.

Sounds like relevant product to me.

Second, one suspects that Mr. Howes realizes that Mr. Bush is smart enough to know the difference between a company that makes a relevant product and enough relevant products to stay in business.

As he heads for home, Howes asks Congress (not the President) to go easy on pension reform (to avoid depleting Detroit s cash hordes ), defends Detroit s gas-guzzlers with misleading moral relativism (CAF to CAF if you please), praises Motown for bothering to play hybrid catch-up and ethanol bingo, and claims Detroit was way ahead of the Prez end to oil addiction shtick. It reads pretty much like it sounds: an unconvincing, fragmented apologia.

Howes final plea to the President is both vague and uninspiring. Bush should be more willing to lend more moral support and a few well-considered helping hands. Maybe so. But by the same token, Howes should be more willing to lend us his encyclopedic knowledge, unimpeachable integrity and well-honed writing skills; to help us understand the need for federal assistance to the domestic automobile industry.

Help Us Mr. President [The Detroit News]

[Jalopnik s Between the Lines column parses the rhetoric of the automotive industry, and the media that covers it, from the point of view of that kid at the back of the class with ADD, a genius IQ and a thirst for mayhem.]

Related:
More Between the Lines Columns [internal]

I don t get it. Why publish a car magazine on-line that looks exactly like a buff book? Readers downloading a PDF of The Winding Road onto a normal-sized screen have to do more scrolling than a Babylonian library clerk, without any of the web's inherent advantages (embedded links, readable font, word search, easy navigation, etc.). These e-mag guys may be Luddites, but they have some big advertisers behind them - and Car and Driver and Automobile ex-jeffe David E. Davis ahead. That's right: the Dean Wormer of automotive journalists is set to helm Winding Road's newfangled net thingie. Meanwhile, here's a pertinent question: what s a car mag doing reviewing a private jet?

There are two reasons why you might want to read about this airplane right now. The first is that flying is fun as Hell and if you like cars, you ll love jets. The second is that, if you haven t heard, this little jet is causing quite the stir among aviation types. By almost single-handed creating a new category of airplanes - the Very Light Jet or VLJ - the Eclipse has the big airlines scared and the FAA scrambling to catch up. It s also got private owners rethinking their flight plans.

Anyway, Monica Williams lead fails to achieve VIII for three reasons. First, pleading for your readers' attention demeans both writer and audience. Second, describing flying as "fun as Hell" is lame as Hell. Third, "if you haven t heard" is a condescending expression that belongs on the pages of Tattler or Women s Wear Daily, not an e-mag appealing to self-important pistonheads (are there any other kind?).

Of course, none of that would matter if Williams had uploaded some wikkid prose about hooning around in a private jet. You know: strafing a highway upside down at 400mph until you barf in a champagne bucket, that kind of thing. But no; the scribe feels compelled to make a case for private aviation.

On any given day there are millions of people trying to get from Point A to Point B and back, all at the mercy of the hub-and-spoke, delay prone, connection laden system. This is where the Eclipse offers two solutions: You can either buy a plane or hail one.

Let s say you decided to shop for an aircraft. The initial training, purchase and operation of a plane are most affordable in the form or [sic] single- and dual-prop planes. Take a Piper Malibu Mirage, a single prop

Come this spring, you can own one of the most technologically advanced jets available for a cool $1.5 million. Wait a minute: That's Veyron territory. Think about it. Need to travel from Denver to LA for a party? You could leave at 8 p.m. in the Bugatti, drive three hours straight at top speed of 253 mph - except you'd have to stop 17 times for gas, which would put you at the Oasis at around 2 a.m. with a sore bum and coffee stains on your pants.

Or you could leave at 8 p.m. in the Eclipse 500, fly around 400 mph to arrive at 10:30 p.m., spend the evening with the Ferrari girls from NAIAS, then bring her back to Denver by 2 a.m. to discuss the burgeoning air taxi business.

Speaking of which, Williams eventually gives us the money shot. It comes courtesy of Eclipse test pilot Kemo Percival. Just in case you might miss it, Winding Road's copy editor highlights the climax in red [shown here in bold].

"I had this guy who came from a prop plane. We were on the runway waiting to take off, and he was sitting in the cockpit with me, and he said 'Let's see what this thing can do.' I don't know what he was expecting. So I took the runway, lit up the cans, pushed it over after about 4500 feet and pulled back on the stick. The guy was screaming."

Whoa. That was the first reason to read about this airplane...

But if you're considering the Veyron, give it a few more months. Maybe the guys at Eclipse can hook you up with something better.

RF

Winding Road

[Jalopnik s Between the Lines column parses the rhetoric of the automotive industry, and the media that covers it, from the point of view of that kid at the back of the class with ADD, a genius IQ and a thirst for mayhem.]

Related:
More Between the Lines columns [internal]

You may not believe this, but my mother always told me to be polite. I just never saw the point. Honest, yes, absolutely. But polite is so boring. Being snide, flip and nasty is so much more entertaining. (Why should drag queens have all the fun?) I guess that s the biggest problem with US automotive buff books: they re perfectly polite and deadly dull. This failing is easiest to see when magazines like Automobile review a real stinker like the new Cadillac XLR-V. How do you tear a substandard car a new asshole while, at the same time, kissing its ass? Over to you Mr. Johnson

The XLR-V is Cadillac s most expensive model to date, costing some $23,000 more that the next priciest Cadillac, the STS-V, and it s a huge risk for a division still in the midst of mustering a credible threat to the European luxury marques. But the focus cannot be on whether or not a $100,000 Caddy should exist- since one indisputably now does- but rather on whether it lives up to the lofty expectations created by its six-figure sticker price.

It must be annoying when the headline writer sums-up your entire lead in a single, pithy line: Is the world ready for the first $100,000 Cadillac? Although redundant, Erik Johnson s opening salvo reveals some important info.

For one thing, Caddy s highly-trumpeted comeback has been reduced to a muted clarinet solo. (I reckon being in the midst of mustering a credible threat is a fancy way of saying you re about to be shot dead by the good guy before you can unholster your gun.) We also learn that Automobile is employing drop-outs from Zen dojos. We can t question the XLR-V s existence because it already exists? Hang on; is that the sound of one page turning?

Readers who bail miss the next two graphs, which fill the time/space continuum with the usual techno-blather. There s an interesting aside buried within the usual rivet counter s laundry list: the XLR-V s zero to sixty sprint time is just a tick behind the recently discontinued Mercedes Benz SL55 AMG.

And so it starts: the carefully couching and sly obfuscation signaling the fact that a buff book s critical facilities have hit the buffers. Pray tell; how fast is just a tick ? And how many ticks might that be when comparing the new Caddy to the new SL55? Of course, this is where the fun starts for BTL devotees. The next howler comes courtesy of the XLR-V s cog swapper:

But manual gearshifts are effected somewhat lazily, so it is imperative to plan shifts ahead of time in order that you don t find yourself suddenly testing the seatbelt when you hit the rev limiter.

There s some debate in Jalopnikland regarding the appropriate use of affect and effect. Either way, it s clear that the XLR-V s new six-speed gearbox is ineffective. I assume Johnson is trying to tell us that the top Caddy's manu-matic shifter doesn t give you the next gear quickly enough — which is a deeply worrying prospect for those of us who consider quick shifts a mission critical part of overtaking.

Remember what I said about being bitchy being so much more fun than minding your P s and Q s? Like any pro car hack, Johnson can t resist making a colorful snarky comment about his newfound friend. Like the vast majority of buff book reviewers, he immediately pulls the punch before it s even landed (it s a wonder these guys don t give themselves a black eye).

The steering is late-in-life Marlon Brando have a root canal: weighty but numb. It gains some feel over the base XLR s rack but still isn t communicative enough, a shortcoming it shares with the SL. This is, we suppose, a function of these cars bizarre market niche, where hot-rod droptops must also serve as boulevardiers, able to cruise at parade speed as well as bomb down mountain passes.

Oh, so that s alright then. Actually, it isn t. Johnson s desire to lump the XLR-V s numb steering in with the SL55 s helmistry may be kind to Caddy, but it s also wildly inaccurate. The SL55 AMG s steering is light, but it s also laser-like and perfectly tactile. There s nothing numb about it.

Johnson s use of vague qualifiers is, however, numbing to any concept of good journalism. The XLR-V s steering gains some feel ; isn t communicative enough ; which the Royal we suppose is a function of its niche. Obviously, spade calling is a noble art to which Mr. Johnson is unaccustomed. The best example of this unconscionable wafflage arrives at the end of paragraph six, using similarly verbose construction.

The cabin has been gussied-up with French seams and top-grade leather on the dash, door panels, and console, as well as on the protective roll hops and their surrounding trim pieces. The fancier duds are unable, however, to disguise an interior that isn t especially noteworthy to begin with.

Ending with a preposition is apparently something up with which Mr. Johnson will put. But c mon: especially noteworthy? On a scale of one to ten- one being a GM Sierra s interior and ten being a Bentley Flying Spur s carcoon- where does the XLR-V rate? Why do I get the idea that Johnson Sierra missed?

Heading for home, Johnson faces The Big Question (which he restates just in case we missed the headline). This you ve got to read.

But is the XLR-V worth $100,000? Cadillac has priced the car to say Hey! Here we are! as much as for profits. In terms of performance, the XLR-V merits its steep sticker price. Six figures is a tall order, however, for a car that lack the cachet, history and gorgeous interior of a Jaguar XK or a Mercered-Benz SL [sic]. So, the answer is: Not quite. But drop in a more stylish cockpit and give it a few years- then ask us again.

Forgive us if we don t.

RF

[Jalopnik s Between the Lines column parses the rhetoric of the automotive industry, and the media that covers it, from the point of view of that kid at the back of the class with ADD, a genius IQ and a thirst for mayhem.]

Related:
Between the Lines: The Car Connection on the Jaguar XK [internal]

It s nice to know that automotive websites are finally welcome to suck on the corporate tit alongside their buff book brethren. For The Car Connection s recent review of the new Jaguar XK, scribe Marty Padgett joined the glossies go-getters in South Africa for a romantic interlude with the Ford s division s latest two-seater. As our fearless leader recently indicated, Jalopnik is not entirely averse to that kind of action. We will simply state our cooption up front, and report on the bacchanalia as well as the whip. Meanwhile, Marty starts his automotive post card (from the company that makes the Edge) by waxing lyrically about luxury brand imagineering.

In the rarified sphere of luxury cars, brands stay relevant as long as buyers believe they stand for one or two simple things. Lexus's hallmark is impeccable reliability, while BMW's is sporting attitude. Audi has sleek design and all-wheel drive to its credit, while Mercedes-Benz still carries the purple aura of Teutonic engineering despite what we in the South would call "the recent unpleasantness.

On the positive side, Marty gets full marks for dissing Mercedes for their betrayal of their core brand value. I have no idea what a purple aura is, but suddenly I don t want one. [BTW: is Padgett implying that southerners refer to the Civil War as the recent unpleasantness, or is the expression used more widely? Either way, again, I like it.]

At Jaguar, the keyword of the day, as you might know from some fluffy high-gloss ads, is "gorgeous." But underlying that airy, accurate notion is something more substantial, and nearly as light: aluminum. Aluminum construction has changed the XJ sedan from a slight, ponderous sedan into a strong, sleek animal. And this year the already gorgeous XK undergoes an aluminum-based transformation that effects the same kind of change, making it quicker, roomier, and lighter than the former XK8.

The new XK coupe and convertible have reclaimed the edge lost to the last two generations of Jaguar sportscars, and tight bodies are two reasons for it. Two reasons? The XK is rigidly built and beautiful to behold - but it also comes as either a hardtop or a ragtop. The two versions can be quite different in character. As a convertible, the XK is almost femme, with poplar trim and 18-inch wheels and sensuous leather trim. In Coupe shape it's a credible alternative to a cramped, noisy 911 what with its 20-inch wheels, aluminum trim, muscular engine note, and masculine stance.

Since Jaguar steered away from making the XK a hardtop convertible, you'll have to make your choice early, now, won't you?

Which he does without fear, with favor. Under the heading A real growler (Jaguar, cat, geddit?), Padgett sings the praises of the Jag s 4.2-liter V8, smooth shifting gearbox and sprightly pace. Then we re back to beauty, and then we re back to the sporting advantages of aluminum. On this front, Padgett does a yeoman s job, with occasional flashes of brilliance.

With a structure so stolid, the jobs of the steering, brakes, and suspension get a little easier. The XK amplifies its own lightness of being through the controls. No autobahn anvil on wheels, the XK's steering is anti-911 light and clean, though the 18-inch wheels keep a good margin of feeling on center that's lost on cars with the optional 20-inch wheels.

The roads of South Africa's Western Cape region proved out the XK's newfound mission to be two cars in one: a convertible with effortless performance and a coupe with a more pronounced sportscar edge. Unflappable at triple-digit speeds, the XK bristles with the confidence of a league leader.

While most of the former XK8's charm came from its woody interior and lissome looks, the new XK gets nods for gusto. It grabs as much pavement as it can, responding to every subtle command you deliver. Blip the throttle and it snarls back; paddle it down two gears for the next corner and it takes a flat, unruffled set for the corner ahead. Switch off the traction control and it's ready to play, with wheelspin to make a GTO jealous and supremely composed responses. It's as delightful to drive fast as it is to see disappearing on the curves ahead in the road — a view designer Ian Callum wants you to see often.

Times may be tight at Ford, but the XK signifies the magnitude of the great patient changes at Jaguar. With the XK and the promises of a revamped XJ and S-Type, it's evident that Dearborn has done right by Jaguar by investing in good design and world-class technology to endow the brand with real meaning.

RF

2007 Jaguar XK Coupe/Convertible [The Car Connection]

[Jalopnik s Between the Lines column parses the rhetoric of the automotive industry, and the media that covers it, from the point of view of that kid at the back of the class with ADD, a genius IQ and a thirst for mayhem.]

Related:
Between the Lines: AutoWeek on the Jaguar Super V8 Portfolio; More Between the Lines Columns [internal]

Once upon a Time, millions of Americans digested the Newsweek with one of two general interest magazines. When it came to pop culture, Time and Newsweek spoke with one voice. And earned a reputation for being cursed; the moment an artist appeared on their cover(s), their cultural relevance was over. It s the same deal with AutoWeek. As soon as the car mag describes an automotive trend as being in the zeitgeist, it s already gone Beanie Baby. Victims include retro-muscle cars, rice rockets and now... hip hop car culture.

In 1986 RUN DMC teamed up with Aerosmith on Walk This Way, a song that in many ways marked the changing of the guard for the rock world and the beginning of a new era in pop culture. Hip-hop had become mainstream.

AutoWeek charged scribe Tamara Warren with the task of writing hip-hop car culture's epitaph — in the guise of a celebratory review. Warren s lead signals that she s not entirely comfortable with the gig: the in many ways qualifier hints at doubts about Mr. Steven Tyler s role in hip-hop s ascendancy. And I reckon she knows that the rock world would have a more careful and detailed analysis of this whole changing of the guard thing.

Like a foreign anthropologist narrating a slide show, Ms. Warren presses on through the thicket of her own passive prose, startling God-knows-who with the news flash that hip-hop has become a major playa in the automotive arena.

Sporting Adidas sneakers, the rappers from Queens set the stage for a culture rooted in branding and a conspicuous display of it. Now, 20 years later, a generation raised on rap music is a leading force in the marketplace. Hip-hop stars like Russell Simmons, Diddy and Jay-Z, clad in expensive-looking suits one day and tracksuits the next, are both tastemakers and household names. Hip-hop has not only grown up, it has taken over the driver s seat. Literally.

While you can t fault Tamara s courage — selecting relevant rap/hip-hop artists without seeming completely clueless is a daunting task — her second graph displays a textbook case of over-reaching editorial justification. Sure, you want to set-up your basic premise, but screaming THIS IS IMPORTANT! doesn t make it so. In fact, the louder you shout, the more heavy lifting needs doing (i.e., PROVE IT!). So...

That s because cars play as big a role in the hip-hop world as the music itself. It s not difficult to understand: A car (the flashier, the better) is the ultimate shout-out to the world that you ve made it from the ghetto, the Bayou, grandma s farm, wherever. Think of it as the ultimate bling.

When Cadillac Escalade fever hit following the SUV s 1999 redesign, it dawned on carmakers that catering to what the hip-hop generation wants was crucial to future sales. But keeping up with passing trends can prove daunting.

Warren, hyperbole is thy name. To claim that cars are as important to rap music as music is like claiming that hot dogs and beer are as important to baseball as the ball. The assertion that cars are the ultimate bling is slightly less absurd, but still dubious. What s worse, by ending her bad places to overcome for street cred list with wherever, Warren's potted history strays dangerously close to condescension — or worse.

At least Warren employs the correct urban slang expression to indicate the importance of one-upmanship within the genre. That said, it s ironic that the term shout out can also mean An inane activity chowing up airwaves, electricity, and bandwidth [www.urbandictionary.com]. OK, it s a cheap shot, but Warren s decision to trot out the Sclade to bolster her arguement about hip-hop's impact on the car world has got me a bit cranky. It's like relying on the pet rock to talk about today's stupid fads.

Anyway, now that automakers have been daunted, Tamara is free to insert a nice big plug for Scion into the heart of her thesis. Scion s sales and promotion manager Jeri Yoshizu does the honors, revealing that Hip-hop culture is not just music. See? She told you! [Quick aside: Did AutoWeek lose its New York Times Style Book?]

From there, Warren backtracks a bit, telling us that it s easy to write off hip-hop s influence — which is fair enough, given that AutoWeek has done so for the last twenty years. She provides an excellent description of hip-hop car culture s pervasiveness — and backtracks again.

While hip-hop has not influenced the creation of these brands, hip-hop s tastes are most prominent in the multi-billion-dollar aftermarket industry with chrome wheels, candy paint and car kits among today s trends.

Methinks Warren s displaying more than a little ambivalence between these lines. The writer soon loses her way entirely, abandonning her central premise to share a couple of Funkmaster Flex and Will Castro quotes on The Next Big Thing. In between, we re treated to some politically correct ethnic ass-kissing from Chrysler.

Before you know it (wakey wakey!), it s t-minus zero. Warren saves the best for last, and it comes from a surprising source: Slum Village band member T3 (personally, I thought T2 was da bomb).

Basically, what we bring to the table is the authenticity within the hip-hop community, says Slum Village s T3. It gets them a different demographic that they didn t touch.

As in so many of these features, the end should have been the beginning. Never mind. In this case, the whole article signals the beginning of the end. The only remaining questions is, what trend will Autoweek curse next?

RF

Hip-Hop is a Hit [AutoWeek]

[Jalopnik s Between the Lines column parses the rhetoric of the automotive industry, and the media that covers it, from the point of view of that kid at the back of the class with ADD, a genius IQ and a thirst for mayhem.]

Related:
Between the Lines: AutoWeek on the Cadillac STS-V [internal]

A decade or so ago, a left-leaning English newspaper writer could insinuate himself into the heart of America s liberal elite, send anti-American diatribes back to his champagne socialist admirers, and nobody on this side of the pond would be any wiser (so to speak). In these days of the Internet (and CSI), a hack can t get away with anything. So when professional Bush-basher Paul Harris decided to tell the UK Observer s audience How the US fell out of love with its cars , it was inevitable that his outlandish thesis would fall foul of US pistonheads. Autoblog s readers recently had a go. Now, it s our turn

For John McVeigh, making cars was not just a job; it was his shot at the American Dream. He had left Glasgow a young, wide-eyed man at 21 and ended up in Detroit, lured by the huge factories churning out the cars that defined 20th century US life.

Oh wait, Mr. McVeigh wasn t screwed. Oh no, far from it.

He started on the factory floor and rose through the ranks. When he retired in 1989 he was part of the management; he had brought up four good children and lived in a nice house in the suburbs. His neighbours' life stories mirrored his.

But after a week in which Ford laid off 30,000 workers and shut 14 factories, McVeigh knows his story is now part of history, like the homesteaders or the goldrushers, a way of life his grandchildren will never know. He winced at the news. 'You can't do what I did now. It just could not happen again,' he said in an accent still coloured by his Scots childhood. The statistics tell a bleak story of economic disaster that has seen a whole corner of north-east America dubbed the Rust Belt.

The US car industry is lurching into terminal decline. It means a fundamental part of America has died as well. Nothing has come to symbolise the American century more than the American car. It began with Henry Ford and the Model T and went right through the tail-finned monsters of the Fifties and the hot rods of the Seventies.

Now comes the hard part: proving his point. Harris begins by displaying the usual British ambivalence towards American culture; loving it even as he hates it. To wit:

American cars were about freedom, sexual liberation and sheer confident patriotism. For young Americans a driving licence and their first Chevy or Ford was the most important rite of passage into adulthood. The car gave birth to other American icons: the motel, the advertising billboard and the diner. They were all children of the road.

Of course, the car still defines a lifestyle. Americans still buy cars by the millions, whether they are in gridlocked LA or in the middle of Kansas miles from the nearest town. But what does it mean when a country's cultural heart is now made in Japan? Or Korea? Or Germany?

Just for fun (or to justify expenses), Harris takes us for a metaphorical trip to the Cadillac Ranch. On the plains of Amarillo, artist Chip Lord calls his nose-diving Caddies a white trash dream come true (a direct lift from the website) and then a sign of the decline of the American empire. [By email, Mr. Lord says Harris misquoted him.] After revealing that Lord drives a Honda, Harris feels the need to redefine his terms, again.

The thrill used to be all anyone cared about. American cars had names such as Mustang, Charger and Javelin. They were about moving forward, at speed and damn the consequences. The size of the engine and the roar it made cruising down the road were all that mattered. The American car was the ultimate expression of the self.

America's tempestuous affair with the car has become a passionless marriage. Americans still need their cars, but the world has changed and they no longer really love them.

In fact, Mr. Latham is Iowa s Associate Professor of English, American and Sexuality Studies. The educator specializes in vampires, cyborgs and, um, sex. (His essay The Big Space Fuck: Sex and Science Fiction in the 1960s and '70s" has just been accepted for publication in the seminal journal Queer Universe: Sexualities in Science Fiction.) Although Latham s website has automotive backgrounds, none of the work cited — and there s a small, strange universe of it — touches on car culture.

I digress. Or not, for Mr. Latham s predilection for sci fi appears to be at front of his mind, even when [inadvertently?] trying to shore-up Harris preposterous nonsense.

Latham says his students no longer see their cars as an essential expression; their Toyotas and Hondas are just vehicles. They boast of iPods or computer games, not their 'wheels'.

'They are like walking cyborgs with all these things attached to them. Cars have become functional. They are not statements anymore. Electronics are,' he said.

The Age of the American car is passing into nostalgia. Latham once studied a slew of road movies from the early 1990s in which old American cars were nostalgically treated. The most famous was Thelma and Louise, in which two put-upon women find freedom in an open-top T-Bird. At the end of the film, the heroines hold hands and drive off the edge of a cliff.

It is a fitting image for the death of a slice of the American Dream. After decades of the car being so much more than just a mode of transport — of symbolising industry, art, freedom, sex, a triumphant America — it has now become simply a way of getting from A to B.

RF

[Jalopnik s Between the Lines column parses the rhetoric of the automotive industry, and the media that covers it, from the point of view of that kid at the back of the class with ADD, a genius IQ and a thirst for mayhem.]

How the US fell out of love with its cars [The Observer]

Related:
Between the Lines: Jeremy Clarkson on the Bugatti Veyron [internal]

After all the build-up, Ford s Black Monday had a distinctly grayish tinge to it. The Blue Oval Boys bad news bash was pretty much what everyone expected: 30k factory jobs, 4k managerial position and 14 factories scythed from Henry s North American operations. The fine print was, of course, exceedingly fine. To wit: no mention was made of the United Auto Workers (UAW) contract, which guarantees that not one Ford assembly worker will find themselves on the street without a significant payoff. If you thought that this iron-clad income protection program would stimulate the union to show a little magnanimity towards Ford s recovery effort, think again.

The restructuring plan announced this morning by Ford is extremely disappointing and devastating news for the many thousands of hardworking men and women who have devoted their working lives to Ford. The impacted hourly and salaried workers find themselves facing uncertain futures because of senior management's failure to halt Ford's sliding market share.

Union boss Big Ron Gettelfinger s opening gambit makes the UAW sound like a WASPy father contemplating his son s pregnancy-inducing dalliance with the maid s daughter — or worse ( I m disappointed in you Fredo ). His condescending tone also implies that Ford s cost-cutting is a betrayal of the UAW workers selfless dedication to the company s corporate welfare. Obviously, the union missed the whole Wall Street thing, where the average American learned that greed is good, employers don t really give a shit about their employees and it s every man for himself.

Less surprising: Big Ron s decision to immediately and unequivocally blame Ford s senior management for the workers uncertain future (as opposed to the future guaranteed by your friendly neighborhood labor union). I guess there s no UAW in team.

The announcement has further left a cloud hanging over the entire work force because of pending future announcements of additional facilities to be closed at some point in the future. Unfortunately, analyst and media speculation during the last month has made these events even more wrenching for Ford workers, their families and communities.

If the UAW builds cars like its officers write sentences, it s no wonder Ford s behind the proverbial eight ball. I haven t encountered a sentence that clunky since I stopped reading badly translated in-flight articles.

Although we get the union s overarching desire to paint their members as victims, why did the UAW take such a cheap shot at the media and analysts? Surely the union s us vs. them, circle the wagons philosophy shouldn t extend to the two groups whose support could help further their cause.

The announced plant closings and future announcements are the subject of ongoing discussions with Ford. Certainly, today's announcement will only make the 2007 negotiations all the more difficult and all the more important.

Just in case you haven t picked-up on his the fat lady isn t even in the house yet tone, Big Ron spells it out: have your fun now Mr. Baby Face Mark Fields; we ll see what s what and who s who in 07. There s also a clear implication that Ford had no business changing anything about the size of its business without the union s say-so — and will pay dearly for their presumption.

Like the 2002 plan, Ford's new 'Way Forward' is based on cutting jobs and closing facilities to 'align' Ford's production capacity with shrinking demand for Ford's vehicles. Then, as now, the focus should instead be on striving to gain market share in this competitive market by offering consumers innovative and appealing products.

Note the quotation marks around the word align; sarcasm is alive and well within organized labor. In his own special way, Big Ron is twisting the knife in Ford s wound, telling the world that Mr. Blue Oval screwed-up before, he s screwing-up again, and we re taking the fall for HIS lack of innovation (ouch!) and marketing savvy. Again. It s not fair! More to the point, it s got nothing to do with us, mate.

The UAW-represented workers affected by today's action are covered by the job security program and all other provisions and protections of the UAW-Ford National Agreement. Our union will rigorously enforce those programs.

Ford s new go-go management team might have an aversion to telling the truth about their rescue plan s fine print, but the UAW does not. On the crucial point of who s going to suffer financially in this restructuring thing, Big Ron s got a message for Ford: don t even THINK about fucking with us. In fact, if the statement s last paragraph was its only paragraph, the message would have been sufficient. Make that more than sufficient

RF

[Jalopnik s Between the Lines column parses the rhetoric of the automotive industry, from the point of view of that kid at the back of the class with ADD, a genius IQ and a thirst for mayhem.]

Related:
Between the Lines: The UAW s Official Response to Delphi s Bankruptcy Filing [internal]

It s hard to believe a German car maker would follow the advice of Winston Churchill, but there it is. If you re going through Hell, Winnie admonished his admirers. Keep going. Translation: If your flagship suffers from an overdose of kludgy electronics, add some more. To its credit, Motor Trend s undercapitalized, unattributed, parenthetical (first test) mercedes-benz s550 grasps the electronic nettle from the git-go. To its shame, the buff book never once uses the r word. But if questions about Mercedes s reliability remain unexpressed, at least Motor Trend is willing to tackle the big issues surrounding electronic intervention. Like who actually needs this shit?

TRAFFIC ON the Hollywood Freeway is moving as slowly as salmon swimming upstream after watching a salmon documentary, and for once that s a good thing. The relentless stop-and-go is the perfect opportunity to let Mercedes-Benz brand-new flagship sedan, the 2007 S550, show what it can do. You can read about the dragstrip and the slalom cones later; right now, the big Benz is putting on a truly unforgettable performance: It s driving by itself.

Anyway, we get the picture: traffic-compatible cruise control. And if we don t, we get a second paragraph assuring us that the driver still has to steer and trumpeting the fact that the car of the future has landed. (Well finally!) Strangely, we re also told that HAL 9000 s real name is Distronic Plus. Does the fact that the fictional HAL 9000 computer murdered a bunch of astronauts bother anyone else?

As is the way of these things, the lame opening graphs somehow managed to avoid the delete stage of the editing process to spawn in MT s glossy pages. Literary fertilization actually begins in paragraph three:

Mercedes is making one giant leap with this flashy, technology-packed new edition of its iconic sedan. Not only does the 2007 S-Class represent a significant advance in automotive wizardry, it s also a radical departure from the stoic, conservative big Benzes of yesterday. Call it engineering chutzpah, call it engineering arrogance, but Mercedes is boldly going where no automaker- no even BMW- has gone before. The market will ultimately decide whether the company is going in the right direction, but after living with the car for two weeks in L.A. and conducting an extended round of detailed instrument testing, our impressions are decidedly mixed.

Now, I wouldn t have minded if MT had saved their judgment on MB s latest gizmology for the end of the piece. I wouldn t even have minded a waffling conclusion. But to start a tech-oriented review by saying you couldn t make up your mind about the wisdom of MB's tech love after two weeks with the beast makes me wonder who made these guys experts in the first place. Fence straddling may be an art, but it s not one I like spending $12 a year on — even if the payment is tax-deductible and I save 74% off the cover price.

My subsidy also helped pay for the next three graphs, which damn Merc s COMMAND uber-controller with faint praise ( It could well be the best of the lot ) and threaten to Thomas Dolby my retinas (14-way power seats, DVD-A flashcard compatible stereo, 20-gig hard drive sat nav, Drive Dynamic seats, thermal imaging system, etc.). It s ironic; MT s Merc review is as technology-intensive as the S550 itself.

When MT finally gets round to a quick scan of the German luxobarge s performance and handling, a couple of surprises await. First, the car is quick but a few ticks slower than factory claims. Second, as the S550 approaches its limits its optional ABC (Active Body Control system) reduces handling feel and control." You d be forgiven for wanting to know a bit more. MT will not be forgiven for instantly forgiving Mercedes. Screw the accelerative inconsistency. Nobody s going to want for power . Tricky on the limit? "A sign, perhaps, of Mercedes marketeers targeting a broader, more comfort-driven audience?

Perhaps is a popular word over at MT. (Something to do with advertising perhaps?) It s no surprise, then, that they deploy it for their please sir, can I have some more? summation.

The new S550 is a superb automobile and a techno wonder, sure to generate ooohhs and aaahhs wherever it goes. But we can t help wondering if perhaps Mercedes-Benz, in its bid to out-tech BMW, has handed over the reins to the wrong driver.

You can say that again.

RF

[Jalopnik s Between the Lines column parses the rhetoric of the automotive industry, and the media that covers it, from the point of view of that kid at the back of the class with ADD, a genius IQ and a thirst for mayhem.]

Related:
Between the Lines: Motor Trend on the Chevrolet Tahoe [internal]