Jalopnik: bears

Does a Bear Steal a Car in the Woods?

Peter Orosz — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 08:00:00 EDT

In rural Colorado, it does. That's where a couple believed they'd caught a car thief in action. Turns out it was really the nation's #1 threat — a bear — that was rummaging through their vehicle in search of food.

According to Mikel Baker—spokesperson for the Sheriff’s Office in Teller County, Colorado, where the incident took place—bears develop a keen appetite before hibernation to build up enough food reserves to last the winter. Some of them have developed the smarts to operate car doors.

This, combined with their not excellent sense of smell, can spell doom for the interior of a car.

Peculiar chains of cause and effect can be triggered by even a single container of yogurt left unattended, as relayed in another story by spokesperson Baker:

In recent years, one bear practically destroyed a car after yogurt was left in it. Afterward, investigators found yogurt smeared throughout the car.

You just bet it was not low-fat.

Photo credit and source: The Denver Post

Reducing Roads Could Boost Nation's Number One Threat...Bears!

Ray Wert — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 08:30:00 EDT

A study conducted by biologists Scott Nielsen and Mark Boyce at the University of Alberta indicates if road density is not reduced in logging areas, the grizzly population may continue its decline in the Canuckian province. Apparently, roads in and out of logging areas increase the animals' risk of death though human-bear conflict, vehicle-caused collisions, poaching and displacement from feeding and habitat areas. It's estimated there are currently less than 500 grizzly bears in Alberta. You know what this means people — we can't let up. We must build more logging roads in Alberta. Come on people, remember, we're fighting them over there so we don't have to fight them over here from taking our honey and picnic baskets. [Physorg]

Robotic Teddy Bear Navigation System Points, Nags, Thrills Japanese

Travis Hudson — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 16:40:00 EDT

iXs Research Corporation has unveiled a truly creepy GPS navigation system. Rather than having a standard LCD display screen/audio output that shows and tells directions, the system consists of a one-foot-tall teddy bear that not only speaks directions, but also points in the general vicinity in which you need to go. The fun doesn't stop there, either: Little Master Ruxpin also includes an alcohol detection sensor. If the teddy catches a whiff of your three-martini lunch, that's grounds for incessant nagging, plush-toy style. Finally, expect a loud "Watch out!" upon quickly braking or accelerating.

Fujitsu actually owns the much fought-for (!) patent on doll-based car navigation systems, but granted iXs Research Corp. permission to use the idea for a teddy bear. Not surprisingly, iXs is based in Japan — about the only country in the world where a back-seat-driving, teetotalling, pointing, navigation teddy bear might actually be considered a good idea . [Pink Tentacle] (Generic image via Getty)

Bear Demolition Team Hates Your Non-Hybrid Sub-Compact

Travis Hudson — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 16:40:00 EST

I should have been listening to Steven Colbert this entire time, but noooo. And now I witness a sub-compact ZAZ being subjected to the wrath of...bears! I know what's the source of the bears' rage, too—it's the environment. If we don't shape up and start driving the hell out of hybrids and other alternative energy vehicles, the bears will do this to all of our pre-hybrid rides. Yes, all holdouts will become victims of the number one threat of Colbert Report Threat-Down. We have been warned.[Presurfer]

Bear Steels Car, Bear Driving Car, How Can That Be?

Matt Hardigree — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 14:00:00 EST

New Jersey police are claiming that a black bear is the prime suspect in a car theft in Vernon Township. Apparently, the bear was attracted to the sweets inside the car and accidentally released the emergency brake. The vehicle was found down the road, full of bear hair and broken glass. This thing should be expected if we continue to destroy crime-fighting alligators. I'll take the alligator over the bear any day. [LOL.CO.ZA]