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The 2014 Hater's Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog

It's a difficult world out there, people. War, poverty, brutality, corruption, social and racial injustice … these are not civil times we live in. Which is why, more than ever, we NEED the comfort and warmth that only life inside the Williams-Sonoma catalog can provide. Follow me, America. Follow me inside these…

My Kid’s Insane List Of Reasons To Be Thankful, Annotated

I have an 8-year-old who has something of an overactive imagination, which is a good thing for a child to have, in theory. There are entire 10,000-word think pieces and scientific studies now about how all playgrounds should be replaced with an open field and a giant barrel of sticks so that kids can go construct…

How To Suck: A Special Message To The Graduating Class Of 2014

This is all about sucking, so I'll begin with me, in a parking lot, parked too close to the adjacent car. I open my car door and inadvertently hit the other dude's door. I pray that I haven't left a scratch, or a dent, or something substantial that would require insurance-card swapping and 10 minutes on the phone…

The Night Johnny Carson Found Out His Wife Was Banging Frank Gifford

Tucked inside the Hunger Games promotional pamphlet that was last week's issue of Entertainment Weekly was a rather amazing book excerpt from Henry Bushkin, lawyer to the late Johnny Carson. In the excerpt (not yet online), Bushkin describes accompanying Carson on a late night break-in of his second wife's…