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Audi A7 SportsAssCrossHatchTour Gets Naked, Opens Huge Rear End
VIDEO: Jeremy Clarkson On Audi R8 5.2 FSI: "Perfect"
Automaker Future "Youthmobile" Concepts Are Wacky
A Leopard Casually Hanging Out Of Car Window
Audi Taunts Ferrari On Their Own Turf
Automotive Survivors Part II: More Cars Made For At Least 20 Years
Dope Gets Dope Audi Tattoo
2012 Audi RS4 Spotted With Huge Fenders, Maybe
Audi R8 USB Drive Won't Break Data Transmissions
Audi R8 USB Drive

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Brimful of Ash on the 78
02:27 PM

In reply to Audi A7 SportsAssCrossHatchTour Gets Naked, Opens Huge Rear End
Because once you have the prick market cornered, you have to start building vehicles that apply to their ex-wives, too. Something about a "sphere of influence"

"Mommy, daddy's car has a nicer back seat."

"Oh yeah?"
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ArtForge
11/17/09

In reply to VIDEO: Jeremy Clarkson On Audi R8 5.2 FSI: "Perfect"
Who cares? It doesn't have a diamond dust paint job! ;P #audir8v10
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ArtForge
11/17/09

In reply to VIDEO: Jeremy Clarkson On Audi R8 5.2 FSI: "Perfect"
Love me some top Gear but I won't take driving tips from a man who has to wear a grandfather clock as a wristwatch. That and the part where the supercar sticks to the track thing. Give me a 60k Atom, then we will talk about tracks and engineering. #audir8v10
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DoctorNine
11/17/09

In reply to VIDEO: Jeremy Clarkson On Audi R8 5.2 FSI: "Perfect"
There must always be a fast blue car, which resides in a little corner of heaven, in my mind. It isn't the realization of this dream which beckons; I could stretch and actually make it mine, with a small exercise of effort and intent. Rather, this car exists more as an icon in the pantheon of my desire. As such, it is better to leave the appetite unwhetted. Because to appreciate the psychic pull of this desire, is to be alive. Yes? #audir8v10
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Uncle Bo
11/17/09

In reply to VIDEO: Jeremy Clarkson On Audi R8 5.2 FSI: "Perfect"
Love it in blue. Would love it more if a blue ZR-1 drove up behind it and flashed its headlights. #audir8v10
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Ford Tempo Fanatic
11/17/09

In reply to VIDEO: Jeremy Clarkson On Audi R8 5.2 FSI: "Perfect"
Perfection is over rated anyway. #audir8v10
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Pessimippopotamus
11/17/09

In reply to VIDEO: Jeremy Clarkson On Audi R8 5.2 FSI: "Perfect"
Once there was an elephant,
Who tried to use the telephant
No! no! I mean an elephone
Who tried to use the telephone
(Dear me! I am not certain quite
That even now I've got it right.)
Howe'er it was, he got his trunk
Entangled in the telephunk;
The more he tried to get it free,
The louder buzzed the telephee
(I fear I'd better drop the song
Of elephop and telephong!)

So I read this when I was in 11th grade in a poetry jam, and broke out laughing uncontrollably, no doubt frightening the a classroom full of younger students and their teachers. There's no way my teacher can forget me. No way. #audir8v10
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skaycog was here
11/17/09

@Pessimippopotamus: You're unbelievable. I had to memorize something in school that I can't forget either. It was part of the "Ancient Mariner".

And then there came both mist and snow.
And it grew wondrous cold.
And ice mast high came floating by, as green as emerald.
And through the drifts the snowy cliffs did send their dismal sheen.
Blah, blah, blah.

I like your elephant poem better. #audir8v10
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Touched
11/17/09

@skaycog: You sir have memorized part of a classic and wondrous poem.

It may not fit well into a Jalopnik comment, but you can feel assured that poem will last the test of time when the elephant poem is long gone.

As for me we had to memorize the opening lines of the Canterbury Tales (in Ye Olde English to boot). I can't even spell them close to correctly, so I won't attempt to reproduce them here, but rest assured I have found no use for them whatsoever. However, I am quite pleased that I can remember them word for word now many years later. #audir8v10
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skaycog promoted this comment Touched was starred Touched was unstarred

golferal - Now with no Segway!
11/17/09

@skaycog:
There once was anold lady that lived in a shoe
She had so many kids
Her uterus fell out..

-Andrew Dice Clay #audir8v10
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Leeeeena the Jalopchick promoted this comment

skaycog was here
11/17/09

@Touched: You'll never forget it, even if you try. BTW, I'm not a sir. #audir8v10
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Touched
11/17/09

@skaycog: Humble apologies.

It is also worthwhile to re-read many of those old books from literature class. As an adult, I've found quite a bit of interest in several of the books which I could barely finish in my high school/college days. #audir8v10
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skaycog was here
11/17/09

@Touched: No apologies needed....how were you to know?

I wish I'd paid more attention to lots of things in school, now that I'm an adult. Oh well, no use looking back. #audir8v10
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DoctorNine
11/17/09

@skaycog: If you keep looking back, you end up tripping over your feet, on the way down the road to where ever you are going. #audir8v10
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skaycog was here
11/18/09

@DoctorNine: Exactly! I guess that's why they call the past history. ;)
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Pessimippopotamus
11/17/09

In reply to VIDEO: Jeremy Clarkson On Audi R8 5.2 FSI: "Perfect"
Where is he? Klaas Zwart's summer home? #audir8v10
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fstrthnu
11/18/09

@Pessimippopotamus: Ascari's track actually
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Pessimippopotamus promoted this comment Edited by fstrthnu at 11/18/09 12:06 AM fstrthnu was starred fstrthnu was unstarred

Pessimippopotamus
11/18/09

@fstrthnu: Ascari's track, which is owned by Klass Zwart as with Ascari itself.
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Edited by Pessimippopotamus at 11/18/09 3:05 AM Pessimippopotamus was starred

fstrthnu
11/18/09

@Pessimippopotamus: ...and you have officially owned me.

#tips
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LuciferV8
11/10/09

In reply to Automaker Future "Youthmobile" Concepts Are Wacky
I call BS on this one. We all know that cars "aimed at the young" end up being bought by old people trying to look hip. All of those cars look way too hard to climb into for the real target demographic. #conceptcars
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oddfish
11/10/09

@LuciferV8: Ugh, the slew of women in their 40s driving Scion xBs was funny in a sad sort of way. #conceptcars
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Pessimippopotamus
11/10/09

In reply to Automaker Future "Youthmobile" Concepts Are Wacky
Once again Audi and Mazda are the only noteworthy examples of clear design direction. While the other manufacturer's run nillywilly with their nonsensical unfocused designs, Audi and Mazda have instantly recognizable elements that hopefully survive to 2030. #conceptcars
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snapoversteer 'bout to get told
11/10/09

In reply to Automaker Future "Youthmobile" Concepts Are Wacky
I'm having an irresistable urge to denigrate both the designs and the hare-brained ideas on which they're based. I must be getting old. #conceptcars
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bzr
11/10/09

In reply to Automaker Future "Youthmobile" Concepts Are Wacky
Once you enter your destination into the navi app on your smart phone, you can play against the vehicle to "win" complete control over the system and gain access to increasingly outrageous driving scenarios.

I love the sound of this. I think it'll be hilarious to see kids being forced to square off against a War Games computer every time they want to go somewhere. Didn't make the high score? The car's taking you to Boise! Wanna go to Starbucks? Fat chance, gotta beat the Parnelli Jones boss at his own game! Why didn't you go to school today, Junior? I was driving there, but I couldn't get the Star Power 4x multiplier at 48,375 points and the car sent me the wrong way down an on-ramp! #conceptcars
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Racin_G73 - dirt track legend (some day ... maybe)
11/10/09

@bzr: "Dangit... I can't remember how to parallel park."

"Oh, that's simple! Left, Right, Left, Right, A, B, Up and then Down. Easy!" #conceptcars
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bzr promoted this comment

that ain't the way to have fun, son
11/10/09

In reply to Automaker Future "Youthmobile" Concepts Are Wacky
Crackpipe. #conceptcars
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HoonThatFerrari
10/29/09

In reply to A Leopard Casually Hanging Out Of Car Window
MECHANIC: "Joe's Auto Repair, can I help you?"
CALLER" "Zdrahstvooy! I have car I need bring in for syervice"
MECHANIC: "For what?"
CALLER: "Syervice... ah, how you say - I need work done?"
MECHANIC: "Just like that."
CALLER: "What?"
MECHANIC: "You say it just like that - 'I... need... work...done.'"
CALLER: "Prekrasnah! Now we get somewhere! OK, I have car making funny sound from back syeat."
MECHANIC: "What kyind... I mean KIND of sound?"
CALLER: "Sounds like, ehh... 'tyap-tyap-tyap'."
MECHANIC: "Tap-tap-tap, huh? Well, it's probably just something loose back there, then; bring it on by & we'll have a look at it."
CALLER: "OK, but a hyave to warn you - it's got a lyeopard in it."
MECHANIC: "What? a LEPER? Dude, you can't bring a car by here with a leper in it... in fact, I'm gonna have to check with my boss... he may not want you bringing it here at ALL, even if you take the leper out!"
CALLER: "Durach! Not lyeper, a LYEP-ARD.... big spotted cat."
MECHANIC: "That's even worse, I know the boss won't go for that. We don't have workman's comp insurance to cover that - well, I'm pretty sure we don't, anyway.
CALLER: "What if I get lyeopard out first?"
MECHANIC: "That'd be the way to go... maybe I can get to it after the Diablo."
CALLER: "You need finish Dyiablo job first?"
MECHANIC: "Yeah, this lady called & said she wanted to give me a Diablo job... couldn't turn her down."
CALLER: "And who can blame you?"
MECHANIC: "Wait, I almost forgot - first I have to finish the Diablo job... then Bora."
CALLER: "You one lyucky bastard for a mechyanyic! Hey, wait... I just found tyapping noise."
MECHANIC: "Oh? What was it?"
CALLER: "Looks like Lyeopard coughed up hairball.. was just last passengers' skull rolling around in back seat! Hah! HAHAHAHA!"
MECHANIC: "Leopard in your car? Last passengers' skull? I don't even wanna know what kind of work you do."
CALLER: "Oh, is SYEEMPLE... I work for FIAT, here on tyemporary assyignment in 'Brand Downsizing' Division. #auditt
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HoonThatFerrari
10/29/09

In reply to A Leopard Casually Hanging Out Of Car Window
ARGH! editing.
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Edited by HoonThatFerrari at 10/29/09 9:35 PM HoonThatFerrari was starred HoonThatFerrari was unstarred

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