You got your Reliants and your Lloyds, but when you're talking about weird British marques that Americans can't identify… well, it's tough to beat a Humber. You get your Rootes Group-ish Chrysler-influenced styling, Lucas Electrics, and ahead-of-its-time technology (well, not really, unless the time is being set in Detroit) with the Magnificent Humber Sceptre!

Just look at that fine hunk of British iron! At this point, you're probably bummed because you know there's no way in hell to get a Sceptre without traveling to the UK, and even then you'd be in a frustrating right-hand-drive car… but hold on a second! There's a left-hand drive Humber Sceptre (go here if the ad disappears) available for just $750 in rust-free Southern California! We know, the seller says it's a '60 and the Sceptre Mark I didn't exist until 1963, but this one ran when parked! OK, that was 10 (probable Craigslist-to-English translation: 18) years ago, but the "motor turns over" and it looks like all the impossible-to-find glass is intact. Add an SR20DET and you'll be the Sceptre King of your time zone!

That Sceptre is mighty fine and that's a fact, but where's the sportiness? You need a slick-looking two-door to get anywhere in this world, and you need to remember that Chrysler wasn't just building Hillmans and Humbers and Singers in England- the Rootes Group was building cars in France as well! Yes, perennial PCH Superpower France, where engineers don't give a damn how the rest of the world thinks cars ought to be… and you're in luck today, because this 1959 Simca Aronde is available at a very reasonable price. How reasonable we can't say, because of that damn eBay reserve game, but we're betting it's a 3-digit number. That means you'll have money left in your budget for an Offenhauser engine to fill in that void under the hood, and then you can start the search for a new rear window. Oh, wait- the seller says "i have found a rear window and i will give new owner the phone number to buy it," so you're pretty much ready to go!

In 1961, Dwight D. Eisenhower popularized the term "Military-Industrial Complex" in his farewell address, but what about the Rust-Missing Parts Complex that dominates your typical 1961 Hell Project? You'll have an even more tenuous connection to your sanity than Eisenhower does to Project Car Hell when you peel off 45 Benjamins to obtain this pair of 1961 Lincoln Continental convertibles. Some of you quitters might take one look at those photos and figure there's no way in hell anyone could ever make even one nice car out of those heaps, but that's like looking at the plans for the Bay Of Pigs invasion and saying it could never work! What if Ike had done that? The seller claims these two '61s are "90 to 100% complete," and that each car has "low original mileage." You see? Easy! At most you'll be chasing down 10% of the parts that make up an automobile, and how hard could that be? You could make one car and use the other for parts, or go for broke- literally- and restore them both.

Is it fair to make anything American- even a two-for-one deal- face off against a French car in a Choose Your Eternity challenge? Maybe not, but we're going to give Detroit a shot at a stunning upset over the perennial PCH Champeen today; just imagine that Project Car Hell trophy sitting in the lobby of Ford's HQ... in a mound of kitty litter, to catch all the leaking oil and rust flakes. We're not making it easy for Dearborn, however, because we've got this '61 Simca Aronde, with a what-the-hell price of just $650. Look at that fine French machine and try to tell us you wouldn't feel like a million francs driving it down the boulevard after a full restoration and/or customization. The latter approach might be best, since it already comes with an unnamed Datsun engine. We're sure that engine will work just fine, because the seller wants us to know it "is supposed to be a good one." It might be absolutely impossible somewhat challenging to get all the glass you'll need, because "Some of of the windows are good," but the contacts you'll cultivate in France while searching for a windshield will come in quite handy when it comes time to locate all the missing trim pieces.

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Sir/Madam, First i would like to introduce myself i am Alan Berj xxxxx , i own a Simca Aronde Mo: 1959 and its been a long while that it was in the garage , so i wanted to know Simca's factory in case i need spare parts. thanks for the co-operation Please mention in the mail subject ( Simca Aronde ) Best Regards, Alan

-The Simca Shop - Netherlands
-H.D. Rogers & Sons

People with contacts

-Club Simca France [French]
- President of Club Simca France's contact info
-Simca Car Club of America

So there you go Alan, Jalopnik cotomer sevis at it's best. It's not the Simca Factory, but don't say we never did anything for you.

Yes kids, it's the car that turned Simca, for a brief, shining moment into the second-brightest sales star in the nighttime skies over Bordeaux: the Simca Aronde. It debuted in 1951, and eventually made a whopping 70hp via its Rush Super engine, which is possibly the third greatest engine name in history, behind Toyota's Twin Squish and Mopar's Super Commando. Then Chrysler took over and we ended up with the Dodge Omni. Which in turn gave us one of the rarest Shelbys of them all: The Rampage. – Davey G. Johnson

Simca Aronde (P60 Models) [Simca Club, UK]

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