Jalopnik: april fools day

Kia Aero-Soul Concept: When April Fool's Day Goes Too Far

Ben Wojdyla — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 12:30:00 EDT

April Fools Day is our absolute least favorite time of the year because everyone thinks they're hilarious half-rate comedians, Kia included.

Ooooh hahahaha! Look, Kia worked up a HILARIOUS press release and images of a totally outlandish Kia Soul! They are sooooo hip and clever! Everyone, rush out at buy one of their new products because they are so with it. Photoshopping stupid body work onto an otherwise noteworthy, cheap, but utilitarian vehicle is a perfectly good way to spend man hours.

We'll just be in our boxers, standing on the proverbial porch of the internet shaking our fist at those damn kids on our lawn for the next two days.

Silly details below:

KIA UNVEIL DRAMATIC WIND-ASSISTED AERO-SOUL
In a dramatic move aimed at delivering environmental benefits without expensive technology Kia has revealed its new Aero-Soul concept that reduces fuel consumption and exhaust emissions with a simple and low-cost system called Air Propulsion and Retardation Installation Line.

Although unveiled on the company's stylish and fun cross-over Soul the patented system can be easily extended to all the company's vehicles and will even be available as a bolt-on accessory for vehicles already in use.

The system relies on small sensors built into the front and rear bumpers which monitor external wind speed and deploy panels when the wind is sufficient to provide additional directional impetus according to the car's behaviour.

So at cruising speeds if the wind behind the car is strong – such as in winter gales – the panels will harness wind power to provide forward motion. If the car is slowing or under braking the panels will deploy to provide additional retardation effort. Additionally a small electrically powered baffle can be lowered just behind the exhaust pipe under harsh braking to provide the kind of "reverse-thrust" normally associated with aircraft during landing – this element will only be available as a factory-fitted device.

Systems Manager Avril Babo at Kia's Eco-Technology Research Institute in Mabuk, south of Seoul said: "The big problem with most emission reduction systems is that they are expensive. We wanted to come up with an answer that didn't cost the earth and could be retrospectively applied to cars already on the road.

"Tests of this system at our Nong Dam facility have shown that during windy weather fuel consumption can be reduced by up to 25 per cent and emissions by anything up 40 per cent. Even in calm weather using the system simply under braking can result in reductions of 10 per cent and 15 per cent respectively. In perfect conditions – downhill with a following wind fuel use and exhaust gasses can be reduced to almost zero! Plus, brake-pad life can be extended by anything up to 50 per cent depending on driver behaviour, she added.

The new A.P.R.I.L. system will be available on all vehicles ordered after midnight on March 31, 2010 and the accessory pack will be available the following day. Prices will be announced in due course.

[Source: Kia]

ABC Radio, For The Record, GM Still Owns The Rights To Oldsmobile

Matt Hardigree — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 11:20:00 EDT

Mark Twain once said "a lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes." Thanks to radio and the web, it can now travel all the way around the world. Remember that list of automotive April Fools' Day jokes? Remember that C&D and Automobile joke about Toyota securing Olds' naming rights? Someone took it to be the truth. And that person was Ron Chapman, filling in for Paul Harvey on his extremely popular ABC Radio show. Ugh. In case you were curious, the appropriate Trademarks are here and here, and they are both owned by GM and good until 2011 according to the US Patent and Trademark Office. The crappy urban legend in the making below the jump.

VMSoA Broadcast Transcript
Date April 02, 2008
Time 11:45 AM - 12:00 PM
Station Syndicated Radio
Location Network
Program Paul Harvey

RON CHAPMAN, anchor:

And remember about four years ago, General Motors
discontinued their car line known as Oldsmobile. I saw
this story yesterday and I kind of thought it was an April
Fools'. It turns out it's not.

General Motors stopped manufacturing Oldsmobiles, stopped
making them in 2004. David Gluckman of Automobile Magazine
says they apparently also stopped paying any attention to
the name Oldsmobile as well and the copyright on the
Oldsmobile name ran out and nobody at General Motors
noticed. But one person in the US Copyright Office did,
saw the name was freely available, called a relative who
worked for Toyota.

So, as of this day, the name Oldsmobile belongs not to GM
but to Toyota. And they're thinking of using it on a new
mid-level luxury model to be marketed where? Right here in
the United States.

Once again. TOYOTA DOES NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO PRODUCE OLDSMOBILE. Nor are they stupid enough to try and resurrect that brand. (h/t to good ol' Phil).

[Source: Video Monitoring Services of America]

Ten Best...Or Worst...April Fools' Day Automotive Gags

Ben Wojdyla — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 20:25:09 EDT

We resisted the temptation today to pull our own shenanigans, mostly because tearing the wraps off a fake photoshopped Ford Ranchero was too obvious. Similarly, calling a fold to the sham that is Chryslerberus would have just been plain mean. Luckily, we knew the online automotive world would pick up the slack. Sure enough we were right, and we quickly found ourselves inundated with all kinds of April Fools' hijinks. Without further ado, below are the ten most amusing automotive hoaxes of the day. Make sure to vote for your favorite.

Kia KEE wii Concept
Kia pulled our leg ever so gently with a "concept" which saw the replacement of the steering wheel with a Wii controller. The only problem we see with a video game controller is the parents would drive into walls. The kids however would possess F1-like canyon-carving abilities. [Carscoop]

BMW Dog Pee Proof Wheels
What April Fools' Day can pass without a good old fashioned urination joke? MetroUK revealed BMW working on something called Canine Repellent Alloy Protection, an acronym-based system of electrified wheels capable of delivering a 200 volt shock to Rex's wiener. Wow, who knew BMW was just a bunch of phallus-haters? [Metro.co.uk]

Camaro Monza
While the idea of a three door Camaro warms the cockles, and the extra care taken to embed fake watermarks is impressive, the GMInsideNews Camaro Monza remains nothing more than a pipe dream. We wait patiently for Ford to answer back with a docked Mustang. [GMInsideNews]

Jaguar XF-C
Carscoop jumped into the foolishness feet first with a photoshopped Jag XF Coupe they're calling the XF-C. We weren't buying it, especially when we noticed it doesn't have door handles. And not like in that hidden CTS Coupe concept way. There's seriously no way to open the doors. Still, due diligence led us to a ~~frantic~~ quick phone call to Jag PR, who assured us it was nothing more than a hoax. Still, if Tata wants design direction for their shiny new brand, this wouldn't be a bad place to look. [Carscoop]

Oldsmobile Makes Return Under Toyota Management
The merry pranksters at Car und Driver announced Toyota had acquired the rights to the defunct Oldsmobile brand and were ready to bring it back to life. The new vehicles on display at C&D's jolly joke of an article stayed true to the Olds heritage of strict platform prostitution, but it was obvious this was a hoax as it would be the worst strategic decision in automotive history. [Automobile, Car & Driver]

German Model Eva Padberg Shills for Kia Rio
While we're not certain it's meant to be an April Fools' joke — in fact we're pretty sure it isn't — the desktop-sized images of German model Eva Padberg splayed across the hood of the Kia Rio are funny to us. So funny we have a gallery. Maybe funny's not the word. Aroused? Yeah, maybe that's it. [Carscoop]

Ford Logo Redesign
Taking top honors in the "Least Time Invested" category, Brand New claims we missed what would have been the only news out of Ford at the New York Auto Show, a redesign of it's famed blue oval. The new badge would certainly improve packing efficiency when shipped to idle factories. [Brand New]

Toyota Confirms Scion Pickup Based on Tundra
That Mike Levine at PickupTruck.com is such a prankster. A Scion based on the Tundra is about as real as the faux high school hipsters in its targeted purchasing demographic. [PickupTruck.com]

Customize your Lambo with Hand Picked Cows
With the never ending march of more complete customization, Motive thought they'd pull a fast one and announce a new program from Lamborghini wherein owners would have the privilege of picking the specific cows with which to outfit their cars' interior. Amusing concept, but a story far too filled with descriptions of cow feces to be anything more than college boy humor. Did we mention it smells like someone farted over there? [Motive]

MotoGP Announces Season Canceled — Nazi Sex Orgies To Blame
Do not pass go, do not collect your ticket refunds. MotoGP decided to spend your hard-earned dollars on Nazi Sex Orgies instead of having a season. We give this one bonus points for actual topicality given today's biggest and most distasteful story in racing. [IndianaMotoGP]

Also see:
Seven New Cars We Wish Were April Fools' Day Jokes

Top photo credit to the witty denizens of the Motor Trend Forums

Hat tip on two links via Automobile Magazine Forums

Seven New Cars We Wish Were April Fools' Day Jokes

Matt Hardigree — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 15:16:00 EDT

[UPDATE: Also check out our top ten list of the best...or was it the worst...April Fools' Day automotive gags.] Occasionally, an automaker likes to have a little fun on April Fools' Day by announcing a car so ridiculous it couldn't possibly be real. Unfortunately, what happens more often than not is that an automaker will announce a car so ridiculous that it couldn't possible be real... and it is. Some are poorly-styled and ill-conceived, while others seem to fill no foreseeable niche other than a need to show they're doing something, anything. Below is our list of new cars that are punch lines to jokes no one ever told (i.e. the least dragon-able new cars). [UPDATE: We've added a poll so you can proclaim the most foolish car of them all]

2009 Pontiac Vibe

The name suggests vibrator, but one look at this poorly re-bodied Corolla-cousin to the Toyota Matrix is likely to prevent anyone but the most hardcore red arrow-fetishist from getting off.

2009 Toyota Venza

You know what's great about the Toyota Venza? Yeah, neither do we. As much fun as the old angled-E-pillar Camry wagons were, Toyota decided to take the concept of a Camry wagon and cross it with ugly in order to make one of those famous "crossover" vehicles. Thanks for nothing.

2008 Chrysler Sebring Convertible

It took a keen eye, some serious hallucinogenic substances and a love of the George Foreman Grill to make the already fugly Chrysler Sebring even less fetching. Congrats to the Chrysler team for taking a car that distinguishes itself for lackluster performance and giving it a body to match. USA! USA!

2009 VW Routan

We're not sure what the conversation was like at Volkswagen HQ when they decided to rebadge a Dodge Minivan, but we imagine it's only slightly more interesting then the conversation where they decided to give it yet another preposterous and meaningless two-syllable name. What, did someone already own the rights to Asscrap?

2009 BMW X6

We have yet to drive the new BMW X6 SAV (Stupid Automotive Variation), so maybe it's a revolution in automotive design. Or maybe it's a $52,000 miscalculation that offers the convenience of neither a car or an SUV. Only time will tell.

Maybach 62 Landaulet

Although a concept, it's still the perfect ride for when you want to look like a million bucks because nothing says "kidnap my children" like a stretch, convertible Maybach. Rumor is they're going to build it. Oh geez.

2008 Ford Focus

Leave it to Ford to take a car we absolutely loved when it first debuted and slowly engineer everything we like out of the car. But it's got Ford SYNC technology so... you know... victory!

What's The Best Car Prank You've Ever Pulled?

Matt Hardigree — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 11:40:00 EDT

Historically speaking, April Fools Day is an opportunity for horribly unfunny people to be even less funny. We thought April Fool's Day had been cancelled this year so we didn't bother coming up with silliness for you. Which is probably a good thing because really, who wants to read made-up stuff when we can hear about what type of auto-related pranks you've pulled. We're looking for primo prankage here. Everyone has put a car on blocks, covered the windows with embarrassing shoe-polished messages and saran wrapped it like so much leftover Christmas ham.

We've even seen someone cover a car's window with wet cat food (which smells awful and dries in an unfortunate way). While other sites bring you photoshopped images of cars that we're sure will never exist, we want to see what you are made of. Make us proud.

[Photo: EarthFrisk]

Allroad Fools Day? Volkswagen's Alleged Cross Phaeton

Mike Spinelli — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 17:49:48 EDT

Of course, we're suspicious of the timing of Autoweek.nl's reveal of the alleged Volkswagen "Cross Phaeton." The shots indicate a new Phaeton with a body kit and higher ground clearance, along with a 220-hp 2.0-liter TDI. They say it'll be revealed at the New York auto show this week. We say they should have added a periscope and a bust of Ferdinand Pi ch as a hood ornament. Then again, they could be using it to announce the return of the Phaeton in the US. That would be sheer madness. – Mike Spinelli

VW CrossPhaeton: boodschappenauto voor sjeiks [Autoweek.nl via Carscoop]

Related:
Ad Watch: Hands Off the VW Phaeton [internal]

Spy Photos: Henry Ford To Debut New "Horseless Carriage" In New York This Week?

Ray Wert — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 15:34:56 EDT

We've been covering this whole "horseless carriage" phenomenon for some time, but we're hearing this guy down the road from here's got a new way of making them. He's calling it "mass production" and it sounds like the cat's meow. In fact, with an emphasis on making workers jobs on this "assembly line" totally unimportant and meaningless, it's going to drop the cost of making these newfangled people-carriers to even the point that you or I can pick one up. And they're efficient — we're hearing the car, powered by a four-cylinder engine, will hit speeds of up to 45 miles an hour, and get 25 to 30 miles per gallon. Our spy photogs snapped the machine, which he's called the "Model T," and the machine's main man, Henry Ford, outside of his Dearborn-based "Motor Company" — hmm — we wonder. If he ends up calling it Ford, maybe we could start calling it Fo-Mo-Corp, or something like that. Anyway, we've no idea whether he'll be bringing it to New York this week — but we'll be on site in case he does, flash powder at the ready! – Ray Wert

B-List Action Figure Found Dead on Lawn in New Jersey

Mike Spinelli — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 14:29:08 EDT

Action figure Steve Houston was found dead in his "Earth Speeder" vehicle at a residence in Montvale, New Jersey early Sunday morning. Houston, who was once described as "sucky" and "who the hell is that?" was purchased from P&J's Stationary in New Brunswick on December 25, 1978 by a local man. Sources say the man, Uncle Jeff, now 60, had been out drinking with his girlfriend the evening before, and allegedly chose Houston's "Intergalactec [sic] Playset" over a bag of Crazee Novelty pick-up sticks and a copy of Teen Beat featuring Leif Garrett. The Montvale Coroner's office has yet to rule out foul play, but a spokesperson said suicide was likely the cause of death. Acquaintances say Houston had been despondent for years, after having been deemed "lame-ass," and spent the next 27 years in and out of the attic, emerging only once a year for an annual tag sale. In his later years, Houston did enjoy a resurgence in popularity when he was featured several times on the eBay web site. But friends say he'd been unhappy with the "Buy it Now" offer that promised to banish him to a home in St. Louis, Missouri in April. Police ask anyone with information regarding the incident to just forget the whole thing ever happened and go on with their lives.

Alfa Romeo Coming Back to the US on April the First! Wow!

Mike Spinelli — Thu, 29 Mar 2007 18:09:03 EDT

We just got this tease of a message from one of our longtime tipsters:

This is for real. Alfa Romeo will launch its entire line up, including the 147 GTA on April 1st of this year. They have secretly been bringing them in through the Port of Tacoma. My peepee is weepy just thinking about it. Time for a test drive!

Thanks for the image, D. This will be the best April Fool's Day ever.

Related:
Finalmente! More on Alfa Romeo's US Return [internal]