Jalopnik: Animals

Pam Anderson Sacrifices Viper For Animal Ethics

Ben Wojdyla — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 14:40:00 EDT

Pam Anderson continues in her current career as "vapid celeb throwing money at organizations forged from whining and communism," electing to sell her 2000 Dodge Viper RT/10 to benefit People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (NAMBLA). The white-striped Viper is probably better off out of Ms. Anderson's hands anyway, as she's a self proclaimed terrible driver, but to use that money for an animal-saving campaign just seems weird. This one Viper alone is probably responsible for the deaths of dozens of polar bears, so cognitive dissonance shall remain solidly in place. [AP]

Driving While Petting Soon To Be Illegal

Travis Hudson — Wed, 07 May 2008 13:40:00 EDT

California Assemblyman Bill Maze is proposing a new law that would make driving with an animal in your lap illegal and punishable by a $35 fine. The law passed through the California Assembly this week and will be making its way to the Senate. It's a pretty obvious that those crazy old cougars that drive around with their miniature toy dogs in their laps pose a giant risk to other motorists so there's no reason not to go ahead with this law.

The law would make it legal to still drive with the dog in shotgun or the back, but just no sitting on the lap of the driver. If they read Jalopnik or drove Volvos, they'd know to buckle up their pets for ultimate safety. [Source/Photo: NBC 5i]

Ford Succeeds In Giving Us Nightmares With New Ka Spot

Travis Hudson — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 16:40:00 EDT

We understand the Ford Ka is a roomy vehicle. Hell, it's even big enough for James Bond and many Bond girls, but the means this Spanish commercial goes to in order to express that notion is going to cause us to have some serious trouble sleeping tonight. The first one to identify what the hell those creatures are gets a cookie. [Neatorama]

Poorly Named Hotdog Monitors In-Car Temperature For The Pooch

Travis Hudson — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 09:45:00 EDT

We all know the SPCA, PETA and other groups get their knickers in a bunch over leaving animals in cars, and rightly so. Much to the delight of these organizations, Hotdog is a new gadget that will to take a step forward toward keeping pets in overheating cars. This device connects into your cars electrical system and will actively monitor the temperature inside of the car.

Once the temperature surpasses a pre-determined temperature, the system will automatically roll down the windows of the car giving fresh air to the pooch and give it the opportunity to escape your life. If you really need a device this, maybe pet and animal responsibility is not the top priority on your list and you should forfeit your dog-ownership rights. The Hotdog is available for $366. [Criminalistics via Giz]

Puphut Does Nothing To Increase Ferociousness Of Your Pooch

Travis Hudson — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 15:30:00 EST

All the credibility you gained driving that F-350 will be thrown out the window once the guys catch you rocking a Puphut in your big, beastly truck. Puphut is what it says it is: a hut, for your truck, so your dog can stay nice and protected when you are hauling him around town. Back off for a second, PETA, and listen. Dogs can take the weather and unless you drive around all day with your dog in the bed, I'm more than sure Old Yeller will be fine for the 10 minute trip to the hardware store.

You know who definitely doesn't need a Puphut? Uno, the beagle that won Best in Show this week at Westminster Kennel Club. That little guy is a champ and can tackle all of the elements. Now do you really want a beagle showing up your big, bad Lab? Puphut can be had for $230 and even comes in tacky camo! [Puphut via Ubergizmo]

Bear Steels Car, Bear Driving Car, How Can That Be?

Matt Hardigree — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 14:00:00 EST

New Jersey police are claiming that a black bear is the prime suspect in a car theft in Vernon Township. Apparently, the bear was attracted to the sweets inside the car and accidentally released the emergency brake. The vehicle was found down the road, full of bear hair and broken glass. This thing should be expected if we continue to destroy crime-fighting alligators. I'll take the alligator over the bear any day. [LOL.CO.ZA]

400 Chickens Killed in Road Accident

Wes Siler — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 15:15:00 EDT

1,400 hundred chickens escaped captivity and 400 were killed in a tragic road accident in Scotland early this morning. The tractor-trailer carrying them jack-knifed on the A40 near Haggs, releasing the birds and causing chaos on area roads. It took Specialist Chicken Handlers 9-hours to clear the road of the fowl, which had been destined for an area abattoir. [Via BBC News]
Photo credit: E. E. Piphanie

Making Cars Look Like Animals Could Reduce Accidents

Wes Siler — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 13:14:15 EDT

A study conducted by Yale and the University of California has found that the human brain is more attuned to detecting animal than mechanical motion. The results could point the way for safer cars being made in the image of wildlife. In tests, subjects were over three times as likely to recognize motion in animals than in cars. Quoted in The Telegraph, Professor Leda Cosmides of the University of California said, "It may seem fanciful, but it is possible that painting cars to look more like animals might increase attentional monitoring of them." The Telegraph Photo credit: Sister72

Deer Deterrent Tested

Wes Siler — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 13:15:00 EDT

A roadside device capable of scaring deer away from the road when vehicles approach is being tested in New Jersey. Capable of detecting headlights long before the animals become dazzled, it emits a loud noise and flashes a blue strobe light when cars come within 150 yards. 38 have been installed on a stretch of road near Fort Dix notorious for accidents involving deer. Its inventors, JAFA Technologies, say the devices will cost about $150 each. [Via NJ.com]
Photo credit: Eric Chan

Bathurst Kangaroo!

Davey G. Johnson — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 18:45:00 EDT

In Australia, there are many wonderous things — utes, sheilas, The Great Barrier Reef, Paul Hogan and road trains — not to mention a rather abundant diversity of marsupials. Some of these marsupials are kangaroos. Sometimes, kangaroos end up where they're not supposed to be, such as on the track at Bathurst during a motor racing competition.

Bird and Car Enter, Car Leaves

Davey G. Johnson — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 16:15:00 EDT

Somewhere along that great ribbon of asphalt and concrete that links The City to the Big Apple, there is a pond. More specifically, that pond is in Utah. And in that Utahn pond, gulls congregate. Their flight path to said pond takes them across Interstate Eighty. And when the dumb bird misjudges the speed of oncoming traffic, well, they tend to wind up even more kaput than a Chevy Vega attempting Le Mans. Also of note: when the Utah Division of Wildlife Resources comes across large, hazardous roadkill, they drag it out into the desert for scavenger snacktime.

Gulls vs. Cars: Birds aren't winning [Salt Lake Tribune]

Randy Crow Attacks UK Cars

Davey G. Johnson — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 19:45:00 EDT

We had a pal in college who liked to wear a black trenchcoat, a Gecko T-shirt and a ring on a lanyard around his neck with a silver ring hanging from it. After a year or so of knowing him, we actually looked at said ring and noticed it had "The Crow" engraved in it. Needless to say, he wasn't exactly beating the ladies off with a stick, except for that one exceedingly odd girl who spoke Klingon. Regardless, he is a smart, sharp dude who now occasionally appears on television. And he dresses better these days. In the UK, however, one particular crow hasn't smartened up. He's horny and territorrial, and when he sees his reflection in the roof of an automobile, he has a tendency to attack it as if it were a romantic rival. Either that, or he's just a really, really big fan of Black Flag's Damaged album and doesn't have a mirror handy. – Davey G. Johnson

Love-crazed crow attacking cars at city business [Peterborough Today, UK]

You Can See Her Stripes But You Know She's Clean: Tiger Attacks Cars

Davey G. Johnson — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 13:30:00 EST

A belligerent she-tiger, apparently angry that a motorist took the life of one of her cubs, has gone about attacking motor vehicles in eastern Russia. The big cat is one of about 450 tigers remaining in the Maritime and the Khabarovsk regions, and has been seen on the side of the road with a dead cub in her jaws, lashing out at cars. Russian officials figure that although their attempts to scare the tiger away have failed, the animal will go away in a few days. In the meantime, if you're in the area, beware of the eyes of the cat in the black and blue. Something is coming for you. Look out! – Davey G. Johnson

Vengeful tiger attacks cars after cub kill [Internal]

Give the Puppy Some: Canine Drives, Crashes

Davey G. Johnson — Mon, 28 Aug 2006 14:29:00 EDT

This dog-obsessiveness has to stop. Look, we've been a dog owner, and some dogs are really, really amazing creatures. However, that does not mean that they are mentally or physically equipped to operate a motor vehicle on public roads. This, however, did not stop a Mongolian woman known only as Ms. Li from attempting to teach her canine to drive, resulting in some measure of a fender-bender. This anthromorphization of pets has gotta stop before somebody gets killed. After all, dog is a dog. A duck is a duck. But a cat is a person. [Thanks to prplhaze for the tip.]

Woman Crashes When Teaching Dog to Drive [Newsday]

Redneck Yellowjackets Practice Urban Renewal In '55 Chevy

Davey G. Johnson — Wed, 23 Aug 2006 21:15:00 EDT

Much like dogs love trucks, yellowjackets apparently love cars. We discovered this the hard way a few years back when a mean-spirited stinging insect jabbed us in the back while we were leaving a stoplight, causing us nearly to put our old Legend into a hedge. Nevertheless, we're once again quite stoked that we don't live in Alabama, as superhives have developed throughout the southern part of the state, including one that entirely consumed the interior of a 1955 Chevrolet (could this be some sort of UAW metaphor?). Scientists say it has to do with the unseasonably mild winter the state had last year, but whatever the cause, we've just totally got the jibblies right now. Eep. [Thanks to Michael for the tip.]

Giant Nests Perplex Scientists [Montgomery Advertiser]

Related:
Stefan Eriksson Finds Lawyer in Alabama [Internal]

Hot Animal Machine: Pets-In-Cars Law to Go Before Schwarzenneger

Davey G. Johnson — Wed, 16 Aug 2006 15:30:00 EDT

Senate Bill 1806, written by Democratic State Senator Liz Figueroa, is headed to Ahnulds desk. The bill, if the Governator signs it into law, would impose a fines of up to $500 and as much as six months in jail for leaving an animal in a hot car. Studies have show that in-car temperatures can hit 132 degrees Farenheit in as little as five minutes on a day with an 86-degree ambient temperature. It also allows animal control officials to break into a vehicle to free the pet, something that could previously only be done by police. Good idea? Or more state nannying?

Pets-in-cars bill heads to governor [Monterey County Herald]

Note to 'American Idol' Prospects: Cowell Doesn't Appreciate Car-Broiled Dog

Davey G. Johnson — Mon, 14 Aug 2006 23:00:00 EDT

As an odd, cred-killing side-note, one Jalopnik was actually in both the El Camino High Madrigal choir, as well as the Central Valley Regional Honor Choir with American Idol contestant Mandisa Hundley, who is a very nice woman and only accused us of being a racist once, when we, as a part of a pre-Homecoming stunt, were the ringleader in a game of Musical Pies and ended up dumping a pan full of cream onto a black girl's head, not realizing that due to the texture of African-bred hair that dairy products are hard to get out.

Nevertheless, we were a fairly pissed at Simon Cowell for his comments regarding Mandisa's weight, seeing as she is a very nice woman, and while much of her taste in music frankly sucks (although, to her credit, she was pissed about our choir director's edict that she perform "The Greatest Love of All" at graduation), we love listening to the girl sing gospel. And even though we don't consume meat or wear leather (and haven't for 11 years), we're also annoyed at Simon for his PETA-allied statement about leaving dogs in hot cars. Of course you shouldn't leave dogs in hot cars. Then again, self-righteous bastards of a feather flock together.

Simon Cowell is Steamed About Dogs Left in Hot Cars [Internal]

More on da Matta's Deer Incident at Road America

Davey G. Johnson — Fri, 04 Aug 2006 19:30:00 EDT

Faithful tipster Scott sent over this bit from ESPN regarding Champ Car-driver Cristiano da Matta's collision with a deer during a practice session at Elkhart Lake. Cristiano is currently hospitalized in critical condition, in a medically-induced coma, due to a subdural hematoma. In layman's terms, it means that the accident resulted in a burst blood vessel on the surface of his brain. Stefan Johannson — who courteously dropped off the Bullrun so's we could snake his room at the W Hotel in San Diego — also had a run-in with a deer back in '87 while racing F1 for McLaren in Austria. He comments, "I got a hell of a fright, I can tell you. And the thing is that the deer was apparently running around in the woods and the field for some time but no one thought to have practice stopped."

Meanwhile, Road America officials are saying that although deer have been known to leap the 8-foot, barbed-wire-topped fence, Road America media director Julie Sebranek notes, "The race track has been here for 50 years. It's highly, highly unusual." We're inclined to agree with Sebranek. We hope that da Matta fully recovers from the incident, and as we mentioned yesterday, we wish he, his family, and the RuSPORT team the best.

Champ Car driver critical after collision with deer [ESPN]

Girl Crashes Her SUV into Nature, Bees Unhappy

Davey G. Johnson — Thu, 03 Aug 2006 15:30:00 EDT

We once almost crashed our car due to an errant yellowjacket that stung us as we took off from a stoplight, but that's nothing compared to what a sixteen-year-old girl in Indiana had to contend with when she lost control of her SUV on a gravel road and wrapped it around a tree. But not just any tree. A tree that happened to have many, many bees in it. And not happy, benign bees, but bees angry that some impetuous human would assault the location of their hive with a few tons of steel.

Jacqueline Cossairt was stuck in the wreck with a couple of broken legs as rescue workers attempted to free her and bees attempted to punish her. Frankly, the whole thing just sounds really terrifying to us. Think about it; two busted legs and a swarm of angry bees all up your steez? That definitely goes beyond the realm of the merely unpleasant. [Thanks to Thnderblt for the tip.]

Teen's driving lesson: Avoid bees [CNN]

Clyde! Left! Ape Learns to Drive

Davey G. Johnson — Fri, 14 Jul 2006 20:00:00 EDT

Doing Philo Beddoe's simian turn-signal Clyde one better, it seems that at some point, somewhere along the line, a chimpanzee taught himself to operate a motor vehicle. Needless to say, the rivalry between the chimp/orangutan camps just went up a notch.

[via Positive Ape Index]

Malicious Police Dog Runs Down Woman

Davey G. Johnson — Thu, 13 Jul 2006 15:15:00 EDT

Mary Stone of Ogden, UT, was the victim of a vehicular assault perpetrated by a canine officer of the law. The dog, Ranger, was left in an idling pickup truck while his handler responded to a domestic disturbance call. Ranger then knocked the vehicle into gear, which ran down Stone as she checked her mail. She remains hospitalized with a cracked pelvis and coccyx. No word on whether Ranger faces disciplinary action at this time. [Thanks to Scott for the tip.]

Dog blamed for hitting woman with truck [Contra Costa Times]

Colbert's Worst Nightmare: Bear Cub Eats Dinner In Back Seat Of Vintage Red Buick; Washes It Down With Jack Daniel's And Absolut

Ray Wert — Wed, 05 Jul 2006 10:00:00 EDT

We, like Colbert Report host Stephen Colbert, have a fear bordering on terror when it comes to bears. The thought of what happened to the owners of a vintage red 1964 Buick convertible this holiday weekend over in Lake Tahoe gives us the chills. A hungry bear cub decided a little pick-a-nick basket was the way to go, and sat down in the back seat for a lovely little luncheon of barbeque-chicken-and-jalapeno pizza — and then washed it all down with a swig of Jack Daniels, Absolut vodka and tonic and a beer the bear snagged from the cooler. Let's be clear here folks — we don't care how much you don't want to finish that pizza — stop feeding the bears! It only encourages them. And as we can see, they're now willing to do just about anything to get what they really want — our liquor.

Bear dines on pizza and beer in vintage car near Tahoe [MercuryNews]

Related:
Peacocks Attack Cars in Texas Neighborhood [internal]

Peacocks Attack Cars in Texas Neighborhood

Davey G. Johnson — Mon, 26 Jun 2006 17:00:00 EDT

In the interest of keeping star commenter TexansAreHot happy, here's one more item from the Lone Star State. (As an aside, did y'all know that the star on the California flag — which might possibly be the best flag ever, although we're partial to the DC flag, too — was added to show solidarity with Texas?) Digressions aside, a crew of peacocks has been attacking vehicles in an Arlington, Texas neighborhood.

Apparently, the randy males catch their reflections in shiny cars, mistake them for another male vying for female attention and begin pecking at the car's paint. Peacocks may be pretty, but they're none too bright. The moral? Never wash your car unless you want to have to repaint it. We're totally gonna use that excuse the next time our mom complains about our lack of tidiness. "But mum! If we wash it, it could be attacked by a roving herd of sexually-amped birds with beautiful plumage! Or Brandon Tartikoff!"

Aggressive peacocks attack cars, people [Chron.com]

Related:
The Grand Caballero! [Internal]

Flags and Emblems: Banner-Carrying Cars Spooking Horses in UK

Davey G. Johnson — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 00:08:36 EDT

When was the last time you were in a locale that boasted an Equine Liaison Officer? Well, rural Hampshire, England has one by the name of Derek Grist, and he's not exactly thrilled with all of the cars flying the Union Jack during the runup to the World Cup. Why? Because the waving flags apparently have the capacity to spook horses, causing them to bolt. Apparently, the horses are roughly as amenable to British subjugation as the Indians, Scots, Irish, Sex Pistols and Farago.

Flag-sporting cars frightening the horses [Internal]

Related:
Buffal Soldiers into Police Cars [Internal]

Buffalo Soldiers into Police Cars

Davey G. Johnson — Fri, 14 Apr 2006 15:40:42 EDT

An angry/ scared/out-of-its -element buffalo got into a scuffle with Chinese police and came out on the losing end of a rifleman's bullet. After wandering onto an expressway, the animal drew the attention of police, who attempted to shoo it away using their cars. Apparently, the buffalo didn't care for this tactic and began charging the cars. The fuzz then opened fire with their gats, but to no avail; the animal wasn't going down like that. It was eventually taken down by a sharpshooter as it fled iinto a populated area. Rest easy, noble buffalo. You went down bravely.

Lost buffalo charges police cars [ShanghaiDaily]

Jalopnik Emissions: Purim Edition

Ray Wert — Tue, 14 Mar 2006 17:55:29 EST

EBay can't bring your dead dad back, but they can bring you back his car. [vnunet]
What's a good boy to do on Purim when he's looking for a present for his Ema. Everything good is already sold out for Purim, including this antique wooden roadster filled with kosher delicacies. We are still not sure what an antique roadster, truffles and Purim have to do with each other. Meh, who are we to ask? [ConfectionCollection]
Oh, no...please...no, you MUST be kidding. Ford's doing more nonsensical marketing. And we thought that the concept was finally dying the slow and painful death it deserved after "Meet The Lucky Ones". Yes, we know the music was good. But the idea alas, was not. [VOX]
A car in Essex swerved to avoid a deer, rolls over, and kills the poor beast. Talk about the law of unintended consequences. [EADT]
For the 12 millionth time, an auto pundit is asking the following question: Is GM blind to their own problems? [InsideLine]
As long as a work stoppage doesn't happen for either GM or Ford, S&P predicts things can get better. [Business Week]
Oh, fudge. Did we forget to mention that 94% of the members of Delphi IUE-CWA Local 717 voted to allow leaders to call a strike against the bankrupt GM supplier. [Detroit News]
Anyone know of any good Purim parades in Metro Detroit, or do we need to go to Israel to find one? [splitc]

My Eagle Claw Will Defeat Your Parrot Stance!

Davey G. Johnson — Tue, 07 Feb 2006 08:48:12 EST

Okay, this is from last week, and we haven't heard about how effectively the plan panned out, but organizers of a vintage car rally in New Zealand brought in a 40-member karate club to defend the pricey relics from attacking Keas, parrots with exceptionally sharp beaks and a penchant for shiny objects. Why this immediately reminds us of the scene in The Story of Ricky where Yukari Oshima somehow materializes out of the ground and kicks a dog in half for no good reason is obvious. Well, to us, at least.

Karate experts hired to protect cars from parrots [Guardian Unlimited]

The Roar of the Masses Could Be Farts, Part 4: Fuel From Feces!

Davey G. Johnson — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 21:59:49 EST

Anyone who's ever held a lighter too close to one's anus after a hearty meal in San Francisco's Mission District knows what we're about to tell you the ass expels energy. What's more, bovines, huge animals that they are and quite populous in number expel a lot of potential energy out the ol' bootyhole. Now, all of the feces that led Man or Astroman? drummer Brian Teasley to dub the San Joaquin Valley "The Poo Zone" can be converted to liquid natural gas, suitable for powering vehicles. Yay! We can finally utter the phrase we've waited a lifetime to say: "Cow shit. It's not just for improptu games of frisbee anymore."

Animal Poop May Fuel Cars [Red Herring]

Aston Martin Rapide Bows in Detroit

Davey G. Johnson — Mon, 09 Jan 2006 14:03:06 EST

Who loves the dogs? Bez loves the dogs! Ulrich Bez and Henrik Fisker-replacement-unit Marek Reichman delivered the the new Aston Rapide four-door during Ford's Premier Automotive Group presentation this afternoon and brought along some canine friends for an impromptu Westminster re-enactment. We're not sure if the dog show really added to the beauty of the stunning Rapide, but the pretentious pageantry behind the exercise kinda makes us wanna hurl. Even though we love the dogs!

Related:
Aston Martin Rapide to Debut at Detroit [Internal]

That's How I Escaped My Certain Fate: Cow Dodges Cars, Train, Fleeing Slaughterhouse

Davey G. Johnson — Sat, 07 Jan 2006 03:30:23 EST

At least one third of the Jalopnik crew is a vegetarian, so we get a special thrill when livestock make a break for it. A destined-for-Burger-World cow made a break for the big, big outside world when she busted out of her Schlachthof pen, smashed through a fence, dodged a freaking train as well as narrowly avoided being beaned by a Suburban and other vehicles. For her encore, she swam the icy Missouri River before finally being brought down in a fusillade of tranquilizer darts (well, okay, three).

Cow Escapes Meat Plant, Dodges Cars, Train [Forbes]

Carry On My Wayward Cow: Bovine Totals Two Cars

Davey G. Johnson — Wed, 28 Dec 2005 20:23:16 EST

One motorist was injured and two vehicles were totaled when a cow wandered onto I-90 in George, WA. Yes Virginia, there is a George, Washington. Laurence Stockton rolled his Caravan while swerving to avoid the cow, and Larry Loth, who'd been following Stockton, plowed straight into the cow, leaving him uninjured, but less one 1993 Chevy pickup. Predictably, the cow was dead meat.

Cow injures one person, wrecks two cars on I-90 [Columbia Basin Herald]

Related:
Runaway Funeral Horses Hit by Cars [Internal]

Rwandan Elephant Doesn't Like Cars

Davey G. Johnson — Wed, 14 Dec 2005 16:08:03 EST

Generally, 'round these parts, when we think of elephants and cars, it revolves around our fantasies of stuffing a 426 Hemi in a 2CV. But in the wilds of Africa, the reality's a little different. Mutware, a 37-year-old bull elephant has developed a taste for vehicular demoltion in Rwanda. In fact, his rampant acts of elephantine hooliganism have gotten so worrisome that the US Embassy in Kigali has issued a security alert. Man, if it's not the Hutus, it's the Tutsis. If it's not the Tutsis, it's the pachyderms. We think we'll steer clear of Rwanda for a while.

Elephant takes his frustration out on cars [Times, UK]

Related:
Seeing Red: Raging Bull Attacks Vehicles [Internal]

Runaway Funeral Horses Hit by Cars

Davey G. Johnson — Fri, 02 Dec 2005 19:28:05 EST

Man, funerals are tough enough as it is; the added mayhem of rampaging large animals can't help. Apparently startled, two horses broke loose from a funeral procession and took off down a carriageway in Suffolk, England where they were hit by cars. While the extent of the horses' injuries isn't known, they were both well enough to be walked back to their stables. The casket was subsequently carried to its final resting place by motorcar.

Cars hit runaway funeral horses [BBC]

Deer Ewe: Bambi Okay to Hit, Cows, Horses not so Much

Davey G. Johnson — Wed, 30 Nov 2005 18:30:49 EST

Due to a rash of deer-automobile collisions in the area, authorities in Southern Arkansas have issued the following advice: they recommend keeping one's head down and hitting the deer rather than swerving, as drivers have a tendency to lose control during such a maneuver and slam into an immovable object. However, if the deer is actually a horse or a cow, a swerve is advised. That is all.

Deer-Automobile Accidents [KTVE]

Cars and Bears Engage in More South Carolina Skirmishes, Bears Keep Losing

Davey G. Johnson — Mon, 28 Nov 2005 18:34:29 EST

We're awfully fond of bears. Maybe it's that we were born under the Bear Flag, maybe it's our affinity for envisioning Teddy Roosevelt charging up San Juan Hill in a Gentle Ben costume during idle moments, or maybe it's all the time we spent down on Folsom Street when we lived in the Bay Area, but regardless, the fact that car-versus-bear accidents have doubled in South Carolina in the last year really has us bummed. It's an unfortunate and sad by-product of human encroachment into the animals' natural habitat. And it sure must leave a nasty dent.

Cars killing more coastal area black bears [Myrtle Beach Online]

Related:
Motorists Strike Down State Symbol: Prophecy? [Internal]

Car Hits Deer, Deer Hits Man, Man Breaks Ankle

Davey G. Johnson — Fri, 11 Nov 2005 16:15:08 EST

Man, would Sir Isaac Newton be all over this once-in-a-blue moon accident story. Robert Brooks of Modesto, California was driving along Blackhawk Road in the East Bay when a deer leapt out in front of him. Unsure if he clipped the animal, he got out of his car to check for damage. Meanwhile, another driver came tearing along and ran smack into another (or possibly the same) deer and punted the poor creature off the grille and straight into Brooks, who suffered a broken ankle. The deer was pronounced dead at the scene, and perhaps leery of also suffering Brooks' fate, the other driver sped on without stopping. [Thanks to the effervescent Nixie for the tip.]

Deer hit by car lands on man [SFGate]

Running Wild, Running Free: Rampaging Ostrich Maims Mercedes

Davey G. Johnson — Fri, 11 Nov 2005 12:27:11 EST

Authorities spent a good three hours chasing down a runaway ostrich that got loose in Cyprus. During the course of the chase, which may or may not have reached speeds of 43 miles per hour, the possibly-400-pound flightless bird leapt onto a Mercedes, causing an untold amount of damage to the bumper and hood, according to the daily Phileleftheros. No word on whether the ostrich had the Circle Jerks' Wild in the Streets cranked on its iPod during the ill-fated break for freedom.

Ostrich on loose tramples car in bid for freedom [Netscape News]

Mystery of the Parrot Car Solved!

Davey G. Johnson — Thu, 10 Nov 2005 13:24:37 EST

Our man-without-fear, known only as "Joel" (if that is your real name, "Joel"), delved deep into the Googles to discover what we could not the brand, model and year of "vintage car" that Loose Lips Knispel hoped to trade a rare baby Greenwing parrot for after she secreted it away from her place of employment in her titsling. And no, despite our best guesses, it wasn't a Mitsubishi Starion or a Plymouth Fire Arrow the classic vehicle in question was a '64 Karmann Ghia. Which, when we sit down and actually ponder it, seems like an oddly appropriate car for a thirtysomething woman in Florida to accept in trade for a hot parrot.

Woman accused of unorthodox theft of rare parrot [The News-Press]

Woman Attempts to Trade Pilfered Parrot for Vintage Car

Davey G. Johnson — Wed, 09 Nov 2005 20:20:24 EST

Jill Knispel, of Englewood, FL heisted a juvenile Greenwing parrot from her place of employment Baby Exotic Birds of Englewood by stuffing it in her brassiere. She then proceeded to attempt to trade the bird, valued at $2,000, for some type of unspecified vintage car. "Loose Lips" Knispel told the car's owner how she acquired the parrot, and in a twist of fate, it turned out that the man knew the bird's rightful owner. Oops. What we're wondering is what kind of car she was trading the bird for? A '61 Valiant 4-door? A near-mint '76 AMC Pacer? A Dodge Conquest? A small block-powered Vega? After all, it is Florida... [Thanks to the lovely Nixie for the tip.]

Vintage car lover accused of stuffing rare parrot in her bra [Chicago Sun-Times]

Related:
Lions and Minis and Smarts, Oh My! [Internal]

West Virginians Spend 33 Mil on Dancing With Deer

Davey G. Johnson — Tue, 01 Nov 2005 23:08:39 EST

Last year, West Virginia residents spent a combined 33 million dollars on deer-related vehicular repairs. And according to the state's Department of Transportation, November is the heaviest month for deer-related accidents, of which there were 19,000 last year, ranging from mild dings to full-bore road death. While it's a no-brainer that deer are fairly large animals, it's good to remember that the kinetic energy comes to bear pretty destructively when buck and car collide, something we witnessed the aftermath of the other day in West Texas. While the poor animal was literally cleaved in twain, we're betting the car didn't look so good either. We're still trying to scrub the image from our brain.

West Virginians spent 33 million dollars repairing their cars, last year [WBOY]

Related:
Dealing With Deer: A Primer [Internal]