This is The Morning Shift, our one-stop daily roundup of all the auto news that's actually important — all in one place at 9:00 AM. Or, you could spend all day waiting for other sites to parse it out to you one story at a time. Isn't your time more important?

We find it entertaining that Consumer Reports just started to realize there is no replacement for displacement, while auto makers claim we should chop off our right foot if we want better fuel economy. But instead of laughing, we present you the solution.

Whenever you see a large, German sedan, chances are that you'll see it in one of three colors: Black, White, or Silver and, sometimes, brown. It makes them stealthy and blend in, but it's also sooooooo boring.

Got a ton of money and like BMWs, but feel like they don't offer enough power and luxury even in M guise? That's a nice problem to have. And if you have it, Alpina has your back, just as they have for many years.

Legendary wine critic Robert Parker was so enthused when he first tasted the 1985 Sassicaia, that he awarded the vintage a maximum 100-points on his internationally acclaimed ratings system, such was the "surreal" quality of this fabled wine.

There is something wonderful about Alpina's understated approach to tuning. Alpina takes a series production BMW and turns it into a discreet, high-power driver's car without any of the high-strung pretense of BMW's own M-cars.

Each time we've passed by the B5 BiTurbo Touring, the Alpina-tuned 5 Series wagon, here at Geneva, we've let out a little whimper. And why shouldn't we? With a 507 HP and 516 lb-ft o' torque BMW twin-turbocharged 4.4-liter V8 powerplant under the hood, it's hard for your pants not to tighten when you see this power…

The BMW Z8 is unquestionably one of the most lustworthy sports cars the company's ever turned out. The Alpina customized version? Possibly even more so. This one got rear-ended by a Dodge Stratus. Ouch. (Hat tip to Joe!)

Dweebs, dorks, and dinkheads will tell you that the V-12-powered 760Li is Munich's American-market flagship. Poppycock. If you want to smoke your own hype, buy a bent twelve. If you want the real Bavarian road king, this is it.

Alpina will return to America with a 500 HP 7-series named the 2010 BMW Alpina B7. 20-spoke wheels, FTW! Tacky body kits not so much.