Jalopnik: Ad Watch

Jackie Chan Shows Us The Joy Of Minivan Hoonage: Volkswagen Caddy

Murilee Martin — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 12:45:00 EDT

The sequence is pretty straightforward: A China-market VW Caddy Panel Van rolls off its carrier and- driverless- drives away going against the flow of traffc, sowing chaos and death in its wake. Jackie Chan leaps from another VW onto a truck, commandeers a motorcycle, and... well, you just need to watch the ad. Our only disappointment is the lack of the traditional Chan outtakes at the end.

KITT's Turbo Boost Is Back For New Knight Rider Series

Ben Wojdyla — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 08:40:00 EDT

It's official — "Turbo Boost" is back for KITT. One of the biggest disappointments in the Knight Rider made-for-TV movie was the total lack of KITT's signature, once-per-show super-move — turbo-boost. After getting the green light for series production, the new Knight Rider series has already calmed our fears the super-speedy feature was overlooked. NBC's released this short promo clip with a very un-Kilmer like KITT saying "just wait until you see my turbo-boost." We will, oh Ford Mustang Shelby GT500KR-bodied KITT, we will. [via KnightriderOnline]

You Don't Want To Know The Fuel Surcharge For Plutonium

Matt Hardigree — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 15:45:00 EDT

What It's Selling: DHL Delivery

Where It's At: Nowhere yet, fiction

What This Ad Literally Says: "When your client wants the job done yesterday."

What This Ad Intends To Say: If you're a fancy business consultant of some kind getting stuff to your clients fast is important and we can help with that.

What This Ad Suggests: Client's are so bitchy, trust us, we can help. You like DeLoreans.

Jalopnik Snap Judgment: The text is a little too small, DHL blows and we're not sure how you could get packages there yesterday. Still, DHL has such a bad reputation they should try something funny. The new DeLoreans should come in yellow.

[Ads Of The World]

Tiene Todo: Hot Argentinean Nuns Prefer Peugeot 504 Hoonage!

Murilee Martin — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 13:20:00 EDT

You could buy a Renault-branded '65 Rambler American in Argentina well into the 1980s, which was pretty cool. But imagine being able to buy a brand-new 504 all the way until the end of the 20th century; better still, imagine dirt-road 504 hoonage with a wild-eyed nun behind the wheel! We're pretty sure the Proceso de Reorganización Nacional would have disapproved of this ad.

Pre-Owned BMW Ads Now Completely Indiscernible From Syphilis PSAs

Matt Hardigree — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 11:20:00 EDT

What It's Selling: Pre-owned Bimmers

Where It's At: Greece

What This Ad Literally Says: "You know you're not the first"

What This Ad Intends To Say: Would you say no to a sexy looking woman just because she's not a virgin? Probably not unless you're one of those "religious types." Therefore, BMW hopes you'd respond similarly when given the offer of a great car someone's driven before.

What This Ad Suggests: A used Bimmer is a hot woman who looks sort of like Sienna Miller.

Jalopnik Snap Judgment: This pervy POV shot looks exactly like the STD ads they're putting in the men's rooms at bars. Change the little BMW logo to "Get Tested" and it works just as well.

However, the ad's also pretty good at getting the point across — used Bimmers are cheaper than new ones. Also, they can give you Syphilis.

[Ads Of The World via CopyRanter]

South Africa: Land Of Beetles

Murilee Martin — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 11:00:00 EDT

The South African car-buying public apparently demands very high production values for its ads for German vehicles, judging from this lengthy Volkswagen ad and a similarly elaborate Opel ad. From its sale to a wholesome suburban couple in 1959 to a redemptive Sawzall convertible-izing in the post-apartheid era, we follow the heartwarming saga of a South African VW Type 1.

Japanese Robots Ain't Superstitious: 1988 Honda Cyber Sports CR-X

Murilee Martin — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 11:00:00 EDT

While the American version of the Honda CRX could circle the globe in five seconds flat, late-80s robots were tearing up their prefectures in the Cyber Sports CR-X. Featuring a "1500 Hyper 16 Valve" engine and "Extra Window," the Cyber-Sports CR-X presented a terrifyingly accurate vision of the future. Looks like Jeff Beck cashed in with Honda, since there's at least one other CRX ad using his song.

The 1986 Honda CRX Si: Good For 17,000,000 MPH!

Murilee Martin — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 11:00:00 EDT

The mid-80s Kleine GTI was lots of fun, but those willing to sacrifice the back seat and go Japanese instead of German could get an extra 18 horses in a lighter chassis. We're talking about the first-gen CRX Si, and this ad shows that it could circumnavigate the globe in a mere five seconds.

Three Deuces And A 4-Speed? Kleine GTI For 1984!

Murilee Martin — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 10:40:00 EDT

Yes, it's a German version of the 1964 Ronnie And The Daytonas song "Little GTO," and while the '84 GTI had a throttle body instead of three deuces and an extra gear on the transmission, it was just like the GTO! This ad came out around the time that the Reagan Administration said it was cool to show total hoonage in car ads again (after a moratorium on car-ad jumps and burnouts that lasted through most of the Malaise Era). These things sold like crazy in California, but by now most of them have disappeared.

Sensitive Hippies In Japan Prefer The 1972 Nissan Skyline!

Murilee Martin — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 14:15:00 EDT

This is apparently one of the famous "Ken and Mary" Skyline ads, which were so popular in Japan that the car was actually known as the Kenmari. And hey, you can see why! Check out Mary's kinda-now-kinda-wow headband, which shows that she's tuned in. And Ken's hair... well, we can see where James May got the inspiration for his own look. We lust for that beautiful blue Nissan in a big way, though the sight of the automatic shifter comes as something of a disappointment.

Chevy Aveo Billboard Makes Cents, Weighs Untold Pounds

Matt Hardigree — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:15:00 EDT

Chevy's UK arm commissioned this one-of-a-kind billboard made out of 20,000 one-pence coins (about $400). Though the Chevy Aveo's selling better stateside as of late due to the price-per-gallon of gas, it's become a little more popular in Europe thanks to billboards like this one as well as its Citroen destroying capabilities and giving them away to beauty pageant winners. But back to the ad at hand, how long did this clever billboard last?

It took passersby just 30 minutes to strip off the coinage, which will surely be invested responsibly into a coffee can that'll never be touched again. Said a Chevy rep "There have been some great car adverts before, but none that has stopped traffic and actually put money back into the motorist's pocket so this is certainly a first. We're glad we've topped up lots of people's wallets, purses and, in some cases, rucksacks, but it would have been nice for the billboard to last a little longer than 30 minutes."Well, people are greedy bitches. Good thing they issued a press release. [GM Chevy UK via Carscoop]

Opel GT: Choice Of Screaming German Hippies!

Murilee Martin — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 11:00:00 EDT

Not speaking German, we're probably more frightened by this ad that might be warranted. Perhaps the target market of the Opel GT wasn't really German-style Manson Families looking for some quick, sporty wheels with which to hunt victims in preparation for the final days of Hëltër Schkëltër. Maybe it was all about good, wholesome autobahn hijinks. Thanks to Franzouse for the tip!

Top Ten Best Car Ads Of The 1990s

Murilee Martin — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 13:00:00 EDT

As we predicted, the voting in last week's Top Ten Best Car Ads Of The 1980s poll was a bit more competitive than that in the Ricardo Montalban-dominated Top Ten Best Car Ads Of The 1970s. The Black Gold 280ZX made a strong showing, but the Cocaine Factory Duster takes the prize, with 32% of the votes. Now we're moving into the decade of Operation Desert Storm, grunge, and Pets.com, which brings up the question: is it possible to feel truly nostalgic about the decade right before the current one? Make the jump, cast your vote!

10: 1991 Ford Escort GT Have you got a hunger for power? The front-wheel-drive power to go with an incredibly plasticky grille? If so, the '91 Escort GT, with its 127-horse Mazda engine, was the car to drive as you watched gas prices soar during the turmoil of Gulf War I.

9: 1992 Toyota Starlet Apparently all the weirdness that the relentlessly conservative suits at Toyota expunged from their vehicles got forced into their home-market ads, judging by this brain-scrambler for the '92 Starlet. Yes, that's a laugh track.

8: 1994 Honda VTEC engine Why don't we get ads for engines in North America? Honda put together this nerve-rippin' 24 Hours of Le Mans-themed ad for their then-fairly-new VTEC system, and we could listen to that engine wail all day.

7: 1991 Ford Escort RS2000 They were building a much different kind of Escort over there in Yurp back in '91; while the Detroit version was based on the same platform as the Mazda 323, the Yurpean version was all Ford. This UK-market ad uses the "Rocky" theme song, for reasons that may or may not have made sense to the marketers at the time.

6: Volkswagen Bus Syncro VW decided to go with the Worst Song Ever — peppered with incomprehensible Afrikaans terminology — to pitch their hot-rod, Audi-powered, four-wheel-drive Transporter to the South African market. Miscreants attempting to escape down the track in a handcar? The VW Bus Syncro will catch up!

5: 1990 Isuzu Pickup By 1990, everyone knew that the Toyota pickup would outlast the cockroaches when the apocalypse started a-comin' down, but Isuzu figured they were poised to brush Toyota aside with their truck. Hmmm... when's the last time you saw a Third World warlord's troops riding through the desert in the bed of an Isuzu?

4: 1991 Oldsmobile Silhouette What's the best way to sell a minivan that looks like a Dustbuster vacuum cleaner? GM figured it would be logical to get the daughter of world-renowned poet Leonard Nimoy to make the pitch. Yes, the future will be all about 5-foot-deep dashboards!

3: 1990 Plymouth Acclaim OK, no Ike jokes here — this is Tina Turner shilling for the memorably forgettable '90 Plymouth Acclaim, which featured all the diamond-tucked fake velour that could be glued into a K Car. Like Tina, the Acclaim was built for comfort.

2: 1990 Geo Tracker Mullets were still mainstream in 1990, judging from this ad for the rebadged Suzuki Sidekick. Note the fascinating variety of sketchy-looking stalker types drawn to the Tracker's profile, including a couple that literally emerge from the depths of the sea.

1: 1992 Lada Samara After the collapse of the Soviet Union, Lada suddenly needed to play the capitalist game and advertise its products. What better way than to use the Rappin' Red Army to hawk the Samara? Give 'em clarinets and guitars instead of AKs!

Citroen GSX: Brings Out Your Inner French Hoon!

Murilee Martin — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 11:00:00 EDT

Once you drop off the old man at the (train station? whorehouse?), the Citroën GSX turns you into a total menace on the roads; you'll be beating your chest and howling- and we mean literally howling- with the sheer macho joy of its mighty 65-horsepower engine. It's too bad we found this ad after selecting the entrants for the Best Car Ads Of The 1970s poll, because we think it would have made a strong showing in the vote.

Top Ten Best Car Ads Of The 1980s

Murilee Martin — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 14:00:00 EDT

In hindsight, we needn't have bothered with a poll in yesterday's Top Ten Best Car Ads Of The 1970s, because Ricardo Montalban's Corinthian Leather tour de force obliterated the other nine competitors with a 56% share of the total vote (the Top Ten Best Car Ads Of The 1960s vote was much closer, with the winner taking a mere 18% of the total). Now we're moving up to the decade of leg warmers, Iran-Contra, and electronic fuel injection: the 1980s! The Berlin Wall came down, the incidence of herpes went up, and we're celebrating all of it with today's choices. The 80s (which we like to refer to as the Turbo Mullet Era) produced some incredible car commercials; we're betting you'll have a harder time choosing your favorite than you did yesterday. Make the jump to see what we mean!

10: 1981 De Lorean DMC-12 Before the DMC-12 became a joke, thanks largely to a starring role in a trio of megahit movies, the stainless-steel-bodied, Northern Ireland-built car was considered a revolutionary machine. Sure, maybe John Z. shouldn't have attempted a white-powder route to financial solvency, and perhaps the horrific build quality of the DMC-12 was a black eye... but watch this ad and try to feel the optimism!

9: 1980 Pontiac Turbo Trans Am Cool as the concept was, installing a Quadrajet-fed turbocharger on the fragile Pontiac 301 V8 didn't work so well in practice. However, the Turbo Trans Am ushered in the Turbo Mullet Era, and for that we should be grateful.

8: Renault 5 Disco was still relevant in the early part of the 80s, but the sexy boiler suits and weird, brightly-colored graphics we generally associate with the later part of the decade can be seen in this UK-market ad for the car we North Americans knew as the Renault Le Car.

7: 1986 Chevrolet Camaro IROC-Z There's some speculation that Rob Halford is the guy flying the helicopter in this super-macho ad for perhaps one of the most 80s cars ever built. We can't be sure whether that's Rob, but we are sure that even the Camaro's target demographic might have detected a spark of manly lust between the protagonists of this little below-the-55-speed-limit drama.

6: 1984 Chrysler Laser Turbo When Darth Vader tells you it's time to buy a turbocharged Chrysler K car, you listen! Yes, Chrysler hired James Earl Jones himself to do the voiceover on this ad, then turned their low-bidder special-effects crew loose on some of the cheesiest whiz-bang graphics imaginable.

5: 1981 Datsuns This ad is just plain scary. A man who appears to be a UFO cult leader brings five of his prettiest acolytes into a Datsun dealership, where he purchases a 210, a 310, a 510, an 810, and a 280ZX. Don't stare into their eyes, lest you wake up getting probed by the Greys.

4: 1988 Porsche 944 Turbo The word Turbo was pure magic back in the 80s, but many turbocharged cars of the era didn't have the power to match the hype. Not so with the Porsche 944 Turbo, which put up performance numbers that still look pretty good today.

3: Citroën CX Grace Jones drives a Citroën CX out of her own head, yells at the camera, then turns around and drives back into her head. We cannot explain why, but we totally want a Citroën now.

2: 1985 Plymouth Duster This is the legendary "Cocaine Factory" Duster ad, broadcast during the first-ever MTV Music Awards. While the Duster name died with a whimper, this ad will live on forever as a showcase of every single 80s cliche ever put on film.

1: 1980 Datsun 280ZX 10th Anniversary Edition We've had some tough contenders for the prize of Best 80s Car Commercial, but do they have what it takes to go toe-to-toe with the Black Gold 280ZX Guy? The Disco Era may well have reached its peak in 1980, and the sheer Quaaludes-and-spirochetes awesomeness of Black Gold certainly represents some sort of cultural high-water mark.

Top Ten Best Car Ads Of The 1970s

Murilee Martin — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 15:20:00 EDT

We saw the 'I like it going up and down' Mini run away with the vote in the Top Ten Car Ads Of The 60s poll yesterday, and today we continue the Fourth Of July Celebration Of Vehicular Consumption Series with- you guessed it- the 1970s. The decade of Watergate, the Fall of Saigon, oil embargoes, 5 MPH crash bumpers... but don't forget custom vans, Acapulco Gold, and Foghat, not to mention the Bicentennial Fourth of July celebration! Make the jump to check out the ads and cast your vote.

10: 1976 Triumphs
Caught in the act by your special lady's husband, you have no choice but to leap out the window- wearing only a towel- and run straight to the nearest British Leyland dealership, where a vast assortment of Triumph machines provides a dubious escape hatch. Fortunately for you, the enraged cuckold makes his pursuit in possibly the most unreliable British car ever made: a Triumph Stag!

9: 1971 Plymouth Duster We tend to think that a woman who knows all the specs on a '71 Duster with a 225 Slant Six engine would be absolutely irresistible, but Ethel's mom is worried about her ability to land a man. Check out Ethel's off-road driving prowess!

8: Dodge Valiant Charger You read that right- in Australia, Chrysler sold an A-body Dodge called the Valiant Charger, thus scrambling the brains of every Mopar fan in America with that jarring branding mashup. It made passersby shout "Hey Charger!" which sounds a lot better than "Hey Valiant!"

7: 1978 Ford Granada Ford once ruled the automotive world and apologized to no one, but the Malaise Era led to the spectacle of a fake Benz built in Dearborn and explicitly compared to the costly German machine. While the Granada didn't hold together quite as well as the Mercedes-Benz, we do see them on the street every so often.

6: 1973 Pontiac Grand Am Go ahead- drive your Grand Am straight into a wall! It'll bounce right off! Admire its poise as it scrapes the door handles on the pavement in the slalom, then check out that fine Naugahyde-and-styrene interior. Oh, and don't worry about the Arab oil embargo- get the 400 engine!

5: 1978 Fiat Ritmo North Americans knew the Fiat Ritmo as the Strada, but the key to its marketing on both sides of the Atlantic was the attempt to create the perception that no Italians were involved in the manufacturing process. All robots! Happy, reliable robots, building Fiats that don't fall apart- we swear!

4: 1972 Mercedes-Benz W114 Not only do you get a totally funky soundtrack in this German-market ad for the Mercedes-Benz 280, you get to see the big ol' luxury machines getting completely perpendicular to gravity at high speed on a banked track. Not only that, it parallel parks with ease and will fit all members of a large family of cocaine dealers inside!

3: 1979 Datsun 200SX Anyone who was around in the late 1970s will recognize the voice of the Datsun Announcer Guy right away, and this ad really showcases his awesome, driven skills. The '79 200SX came with such amazing features as a digital clock, four-speaker stereo, and sky roof!

2: 1975 Mercury Cougar XR-7 Just about every red-blooded American male was warm for Farrah's form in 1975, and thus Ms. Fawcett was the logical choice to sell the 20,000-pound, 19-horsepower (sadly, we're not exaggerating those numbers very much) Cougar XR-7. Watch as she drives to a mountain lion-infested beach and shucks her evening gown for a little swim.

1: 1975 Chrysler Cordoba Here it is, the legendary ad that defined the image of an entire decade of overstuffed, overwrought, over-thirsty Detroit vehicles: Ricardo Montalban and the soft Corinthian leather of the Chrysler Cordoba! In Cordoba, you have what you need.

Top Ten Best Car Commercials Of The 1960s

Murilee Martin — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 16:00:00 EDT

We've been running the Classic Ad Watch series for years now, and we've seen some pretty entertaining car commercials along the way. Since the Fourth of July week is all about the frenzy of consumption that is the American Dream, we'll be taking a look back at some of our most beloved ads from the 1960s, 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s. Best of all, we're letting you vote on which is your favorite from each decade! First up is that most beloved decade of the Baby Boomers, who will ensure that the rest of us get to hear "(Sittin' On) The Dock Of The Bay" an average of 5.5 times per day for the rest of our lives: the 1960s! Make the jump to check out and vote on the ads, featuring stars such as Abe Vigoda and Petula Clark hawking the products of Detroit, Wolfsburg, Longbridge, Kenosha, and Göteborg.

10: 1967 Chevrolet Camaro Super Sport
Emerging from an an eruption of foam rocks and dry-ice smoke, the '67 Camaro SS 350 roared out of the cheapest special-effects house in Hollywood and into our hearts, and no convenience-store parking lot would remain burnout-free, ever again! This ad demonstrates the Camaro's often-overlooked off-road capabilities.

9: BMC Mini Deluxe
Car buyers around the British Commonwealth were tired of those damn sliding side windows on the otherwise-luxurious Mini, so BMC decided to spend a few pence on crank-operated glass. In this ad, we learn that bikini'd Aussie babes "like it going up and down." Wink, wink!

8: 1969 Pontiac GTO Judge
The kids back in '69 wanted fast cars and rock-n-roll, and those who weren't schlepping M16s in the Iron Triangle could get both with the GTO Judge. We totally dig the grooo-oovy Paul Revere and the Raiders in American Revolution garb.

7: 1967 AMC Rebel
AMC was all about cheap- wait, we mean economical- and Abe Vigoda was proud to point out the ways in which the '67 Rebel packed standard features not found in such extravagant machines as the Ford Fairlane and Chevy Chevelle. Coil spring rear seat!

6: 1966 Lincoln Continental
This informercial-length epic shows how the longer, wider, taller '66 Lincoln Continental served as a patriotic statement, with Commies pointing out its features. Why, even the People's Commissar feels compelled to mount dual machine-guns in the truck, in case of attack by rival Politburo factions.

5: 1969 Ford Mustang
Not to be outdone by the all-out rockin' in the Judge ad, Ford put together an even more wholesome band for their ad for the special-edition '69 Mustangs. Could you imagine anyone in this ad sucking on a big doobie packed with stems and seeds, or catching scabies in a commune's beanbag chair?

4: 1968 Pontiac GTO
The Goat gets a couple of ads in our Top Ten, because it's impossible not to love the sight of lab-coated scientists bashing the snout of a car with a sledgehammer while their peers howl with bloodlust. Too bad the paint always flaked off those Enduraflex bumpers after a few years.

3: Plymouth Fury
Sideburns! Petula Clark! Purple microdots! We're betting the last ingredient was sadly absent from the set when they filmed this ad, which features the '68 Fury as a musical instrument.

2: Volvo Amazon
Is "luxury" the first word that pops into your head when you think of the Volvo Amazon of the 1960s? Of course! We've got a sexy Amazon driver with a breathy voice and bizarre enunciation 'splaining the whole thing for us... in Swedish.

1: Volkswagen Transporter
The Volkswagen bus of the early 60s was only 6" longer than the Beetle (and powered by the same lawnmower-esque engine), but just watch how it inhales huge stacks of boxes, crowds of impatient German commuters, and painting equipment! As long as it doesn't have to climb any hills with those loads, it's all gut! This one's got some of the finest animation we've ever seen in a car ad.

2009 VW Gol Ad Budget Shot All To Hell In Explosive Ad Staring Gisele, Stallone

Ben Wojdyla — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 13:20:00 EDT

What do a rocket-launching black helicopter, a phalanx of black Humvees, Gisele Bundchen and Sylvester Stallone have in common? Aside from high price tags, they're all in on the pitch for the new VW Gol. No, not Golf. Gol. The made-for-Brazil Gol is built on the Polo platform and runs a 1.0 or 1.6-liter inline four, which, as you can see in this video, is more than capable of outrunning Humvees and helicopter gunships alike — all while toting John Rambo to his next Botox treatment. While all that is happening, Ms. Bündchen is making a sales pitch in Portuguese. Guess V-Dub decided to blow the whole ad budget on one commercial. (Hat tip to Michael Adams!)

Charo Wants You To Know Why Maaco Is So Special

Murilee Martin — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 11:00:00 EDT

When you're talking minor Malaise Era celebrities, you can't do much better than Charo. Maaco decided the ideal ad would start off with Ms. Cuchi-Cuchi providing the intro, then go straight into wooden-faced testimonials from allegedly satisfied customers, including a guy with the classic partly-tinted Serial Killer Eyewear™ look.

Having No Back Seats Can Be Smart

Mark Arnold — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 15:30:00 EDT

While we know firsthand that you can fit more than two people in a Smart ForTwo, there really isn't enough room in the back to sit comfortably... or hide discreetly. Smart acknowledges this, and sees it as a good thing. After absorbing the scare tactics featured in this banned commercial, we sort of agree.
[via LiveLeak] Hat Tip to Dan!

1969 Honda 1300

Murilee Martin — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 11:00:00 EDT

The Coupe 9 version of the Honda 1300 now resides in the Jalopnik Fantasy Garage (as well as in Junkman's garage), but the standard 1300 sedan was a pretty interesting car as well. You got an air-cooled engine with four carbs and dry-sump oil system sending 100 horses to the front wheels and styling that must have made Soichiro proud (though maybe he wasn't so proud of this headache-inducing TV ad).

Volkswagen Bus Syncro: Ready For South African Hoonage

Murilee Martin — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 11:00:00 EDT

We caused some disgruntlement among VW Transporter ~~fanatics~~ aficionados when we opined that perhaps the little rear-engined vans were on the sluggish side. Today we're going to regruntle our Type 2-loving friends by sharing this VW ad that demonstrates- in fact, encourages- off-road hoonage of the sort you'd normally associate with a Warlord Edition 4x4 Hilux. In South Africa, you could get a four-wheel-drive, Audi-5-banger-powered VW Transporter Syncro until 2002. Yes, 2002!

1985 Ford Mustang: Makes You Think It's 1965 All Over Again!

Murilee Martin — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 11:00:00 EDT

So you think the Cocaine Factory '85 Duster Ad was the most Eighties car ad you've ever seen? Maybe so, but you're tapping a rich vein of 80s-ness when you add some low-end moonwalking and vaguely break-dance-esque music to an ad for a Turbo Mullet Era Fox Mustang. And only $6,885... for the car with the 88-horsepower 2.3 liter four-cylinder.

1970 Mercury Monterey: W. C. Fields Knows It's Priced For Action!

Murilee Martin — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 11:00:00 EDT

W. C. Fields died in 1946, but his mock-crafty drunk persona still had sufficient cultural resonance 24 years later for Mercury to use an impersonator to sell the huge '70 Monterey 2-door hardtop. We think this ad would have been better had the Fields character taken a big swill from a hip flask prior to getting behind the wheel, but that might have been going too far, even in 1970. We've seen an example of the big Merc down on the Alameda street.

1987 Citroën BX Goes Through, Not Over, Japanese Mountains

Murilee Martin — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 13:20:00 EDT

We've got a shipping container with a vaguely familiar actress at the wheel of a Citroën BX in Japan. The container opens, the car smashes through a gate, and then it plows through a sand dune. We'd expect it to emerge with all the paint sanded off, but instead it emerges unscathed, heading directly for the ocean. Citroëns in Japan- what could go wrong?

Renault Kangoo: Room For Fat Americans And Their Donuts

Murilee Martin — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 13:20:00 EDT

Remember when Renault announced that they'd made a deal with 20th Century Fox to use characters from The Simpsons to shill the Kangoo minivan? Well, here's the result, which has been floating around the Internet for a while but hasn't landed here yet. It's about as entertaining as a French minivan could be; we're especially impressed with Homer's Donut Belt and the "money" he uses to buy a new Kangoo. What's next, Jodie Foster selling Civics?

Avoid The Shaddock's Horrible Fate With The Citroën GS

Murilee Martin — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 11:00:00 EDT

We don't speak Cartoon French around here, but it's pretty clear what's going on in this edition of Classic Ad Watch: the hapless shaddock makes the mistake of attempting to drive a car equipped with a spring-based suspension, is hurled into a tree and suffers head and leg injuries as a result. Better to drive a Citroën GS (such as the one we saw down on the Alameda street last week), which protects large sentient citrus fruit from harm with its suspension hydropneumatique! Thanks to Franzouse for the tip.

The 1981 Mustang Runs On White Powder!

Murilee Martin — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 11:00:00 EDT

When you're a six-foot-tall, 80-pound 1981 babe, the list of things you need for a hot night on the dance floor is pretty short: 1) Cocaine. 2) Absurdly high heels. 3) A Ford Mustang. 4) Cocaine. 5) Cocaine. Ford was eager to provide Item #3, and the 88 HP four-cylinder engine lets you save your money for you-know-what!

Forget That Crass Mitsubishi Debonair In The 1971 Toyota Crown

Murilee Martin — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 11:00:00 EDT

The old Toyota Crown was all about the luxury, and it's pretty clear from this classic ad who the Crown's target market was back in 1971 Japan: stoic businessmen who wished to take their giggly young mistresses to the beach. We're disappointed that the Crown in this ad lacks the Super Saloon's curtains and trunk-mounted Cool Box, but you can see that it wafts along in utter silence. Well, except for the caterwauling of the schmaltzy singer.

Insert British Leyland Joke Here: 1976 Triumph TR7

Murilee Martin — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 11:00:00 EDT

There's really not much we can add to the Legend Of The British Leyland Wedge here. American car buyers looking for a little car that weaves maniacally among mid-60s Galaxies and gets air cresting hills knew exactly where to go: follow the wedge-shaped British Leyland truck to the nearest dealer!

Obama Likeness Selling Kia Sorentos, With Bonus MLK Pontiac Bonneville Pitch

Ben Wojdyla — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 15:40:00 EDT

Obama-mania is spreading like a virus into advertising as Comedy Central's "The Daily Show" found in this Dallas Area Kia dealer ad for the Sportage. Of course John Stewart ridicules the spot, which features not only a likeness of the Illinois Senator but a rip-off his "Yes we can!" catch phrase. If this is the kind of stuff we have to look forward to during the closing months of this agonizingly perpetual presidential election, we eagerly await the "Bob Barr 'No Federal Regulations' Killdozer" ads. As a bonus feature at the end of this clip, Stewart and the boys make sure to chop up the "I Have a Dream" speech to help sell 1964 Pontiac Bonnevilles, now with free Simonizing! Clip below the fold.

[Comedy Central]

52 Highway MPG, Psilocybin Sold Separately: 1984 Renault Encore

Murilee Martin — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 11:00:00 EDT

The Renault Alliance won the 1983 Motor Trend Car of the Year Award, so buyers might have figured the hatchback version- named the Encore- would combine French build quality with the financial acumen of American Motors to produce one of the finest motor vehicles of all time. Well, unfortunately, the Kenosha-ized Renault 9 didn't live up to expectations, but it did get great gas mileage... at a time when gas was 95 cents a gallon and getting cheaper by the minute.

Parrot Gets Viral About Cell Phone Driving Laws

Travis Hudson — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 15:20:00 EDT

With the California hands-free law looming ever closer, it's prime time for all the hands-free and Bluetooth companies to peddle their wares. Today we find a particularly humorous and viral-ish video from Parrot, a manufacturer of speakerphone-type hands-free devices. The video shows a kid taking cell phone calls while participating in a driving test. There is a smidgen of vulgar language, so those Jalopnik faithful working in churches may want to turn the volume down. [Youtube; Parrot]

Business In The Front, Party In The Back: 1990 Geo Tracker

Murilee Martin — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 11:00:00 EDT

Were the Eighties really over in 1990? Judging from this ad for the badge-engineered Suzuki Sidekick, they were still going stronger than Central American "freedom fighters" (to be fair, the ad probably aired in 1989). The message here seems to be: leave your Tracker on the beach (provided you don't have a rollover crash on the way to the beach) while you go scuba diving, and all manner of sketchy individuals will dangle their dead fish in your new ride. We're still admiring the excellent Turbo Lifeguard Mullet

1967: The Dawn Of A New Day For Plymouth

Murilee Martin — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 11:00:00 EDT

"Dawn Of A New Day" sounds much better than "Plymouth: Only 34 Years To Go," though of course Chrysler's marketers at the time had no idea that the Plymouth brand would barely outlive the current century. What we have here is the '67 Belvedere (a "whale of a lot of car for the money"), the "rich-looking compact" '67 Valiant and the '67 Fury, whose "beauty and luxury make it hard to believe you're in the low-price field." Hmm, for a minute there we were thinking we were actually listening to Chrysler's most recent "new day" marketing campaign. Well, except without the animated kid, of course.

Meineke Molly Mashes Malaise Muffler Money!

Murilee Martin — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 11:20:00 EDT

So there's Molly, sporting a mane of the most intense Late Disco Era feathered hair imaginable, wielding a big ol' hammer in front of a pane of glass labeled "MUFFLER PRICES." The tension... it's just unbearable! Can you afford to have Sullen Sideburned Muffler Dude throw a shiny new silencer on your Starfire? Just like Marshal Lucky, Molly's gonna smash the living shit out of high prices. Yessir!

Iran Khodro Samand: Persian-French Stallion Now Available In Turkey!

Murilee Martin — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 11:00:00 EDT

You might think it's impossible to buy a new Peugeot 405-based Iran Khodro Samand without venturing into the Axis Of Evil itself, and that might lead to hassles from The Man. However, Iran Khodro is now selling the Samand in neighboring Turkey- a NATO ally! We'd prefer a Paykan, of course, but an Iranian-built French car is almost as cool as an Iranian-built British car.

Two-Tone Roller Coaster Of Malaise: 1979 Datsun 200SX!

Murilee Martin — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 11:00:00 EDT

The Datsun 200SX for '79 didn't have TURRRRRBO power yet, but it packed a not-too-shabby-for-its-time 92 fuel-injected horsepower. Weighing just 2,268 pounds (about 650 pounds less than the '08 Sentra), the 200SX didn't feel particularly Malaise-y, and it even came with a Sky Roof! It wanted you to open it up and watch its moves!

Hold Out For The Babe With The V6: 1985 Fiero

Murilee Martin — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 13:40:00 EDT

I had my very first college spring break in 1985, just like the guy in this ad... only I didn't have the opportunity to catch a ride to Fort Lauderdale from an attractive 80s chick in a brand-new Fiero. No, my '85 spring break involved catching a ride to Tijuana in a Bondo-and-primer '66 Fairlane reeking of exhaust leaks and beer farts. I must have gone to the wrong school! This guy, on the other hand, went to a college with an all-Fiero-driving female student body, so he could afford to be picky.

1986 Holden Astra: Know What I Mean?

Murilee Martin — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 11:00:00 EDT

Back in 1980s Australia, those shopping for a suit of armor or heading to an 80s-flappers-on-coke costume party knew only one car would do: a GM-rebadged Nissan Pulsar! Yes, the Holden Astra (no relation to the later Opel of the same name), which came with a "long hatch floor" and- amazingly enough- a fuel filler door release inside the car. Clever little Astra!