It's a Yugo GV with a Sawzall Caminoization job, but that's just the beginning. You know that wheezing, underwhelming 1100cc engine that Zastava put in the Yugo? Forget that boat anchor! You get the 1500cc out of a Fiat Strada (aka Ritmo) when you buy this car, and that's not all- check out that homemade intake manifold and brace of four motorcycle carbs! And when it comes time for turbocharging, you'll have a head start with the Volvo intercooler already installed. We say you need to rush straight to Washington State and buy this car (go here if the listing disappears) right now!

We don't get any details on how the rear suspension works (if this engineering triumph even has a rear suspension; the "needs rear shock" statement may be Craigslist-ese for "the whole mess is welded up right solid-like"), and we can't help but wonder what sort of game you'd hunt with it. Never mind all that, though- just imagine the burnout/donut exhibition you could put on in your local mall's parking lot!
[Craigslist Macon, go here if the listing disappears]

Yes, this 1986 Yugo convertible (go here if the listing disappears) suffered some Kentucky hail damage, so the car's owner (the seller's grandfather) "got the idea of turning it into a WhaleMobile off of some cartoon, and he took his crazy idea and ran with it." Sadly, the seller possesses "an inexplicable fear of these evil creatures" and must sell… and his loss is your gain! It has a functioning blowhole with water pump, and the tail even features aero-enhancing manual controls. This fine machine got some attention on the 24 Hours Of LeMons forums, but it appears that no team has what it takes to put it on a race track. That's shameful, but we know you have what it takes to make it your daily driver. Come on, Yugo Whalemobile!
[Louisville Craigslist]

That's what the seller of this '65 Chrysler Newport did, and now- for reasons we don't understand- he's trying to sell this gorgeous machine on eBay. If you've already got a Plymouth Belvedere painted to look like a pack of Belvedere cigarettes, then you owe it to your blackened lungs to add this Mopar to your stable. This tip comes courtesy of JC Whitless, who asked the seller "How many dead prostitutes will fit in the trunk? I need to know if it will hold more than five, as my daily commute route has changed due to carpooling" and got the helpful, if confusingly punctuated, response: "AT LEAST 10 ,,PEOPLE." There ya go!
[eBay Motors]

Yes, that's an image of a bound and gagged woman etched into the driver's side door glass. The driver of this van must have had many lengthy discussions with members of the law enforcement community; I picture him looking exactly like the criminal silhouette on those Neighborhood Watch signs. These photos come to us courtesy of 24 Hours Of LeMons Assistant Perpetrator and BMW 2002 driver TheEastBayKid, via a lengthy chain of emails that took so long to filter down to me that the van was gone from the junkyard (located a mere 30 miles from me) by the time I heard about it.

Had it not already been fed to The Crusher, that window would now be framed, backlit, and mounted on my wall… right next to the bronze bust of Lenin that once adorned an Estonian post office.

It appears that goingincirclez has discovered The Most Malaise Motor Vehicle Ever Built. It started life as a 1976 Cadillac Coupe DeVille, and then the legendary Moloney Coachbuilders took over and made it… the God Of Malaise. I'm speechless, so we'll let goingincirclez take over:

This car (along with 5 other Malaise Cadillacs and 4 Malaise Stingray Vettes) is parked for sale at a small-time dealer lot near my home in Frankfort, KY.

Now we all know how bad the 70's were in terms of fad lux; malaise era performance was an oxymoron, so metal gussied up with the Leisure Suits DuJour was many a nameplates raison d'ete. I mean, you had Granadas of all things amping Faux Lux to an art, but even cars like the Lincoln Mark IV weren't any more genuine in materials (I know because I owned a Granada and currently own a 75 Mark). But this Gilded Gauntlet of Gauche is certainly new in my lifetime... and it was OEM-built this way! Can you tell what it is... and what it was trying to be... before the 5th picture?

"Enjoy", because I think this car has nearly every bad 70's lux cliche - taken to wretched excess. Let's tally:

- Vinyl roof? Check. Heck, it'll see your wimpy new-money Landau roof, and raise you a partly-vinyl DOOR!
- Landau bar, regardless? Check. In case there was any doubt.
- Opera windows? Stand back because this baby has not one, but TWO... straight off a Ford Elite!
- Chrome? The Santa Fe Super Chief would bow in inadequecy.
- Redonculous androgyonous hood ornament? Somewhere, a Deusenberg weeps.
- Faux spare tire Hump? A Mark IV also cries...
- ... because it can only WISH it had a VINYL hump.
- On the other hand, at least the Mark IV did the "Rolls Grille" a proper, understated l'homage. I mean just look at that freaking grille surround. How many wrecks did this car cause from reflecting sunlight into the eyes of unsuspecting, Pinto-driving plebians?
- But we can all thank our heavens that the tint is impenetrable, or who knows what terrors that contrasting RED LEATHER INTERIOR would spring. Speaking or red leather interiors, were the matching painted brake calipers free?

- Really, the only Faux Lux Cliche this thing lacks is Coach Lamps. But wouldn't you trade those for vinyl doors, twindoperas, streamliner chrome AND a landau bar for the win?

According to the seller (a Cadillac collector who owns several others besides those currently for sale) - Monroney Coachbuilders apparently sold and built 274 (oy vey!) of these in 1976. From what little I can find online, Monroney began in the late 60's by building stretch Lincolns to order in the Chicago area, and tried to win more contracts direct from Ford around that time. But they somehow fell out of favor with Ford, and so began using GM chassis instead. But apparently they were used to Lincoln styling cues...

Oh, and a couple weeks ago I thought it had been sold! Was moved to a different part of the lot earlier in the day; on my way home in traffic, I saw it at the McDonald's drive-thru! Yeah, I know if I bought an uber-pimpmobile the first place I'd take it would be for some QPC attitude. But the next day, it was back on the lot. Still, what an official dealership food-getter eh?
Hope you enjoyed that. I don't have a commenter name yet but if it did it would be "goingincirclez". I have a new site/pseudo-blog at that name.

BTW a coworker and I are planning an entry for the 24 Hours of LeMons... we currently have access to a 94 T-Bird and a 91 Cougar - possibly even both for $500. We're planning on Carolina for next year... possibly Ohio or sooner if all the planets align!

Taking on the Citroën CX Pallas that won the last Choose Your Eternity poll would be akin to dragging a washing machine through a 100-yard gauntlet of meth-crazed chimps armed with tire irons... in other words, a walk in the park compared to the projects we'll be contemplating today. Adopting either one of today's exquisite machines would feel much like donning a wetsuit stuffed with Asian Giant Hornets and climbing into a Drum Debarker filled with burning creosote-soaked railroad ties and radioactive dioxin bottles packed with selenium tetra-azide. But, dammit, they're totally worth the pain!

Much as we love the Fieroborghini, bolting some Italian-looking plastic body panels on a Fiero isn't all that heroic a project (though installing a Cadillac 500 engine and front-drive transaxle out of an Eldorado does get our respect). No, your Fauxborghini needs more sweat, more blood, and a Nile's worth of tears. We're talking about a quasi-scratch-built backyard Countach here, based on a Detroit family car from the 1960s. That means something along the lines of this 1967 Ford-based Lamborghini project (go here if the listing disappears), which could obliterate drop into your life with megaton force for $795 or "an interesting trade option." Why, that price is down in 24 Hours Of LeMons territory (and I can guarantee a great deal of judicial slack when examining the budget of any team with the guts to bring this vehicle to a LeMons race), but we think it would be even more fun on the street. Now, this Fauxborghini- which appears to be have some '67 Fairlane DNA- lacks a few of the features you'd find on the real deal. We're pretty sure that Ferrucio Lamborghini never installed front drum brakes on any of his cars, and the same goes for the leaf-spring rear suspension. As for the drivetrain, it appears to be a Ford Windsor V8 mounted backwards and driving... well, we're not sure. Maybe a V-drive of some kind? A shaft coming off the front of the crank and driving a flipped-over Porsche 944 transaxle? Or maybe this project is meant to be a mid-engined front-wheel-drive car, which would be so completely wrong that it's just perfect! Thanks to Josef for the tip!

You'd be a Project Car Hell God or Goddess for sure, were you to get that Fairlaneborghini into daily-driver condition, but we understand that sometimes you need a generous helping of classic British luxury in your project. No, we don't mean yet another Jaguar, or even a Bentley or Rolls. We're talking Lagonda here! That's right, an Aston Martin-built updated version of the W. O. Bentley-designed prewar Lagondas, a car you have no hope in hell of ever obtaining. But wait! A miracle has occurred, and it has become possible to buy this 1956 Lagonda 3 Litre Saloon in a no-reserve eBay auction. Even better, the current top bid is only $1,000. Really! We're forced to admit that a few flies have found their way into the ointment here; in fact, the ointment is pretty much entirely flies. First of all, the incredible Lagonda Straight Six engine that propelled Aston Martin to glory in the 1950s... well, it's as gone as D.B. Cooper, and probably just as difficult to find today. The seller himself states that this project is "Broken down, incomplete and a restoration project only for the relentlessly ambitious or deranged." But come on, how hard could it be? Just start by getting yourself an appropriately powerful inline-six engine- say, this 2JZGTE/6-speed combo deal, for example- and then start casting and/or machining all the missing trim pieces from scratch. As for the interior, you'd be amazed what $500 will buy you at a Tijuana upholstery shop. No problem!

Pace cars for drag racing? Sure, makes sense… but what doesn't make sense is the abomination that Dominick found accompanying the NHRA Pace Car Firebird Camaro. Can anyone decipher the script above? Here's what Dominick has to say:

hey im a daily reader, new to writing back. correct me if i am wrong , i have found what to me is a late 70s NHRA pace car firebird i found it while browsing thru a local used car dealership in malaga spain also found this other thing got no clue what it is but it looks wicked thanks alot and it figured u guys whould know what to do with these

Of course you do! Oh, sure, you'd have fun with a Lotus Esprit or Fiat 124 Sport Coupe (incidentally, the Lotus beat the Fiat rather handily in the Choose Your Eternity poll), but you wouldn't have the pride of driving a total oddball orphan genuinely unique machine. That's exactly what we've got for you today!

You may not have heard of Siata, but they were once legendary for their Fiat-based (and even Crosley-powered) sports cars. The Siata Spring was based on the rear-engined Fiat 850 chassis, and you'd have a helluva time finding one… until now. We've got this '69 Siata Spring (go here if the ad disappears), which seems to run and doesn't suffer from much rust. What could go wrong, then? Well, a weirdo conversion of a nervous Italian machine, done by a now-defunct company… do we need to draw a diagram? This thing is going to be a never-ending project, so you might as well start figuring out how to stuff a WRX engine in the back!

Normally we wouldn't consider a VW-engined Lamborghini copy to be a true Fauxborghini, but that rule wasn't made for the likes of this fine Belgian machine (go here if the ad disappears). I'm not so good at reading Dutch or French, but that doesn't matter much here. Just look at the photos and you won't care about the "chassi et moteur vw" part! It appears to be a particle-board and duct-tape interpretation of a Countach, no doubt built in a Belgian prison from smuggled-in components and based entirely on a verbal description of the original car. It's only 1,000 Euros, and you could make it your own! Thanks to Doede for the tip!

The global economic meltdown doesn't mean you have to take a break from Hell Projects. In fact, it's more important than ever that you break out your Hell Project skills in order to give you and your'n an edge when it comes time to hit the road in search of work, handouts, escape from rampaging urban mobs, etc… and that means building a vehicle that can haul you, your loved ones, and a large percentage of your personal possessions around the land. We're talking pots and pans, crates of squawking chickens, and mattresses strapped to the outside of the vehicle here, with maybe Grandma lashing down the spare engine with bungee cords as you horse-trade some crafty yokel for a sack of cornmeal to feed your white liquor still. Sure, you could just buy a diesel Econoline and be done with it, but it's not just enough to survive, like rats or roaches. You need to roam the land in style!

The 1957 Cadillac is one fine-looking car, no doubt about it, and Cadillac built bulletproof forged-crank engines back in those days, but even a Fleetwood wouldn't be voluminous enough for your Joad-style peregrinations. Time to go Winnebago shopping? Hell no, not when you could have this 1957 Cadillac camper, which is now sitting on eBay with a price tag just barely into four figures, no reserve, and an auction end time just hours away. It doesn't run at the moment, but as the seller says: "IT MIGHT FIRE UP WITH A FRESH BATTERY AND SOME FRESH GAS." Even if it doesn't, the junkyards are full of Cadillac 472s, and even a smogified 425 will get the job done. Check out that luxurious interior- plenty of room for everyone! Thanks to Ian for the tip.

That Cadillac camper is great, but you and your fellow Joads would be forced to panhandle twice as hard to keep it fueled up (or, even worse, you'd be forced to use your whiskey still to make 200-proof to burn in the engine). What you need is a vehicle with space for family members, pets, livestock, weapons, etc., yet doesn't go through gas the way the Federal Reserve is currently going through banknote-printing ink. You could get one of those Toyota truck-based campers, but living in one of those isn't really living. Instead, this 1985 VW Rabbit six-door limo will do the job. It's got plenty of space, an economical four-cylinder engine, and will show all those other losers at the hobo jungle that you've got class! The engine isn't in the car- something about an attempted VR6 swap- but the seller will include it in the deal. You might even consider grafting the bed from a VW pickup onto the back, for more carrying capacity. You might need a running start to get up hills, but that's no big hardship! Thanks to Nitroracer for the tip.

Last time, we had a momentous upset in the Choose Your Eternity poll, with a Detroit car somehow managing to beat two French cars! Granted, no Citroëns were involved, but we're sure there's some weeping and gnashing of teeth in Paris right now. Not like France loses its PCH SuperAwesomeMegaPower rank, of course, but for now that turbocharged Falcon has brought a bit of the pride back to the reeling Motor City (and we're going to have a Detroit-on-Detroit matchup in honor of that accomplishment). Today we're returning to a level of the underworld we haven't visited since the Octo-Door '57 Chrysler took on the Stretch Ferrari 400: Hell Limousines!

Chrysler never built a Hexa-Door Dodge Dart station wagon- which we think was a terrible miscalculation- but when the Vatican demands such a machine for nunly transportation, American free enterprise leaps into action! Such is the story behind this 1962 Dodge Dart stretch wagon, and maybe it's even true! The seller states right off that it's "in poor shape," and that's definitely the truth, but who cares? In addition to his distressing honesty, he seller also violates all the eBay traditions concerning grammar, spelling, and capitalization, but we'll overlook that because this thing is a Hexa-Door Dart Wagon Alleged Nunmobile! How could you pass it up? There's rust. It's been sitting since 1979, most of that time outdoors in rural Kentucky. The engine is a poly 318, which is sort of like the LA block 318, only way heavier. The good news is that you'll be able to find every possible mechanical component without half trying, for cheap, and along the way you'll discover that you might as well upgrade to a 500-horsepower 360. You might not want to invest too much time and money into the running gear, however, until you've vanquished the Rust Monster, and that might take decades some time, plus a few million Hail Marys. Thanks to ArmyOfChuckness for the tip!

A Pope-approved 6-door Dart wagon limo from Butcher Holler would be quite a daily driver, sure, but what if you must kick up the mud whilst blasting beer cans out the window with a shotgun? For that, you want a genuine, built-by-crazy-Minnesotans 4x4 Monster Cadillac Limo. Now, at this point you might be saying to yourself (in your best Upper Midwest accent) "OK, but where could I find such a car, then?" Hey, this is Project Car Hell, where eternal torment is conveniently located, and we've managed to find this 1981 Cadillac stretch limo mud truck (go here if the ad disappears), built on a Suburban chassis. You get your 36" swampers, you betcha, and your hoon-proof 350 engine, and it even runs and drives! The seller admits that it "Needs TLC," which you're free to interpret as you choose (we choose to believe it means you'll be ready to take on the gnarliest swamps of the Amazon Delta with little more than a tuneup). The seller wants $3,000, but if there ever was a price that screamed "negotiable," this is it!

The seller, who uses an innovative photographic technique to heighten the appeal of this Dino replica, claims there's a Porsche engine somewhere in the car. Actually, what he or she states is "powertrain says porsche," which could mean we're looking at a VW-based kit car with a dime-store Porsche emblem taped on the 1300's air cleaner, or maybe it's a Madman Grade hand-fabbed tube chassis with a quad-turbo Porsche 928 engine belting out 900 horsepower. Either way, you'd think the innards of a vehicle that earns the appellation "my baby" would be more familiar to its seller, but such is not the case here.
[Craigslist Seattle, go here if the ad disappears]

[Craigslist Kansas City, go here if the ad disappears]

[Craigslist Chico, go here if ad disappears]

Thanks to a whole bunch of you for the tip! [eBay Motors]

[eBay Motors], thanks to many readers for the tip.

Near Clybourn & Belmont, I discovered the front of a GMC truck mated to the back of Lincoln Premiere. Include a transformers theme, and you have one seriously bizarre car. A look under the car revealed well fab'd true dual straight pipes.

You've got your Fauxrraris based on Fieros, or Corvettes, or 280Zs, or even Mitsubishi Eclipses. But say you want the reliability and VTEC power of a Honda product in your Fauxrrari? Sure, sure, it's front-wheel drive, and maybe that makes a Ferronda even more of an abomination in the eyes of Ferrari purists, but horrifying the purists to the point where they have to start dumping extra anisetta shots in their espresso just to maintain the will to live… well, that's why we're here, isn't it? Of course it is, and that's just one of many excellent reasons for you to purchase this 1994 Acura Integra with 'Ferrari F430 conversion' (go here if the ad disappears), which sports a totally reasonable asking price of a mere $2,500. The seller says "everything on car is perfect," but then his or her ironclad sense of honesty compels the following semi-disturbing qualification: "its stalling MILDLY on 2345 gear and when on 60mph wont let me go higher its not tranny cuz wen in neutral i press gas and it struggles so it might be senors or m.a.p sensor which online is 70$." You see? The stalling is mild; get a new MAP sensor and it's good to go! Of course, you'll need to jack up the horsepower to Ferrari standards, so that you'll be able to torque steer your way into the nearest ditch justify that fine, fine pure Bondo bodywork, which means adding turbocharging and intercooling until the combustion chambers are hotter than the surface of the sun.

You could definitely have some fun in an Integrrari, since it would actually be pretty quick and all, but the Fierrari guys will point to your front-wheel burnouts and laugh and you can't have that! If you're going to spend the staggering sum of several thousand bucks on a Fauxrrari, it's got to be rear-wheel-drive, right? What you're looking for, my budget-minded supercar-seeking friend, is a genuine Mustrrari, built on Ford's protean Fox platform. When you've got a Fox, every junkyard in North America will seem like a comprehensively stocked superstore to you, and you want cheap aftermarket performance parts? Whooo-EEEE! You can turn a Fox into a 200 MPH deathtrap performance machine for nickels and dimes, my friend, nickels… and… dimes! "But did anyone ever make a Fox Ford Ferrari kit?" you might be asking, and it turns out the answer to that question is definitely a big 10-4, with this yellow Mustrrari (go here if the ad disappears) as the proof. We don't know the year of the chassis (in fact, it might not even be a Fox, though that's the way to bet), and we don't know the engine size, transmission type, nor anything else of any value to potential buyers, since the seller doesn't wish to divulge that sensitive information in the Craigslist ad. All we know is that "someone just needs to go over the body again, fix the engine, and 'freshen' everything up." How hard could it be?

[eBay Motors]

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[eBay Motors]