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Detroit, 8:24 AM
Fri Nov 27
1 posts in the last 24 hours

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  • posts about #88 more →

    Buy Dale Earnhardt, Jr's Nuts!

    Dale Earnhardt Gets "Amp'd" With "88"

    1964 Oldsmobile Jetstar 88
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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of GreenN_Gold GreenN_Gold
    02/06/09

    In reply to Buy Dale Earnhardt, Jr's Nuts!
    At the risk of ostracizing myself, may I be the sole jalopnik reader/nascar fan representative? I swear I don't represent any of the stereotypes. I have no business being a nascar fan. I just grew up on it. It soothes my Sunday hangovers. I could even start a "jalops for nascar" fan club.


    Don't hate me.

     Reply
    GreenN_Gold was starred GreenN_Gold was unstarred
    Image of pauljones pauljones
    02/06/09

    @GreenN_Gold: No, you are not alone.
     Reply
    pauljones was starred pauljones was unstarred
    Image of Deartháir II Deartháir II
    02/06/09

    @GreenN_Gold: Download V8 Supercars instead. Same fix, real racing.
     Reply
    Deartháir II was starred Deartháir II was unstarred
    Image of lilwillie lilwillie
    02/06/09

    In reply to Buy Dale Earnhardt, Jr's Nuts!
    I'll take two, I'm married.
     Reply
    lilwillie was starred lilwillie was unstarred
    Image of Jo Schmo Jo Schmo
    02/06/09

    @lilwillie: They will fit nicely in your wifes purse
     Reply
    Jo Schmo was starred Jo Schmo was unstarred
    Image of bzr bzr
    02/06/09

    In reply to Buy Dale Earnhardt, Jr's Nuts!
    "Hi, Dale Earnhardt Jr. here! You may remember me from selling Wrangler jeans, Diet Coke, Adidas, Budweiser, KFC, SONY, NAPA, Domino's Pizza, Gillette, Enterprise Rent-A-Car, Drakkar Noir Cologne, Chevrolet, Polaris ATVs, the Army National Guard, Tylenol Rapid Release Gels, Champion Spark Plugs, US Navy, Go Daddy, AMP Energy Drinks, and Nickelback music videos. Well this time I've finally gone CRAAAZYYY! Now, for the first time ever, you can buy my NUTS! Why, I must be nuts to be practically GIVING THESE AWAY! I wouldn't endorse any other brand of nuts, because those don't have my name on it! Guaranteed to make you the hit at the next NASCAR barbeque! Be sure to pick up my number 88 NASCAR branding iron for the complete, authentic NASCAR experience! Don't delay, order now! Supplies are limited!"
     Reply
    bzr was starred bzr was unstarred
    Image of Jo Schmo Jo Schmo
    02/06/09

    In reply to Buy Dale Earnhardt, Jr's Nuts!
    scrotum, scrotum
    its my wrinkley crinkley bag of skin
    scrotum, scrotum
    its the thing I keep my testees in
     Reply
    Jo Schmo was starred Jo Schmo was unstarred
    Image of MushyHeirloom MushyHeirloom
    02/06/09

    @Jo Schmo *Corpse Tetris Champion 97-98: Your testees are the people you perform tests on?
     Reply
    MushyHeirloom was starred MushyHeirloom was unstarred
    Image of Jo Schmo Jo Schmo
    02/06/09

    @Fluffy, Pushbroom: Oh hell that changes everything.


    stupid edit function

     Reply
    Jo Schmo was starred Jo Schmo was unstarred
    Image of Deartháir II Deartháir II
    02/06/09

    In reply to Buy Dale Earnhardt, Jr's Nuts!
    I was coming out of a pub last week (I know... shocking!) and two scantily-clad young ladies were walking past. Parked by the entrance was a huge lifted Ram with blue TruckNutz on the back. Both girls laughed, and commented that it probably wasn't a good idea for him to let everyone know he was always driving around with blue balls.


    Her friend commented that, based on the level of compensation displayed on his truck, there was probably a very good reason for that, and that the TruckNutz should be quite a bit smaller to be a fair representation.


    There are times that I am proud of our feminine counterparts.

     Reply
    Deartháir II was starred Deartháir II was unstarred
    Image of Jo Schmo Jo Schmo
    02/06/09

    In reply to Buy Dale Earnhardt, Jr's Nuts!
    scrotum? nearly killed him
     Reply
    Jo Schmo was starred Jo Schmo was unstarred
    Image of Triborough Triborough
    02/06/09

    In reply to Buy Dale Earnhardt, Jr's Nuts!
    Wasn't this the participant in the Nascar who died?

    If so that would make it even more morbid.
     Reply
    Triborough was starred Triborough was unstarred
    Image of SirNotAppearing SirNotAppearing
    02/06/09

    @Triborough: That would be his father. You ain't from 'round here, is ya?
     Reply
    SirNotAppearing was starred SirNotAppearing was unstarred
    Image of Six Flags Over Tomsk Six Flags Over Tomsk
    02/06/09

    @Triborough: That would be Dale Earnhardt the elder, who drove the black #3.
     Reply
    Six Flags Over Tomsk was starred Six Flags Over Tomsk was unstarred
    Image of Deartháir II Deartháir II
    02/06/09

    @SirNotAppearing: What's this Nascar thing of which you lot are speaking? Some kind of racing? Is it like the WTCC or V8 Supercars?
     Reply
    Deartháir II was starred Deartháir II was unstarred
    Image of SirNotAppearing SirNotAppearing
    02/06/09

    @Deartháir: I've never seen it, but it's unavoidable in any media in the south. Apparently, people drive cars of or from the future in circles for several hours, fried chicken and beer is involved, and it's the greatest thing ever.
     Reply
    SirNotAppearing was starred SirNotAppearing was unstarred
    Image of BTLFED BTLFED
    02/06/09

    @Deartháir: Want to know what NASCAR is? Drop Hot Wheels cars in the toilet and flush.


    DRIVE FAST! TURN LEFT!

     Reply
    BTLFED was starred BTLFED was unstarred
    Image of mechimike mechimike
    02/06/09

    @SirNotAppearing: Cars of _Tomorrow_. And they only drive counter-clockwise. Get it right. ;)


    I'm ashamed I know _that_ much about the golderned "sport".

     Reply
    mechimike was starred mechimike was unstarred
    Image of engineerd engineerd
    02/06/09

    @Deartháir: Watch out, NASCAR has been talking about a race in Canuckland.


    I used to be a big fan of NASCAR, but it has turned into the Chevy lovefest and Jeff "I'm flaming gay" Gordon and his butt buddy Jimmy Johnson winning everything its getting old.

     Reply
    engineerd was starred engineerd was unstarred
    Image of mechimike mechimike
    02/06/09

    @engineerd - fighting zombies one sign at a time: So, when ya gonna come out to one of the LeMons races? LeMons South will be a NASCAR_free zone, infused with BBQ and 'shine, and only a couple of months away!
     Reply
    mechimike was starred mechimike was unstarred
    Image of SirNotAppearing SirNotAppearing
    02/06/09

    @mechimike: I believe it's in SC in April. I'm definitely going to be there. I'm a LeMons virgin.
     Reply
    SirNotAppearing was starred SirNotAppearing was unstarred
    Image of BTLFED BTLFED
    02/06/09

    @SirNotAppearing: I really want to try and be there. It's my birthday weekend, but as of now I have to work that Saturday.


    Boo :hiss:

     Reply
    BTLFED was starred BTLFED was unstarred
    Image of engineerd engineerd
    02/06/09

    @mechimike: I want to. I keep talking to my buddy about putting a car together, although we should just do a road trip to check it out.
     Reply
    engineerd was starred engineerd was unstarred
    Image of SirNotAppearing SirNotAppearing
    02/06/09

    @BTLFED has two bottles, big ones: Well, you've only got three months to get your excuses in order. Let me know if you need help.
     Reply
    SirNotAppearing was starred SirNotAppearing was unstarred
    Image of Jo Schmo Jo Schmo
    02/06/09

    @Deartháir: Its redneck ring-around-the-rosie
     Reply
    Jo Schmo was starred Jo Schmo was unstarred
    Image of Jo Schmo Jo Schmo
    02/06/09

    @BTLFED has two bottles, big ones: You sir get a heart-clicky for the Hot Wheels comment
     Reply
    Jo Schmo was starred Jo Schmo was unstarred
    Image of sos10 sos10
    02/06/09

    In reply to Buy Dale Earnhardt, Jr's Nuts!
    ...shrivel...
     Reply
    sos10 was starred sos10 was unstarred
    Image of mytdawg mytdawg
    02/06/09

    In reply to Buy Dale Earnhardt, Jr's Nuts!
    I was going to make a joke about drivers, fires, and roasted nuts but for some reason I just couldn't take the dark humor this time. That's never happened before.
     Reply
    mytdawg was starred mytdawg was unstarred
    Image of Deartháir II Deartháir II
    02/06/09

    @mytdawg: MEDIC! mytdawg is down! Call for a Medivac ASAP!
     Reply
    Deartháir II was starred Deartháir II was unstarred
    Image of mechimike mechimike
    02/06/09

    @Deartháir: Sorry, but the Official Jalopnik Ambulance needs an engine rebuild, new brakes, new shocks, a transmission overhaul, some electrical work, rust repair...


    What? Oh, yeah, we got it for a song- only $6800!

     Reply
    mechimike was starred mechimike was unstarred
    Image of Deartháir II Deartháir II
    02/06/09

    @mechimike: Use the SHOWagon! It'll get him to the hospital quicker than an ambulance!


    I'd suggest Matt Hardy's new Volvo wagon, but, well, it wouldn't.

     Reply
    Deartháir II was starred Deartháir II was unstarred
    Image of BTLFED BTLFED
    02/06/09

    @mechimike: Crack pipe!
     Reply
    BTLFED was starred BTLFED was unstarred
    Image of mechimike mechimike
    02/06/09

    @Deartháir: The SHOWagon would look pretty funny in full ambulance livery.


    Damnit, is it 5 o'clock yet?

     Reply
    mechimike was starred mechimike was unstarred
    Image of mechimike mechimike
    02/06/09

    @BTLFED has two bottles, big ones: No, man, NICE PRICE! It was the Ghostbusters Caddy!
     Reply
    mechimike was starred mechimike was unstarred
    Image of engineerd engineerd
    02/06/09

    @mytdawg: What? What's wrong? All I can give you is a heart click. Would that help?
     Reply
    engineerd was starred engineerd was unstarred
    Image of mytdawg mytdawg
    02/09/09

    @Deartháir: @engineerd - fighting zombies one sign at a time: Et al... I appreciate your concern and am fighting to get my sarcastic wit back into some kind of working order. I believe liberal doses of alcohol, caffeine, and naked dancing girls may be the only cure at this time. Not necessarily in that order.
     Reply
    mytdawg was starred mytdawg was unstarred
    Image of jewce is fueled by sour gummy worms jewce is fueled by sour gummy worms
    02/06/09

    In reply to Buy Dale Earnhardt, Jr's Nuts!
    I was at a KC Royals game a few years back and the game was sponsored by Guys Peanuts. Constantly all game long came over the PA "Today's game is brought to you by Guys Peanuts, so go grab some Guys Nuts."
     Reply
    jewce is fueled by sour gummy worms was starred jewce is fueled by sour gummy worms was unstarred
    Image of mytdawg mytdawg
    02/06/09

    @jewce: You just can't make that shit up.
     Reply
    mytdawg was starred mytdawg was unstarred
    Image of MushyHeirloom MushyHeirloom
    02/06/09

    In reply to Buy Dale Earnhardt, Jr's Nuts!
    "I wanna ask you one question. If I had some nuts, hangin' on the wall, what did I have honey?"


    I said, "Darling, you'd have some walnuts."


    She said, "Well.. daddy, if I had some nuts

    on my chest, would those be chestnuts?"


    I said, "Hell yes!"


    She said, "Well daddy, if I had nuts under my chin

    would those be chin-nuts?"


    I said, "Hell no, bitch, you'd have a dick in your mouth!"

     Reply
    MushyHeirloom was starred MushyHeirloom was unstarred
    Image of smalleyxb122 smalleyxb122
    02/06/09

    In reply to Buy Dale Earnhardt, Jr's Nuts!
    Gotta hand it to Dale Jr. He certainly knows his fan base.
     Reply
    smalleyxb122 was starred smalleyxb122 was unstarred
    Image of engineerd engineerd
    02/06/09

    In reply to Buy Dale Earnhardt, Jr's Nuts!
    Nothing good ever comes from Ohio.
     Reply
    engineerd was starred engineerd was unstarred
    Image of nyoh-ohio Wants a Jalopnik App for the iPhone nyoh-ohio Wants a Jalopnik App for the iPhone
    02/06/09

    @engineerd - fighting zombies one sign at a time: what about say airplanes? or the man who invented the lightbulb and also paul newman. i would say nebraska is more of a useless state. ohio does have some rather useless people though as well, but it all depends on what part of ohio you are in.
     Reply
    nyoh-ohio Wants a Jalopnik App for the iPhone was starred nyoh-ohio Wants a Jalopnik App for the iPhone was unstarred
    Image of engineerd engineerd
    02/06/09

    @nyoh-ohio Wants a Jalopnik App for the iPhone: I knew I would bait someone with that.


    Go Blue!

     Reply
    engineerd was starred engineerd was unstarred
    Image of Serious Mopar Jones- Incurable Serious Mopar Jones- Incurable
    02/07/09

    @engineerd - fighting zombies one sign at a time: One word- DORIS!
     Reply
    Serious Mopar Jones- Incurable was starred Serious Mopar Jones- Incurable was unstarred
    Image of Van Sarockin, rogue trebuchet Van Sarockin, rogue trebuchet
    02/08/09

    @Slantsick, Ethel's love-child: Is that your foot, or are you just happy to see him?
     Reply
    Van Sarockin, rogue trebuchet was starred Van Sarockin, rogue trebuchet was unstarred
    Image of If FromaBuick6 has to watch one more Chevy commercial, he's going to punch Howie Long in the face If FromaBuick6 has to watch one more Chevy commercial, he's going to punch Howie Long in the face
    02/06/09

    In reply to Buy Dale Earnhardt, Jr's Nuts!
    Some times you feel like a TruckNutz...
     Reply
    If FromaBuick6 has to watch one more Chevy commercial, he's going to punch Howie Long in the face was starred If FromaBuick6 has to watch one more Chevy commercial, he's going to punch Howie Long in the face was unstarred
    Image of pauljones pauljones
    02/06/09

    In reply to Buy Dale Earnhardt, Jr's Nuts!
    Why?


    From an ontological, psychological, philosophical, epistemological, and downright illogical context, I ask why.

     Reply
    pauljones was starred pauljones was unstarred
    Image of mechimike mechimike
    02/06/09

    @pauljones: That's far too many "ical"s for a Friday afternoon. You might want to tone that down.
     Reply
    mechimike was starred mechimike was unstarred
    Image of Jo Schmo Jo Schmo
    02/06/09

    @mechimike: what about testical? well that looked right in my head
     Reply
    Jo Schmo was starred Jo Schmo was unstarred
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