Writing in his Top Gear column, Clarkson notes, "This is the car used by Lewis Winthorpe in the film Trading Places. It was also used by Idi Amin, Mao Tse Tung, Leonid Brezhnev and Elvis Presley.

"From 1963 to 1981, this was the most expensive, most advanced and most governmental car in the world. When I have fitted flags to the front wings - black eagles on a red background - I shall feel like Mussolini."
Clarkson goes on to note that his hand-built piece of history - which features hydraulic air vents and just about everything else - is not in what you might call 'showroom condition.' In addition to many other parts its in need of front brake calipers - £3,000 before labor - and brake pads - a sniff at £500 a pad. Clarkson goes on to note that should the electric actuators for his hydraulic window lifts fail, they'll cost him £5,000 a piece, just for the parts.

But, does Jeremy regret his purchase? "The thing is though, even if I buy a whole trolley full of electric window switches, and several spare exhaust pipes, the Grosser will still have cost me less than Johnny Rotarian's 540i. And when it's working, gliding from place to place on its air suspension, I tell you this: it will be the coolest car on the roads today." [Via Top Gear]

We saw a Honda 600 in this series not long ago, and three of them before that. However, we have no choice but to return to our favorite motorcycle-engined Japanese car, because this here's a 1970 Honda 600 with truck bed. That's right, a 600amino with the hard part already done! We don't know how much it really costs, because the seller is "keeping the auction fair" by using a reserve price. But it'll probably be pretty cheap, because it's been sitting for at least three years (and perhaps 30 years before that) and, well, stuff goes wrong when a car sits for years. And how about the damning-with-faint-praise statement "ENGINE NOT SEIZED?" Sure, it might have an oil pan full of metal chunks, but you can still turn the crank! Not only that, it's "VERY UNIQUE," which is crucial for those of us who don't want somewhat unique cars. Just drop a Hayabusa in the front, a couple cases of Milwaukee's Best in the back, and you're ready to go!

Now you're probably saying to yourself, "There's nothing that can compete with a 600amino!" Normally you'd be right, but Bumblebee managed to find something that should send you staggering back in awed disbelief: this '74 Dodge van with truck bed. It's got the custom graphics, including an amazingly patriotic "TOY TRUCK" screamin' eagle on the hood. It's got the marker lights on the roof and the mis-aimed Malaise Style fog lights in the grille. It's got the deep-pile shag carpeting in the cab and even the CB radio. But most of all, it has stacks! Like the 600amino, this Vanpage has been sitting for a while- 10 years, in fact. But don't think of it as a nightmare of shrunken seals and cracked gaskets- think of it as a time capsule! The seller claims it starts and drives, and that the "AIR CONDITIONING works AWESOME." It comes from the seller's uncle in southern Kentucky, so it's authentic. We figure a quick trip to Tijuana for some interior upgrades and some 440 power and you'll be feeling mighty sharp in your new Vanpage.

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We had a trio of Honda 600s in an earlier Project Car Hell, and the subject of this insane Hayabusa-powered 600 came up in the comments. Since then, the idea of stuffing one of Suzuki's loony engines in a 600 has hovered around us, a miasma we can only dispel by showing how we might go about doing the same sort of thing on a smaller budget. So! The recipe could go as follows: Take one tube-framed 1971 Honda 600 (go here if the ad disappears) and subtract the Chevette engine that comes with it. Next, add one this 2001 Hayabusa engine (go here if the ad disappears), which is already set up for installation in a four-wheeled vehicle. Stir well, seasoning liberally with blood, sweat, and cubic dollars. The 600 is already set up for rear-wheel drive (which is fine) but that doesn't mean you can't convert it back to front-drive and end up with the scariest torque-steering beast to ever drive on a public road... or get a second Hayabusa engine and make it a twin-engined, all-wheel-drive, totally uncontrollable deathtrap!

Screaming small-displacement engines are fun, especially with the unearthly power-to-weight of a Hayabusa mill, but there's something to be said for an engine that delivers maximum tire-obliteratin' torque at a mere 1,450 RPM. Hell, the Hayabusa probably spins that fast before it's even assembled! And what goes with serious diesel grunt? That's right, a big ol' postwar Detroit chariot- like, say, this 1947 Ford (go here if the ad disappears). It comes with a Chevy 350, which you can sell off and recoup .005% of the project's costs! Not only that, you get a Ford 9" rear, which might even withstand the torque of this Duramax diesel V8
(go here if the ad disappears). Yes, naysayers, we know the engine needs rebuilding, but you get the engine ECU, an Allison transmission, and a transfer case- and the seller takes credit cards! Hmmm... Veggie-oil Duramax Monster '47 Ford, anyone? Thanks (and a half-credit towards a PCH Tipster T-shirt) to Mad_Science for the tip on the Duramax!

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Now, even if you've got more hits than Sadaharu Oh, you'll still want to roll with a car that packs 868 home runs worth of Japanese cool. Yes, we're talking about the Mazda Cosmo, this '76 Cosmo to be exact. Just imagine: for only $2450 you could get fully Cosmo'd up, at which point you'd be the envy of your local Wankel scene with one of the rarest of sold-in-America Mazdas. The Cosmo (also known as the RX-5) didn't sell well in the US market, and those that did make it here have mostly succumbed to apex seal woes and/or rust by now. Did we mention that it doesn't run? Do we even need to mention that? Yes, you'll probably have to replace the engine and who-knows-what-else (get ready for some overseas shipping charges for most non-mechanical parts), but just imagine all the room under the hood for turbo plumbing on the insane rotary this car deserves!

It's hard to pry one's eyes away from that Cosmo, but it's equally hard to deny the goofy appeal of one of our all-time favorite Hondas: the motorcycle-engine-powered 600. And, since having a private junkyard is always a plus when you have a hard-to-find project car, these three '72 Honda 600s should have enough parts between them to make one- or even two- runners! I (briefly) had a 600 many years ago and the Fun Per Dollar Quotient is off the scale; they're quicker than you'd expect and actually fit four large adults in semi-comfort. This seller is quite honest, stating up front that all three cars will need complete restoration, but you'll be able to pluck parts off two of them to feed the third! $1500 and they're yours.

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We all remember the Pontiac Aztek, our generation's Edsel. A car so bad, Pontiac even managed to spell the name wrong. Design-wise, the worst element (besides the gas-cap wound) was all that damn cladding. But then, after Pontiac only sold four cars in 18 months (or whatever), GM did the unthinkable – they restyled the duckling. And... they didn't do such a bad job. Granted, the Aztek was as doomed as the Titanic from the initial marketing focus group. But, at least it died in my mind with a modicum of dignity. When I first saw the new Lexus flagship I liked the headlights and the back seat, but thought the car itself pretty blobby and dull. But, sitting on the floor of an auto show is one thing. Seeing these hulking leviathans on the road is another. The top dog Lexi (Lexuses?) posses mad amounts of uberholprestige. That's German for, "Get out of my way or I'm driving up your tailpipe." I gotta admit, these have grown on me. You? – Jonny Lieberman

[The Jalopnik Question of the Day asks the tough questions. Sometimes. Do you have a question you want answered? Email it to tips@jalopnik.com with the subject line "QOTD"]

Related:
How Far Will You Go For The Car Of Your Dreams?; The Jalopnik Question of the Day [Internal]
[Pic: petrolhead.nl]

Quick; name a post-war, air-cooled, rear-engined BMW without the twin-kidney grill. Most pistonheads would answer, "Isetta." And they wouldn't be wrong. However, true Deutschaphiles will shout, "700!" And they couldn't be more right. After the tragic failures (from a sales standpoint) of the upscale 502, 503 and 507 models, BMW was forced to build dorktastic rolling eggs like the Isetta and subsequent 600. Yes, yes, those cars were cute, but as far from the ultimate driving machine as President Bush is from reality. All that changed in 1961 with the release of the 700. Learn more/make the jump.

BMW hired stud-designer Giovanni Michelotti, creator of such unbridled radness as the Triumph TR4 and the DAF 55 to save their weisswurst. Mr. Michelotti penned a little coupe that was not only fun to look at, but that set the stage for the vehicles which would come to define Bavarian Bruce, the 2002 and the icon-a-rific 3-series. Most importantly, people loved to race the 700s, re-establishing BMW's winning reputation for the first time since the 328 Mille Maglia. Even cooler, 19 special RS editions were built, and while the donor car's cutesiness was lost in the transformation, the resulting racecars were piloted by the likes of Hans Stuck and Jacky Ickx. Finally, the 697cc motorcycle engine out back might just be the very best of all possible candidates for the Jalopnik-endorsed Hayabusa-swap.

These two open-topped oddballs are the much coveted RS models doing what they do best. i.e, climbing hills and kicking ass. Please note how the back-bonnet is lifted for better cooling. So precise! – Jonny Lieberman

BMW 700 and RS [BMW World]

Related:
Know Thy Germans: 1921 Rumpler Tropfenwagen, a Slippery Tugboat; More: Know Thy Germans: Glas 2600 V8; AKA The Glaserati! [Internal]

Some days, joy comes by mail. Despite having missed the deadline for our last "reader rides" feature, a Michigan-based reader sent in an account of his many rides, all of which are awesome by degree. Without further ado, let's take a walk on the wild side with Bob, shall we?

I drive a 1970 Chrysler 300 two-door every day. Dark green faded to a greyish black by 30 years of abuse and misuse. And everyone in Pontiac seems to want it.

I'm working on fixing my 1968 Chrysler Town & Country, my first car, bought at 15. Currently rebuilding the front suspension at school. Today's excitement was removing 120 lbs of lead chunks from behind the front bumper, in a tray welded in place by the genius hillbilly previous owner, in an attempt to "lower" the front suspension. For a man who claimed to be a die-hard Moparite, it defies me how he didn't realize he could lower the car by turning a bolt in the lower control arm. Ah, the joys of torsion bars.

Wait, there are none!

Other than ride-height-on-demand. Tomorrow's excitement: calling metal scrap dealers to see who will give me the best price on lead! I need all the money I can get to fill the tank of "the tank."

I also own an '86 Dodge 600, which my grandmother made sure was saved for me. Nevermind that she stopped driving in 1996 and had been "saving it" in the street in front of her house in Hamtramck, where it had been hit by a forklift full of sausage being transported to the Kowalski warehouse down the street, the hood had been pried open by thieves looking to steal the already missing battery, a pack of rats had nested in the engine bay — and died there — and the floors and brake lines had entirely rusted away. (Oh, and the city towed it away and returned it twice.) It HAD to be saved for me. And now I'm obliged to dump hundreds of dollars into it to humor an 87 year old woman who can't walk. Oh joy. (I do love my grandmother- but it saddens me to piss away so much money, time, and effort for a rusted out K-car. If it still had floors, it'd be a different issue.)

And when my 300 is unplated and pissing off the city inspectors and my neighbors, the wagon is dangling on a lift at my school with no front suspension, and the 600 is rotting away on a side street in Hamtramck, I rock a 2001 Ford Econoline passenger van, a candy-apple-esque red and gold two-tone, now going on 140,000 miles with the ungodly-slow 4.2 V-6, which is apparently not even available on newer Econolines, for good reason. If the two-second throttle delay doesn't disturb you when pulling into traffic, the eight-second crawl from zero to 45 certainly will. To make it feel faster, I have written "Type R" and "VR-4" in the dirt on the rear doors near the E-150 badge. It all depends if I'm in a Honda or Mitsubishi mood.

And when I find the Econoline Type R far too fast for my tastes, I have bicycles. I'd point out a specific one, but there's too many. I lost count at 50. I should consider selling them. But what fun is selling things? It's far more entertaining to drown yourself and loved ones in random junk brought home from garage sales and antique stores. YAY!!! It's a damn good thing I'm broke, or I'd manage to get my ass in more trouble buying shit. Now that I've told you my life's story, you can hopefully go back and pick out what vehicles I drive for your survey. Good luck with that.

— Bob J.

Some gent on a business trip, who was spending time at Germany's N burgring, caught some shots of carmakers' test cars passing, including several BMWs, Mercs and Porsches. Most were current or upcoming models, on which engineers were collecting performance data. One, however, was Ferrari's Pininfarina-designed 575 Maranello replacement, known to some as the 600, or Compact Coupe. To others, it's the Imola. Built as a variant of the 612 Scaglietti, the new coupe will have a 6.0-liter V12 rumored to produce 600hp, positioned in a front-mid-engine layout and linked to a clutchless manual tranny. Expect to see it in Geneva next year. [Thanks to Donovan for the tip.] [Update: Also check out the red Mazdaspeed3, loaded down with data sensors and other electrical crap.]

Guten tag from Germany (scroll down, or page search on "f-car") [Audizine Forums]

Related:
Spy Photos: Ferrari 600 Maranello?; Spy Photos: More and More Imola [internal]