Of course, had the Chief Perp and his minions applied negative points for BMWs that finished in the damn cellar (and counted Acuras as Hondas), the Constructor Championship would have gone to Honda… but it's not my place, as a lowly member of the LeMons Supreme Court, to quibble over decisions made against my strenuous objections; I must admit, however, that my refusal to help with the math involved with that idea helped torpedo Honda's chances, anyway. The good news: the team champion drove a General Motors product. USA! USA! USA!

Let's read what those ne'er-do-wells in Emeryville had to say about the 2009 24 Hours Of LeMons season champions, as we lift the text from the official press release:

It's finally here—the day you've all been waiting for. (You know, besides the day when daily beef jerky home delivery becomes a reality.)

Contrary to outward appearances, we've been paying attention this LeMons season, and have five prestigious awards based on the annual accomplishments of the manufacturers, teams, and drivers that make LeMons into the biggest freakshow in motorsports. So, without further ado....

2009 CONSTRUCTOR CHAMPION: BMW
Much to the chagrin of the judges, the relentless stream of LeMons E30s actually paid off in the end. Though plenty of Bimmers performed embarrassingly badly in '09 LeMons events, enough scored top-ten finishes to snatch the crown from 2008 champ Mazda. OK, E30 dudes, you've proved your point—now go get a Fiat and prove you can do it the hard way.

2009 DECONSTRUCTOR CHAMPION: FORD
The Deconstructor Champion is not necessarily the marque that is the most terrible. Rather, it's the brand that is the most spectacularly terrible. While we did have a Mustang win a LeMons race in '09, that feat was more than offset by the typical SHO pit, which always looks like ground zero of a Taurus jihad.

2009 TEAM CHAMPION: THE CALI CAJUNS
Living up to their name, the Cali Cajuns built two cars for west coast and southern events, and scored five top-ten (including four top-five) finishes in the six races they entered. The one hiccup? When they stuttered to 65th place at Goin' For Broken in Reno, driving a lousy Honda Prelude instead of their tried-and-true Saturn SC2.

2009 DRIVER CHAMPIONS: JEFF GRANBERRY AND SCOTT MCLEOD
Though the Cali Cajuns lost some cool points by punting the LeMons Event Manager mid-corner at the Arse-Freeze-Apalooza, we were too lazy to re-think the awards. Plus, these two freaks contributed to all five of those top-ten finishes—no one else even comes close.

2009 24 HOURS OF LEMONS COPPA di BONDO: RUBBER BISCUIT RACING
The Coppa di Bondo is awarded to the team that whinelessly plugs away, race after race, despite incessant mechanical tragedy. After adding a horrible VW Rabbit to their existing (and equally ghastly) Honda CRX, the Texas-based Team Blue Goose was certainly in the running. But after promising us hot girl bartenders from the team captain's restaurant and failing to deliver race after race, we passed the honors on to the Caprice-exploding Rubber Biscuit racing. Spotted at LeMons races from Toledo to Texas, the Biscuits always bring a smile, a little southern applejack, and a Chevy that's guaranteed to launch its con-rods into orbit. Never mind the fact that they could easily finish if they just bolted in a stock smallblock instead of trying to cheat with some guy's backyard "race motor"—these guys simply get it.

It's real, competitive wheel-to-wheel racing, but the car themes and team costumes help prevent the onset of the dreaded Deadly Serious Motorsport Pomposity Syndrome, which afflicts so many racers. Today we're going to admire some of the better team costumes we've seen at LeMons events. We love the LeMons tradition of team T-shirts, of course, but who doesn't want to root for a race team dressed in lederhosen?

Team Türbö Schnitzel, South '09
Some teams don their costumes, show up for a few photo opportunities during the BS Inspection, and then change into grimy coveralls for the rest of the weekend. Not these Merkur-driving Atlantans! They wore their increasingly filthy lederhosen (homemade) and hats and carried their beer steins for the duration of the race, including an all-night wrenching frenzy that involved the fabrication of a clutch disc from scratch using sheet metal and brake pads. Hell, we're pretty sure they slept in these outfits!

Dungeons & Dragsters, Reno '09
These poor bastards ended up spending all but about 16 minutes of the Goin' For Broken LeMons huddled under their Capri, trying to find some way to make the transmission work, but these super-nerdy D&D costumes- plus the amazing 20-sided fuzzy dice hanging from the rear-view- brought them their well-deserved moment of glory.

Victors Of War, New England '09
These Golf-driving, wife-beater-wearing Jersey boys didn't just talk the talk; they really are a bunch of honest-to-god East Coast mooks. The VW medallions were cool, of course, but the bikes were the icing on the cake.

Uber Das Driver: Spy Vs Spy, Reno '09
With two cars and a dozen or so team members, the GTI-driving Spy Vs Spy guys were able to keep two of their group in these incredibly well-executed Prohias-inspired costumes 24/7 at the Goin' For Broken race. Wherever you went, it seemed, one of the spies would be there, pointy snout poking around a corner and "dynamite bomb" a-brandishing.

Deja Moo, Reno '09
When you drive a SHO with steer horns on the hood, toreador costumes jut make sense!

Black Metal V8olvo, Thunderhill '08
OK, I admit I'm the one who thought up these grim, frostibitten costumes, but they were enough of a hit at the Arse Freeze-a-Palooza that I'm including them here.

Eyesore Racing, Reno '09
Eyesore Racing has definitely smashed down the door to the Pantheon Of LeMons Legends and made themselves at home; they not only wore these stunning handmade Elvis/Elvissa costumes and wigs all weekend, but they won the race in their Ghettocharged '59 Cadillac Miata!

Corporate Machine, South '08
You don't have to sport elaborate team costumes to be memorable, as the Caddy DeVille-driving Corporate Machine team proved in South Carolina. They wore their increasingly nasty corporate shirts and ties at all times, even during their endless, endless wrenching sessions on their somewhat temperamental FWD Cadillac.

Mysteries, Inc., Reno '09
They had a perfect Mystery Machine paint job on their Voyager Turbo minivan, and they had the costumes to go with it. They even had a small child in dog costume to represent Scooby Himself.

SubarJew, South '09
After the Texas 'No Fat Shiksas' episode entered LeMons lore, these Subaru pilots decided to honor their heritage by painting their car with big Stars Of David and donning the scungiest fake beards they could find at their local Salvation Army.

Eysore Racing, Altamont '08
Before they wore Elvis costumes and drove a Ghettocharged Miata, the Eyesore freaks- who allegedly have 11 engineering degrees between them- were Eyesore Pimpin', complete with Continental-kit-equipped CRX and their Ho Brigade keepin' it real.

Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys, Reno '09
A Peugeot 505 Turbo, a guy in a monkey costume, striped shirts, berets… and the French Stig! What more do you need?

World Talent Force (WTF), Reno '09
Their car blew up right away, but the superhero costumes were a total win for Team WTF. The pug was their commander-in-chief.

Team PMS, Altamont '08
With a pink Mustang dubbed "The Bloat Float" (complete with the slogan "We're gonna win- PERIOD!" painted on the sides), the pink bathrobes and curlers of this all-woman team were a big hit at the final "demolition derby" Altamont race.

Killer Bees, Reno '09
When you race an MGB, you wear bee costumes.

California Mille, Reno '09
One of the two Alfa Romeo Alfettas operated by this team came damn close to winning the race- an Alfa is going to win a LeMons race one of these days, mark my words- but what we remember even more about these guys was the excellent Italian food they whomped up over the weekend. The chef costumes weren't just for show!

Junkyard Dogs, Reno '09
This team had only one guy- known by everyone at LeMons HQ as "the crazy German dude"- in costume, but it didn't matter. He made such a powerful impression that we still speak of this Supra-driving outfit as "Team Crazy German Dude."

Knights Of The Round Track, Reno '09
Their MR2 blew up, like, 11 seconds into the race, but the Knights managed to out-nerd the Dungeons & Dragsters team with their outfits. The Holy Hand Grenade hood ornament impressed all of us.

Cajun Jihad, New Orleans '09
Burlap sacks emblazoned with rifle-wielding crayfish, turbans, beards, and toy AK-47s made for one of the best- and admittedly most offensive- 24 Hours Of LeMons themes in history. These guys came in second in People's Curse votes, partly because some super-patriots believed they really were Great Satan-hating terrorists but mostly because they wouldn't stop cranking that damn song on their Mirage's PA system.

Huey Newis And The Lose, Reno '09
Considering that these guys are mostly too young to even remember the 80s, it was quite impressive how they nailed that perhaps-best-forgotten decade with unerring accuracy. Choose Life t-shirts, Members Only jackets, the suitcase with bags of "cocaine" and a 20-pound cellphone. Yes, that dude spent the whole weekend in his tighty whities.

Last weekend, I conned the Cajun JiHadis into installing my CheapoCam video gear in their Mirage (the same setup used to get the in-car video footage from the Mustard Yellow Volvo Doing 45 In The Fast Lane at the Goin' For Broken LeMons a few weeks ago), and the result should give you a pretty good picture of what LeMons racing at No Problem Raceway was like. First, here's a short clip showing the Rebel Z Datsun 280ZX losing and then recovering control during a pass of the Mirage:



I've put together a sort of Cajun Jihad highlight reel here, starting with their grand entrance to the track and continuing with footage from the camera in front- and rear-facing orientation:



Want to see how an Organizer's Choice-winning team spends Saturday night at a LeMons race?



Because it's so good, I'm going to include a Goin' For Broken video here. The Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys caught some good hoonage on their PeugeotCam. Note the unsuccessful PIT attempt by the '65 Mustang:

There's been a huge shitstorm of controversy about the Black Widow Crisis on the 24 Hours Of LeMons forums, complete with conspiracy theories (in which yours truly is alleged to have been one of the Black Helicopter pilots involved in the cover-up) and attempts to make the rabble see reason. Of course, the People's Curse is here to stay- it's just too damn much fun- but we're definitely due for a history lesson here. After that, you can take the How Cursed Is My LeMons Car quiz and determine your Curse-O-Meter™ reading.

We needed an audiovisual aid to warn a whiner when he or she had crossed the line!
So, I knocked together this World's Greatest Whiner Alarm and off it went to the races. Naturally, I insisted on using only the finest junkyard components! Since I'm off to the Maker Faire today, let's have a how-to; here's how it went together:

I scrounged this ancient klaxon, aka "Oogah Horn," many years ago, from a junked Econoline van. I love that submarine-movie "DIVE! DIVE! OOOGAH! OOOGAH!" sound, and this horn has lived in a few of my cars over the years. Still, I knew it was destined for something better. The Junkyard Boogaloo Boombox taught me that plywood + junkyard electrical parts = goodness.

For the circuitry, I'd be using a modified version of the control circuit that operated the talking skulls on the Black Metal V8olvo at the Arse Freeze-A-Palooza LeMons race last December. For that, I needed a couple of relays. This BMW 325e relay panel was my first stop.

A turn-signal flasher would provide the timing mechanism to flash the lights and honk the horn. I prefer Chrysler K Car flashers for this purpose, because they're exceptionally easy to find and remove from a junked car.

The next item on my shopping list: taillight sockets and bulbs. I like 90s Nissan units for this sort of application, because they're easily removed from the car and come with handy mounting holes. This Infiniti had all I needed.

So many modern cars have impossible-to-extract sockets, and the older ones tend to suffer from corrosion. Take a Murilee Junkyard Engineering Tip: head right for the Nissan products!

Back at home, I started knocking together a frame out of some scrap plywood and drywall screws. The whole mess was sized around a nice thick piece of obscure Plexiglas I'd scavenged from somewhere.

The klaxon had no mounting bracket, so a few minutes sawing and drilling on a chunk of sheet aluminum (left over from the gauge panels I made for the Black Metal V8olvo) solved that problem.

Once the case was built, I gave the inside a coat of white paint, in order to maximize brightness when the bulbs came on.

I hit the outside with some green spray paint, then got to work on the innards. One light bulb is used to provide sufficient load to operate the Chrysler turn-signal flasher, which then actuates two Bosch relays. One relay powers the klaxon and the other powers the remaining three lights.

Version 1.0 of the World's Greatest Whiner alarm was powered by a car lighter plug and a long cord, but this setup didn't work so well. Not only was the power supply insufficient for good klaxon volume, disaster struck when a LeMons Supreme Court justice drove the rental car away without disconnecting the alarm. Crash! Fortunately, the damage was easily fixed. Version 2.0 features a battery box on the back and a junkyard car battery connected via a pair of Camry battery terminals and cables.

Because much high-temperature unpleasantness would result from a short circuit inside the box, I installed a 30-amp fuse- which I believe came from a Mitsubishi Diamante- on the positive battery cable.

Some packaging tape and red plastic sheeting changes the clear Plexiglas into whiner-menacing red.

A trip to the thrift store netted this resin "World's Greatest" sign, no doubt intended for use as part of a "World's Greatest Parole Officer" or "World's Greatest Bassoon Player" craft project. Total expenditure so far: $1.

I had this little red spotlight in a box-o-crap™, so I installed it next to the klaxon.

The original switch was a pull-chain-style lamp switch, but it proved too fragile for LeMons Supreme Court use. This Frankensteinian knife switch is much more satisfying for the user; it allows a judge to place one hand on the switch and ask the miscreant "You sure you want to keep complaining?" Since the miscreant must eat a jar of super-nasty baby food once the World's Greatest Whiner Alarm is triggered, the hefty knife switch adds a useful air of menace. And there you have it- not much work, almost no money, and a battery that's about to be transferred to my Personal Hell Project.

We're breaking up the galleries by photographer this time, because a couple of the cameramen were pros wielding monster lenses, and they're offering high-quality prints for sale. Thanks to Mad_Science, Mad_Science Senior, Jaff Balliet, Nick Pon, LTDScott, and Head-On Photos for the photos!

Need to peruse Über Galleries of past races? Check out the LeMons South Spring '09 Über Gallery, the the Gator-O-Rama LeMons '09 Über Gallery, the Arse Freeze-A-Palooza LeMons '08 Über Gallery, the LeMons Yeehaw It's Texas '08 Über Gallery, LeMons Detroit-ish '08 Über Gallery, LeMons New England '08 Über Gallery, LeMons South '08 Über Gallery, LeMons San Francisco '08 Über Gallery, LeMons Arse Freeze-A-Palooza '07 Über Gallery, and the LeMons San Francisco '07 Über Gallery.

Head-On Photos got some beautiful shots of the Goin' For Broken cars in action, and here's a sampling in the next couple of galleries. They've got plenty more LeMons photos at their website, and they'll sell you a mounted print of any of them.






Next up are some of the photos shot by Jeff Balliet of ASK Photography. If you'd like prints or DVDs of these shots in their original resolution, email Jeff.




























And now some photos from Mad_Science and Mad_Science Senior:









Here are Nick Pon's shots:




We'll wrap it up with the People's Curse, which featured a surprise last-second substitution of Jay Lamm's horrible VW bus for Fantasy Junction's Swine Flew Integra. This set is a mix of everyone's photos:

Yes, ABC sent Becky Worley and a camera crew to the Goin' For Broken 24 Hours of LeMons at Reno-Fernley Raceway last weekend, and they aired the segment earlier today. The Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys are there (by the way, their Peugeot beat 5 out of 9 BMW E30s, so I'll be figuring out who won the 505-vs-E30 contest soon), Huey Newis and the Lose are there, and the LeMons Supreme Court is there.

Oh, by the way, Mr. NASCAR exec: the crew of one of your big-name racers nearly won the LeMons South race last month… in a Volkswagen! Stay tuned for more details.
[ABC News]

When the left front tire blows on a P71 Crown Victoria at speed, you're doing pretty well when you avoid hitting anything hard and/or expensive. The driver of the Reversed Darwinism car kicks up quite a dust cloud (thanks to Jeff Balliet for the photo above) but no permanent harm done.


The Mustard Yellow Volvo Doing 45 In The Fast Lane managed to catch a nice spinout double-header on its grille-mounted video camera. First we see the Junkyard Kats 280ZX lose it, no doubt due to the oil dumped on the tarmac by a couple of block-ventilating competitors, and then the Volatile RAM MR2 spins out a little ways down the track.


Here's some more action footage from the V8olvo, just because that 302 sounds so good.


Then we've got plenty of action footage courtesy of team UNDERGROUND and their 300ZX, which was one of the top contenders before getting shot down by engine woes.

When the superhero-themed World Talent Force (WTF) Civic blew up early in the race (as Honda LeMons cars are wont to do), these two team members were sort of at loose ends once they put their helmets and Nomex away. Naturally, they decided to spend the rest of the weekend in official WTF costume. And that's when it occurred to them that they might be of some help to us in the Penalty Box… making lowly worms worship them! This team spent a long, long time in the desert sun, Smelling The Boots while a jeering audience taunted them.

What we really wanted to do at that point was put choke collars on every member of a miscreant's team and make them follow the WTF women around for the rest of the day, barking and scratching for fleas. Unfortunately, the LeMons Supreme Court got overruled on that fine idea, so instead we settled for making this bad driver serve as a piece of furniture, groveling in the dust as he so deserved.

Because it was Nevada, we replaced the LeMons Wheel Of Misfortune with the LeMons Crap Table Of Punishment. Roll a ten and you got the not-so-bad Preach To The Converted. Roll snake-eyes, however, and you'd be taking a number for the dreaded DMV Penalty… and that one takes a while.

We offered teams a chance to draw blackjack hands against the house for a double-or-nothing deal on their penalties, but had few takers. For some unfathomable reason, the racers felt that we might stack the deck against them. Imagine!

Let's say you're a racer staring down the barrel of the DMV Penalty. The judges hand you some forms to fill out (after waiting a while, of course). Who is the last guy you want writing those forms? Graverobber, of course… and that's just who wrote 'em! Check the gallery below for a better look at a few examples of LeMons DMV paperwork.

We really like dumping cheap beer on cars, so we've added the Gangsta Funeral to our penalty repertoire. You've heard about "pouring one out for the dead homies," right?

We picked up a bunch of 40s of OE, King Cobra, and Mickey's, and we dumped them right into miscreant's cars. On a 90° day. In the sun. Let's just say that teams were begging for the Chemical Ali a few hours after being on the receiving end of the Gangsta Funeral.

It wasn't a good idea to start squawking about the unfairness of our so-called judicial system; once the World's Greatest Whiner Alarm (more on that later) was triggered, the next step was a jar of baby food down the hatch. Mmmm, nutritious ham and lima bean baby food that's been sitting in the sun all day!

Sometimes we had to custom-tailor our punishments to fit a specific set of miscreants, particularly when said miscreants enjoyed all the regular punishments we'd dished out. Here we see Dominik of the Junkyard Dogs team, applying cheerful pink and gold touches to his once-evil Supra. Yeah, that put a stop to his asking for extra penalties; note the pain in his eyes. We gave the Dogs the coveted Judges' Choice trophy, and in return we got a nice LeMons writeup from Junkyard Dogs driver and Suicide Girls writer Heathervescent on the SG site (warning: link is NSFW).

We had high hopes for the Hamthrax Penalty, aka Swine Flu. The miscreant would be forced to don a surgical mask and a rubber pink snout, then search the pits for a hidden "vaccine" syringe. Unfortunately, the pig snouts apparently blew away in a dust devil (which also picked up a large awning tied to four heavy wheels and lifted it 50 feet in the air before smashing it to the ground), and then someone drove over the syringe after we'd only administered the penalty one time. We'll take another shot at the Hamthrax in Louisiana next weekend. See you there!

The always-in-contention Eyesore Racing team, which manages to combine heavy-duty fabrication skills, great driving, and overwhelmingly awesome themes, finally had all the pieces fall into place and took the win that had tantalized them for so many races. We saw nearly all the Hondas blow up, fall apart, or melt down… but those few that stayed alive did quite well, with the Blanco Basura Prelude nearly catching the Eyesore '59 Miadillac.

Thanks to Mad Science Senior, Mad Science, Jeff Balliet, and Nick Pon for the great photographs. When you're done here, be sure to check out the Justice Lieberman's and Justice Lavrinc's Goin' For Broken coverage. Now, here's every race car that managed to get on or near the track at Reno-Fernley Raceway last weekend. (Note: it appears that the official results showed the best lap time that each car ran on Sunday only, so I've gone back through and put in the better time for teams whose cars sucked less on Saturday, thus enhancing bragging rights in many cases)

#1: Eyesore Racing, Mazda Miata
Best Lap: 2:36.795
Overall Winner

#2: Blanco Basura Racing, Honda Prelude
Best Lap: 2:41.054
Winner, Class 2 (The Bad)

#3: Team California Mille #1, Alfa Romeo Alfetta
Best Lap: 2:47.959
Winner, Class 3 (The Ugly)

#4: Boxwrench Garage, Saab 900 Turbo
Best Lap: 2:33.698
Winner, Fastest Swedish

#5: Formula BMW, BMW 325e
Best Lap: 2:42.609
Winner, Class 1 (The Good)

#6: Team Stimulus Package, Honda Civic
Best Lap: 2:40.625

#7: Pandamonium Racing, BMW 325i
Best Lap: 2:37.479

#8: Size Matters By Plymouth, Plymouth Fury
Best Lap: 2:45.577

#9: Mustard Yellow Volvo Doing 45 In The Fast Lane, Volvo 244
Best Lap: 2:44.852
1 Lap Penalty

#10: Bavarian Beer Wagon, BMW E30
Best Lap: 2:43.057
3 Lap Penalty

#11: Ecurie Ecrappe Autodenta, Alfa Romeo Spider
Best Lap: 2:38.305

#12: Lil Smokey And The Bandit Racing, Toyota MR2
Best Lap: 2:40.054

#13: Team California Mille #2, Alfa Romeo Alfetta
Best Lap: 2:46.711

#14: PIT CREW REVENGE, Honda Civic
Best Lap: 2:45.052

#15: Team Can't Am, Volvo 242 Turbo
Best Lap: 2:45.305

#16: Bailout Racing, Mazda RX-7
Best Lap: 2:50.734
2 Lap Penalty

#17: B-Team, BMW 325e
Best Lap: 2:46.947
7 Lap Penalty

#18: Bunny With A Pancake On Its Head, Volkswagen Rabbit
Best Lap: 2:46.394
5 Lap Penalty
Winner, Volkswagen Rabbit Cup

#19: ZZ Uber Das Driver: Spy vs Spy
Best Lap: 2:45.665
Winner, Organizer's Choice

#20: The Road Crew, Chevrolet C10
Best Lap: 2:51.964
Winner, Least Horrible Yank Tank

#21: Carpet Pissers, Honda CRX
Best Lap: 2:47.618

#22: Econo Classed, Volkswagen GTI
Best Lap: 2:45.656

#23: Junk Yard Kats, Nissan 280ZX Turbo
Best Lap: 2:37.391

#24: Free Range Racing, Toyota MR2
Best Lap: 2:47.258
Winner, Dangerous Banned Technology

#25: LeMons Fire Department, Mazda Miata
Best Lap: 2:49.201

#26: The UNDERGROUND, Nissan 300ZX
Best Lap: 2:44.456

#27: OLD Fast Auto Racing Team And Son, Porsche 924S
Best Lap: 2:53.989
4 Lap Penalty

#28: Redneck Racing Team (RRT), Cadillac Eldorado
Best Lap: 2:51.792
Winner, Index Of Effluency

#29: D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F., Honda CRX
Best Lap: 2:51.748

#30: Team Hurling Moss, BMW 2002
Best Lap: 2:50.328
4 Lap Penalty

#31: Scandinavian Pricks, Volvo 940
Best Lap: 2:50.538

#32: B210b Racing, Datsun B210
Best Lap: 3:07.854
4 Lap Penalty

#33: Flat Tire Racing, Nissan 300ZX
Best Lap: 2:46.301

#34: Geo Metro Gnome, Geo Metro
Best Lap: 2:41.044
13 Lap Penalty

#35: Let It Ride, Honda CRX
Best Lap: 2:44.248
1 Lap Penalty

#36: Cape Coventry Racing, Triumph TR7
Best Lap: 3:07.394

#37: Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys, Peugeot 505 Turbo
Best Lap: 2:44.496
Winner, French Judge's Award

#38: Stars & Stripes Racing Team, Mazda RX-7
Best Lap: 2:48.609

#39: Killer Bees, MGB
Best Lap: 2:56.017

#40: Fast Times Racing, Acura Integra
Best Lap: 2:43.844
5 Lap Penalty

#41: Festivas for the rest of us, Ford Festiva
Best Lap: 3:00.289

#42: Shelby "arr" Model, Ford Mustang
Best Lap: 2:47.723

#43: Snowspeeder Pilots Association, Toyota MR2
Best Lap: 2:46.393

#44: Craptastic, Nissan Sentra SE-R
Best Lap: 2:44.575
30 Lap Penalty

#45: Sin City Lemons, Volkswagen Golf
Best Lap: 2:53.547
3 Lap Penalty

#46: Automatica, BMW E30
Best Lap: 2:48.383

#47: Hanky Too, Datsun 280Z
Best Lap: 2:42.788
Winner, Most Heroic Fix

#48: HRC Racing, Honda Prelude
Best Lap: 2:45.074
2 Lap Penalty

#49: Lipstick On A Pig, Nissan Sentra SE-R
Best Lap: 2:44.803
35 Lap Penalty

#50: Lemons Vice, Hondarrari CRXtarossa
Best Lap: 2:52.688

#51: Deepest Valley Racing, Chevrolet Caprice
Best Lap: 2:42.106
1 Lap Penalty

#52: HALLINASSASSINATORS, Pontiac Firebird
Best Lap: 2:47.804
2 Lap Penalty

#53: Volatile RAM, Toyota MR2
Best Lap: 2:56.960

#54: Bernal Dads Racing, Volvo 245
Best Lap: 2:57.073

#55: ZZ Uber 2 Presents: Sky vs Sky, Volkswagen GTI
Best Lap: 2:39.435
Winner, Organizer's Choice

#56: Squirrels Of Fury II, Audi 4000
Best Lap: 2:47.759

#57: LEMON DEMOLITION, Honda CRX
Best Lap: 2:45.077

#58: Saabs Gone Wild, Saab 900 Turbo
Best Lap: 2:43.246

#59: Mysteries Inc. Racing, Dodge Voyager Turbo
Best Lap: 3:11.711
Winner, Grassroots Motorsports Most From The Least Award

#60: PHONEY EXPRESS, Honda Accord
Best Lap: 3:07.162

#61: Junkyard Dogs, Toyota Supra
Best Lap: 3:30.709
Winner, Judges' Choice

#62: Squirrels Of Fury I, Volkswagen Scirocco
Best Lap: 2:49.066

#63: Pontihack, Pontiac Fiero
Best Lap: 2:49.422

#64: Down Under Team, Dodge Stealth
Best Lap: 2:52.440
1 Lap Penalty

#65: The Cajun Coonasses, Honda Prelude
Best Lap: 2:49.160

#66: Absolute Lemon Motorsports, BMW E30
Best Lap: 2:43.434
5 Lap Penalty

#67: Caffeine Unlimited, BMW E30
Best Lap: 2:45.192

#68: Team Nerd Herd B, Toyota MR2
Best Lap: 2:52.297
1 Lap Penalty

#69: Deja Moo, Ford Taurus SHO
Best Lap: 2:47.112
3 Lap Penalty

#70: Chim Chim Racing, Volkswagen GTI
Best Lap: 2:53.928

#71: Rockerz In Dockerz, Ford Mustang
Best Lap: 2:57.162
6 Lap Penalty

#72: Crash Test Dummies, BMW 325e
Best Lap: 2:43.328
1 Lap Penalty

#73: Reversed Darwinism, Ford Crown Victoria
Best Lap: 2:46.726
1 Lap Penalty

#74: Team VIP, BMW 528e
Best Lap: 2:42.096

#75: Biting Monkey Racing, Honda Accord
Best Lap: 3:11.808
Winner, Most Likely To Have All Their Fingers Broken By Casino Pit Boss

#76: WAAAGH!, Ford Mustang
Best Lap: 2:42.599
2 Lap Penalty

#77: Delta Force, Toyota Celica
Best Lap: 3:00.485

#78: Team Tread Lightly, Volkswagen GTI
Best Lap: 2:46.934
2 Lap Penalty

#79: Skid Road Racing, Chevrolet Camaro
Best Lap: 2:56.499

#80: Old Farts Racing, Buick Skylark
Best Lap: 2:59.346

#81: The Guardians, BMW E21
Best Lap: 2:54.501

#82: I Wanna Roc, Chevrolet Camaro
Best Lap: 2:55.456

#83: B210 Racing, Datsun B210 Honey Bee
Best Lap: 3:07.871

#84: San Jose Scalawags, Mazda Miata
Best Lap: 2:56.596
4 Lap Penalty

#85: Team Nerd Herd A, Toyota Celica
Best Lap: 2:56.655
1 Lap Penalty

#86: Frak This Racing, Datsun 280Z
Best Lap: 3:02.164

#87: Dungeons and Dragsters, Ford Capri
Best Lap: 2:52.737
Winner, I Got Screwed Award

#88: Gold Leaves/Arcane Racing, BMW 528i
Best Lap: 2:46.332
70 Lap Penalty

#89: GFY Racing, BMW 528i
Best Lap: 3:13.532

#90: Frankenstang Racing, Ford Mustang
Best Lap: 2:42.851
40 Lap Penalty

#91: World Talent Force (WTF), Honda Civic
Best Lap: 2:51.999

#92: 1320 Turners, Nissan 300ZX
Best Lap: 2:50.656

#93: Huey Newis and the Lose, Ford Mustang
Best Lap: 2:58.373

#94: Dust n Debris, Dodge Shadow
Best Lap: 3:04.062

#95: Team Chevy High Performance, Chevrolet Camaro
Best Lap: 3:13.513

#96: Rasta Racers, Volvo 740
Best Lap: 2:45.161

#97: USS Tercelator, Mazda 626
Best Lap: 3:41.121

#98: Unsafe At Any Speed, Chevrolet Corvair
Best Lap: 4:03.936

#99: Knights Of The Round Track, Toyota MR2

#100: Screamin' Haole Racing, Porsche 944
Best Lap: 2:44.991
300 Lap Penalty

#101: The Swine Flew, Acura Integra
Best Lap: 2:37.588
401 Lap Penalty

#102: Marshal Tito Express, Yugo GV










Click on the images below to jump to coverage of previous 24 Hours Of LeMons events:

SF '07	Arse Freeze '07	SF '08
Detroit '08	New England '08	South '08
Texas '08	Arse Freeze '08	Texas '09
South '09

Just to make the race interesting, they were towed in at the halfway point of the race on Sunday. A quick fix and they were back out on the track to bring home the gold, or I mean an iron cam and a pile of nickels -$1,500 worth.

The Index of Effluency Award went to car #200 Redneck Racing Team RRT. Congrats to all the participating teams. Great race and a great time.

Thanks to Jeff Balliet at ASK photos for all his great photos this weekend. Want some? Email him here.

The #0 Geo Metro-Gnome (LeMons Thunderhill '08 Winner) was heading into the tight uphill right hand turn (T-5) on the inside of the Scandinavian Pricks #21 Volvo. The Geo had the inside line, when suddenly the car tipped up on two wheels. Not just a little bit, but all the way on two wheels Joey Chitwood style. I could read the transmission number on the car it was so high. There was no question the car would rollover except the Scandinavian Pricks were just in the right position to hinder the Geo's rollover. The roofs of both cars tapped each other and the Geo Metro-Gnome ended up amazingly back on four wheels. It makes sense really since Volvos are all about safety. Apparently even the safety of the cars around them. Congrats to both drivers for the most amazing moment of the weekend.

Photos courtesy of ASK photography.

Whoops. The Integra was narrowly missed and the LeMons "Peace" Car VW Bus was taken out! Drivers who in years past faced the punishment of following that crappy VW around the track at a mind-numbing five miles an hour rejoiced and danced in the streets.

Who says hand writing a candidate's name on a ballot is a wasted vote? At the 24 Hours of LeMons Goin' For Broken, the cars on the ballot got the pass. Enough people hand wrote the name "Jay Lamm" -The Big Daddy of LeMon's that one of Jay's vehicles was ceremoniously destroyed. No one is safe. It was epic.



Photos courtesy of ASK photography.

It is amazing what a little duct tape, Bars Leak and a few bolts from the team of guys pitting next door (who left early and allowed the rest of the teams to sift through their parts) can do to get a car back in the race. It's anyone's race to win at this point, well, except Dancia Patrick, or course, because she chose to run some other less prestigious race this weekend. Stay tuned for more three wheeled action!

For those who want photos from their cars at the event e-mail Jeff Balliet at ASK Photography itsjeffb@aol.com

Burning Man takes place not far from Reno-Fernley Raceway, so we figured we needed some sort of Burning Man-themed penalty. Thus was born the Playa Punishment. To get this much-dreaded penalty, the miscreant must first roll a 10 on the LeMons Craps Table Of Misfortune (roll a 12 and you get the even-more-dreaded Gangsta Funeral, which involves an entire 40-dog of Olde English 800 getting dumped inside your car; more on that later).

When you get the Playa, first your team must set up LeMons Justice Lieberman's somewhat icky old Coleman tent. Then your whole team (be it 3 members or 10) crawls inside and we toss a case of bottled water inside after you. Then comes the boombox, loaded with The Worst Techno Song Ever Recorded (DJ Hidro-Ponik's "Hadron Particles"), and you sit there for a long, long time. Most teams really, really hated this one.

However, one team enjoyed the hell out of the Playa, complaining only that the music wasn't loud enough!

Is it the fast track? The thin air? The mid-80s temperature? Theories abound in the pits, but there's no consensus. I must have seen at least 30 teams (out of 100 or so cars) frantically wrenching on their machines at one point Saturday afternoon. Blown head gaskets galore (the majority of Hondas are now suffering from this all-too-common malady). Thrown rods. Spun bearings. Fried clutches. Garboned transmissions. Cooked brakes. Electrical woes. Cracked blocks. Cracked heads. Burned valves. Dropped valves. Maddeningly undiagnosable ignition-system problems. Even the supposedly unfixable broken BMW M20 rocker arm.

Some cars are down for the count, while others might get back on the track tomorrow (after an all-night knuckle-shredding wrenchathon, in the howling and dusty "Washoe Zephyr" gales that seem to blast into life every evening in the Nevada high desert). The Unsafe At Any Speed Corvair: three obliterated pistons and cylinders, done for the weekend. The Metro Gnome Honda CBR900RR-powered Geo Metro: brake fire, probably knocked out of contention. The Hondarrari CRXstarossa: blown head gasket, should be back on the track tomorrow. The list just goes on and on.

Will the winner Sunday end up being the last car running? It appears that the field of serious lap-total contenders has been narrowed down to a dozen or so cars, so those among that group that can keep their heap in one piece (and away from the penalty box, where business has been quite brisk) should have a great shot at the checkered flag. Meanwhile, there's just no telling who will snare the Index Of Effluency award; the Mystery Machine Voyager Turbo minivan, all the Alfa Romeos, the Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys' Peugeot 505, and- of course - the Killer Bees' MGB all make strong cases. Come back later for LeMons updates, and don't miss LeMons Supreme Court Justice Lavrinc's Tweetisms, or whatever the kids call 'em when you're done here!

The most prestigious award at the 24 Hours of LeMons is the Index of Effluency. It is an award for the car least likely to have a shot to win that completes the most laps. The MGB was looking good to win it. And it still might, "if it wasn't for those pesky kids and their dog." The Mystery Machine may take the crown if it doesn't end up on its roof.

Head gaskets are blowing. Cars are spinning out of control. One hour to go until the first day is done and the "real" racing begins. Bench racing that is. A lot of cars are already in the paddock with ugly puddles underneath them. Three teams have already scheduled cherry picker time. Below are some action shots from Jeff Balliet of ASK photography.

That was the story mid-day at the 24 Hours of LeMons Reno-Fernley. The #46 Z car of Team Hanky Too was winning. Then the smallest film of oil that goes around the rod bearing suddenly went away and SIEZE! The motor is shot. That just means it is time to queue up the all night motor swap. This is when your friends drink a lot of beer and forget to hold the flashlight where you want it while you bust your knuckles in the damn radiator fins. Good times. That's what LeMons is all about. And yes, that is the Italians right behind still on the lead lap. Photo by ASK Photography.

The real question is are they leading the race or the vote for the People's Curse? It depends on who you ask in the LeMons pits. For you European car nuts the Alfa Romeo of Team California Mille is in second. Could this be an Italian win? Only time, bent metal, and black flags will tell.