This is TexanIdiot25, and this is our sorry letter to Ray. Also included is the HIGHLY scientific graph I drew up:
"Uh...Ray...uh...we were drunk. We might have said some things on Jezebel. And...uh...we really like Jalopnik and want to come back. You can leave the ban on us in Jezebel because all they do is get rid of us for no reason.
You see, all the wise adults of Jalopnik, in their normal evening drinking time, came up with a wonderful, delectable idea. We were gonna organize and share our honest thoughts on the next post Jezebell had. Well, you see, they posted about that whoretastic bitch Paris Hilton, and well... You know.......... ... Read More
Beer and testosterone (and maybe a little crack from today's NPOCP) happened. To show how apologetic we are, we'll each send $3 to NOW.
Ray's Jalop Joint is one of those downtown watering holes that appeal mostly to guys - it's located between a brake shop and a tattoo parlor, it's slightly grungy, there's car pictures everywhere, smoke fills the air, laughter is loud and raucous, and the talk frequently descends into locker-room territory. Women are certainly welcomed there, but there's an unwritten understanding that the Jalop Joint is generally a guy thing.
One day, some of the regulars had a couple too many and decided to roust up the Jezebel Tea-Room a few blocks away. Some indecorous insults were made, tempers flared, the bouncers were called, and the interlopers were tossed into the street to a chorus of angry shouts. Needless to say, it'll be a while before these folks are allowed back.
Having had their fun (paid for with some bruises and peeled stars), our intrepid Jalopers headed back towards Ray's for a nightcap. They did not expect to see the same bouncers from Jezebel standing in front of the Joint door. The bouncers barred their way and told them not to come back. Meanwhile, the Jalop regulars inside noticed that things were a little less lively, a little more subdued - some life and wit were missing, and it wasn't quite as much fun now. The banned folks never tore up the Joint, so even though they misbehaved somewhere else, why can't they come back in?
My sincere apologies Ray, but something just came to my attention and I need to jack a thread.
I was trying to catch up on comments this morning, sort of see what people were up to... and apparently it was no good.
A few of our own beloved commenters have been carousing here and got themselves disemvowelled, de-starred, and banned.
I'm here to start a petition to get them re-instated... at least on Jalopnik. Here's a list of who I could find, in no particular order: Fading Captain c0de .357 TexanIdiot25 MarywithanM SirNotAppearing Jo Schmo engineerd DEAЯTHÁIЯ
There may be more, that's everyone I noticed.
We need these guys back, Jalopnik wont be the same without 'em.
You're all getting heart clicks from me, because even though I couldn't make out all the disemvowelled comments, that was hilarious. Nice work, take another pull of brefass scotch.
MrBangBam promoted this comment
Edited by 01NB, now with less 01NB at 07/30/09 12:24 PM
01NB, now with less 01NB was starred
01NB, now with less 01NB was unstarred
@TimTim: Well, what were they doing there in the first place, on a Paris Hilton post of all things?? ..And can you call yourself a jalop if you have time for anything else?
/3 minutes of silence for the Jezebel Massacre victims.
If FromaBuick6 has to watch one more Chevy commercial, he's going to punch Howie Long in the face was starred
If FromaBuick6 has to watch one more Chevy commercial, he's going to punch Howie Long in the face was unstarred
@FP - missing Pete and the SHOwagon: I would say that Mary was the only "innocent" bystander. I didn't read any of her comments predisemvoweling, but deathair's still violated Jezebel commenting rules multiple times.
None of the others were even remotely innocent, they knew what they were doing there.
I wish there was a such thing as site banning, not just network banning.
@Dallifornia: Farking hell, I got banned from Consumerist once and didn't get back in here for over a month. Never knew WHY I got banned and never got a response from Gawker, either.
Thanks to Al Navarro and Pete Gaines for sorting that one out. And thanks to TimTim for sending out the bat signal!
@Dallifornia: I'd say they're all innocent bystanders. Sure, I don't think I was able to figure out everything they said, but it sounded right on to me
@MrBangBam: "OOOOH, look at me, I'm a proud single woman in NYC who enjoys long walks through BMW dealerships, curling up with a nice Chick-Lit book, and performing abortions on myself!
Obama is God, God is dead, and there's a sushi place at 42nd and Lexington that is TO DIE FOR!"
Best bet is to stay away from that sort of thing, at least for most of the folks in here. Though sushi does kick ass.
If FromaBuick6 has to watch one more Chevy commercial, he's going to punch Howie Long in the face was starred
If FromaBuick6 has to watch one more Chevy commercial, he's going to punch Howie Long in the face was unstarred
@TimTim wears black for our banned brethren: I have to disagree with your petition to reinstate them. With them gone, all of us regular folk might have a shot at COTD. In order to make my dream a reality, I'm petitioning for Ash to be banned too.
@Ethyleneglycoholic’s Fearless Flying Frog...: Interesting angle... however I fear COTD awards in this new era would be plagued with an asterisk. Like setting the home run record in an extended season or winning Olympic Gold at games which were boycotted. True, it opens the door just a crack, but it's not the same. It feels kinda like winning, but everyone knows you had a big head start. I don't want to win that way.
Ash could be unstarred, disemvowelled, and banned and he'd still pull down COTD... I don't know how, but he would. That's why he has 27+ and I have 0.
@TimTim wears black for our banned brethren: I may only be a one-month Jalop meself, but even in that short time I've become aware of the huge load (that's what she said) our fallen comrades have borne.
So what sayeth the powers that be? Is not the Jalop Hammer forged of iron, and sweat, and dreams; cured with the exhaust of function and bond of kinship? Surely this is able to crush the faddish pretenses of the Jeze-peener? How sad to think we can fall prey to the defensive cackling of harpies.
So, I did some further investegating. Sounds like they know they made a mistake and they're all real sorry... One of them even cooked up an explanation that would make Alphamazing proud. I think it deserves being posted here, and TexanIdiot25 get's my vote for COTD.
@TimTim wears black for our banned brethren: It seems like there were some decidedly aggravated disemvolments there. Engineerd said "replace Paris Hilton with Sarah Palin" and got disemvowled. I mean, honestly? I hope this gets worked out.
And Dearthair definitely was a bystander. That was just uncalled for to ban him. Same for Mary. The others were a bit inappropriate, but there is a lot of intentionally vicious disemvowlment and banning going on there.
@TimTim wears black for our banned brethren: You're thinking about this all wrong. What if this were a football game, and the entire first string was pulled. This would be your time to shine? What if you showed up to the bar on ladies night, and every other guy in town was home with the flu?
...but seriously, we need those guys back. The site just won't be the same without them.
@TimTim wears black for our banned brethren:I ran several of the comments thru a re-emvowel program and I really couldn’t see what the problem was. I think it may be a case of political correctness run amok.
@Flathead Smith: It was definitely not due to an excess of sensitivity. Did you see what some of the jez commenters said in there? Some of their shit was a lot worse than what our guys said, and what do you know, no disemvowlment/unstarring/banning happened there. I think it was just a huge abuse of power on their part.
@jdickson87 weeps for the jezebel 9: From what I can tell, one was banned for comments made (not sure which one it was) and then she just started banning everyone with a car in their avatar...
@TimTim wears black for our banned brethren: Holy shit, I honestly forgot what the real topic of the thread was! But I'm game, why the hell not? BRING BACK THE BANNED BRETHREN!
@PowerTryp: No, but they figured out a way to post on the other blogs anyway (no, I'm not saying how).
Anyway, I don't think there's ever any danger of that, especially after last night.
"Ad Campaign More About Toys, Less About Driving." Isn't that consistent with Jalopnik's First Drive? My impression was that driving the SHO was like sexing a supermodel while wearing a condom that's a half inch thick. There's lots of good stuff happening, except you don't feel anything.
This is pretty cool, but I'm having a hard time reconciling their target market (which I assume is mostly 40+ men, upper middle class) and people who will actually use a smartphone to jump through all these hoops. Seems to be a disconnect here.
@Maymar - Save the CSRs!: Sorry, meant 40+ age. Ideally, you want to line up your target market and your advertising for maximum impact. Otherwise, you're relying on the outliers/exceptions, like well-off 20-somethings who actually want a Taurus.
However, ad people often want to go with the whiz-bang stuff (it looks cool, wins awards, etc) and the marketing folks often just go along with it.
@Ash78: I think Ford's probably going to manage to split the difference with this. I'm in my mid-30s and (if I could) I'd easily have the SHO at the top of my list for bigger sedans. The 40yo demographic is a lot more tech savvy in this timeframe than it was even just five years ago, too.
Just as long as they either stay away from its MPG performance or manage to compare it to competitors that aren't any better...
It seems dangerous to me to list the $41K SHO price no matter what you're comparing it to. Casual shoppers will balk at that. Hope it's not the first ad they see.
Personally I think it's silly when companies compare standard cars like a Taurus (and even Hyundai with its Genesis) to luxury brands.
@Rabbi Dave: It does seem odd that they chose the Taurus name for this. Taurus' (Tauri?) have been known as practial everyman family cars. I think they maybe should have put this out as a new-think Lincoln. Or even a higher profile ford name like (don't crucify me here) Thunderbird.
@Goes Like Stink: CEO Mulally pretty much made the call back when he took over. The Taurus is the flagship sedan at Ford. You want it as a Lincoln? It's the MKS, I think.
"You okay buddy? Let's walk around a little bit...walk that crash off, y'know?"
(takes a deep, loud breath, looks down at shirt, casually brushes airbag dust off of silk tie)
"So... what'd you think of the car? Nice, huh? You think you're ready to buy today? We've got a bunch of undamaged ones on the lot, but I bet I could make you a really sweet deal on this one! What kind of payment you looking for?"
Salesman: "...and of course you've got your dual sun visors up here. They also swivel to the side to block glare no matter where it's coming from! This model also features the upgraded vanity mi--"
Customer: "Seriously, if you don't stop talking, I am going to stop the car RIGHT HERE and walk home."
Salesman: "Sorry, no problem! Just take your time. Speaking of which, check out that standard digital clock located conveniently"
I H A T E sunvisors. Thats what sunglasses are for.
And I sure as hell dont like being told where shit is.
And ya need to turn up the severity of the BANG part. I bet some yahoo was probably on jalopnik looking at RAY as he's mackin some hot car.. and *stomps on brakes... SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECHHHHHH-B A N G. *throwing all kinds shit forward, headrests pop off, airbags dont go off...
07/30/09
"Uh...Ray...uh...we were drunk. We might have said some things on Jezebel. And...uh...we really like Jalopnik and want to come back. You can leave the ban on us in Jezebel because all they do is get rid of us for no reason.
You see, all the wise adults of Jalopnik, in their normal evening drinking time, came up with a wonderful, delectable idea. We were gonna organize and share our honest thoughts on the next post Jezebell had. Well, you see, they posted about that whoretastic bitch Paris Hilton, and well... You know.......... ... Read More
Beer and testosterone (and maybe a little crack from today's NPOCP) happened. To show how apologetic we are, we'll each send $3 to NOW.
Sincerely,
engineerd, c0de, TexanIdiot25, Dearthair, aSoundofSleep, .357, JoSchmo, SirNotAppearing/b.r.h., Captain Liverspots/Fading Captain, MarywithanM, Rusty Trombone"
http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e321/texan_idiot25/jalop.png <<< Highly scientific graph
07/31/09
Still, I'd like you all back.
aSoS and Rusty Trombone, sorry I missed you in my list yesterday.
07/30/09
One day, some of the regulars had a couple too many and decided to roust up the Jezebel Tea-Room a few blocks away. Some indecorous insults were made, tempers flared, the bouncers were called, and the interlopers were tossed into the street to a chorus of angry shouts. Needless to say, it'll be a while before these folks are allowed back.
Having had their fun (paid for with some bruises and peeled stars), our intrepid Jalopers headed back towards Ray's for a nightcap. They did not expect to see the same bouncers from Jezebel standing in front of the Joint door. The bouncers barred their way and told them not to come back. Meanwhile, the Jalop regulars inside noticed that things were a little less lively, a little more subdued - some life and wit were missing, and it wasn't quite as much fun now. The banned folks never tore up the Joint, so even though they misbehaved somewhere else, why can't they come back in?
07/30/09
07/30/09
I was trying to catch up on comments this morning, sort of see what people were up to... and apparently it was no good.
A few of our own beloved commenters have been carousing here and got themselves disemvowelled, de-starred, and banned.
I'm here to start a petition to get them re-instated... at least on Jalopnik. Here's a list of who I could find, in no particular order:
Fading Captain
c0de
.357
TexanIdiot25
MarywithanM
SirNotAppearing
Jo Schmo
engineerd
DEAЯTHÁIЯ
There may be more, that's everyone I noticed.
We need these guys back, Jalopnik wont be the same without 'em.
You're all getting heart clicks from me, because even though I couldn't make out all the disemvowelled comments, that was hilarious. Nice work, take another pull of brefass scotch.
Again, Ray, my sincere apologies.
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
Trying to read their comments now that have been "disemvoweled" is hilarious.
I too, will be heart clickin all of them, if I haven't already.
07/30/09
/3 minutes of silence for the Jezebel Massacre victims.
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
None of the others were even remotely innocent, they knew what they were doing there.
I wish there was a such thing as site banning, not just network banning.
07/30/09
Thanks to Al Navarro and Pete Gaines for sorting that one out. And thanks to TimTim for sending out the bat signal!
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
Obama is God, God is dead, and there's a sushi place at 42nd and Lexington that is TO DIE FOR!"
Best bet is to stay away from that sort of thing, at least for most of the folks in here. Though sushi does kick ass.
07/30/09
Would I get banned for posting some of Paris's videos on the Jezebel thread? There's a really nice one of her performing fellatio...
07/30/09
@TimTim your post got you a heart click
07/30/09
If she's on top, it's art.
07/30/09
Those-Jezebel types make me kinda glad I'm still single.
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
...
I'll join the rescue expeditionary force.
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
Ash could be unstarred, disemvowelled, and banned and he'd still pull down COTD... I don't know how, but he would. That's why he has 27+ and I have 0.
07/30/09
So what sayeth the powers that be? Is not the Jalop Hammer forged of iron, and sweat, and dreams; cured with the exhaust of function and bond of kinship? Surely this is able to crush the faddish pretenses of the Jeze-peener? How sad to think we can fall prey to the defensive cackling of harpies.
Bring back our brethren!
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
For TexanIdiot25
07/30/09
*Note to self, don't drink near a computer.
07/30/09
And Dearthair definitely was a bystander. That was just uncalled for to ban him. Same for Mary. The others were a bit inappropriate, but there is a lot of intentionally vicious disemvowlment and banning going on there.
07/30/09
07/30/09
...but seriously, we need those guys back. The site just won't be the same without them.
07/30/09
@MrBangBam: And so to summarize this thread:
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
Anyway, I don't think there's ever any danger of that, especially after last night.
07/30/09
@Ash78: This sums it up well
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
However, ad people often want to go with the whiz-bang stuff (it looks cool, wins awards, etc) and the marketing folks often just go along with it.
07/30/09
Just as long as they either stay away from its MPG performance or manage to compare it to competitors that aren't any better...
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
...nope.
One of the ladies that works with him is in her late 60s, and...
...shit.
Oh, I know a lady in her mid-20s who drives one, but she's a little odd anyway.
07/30/09
Personally I think it's silly when companies compare standard cars like a Taurus (and even Hyundai with its Genesis) to luxury brands.
07/30/09
07/30/09
06/23/09
Seriously, a car with an ass as big and bright as a baboon's--and some idiot still hit it?
06/22/09
06/22/09
Com'on Jalops, if we all work together, we could rid ourselves of these boring as bible bashing buckets of automotive blasphemy.
06/22/09
06/22/09
06/23/09
06/22/09
"You okay buddy? Let's walk around a little bit...walk that crash off, y'know?"
(takes a deep, loud breath, looks down at shirt, casually brushes airbag dust off of silk tie)
"So... what'd you think of the car? Nice, huh? You think you're ready to buy today? We've got a bunch of undamaged ones on the lot, but I bet I could make you a really sweet deal on this one! What kind of payment you looking for?"
06/22/09
06/22/09
06/22/09
Salesman: "...and of course you've got your dual sun visors up here. They also swivel to the side to block glare no matter where it's coming from! This model also features the upgraded vanity mi--"
Customer: "Seriously, if you don't stop talking, I am going to stop the car RIGHT HERE and walk home."
Salesman: "Sorry, no problem! Just take your time. Speaking of which, check out that standard digital clock located conveniently"
SCREEEEECH-BANG!!!
06/23/09
Just as a snide comment...
I H A T E sunvisors. Thats what sunglasses are for.
And I sure as hell dont like being told where shit is.
And ya need to turn up the severity of the BANG part. I bet some yahoo was probably on jalopnik looking at RAY as he's mackin some hot car.. and *stomps on brakes... SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECHHHHHH-B A N G. *throwing all kinds shit forward, headrests pop off, airbags dont go off...
06/23/09
Hah, you're right, for those of us that aren't two quick steps from legally blind without our glasses.
Yes, they make sunglasses that fit over 'em. No, they don't make them comfortable.
And yes, I have those Transitions lenses. They rely on UV light to change, so good luck convincing them when you're inside a car.
Sunvisors are a necessary evil.
06/23/09
06/22/09
Does the dealership overcharge themselves for ridiculous repair costs? :)
06/22/09