I am impressed by the 190hp 2.4 in the Accord, though. Too bad the rest of the car is a bit of a cow.

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EXTERIOR DAY: Two neighbors are walking to their cars on conjoining driveways

BILL: New Camry there Jim?

JIM: (Smugly) Yep, just picked it up, pretty sweet huh? I'll bet you wished bought a Camry instead of a Ford Futile.

BILL: Not really Jim, my Ford FUSION gets better mileage than your Camry, looks better, and has a badge that doesn't look like a Vagina.

JIM: (Frowning) But my Toyota is better built, right? Toy-o-ta

BILL: (Shaking head) No Jim, JD Power, a well respected research firm, says that the Fusion is even more reliable than your Toyota.

JIM: (Jaw drops)

BILL: Not only that Jim, But I don't look like a tool when I drive my car. I can park anywhere I want without having to worry about a group of unemployed UAW workers taking a group dump through the sunroof, and since I bought the Fusion, I've been getting laid twice a day; in the morning with my wife, and a nooner with yours!

JIM: (Left speechless) Brenda?

BILL: See you later Jim, oh and you're taking your lunch to work again today, right?

EXTERIOR DAY: Bill gets into his FORD FUSION and backs out of the drive. Jim slams the door of his Camry and storms toward the house.

JIM: Brenda!

VO: Ford Fusion, best fuel economy of any midsize sedan, JD Power highest reliability, and sex drug. Have you driven anyone because of Ford today?

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We are the champions - my friends

And we'll keep on driving - till the end -

We are the champions -

We are the champions

No time for guzzlers

'Cause we are the champions - of the 'merica -

they've taken their bows

and their profits have raised -

we've brought you fame and fortune and everything that goes with it

-

we thank you all -

But it's been no golden parachute

No government bailout -

they've consider it a challenge before the whole auto industry -

And they ain't gonna be sold -

We are the champions - my friends

And we'll keep on driving - till the end -

We are the champions -

We are the champions

No time for guzzlers

'Cause we are the champions - of the 'merica -

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Because you know, the G6, Aura and Malibu all get better gas milage than the camry and accord

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Once again, I'm Dave. I'm the new mid-size from Ford. I know when people hear the word Ford they either think of Mustangs or NASCAR or big ol' American trucks. That's cool too. Just as long as you don't think about all the transmission problems my old cousin Taurus had. Or the exploding gas tank my crazy aunt Pinto had.

Forget them. I'm Dave. Me. Dave. They had their problems, but not me. I'm cool. I've been through rehab. All the bugs are worked out. See?

Buy me. You can call me Fusion. Nobody wants a car named Dave, I get that. Wait... where are you going? I just told you, I get better gas mileage than those guys...

Look, forget about all the snobbery for a minute, okay? Sure, people might look down on you if you buy a Ford. I get it. But screw 'em. This isn't about them. It's about you and me. Me. Dave. I have a cool talking computer, see? It's called SYNC and it plays your mp3s... you know, all those mp3s you downloaded off Limewire? Yeah, I can play those. Can your Camry? Huh? Can your Accord?

You people have got to get over this crap about buying an American car. What are you? Unpatriotic? So what if the Camry is built in Kentucky? That doesn't make it an American car. I'm Dave, I'm American. Buy me. ME!

Fine, do whatever you want. You people are bigots. Reverse bigots! Yeah, that's right. You won't even give me a chance because you think I'm American. Well you know what? SCREW YOU! That's right. I'm a Japanese car under all this. Ever heard of the Mazda 6? Huh? Well, that's ME baby! Dave! I'm nothing but a Mazda 6 with a few hundred pounds of flab. Didn't recognize me, did you?

Well, it's too late now. Go to your Toyota dealership. Buy a Camry. See if I care. I'm Dave. I'm cool. I'm just gonna kick back with an ice cold Schlitz and watch all you suckers burn more gas than you would have if you'd bought me and laugh! That's right, LAUGH!

What... what's that... you think I came on too strong?

Okay, let me try this again. Hello. My name is Dave.

Wait... you can't just walk away... WAIT!

*throws confetti up in the air, weeps softly*

I'm Dave. Why doesn't anyone love me?

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Wait... what?

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Oh hey Good Jorb Ford.

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