Suitability Parameters:
Speed Merchants: Yes
Fashion Victims: Yes
Treehuggers: No
Mack Daddies: No
Tuner Crowd: No
Hairdressers: Yes
Penny Pinchers: No
Euro Snobs: No
Working Stiffs: No
Technogeeks: No
Poseurs: Yes
Soccer Moms: No
Nascar Dads: No
Golfing Grandparents: Yes

Also Consider:
• Audi A5
• BMW 335i Coupe
• Lexus SC4... ahh screw it, if you're reading this you don't want the Lexus
• Mercedes CLK350
• Nissan 350Z
• Waiting for the 2010 Infiniti GT-R

Vitals:
• Manufacturer: Infiniti
• Model year: 2008
• Base Price: $35,550
• Price as Tested: $40,015
• Engine type: 3.7-liter V6
• Horsepower: 330 @ 7,000 RPM
• Torque: 270 @ 5,200 RPM
• Transmission: 6-speed Manual
• Curb Weight: 3,668 lbs
• LxWxH: 183.1" x 71.8" x 54.95"
• Wheelbase: 112.2"
• Tires: P225/45R-P245/40R
• 0 - 60 mph: 5.4 Seconds
• EPA Fuel economy city/highway: 17/26 MPG
• NHTSA crash test rating: N/A

Also see:

• 2008 Infiniti G37S, Part One
• 2008 Infiniti G37S, Part Two

Acceleration: ****
Like a deceased minor character in a bad zombie movie, the G37S comes to life quicker than you'd expect. This has less to do with the wonderful 330 HP 3.7-liter V6 than it does with the clutch, which feels like it engages an inch away from the floor. It's a bit jarring, but you learn to adapt to it and it helps the coupe reach 60 mph in the mid five-second range.

Braking: ****
During a late-night acceleration test on an abandoned back road I was suddenly convinced someone's beloved pet dog was about to wander into my path and become soup. The Infiniti's vented disc brakes bit down hard enough for me to realize that the object in the distance was actually just a rock.

Ride: **
If this were the 2010 Nissan 370Z and not the G37S, the relatively rough ride would be an acceptable and expected trade-off for performance. While the G37S performs well on carefully maintained surfaces, the ride's going to be a bit too rough for the owner that plans on crossing unpreserved patches of pavement on the way to the country club. Driving down an avenue that had yet to receive proper rehab since at least the previous winter, it felt as though someone had clicked on the non-existent massage chair option.

Handling: ***
There aren't many situations where the average owner of this car is going to be unable to stay glued to the road. The quick steering, coupled with grippy summer tires, made it quite an effort to get the rear end to slide out at all. As mentioned in part one, if there's one major shortcoming with the car's handling it's that the heavy weighting of the steering wheel, combined with the quick drive-by-wire response, makes it physically taxing to drive spiritedly over a long period of time, and mentally taxing to determine just how spiritedly the car is going to respond to inputs.

Gearbox: ***
Though the shifter is well positioned and the throws are reasonably short, the six-speed manual transmission in the G37S is one of the car's weaknesses. If you're forced to drive this car in heavy traffic at frequent intervals, the newfound strength developed in your left leg will cause you to walk in circles. The clutch also picks up a new gear almost before you realize you've gotten rid of the old one.

Audio: ****
Though the interface takes some getting used to (why the hell do I have to push DISC to get a playlist on my iPod?), the Infiniti iPod connection is one of the best examples of MP3 integration we've seen. The gigantic 7-inch screen didn't connect to a GPS system and basically served as a multimedia interface, allowing me to see full playlists and song names. The Bose audio system created a crisp sound that filled the cabin and outmatched many of my low-bitrate audio files.

Toys: ***
Though a first aid kit that Velcros into the trunk may not be a toy for most people, I thoroughly enjoyed the novelty of it. Having no GPS system, the bright 7-inch screen is mostly a toy, letting the driver choose between entertainment and climate settings...and not much else.

Value: ****
An Infiniti G37 loaded with the Premium package, Sport package, $550 rear spoiler and destination charge comes in just lower than the base price for both the BMW 335i coupe and Audi A5. Though the BMW may appeal to the performance minded and the Audi has its own partisans, they're both in direct competition with the G37 and neither offer overwhelmingly superior performance or features. Cut out the $3,200 Premium package and you've got an even better deal.

Overall: ***
Having watched way too much of the Olympics, I've come to think of the Infiniti G37S as world-class gymnast, albeit one that's fought its way through countless rounds of qualifying only to take a step on the landing and somehow, mysteriously, displease the Australian judge. Its an adept performer, able to run with its European competitors but, due to a few minor technical deductions, unable to pass them for the gold.

Also see:

• 2008 Infiniti G37S, Part One

The three of us pile our gear into the G37S (first stop cemetery, second stop beach) and we notice a peculiar sign posted inside the trunk. It's an illustration of the rear of the car explaining, in three languages, how to insert a pair of golf bags. Most of the people I knew with this car's predecessor, the G35, were professional twentysomethings with jobs in graphic design and no clue how to spend their money. With this latest version it seems, superficially at least, they've jumped straight to waning midlife crisis.

After trudging through the slow moving traffic that tends to form along the commercial thoroughfares of Chicago, we reach the glorious, though brief, expanse of Lake Shore Drive leading to Evanston and our destination. I purposefully wait at the yellow light, hoping to be at the front of the line to tackle the mostly sheltered onramp. As a first test I leaned hard on the G37's go pedal when the light turned green, hoping to determine the ratio of sport to luxury in this sports luxury coupe but not expecting much. Given how relatively docile the Infiniti's V6 is at low speed I was a bit caught off guard at how rapidly we accelerated up the ramp and into traffic.

I quickly shifted into second, but barely had my bearings before the red tach needle, bathed in a purplish light, bounced against the redline. Oops. Though there's a deep engine note, the well-sealed cabin doesn't allow exterior sounds to dampen the conversation. Ours turned to the proper way to pull up the playlist of an iPod on the large screen in the center of the dash instead of a discussion of how clumsily I launched us onto the highway. It was then I realized that this is a sports car, but one designed with an eye towards hiding that fact from its passengers.

Though there's a lot that keeps the car's athletic nature from the passengers, including the sleek and modern interior, the ride over the uneven and damaged roads leading away from the highway and towards the final resting place is punishing. The plush and aerated leather seats do a decent job of absorbing the blows being translated through the suspension, which in S trim is firmed up a bit, but there's a click every time we hit the slightest bump. It turns out the sound was the clip in the rear passenger's hair hitting the rear glass. It was lucky for her she wasn't any taller.

I pull the G37S through the main arch of the front gate, which is designed to mimic the Alpha and the Omega. The beginning and the end. Unfortunately, the office is closed and we have no idea where, amid the hundreds of plots, his ancestors are actually buried. Though there are narrow concrete paths through the grounds you can only do the searching on foot. After a while having no luck finding his unique last name among the typically Irish-Catholic names (Murphy, Kennedy, O'Brien) I stop to take stock of the coupe.

Compared to the even the most ornamented tributes, the G37S looks almost gaudy. Though in a more austere coat of silver, the massive chrome grille shone like a beacon when the clouds began to break and the 10-spoke wheels practically glittered. Compared to the light coat of paint, the rich red taillights are practically jewels. If the eyes of the dead are upon us, they're thinking we've come along way since the Great Famine.

The cemetery was a truly beautiful and holy place and we were all glad we came. One last time we hoped for some sort of divine inspiration to help us divine the location of the gravestone's, a voice from the other side. We had no such luck. Content that we'd tried our best we set out for the curvy roads ahead, hoping to communicate with the athletic beast lurking beneath the luxurious visage.

The aggressive sports car behind the massive grille came to life as we zipped up and down the ravine, seeming unimpressed with what we considered fun roads. The faster I pushed the car and the harder I sent it into the corners the more unconcerned it became. It wasn't an easy exercise — it took considerable effort and numerous steering inputs to keep it inline — but I was unable to find the point where the G37 was ready to cry uncle.

This apparently indefatigability initially seems like a good trait as, with most cars, the limits are all too apparent. But this didn't feel like an issue of performance but rather of communication. The car's many drive-by-wire and sensor-controlled steering systems work a bit too well, making it hard to get a feel for when the coupe is about to oversteer. The car understood my inputs, but I found it difficult to understand what the car was telling me.

In linguistics, the part of verbal communication not directly related to the phonetic sounds of the words is called prosody. When we stress certain words or draw them out we're trying to send a message, but this is a complex concept and one of the biggest reasons why KITT-like computer-human interaction doesn't work very well. Sadly, the computer inside the G37 is quite smart but it didn't seem to tell me what it planned to do next. I couldn't understand its prosodics.

After a while we gave up and moved on to the beach. We couldn't communicate with the dead and our vehicle couldn't communicate with us, but at the very least pulling up to the beach in a shiny Infiniti coupe communicates to those around us that we've arrived.

Also see:

• 2008 Infiniti G37S, Part Two