Why you should buy the 2008 Chevy Cobalt SS:
You like the idea of hitting the drag strip and taking down cars costing twice as much. You want to be Paul Walker but you've got a pair of kids and a job and a wife and need a car that doesn't get whispered about at PTA meetings. Despite being a grown up, you hear the siren song of cheap drag racing and can't afford a money pit racer. You're a sixteen-year-old speed freak and able to fool your parents into thinking its just a boring old Cobalt.

Why you shouldn't buy this car:
You think cars with 82-way power seats, pop-up navigation systems and hand-stitched leathery bits are the last word in high-performance. Greasy bits like a high-tech turbocharged 2.0-liter direct injection four-cylinder, Brembo brakes and limited-slip differential hold no interest for you if the outside looks like a vanilla ice cream sundae. You need people to notice the car you pull up to the tanning salon in. Resale value is important to you. You're Congressman Richard Shelby and think every car built under a domestic nameplate isn't worth the shadow it casts.

Suitability Parameters:
Speed Merchants: Yes
Fashion Victims: No
Treehuggers: No
Mack Daddies: No
Tuner Crowd: Yes
Hairdressers: No
Penny Pinchers: Yes
Euro Snobs: No
Working Stiffs: Yes
Technogeeks: No
Poseurs: No
Soccer Moms: No
Nascar Dads: No
Golfing Grandparents: Yes
Very Serious Businessmen: No
Sheiklets: No

Also Consider:
• Subaru WRX
• Volkswagen GLI
• Nissan Sentra SE-R
• Mitsubishi Lancer Ralliart
• Mazdaspeed3
• Ritalin

Vitals:
• Manufacturer: Chevrolet
• Model year: 2008
• Base Price: $22,995.
• Price as Tested: $24,840
• Engine type: 2.0-liter Turbo I4
• Horsepower: 260 HP @ 5300 rpm
• Torque: 260 lb-ft @ 2000 rpm
• Transmission: 5 Speed Manual Transmission
• Curb Weight: 3,001 lbs
• LxWxH: 180.3" x 67.9" x 57.1"
• Wheelbase: 103.3"
• Tires: 225/40 R18
• 0 - 60 mph: 5.7 Seconds
• Top Speed: 160 MPH
• EPA Fuel economy city/highway: 22/30 MPG
• NHTSA crash test rating: 4*/5*

Also see:
•2008 Chevy Cobalt SS Sedan Part One
•2008 Chevy Cobalt SS Sedan Part Two

Exterior Design: ***
The 2008 Chevy Cobalt SS, even in four-door form, makes us smile for some reason. To know how easy it is to take a plain vanilla econobox and turn it into a car with a much more handsome proportion, providing just a hint of the performance that lies underneath, without resorting to a SEMAgasmic display of leftover go-faster-looking parts, is quite an achievement. Certainly it's still a small car with a tall cabin and dodgy-looking lighting elements, but when lipstick's applied, it kinda makes ya want to pucker up a bit for the little pig.

Interior Design: ***
The two-tone, Alcantara sport buckets in the front and rear are magnificent. Grippy, firm, supportive – fantastic. It’d take something badged “Recaro” to be better. General space is good all around for the segment, even for the back seat passengers. The patented Jalopnik Knock Test revealed a bit of rattle in the dash here and there, mainly from the painted trim; in normal driving situations though, the car is solid as a rock. We would have appreciated a center console or armrest, but such is not the case. The dash layout is simple to the point, the three-spoke steering wheel is thick and feels good in hand. The cabin is mercifully pretense-free, without superfluous gaudy lighting and silly gadgetry. Get in, be comfy, go fast.

Acceleration: ****
Select Sport Mode, come to a complete stop, drop it into first, peg the throttle and the revs stick to 5,100 RPM. Dump the clutch smartly and your take offs look like stage starts at the WRC. Keep the accelerator stuck to the floor and, without lifting, stab the clutch, grab the next gear and lift off the clutch. Aside from inciting a manic grin you'll pull down 0-to-60 MPH runs in 5.7 seconds. That's not just remarkable; it's down right silly. Make sure you do this on a straight line, otherwise, woe and torque steer be upon thee.

Braking: ****
One word: Magnificent. No, wait, two words: heart-stopping

Ride: **
On the freeway the car is smooth and composed, abrupt lane transfers are as confident as the heaviest German luxo-barge. If you slow down and hit the surface streets, the suspension is so tightly sprung you can feel the road grain. If you hit any of the rough stuff you'll probably be in need of a new set of kidneys. This isn't a car for Grandma.

Handling: ***
Surprisingly competent considering the beam axle in the back. If you drive like a sane person, even at the limit of adhesion, the Cobalt will reward with flat cornering and predictable understeer. However, if you hit a corner at speed, stab the monstrously powerful brakes, yank the tiller and goose the gas you're going to be pushing way into the grass.

Gearbox: ***
A notchy five-speed manual transmission with evenly spaced gears and strong synchros. Combined with no-lift-shift the gearbox makes you feel like a superhero. That being said, it is still a cable-shifted box, and no matter how hard any company tries to improve it, there will always be certain sense of remoteness.

Audio: ****
This Cobalt SS convinced us that we want a USB port in our next car. Plug a USB stick, an iPod, or an MP3 player loaded with your favorite goodies into the dash mounted slot and immediately the system detects its presence, then goes about playing whatever you've got stashed on there, no fussing, no struggle. We got particular enjoyment from a remastered copy of War of the Worlds played during some nighttime mayhem.

Toys: *
Does the boost gauge count? Other than that there aren't a whole lot of toys on the Cobalt SS.

Value: ***
If you're after a hugely entertaining compact, front-drive four-door with the tendency towards mischief and malice, this is the car for you. The problem is, at $24,095, the Cobalt SS is only $900 cheaper than a 2009 Subaru Impreza WRX; a car that’s faster, has much better handling and is eminently more practical.

Overall: ***
As you drive it, you know at some point you're going to slip up and give the car a chance to throw a tantrum. The Cobalt SS is akin to a Tasmanian Devil in a cat carrier; destructively dangerous energy pent up in a container barely able to restrain its manic intensity, you know you're going to get mauled eventually, but you can't help but poke your finger through the cage.

As a practical matter, it doesn't matter where you grew up or what school you went to as a kid, every class had the one kid who got bored with his studies, his contemporaries, and his classroom because of his outstanding capabilities. He acted up, talked out of line, developing remarkably clever spit ball shooters or the most advanced in flying aerodynamic paper systems. That kid grew up to be the engineer for the 2008 Chevy Cobalt SS. The frenetic, brilliant, creative masterpieces which entertained his teachers immensely but inevitably earned a B for incompleteness are directly translated to his work on the Cobalt SS, a car so fun to drive you hate to mark it down.

With your foot planted resolutely on the accelerator pedal and sport mode enabled, you feel a satisfying whoosh of power as the 2.0-liter turbocharged inline four rapidly builds boost, and speed. Your grin turns to a moment of furtive panic as you realize the 260 horses have nowhere to go but the front wheels and the steering gets light as a feather. But, this doesn't stop you from executing a no-lift-shift, made possible by a clever trick of programming and excellent synchros. You effortlessly chirp the tires in second and off you go for another crush of barely controllable power and fury.

Want to hit the twisties? The littlest SS will happily comply. Though equipped with a lowly beam axle in the back, the body motions are well controlled though harrowing corners, with minimal body roll if you're neutral on the throttle. Hit “go” mid-corner though and it'll remind you it's a front engine car with a forward push the Detroit Lions could only dream about.

If you've decided you've had enough, or believe certain state authorities may be watching, hauling the Cobalt SS down to stop is enough to leave seat belt marks on you chest. The car comes with massive, cross drilled Brembos with four-piston calipers.

That, in a nutshell, is everything you need to know about the four-door Cobalt Super Sport. For all other intents and purposes, it functions exactly like every other Cobalt on the road, albeit with notably better exterior styling thanks to a revised front and rear fascia, tasteful spoiler, a big set of wheels and not-so-subtle “SS” badging. When you sit behind the wheel in those grippy and wonderfully supportive Alcantara seats and turn the ignition, you don't so much hear a rumbly exhaust note as you hear an invitation to throw spitballs into the chasm of automotive apathy.