I was scoping the junkyard for interesting stuff when I spotted this '87 Nissan Maxima. I figured I'd check for a Voice Annunciator Phonograph Unit within.

It appears that Nissan had gone solid-state for their "talking car" feature by 1987, so no tiny phonograph. Disappointing. But then a row of dash controls caught my eye.

You can tell that engineers came up with this arrangement, not a bunch of Apple-worshiping designers and their focus-group-wrangling marketing overlords. No doubt the Japanese version of the "SECU- RITY" light (which I assume has something to do with a primitive mid-80s alarm system) sports a graceful kanji character, and when the engineers got their English translation it just made sense to hyphenate the word to make it fit. What the hell, right? You can still understand it! We gotta move these Maximas out the door, ASAP!

Let me tell you, this epic battle is gonna make the Cuban Missile Crisis look like a kiddie squabble at the day-care center! Will Soviet-made Fiat technology triumph over 4,500 pounds of very rusty Detroit iron? Let's take a look at the combatants:

Otherwise known as the VAZ-2107, the Fiat 124-based Lada Signet was available in Canada right up through the end of the Cold War, so our own Comrade Teargaskov went up to Canada and brought back a running $200 example. This team isn't messing around; they've got a PA system in the car to crank the Hymn Of The Soviet People on the track, no doubt intimidating the other racers with the indomitable spirit of the revolutionary cadres, in addition to all the requisite red flags, hammer-and-sickle emblems, and the coolest 1921-in-Leningrad-style car numbers we've ever seen. Here's a little video that shows how seriously Total Loss Racing is taking this thing. The Lada is a simple, sturdy rear-wheel-drive machine and might rack up a lot of laps over the course of the weekend. Oh, did I mention that this race is a true 24-straight-hours event, with no overnight break to fix busted cars?

Now, when we heard that a Lada would be racing, we figured that nothing on earth could possibly challenge a Soviet car for the Index Of Effluency. Then Team Police Brutality (whose Lincoln Continental Mark VIII was one of the fastest cars at LeMons South) picked up a terrifyingly wretched '61 Cadillac sedan about two weeks ago… and figured that they had plenty of time to get it ready to race. No, really! Crazy as it sounds, they've got it most of the way there; the roll cage is installed, the engine runs, and the brakes are, uh, awaiting completion. The reason for all the urgency is that Team Police Brutality is racing to raise money to beat up breast cancer, LAPD style, and they're getting backers to pledge a buck per lap completed during the race to Susan G. Komen For The Cure. Want to join those backers? Go here and sign up! The question is, how many laps can a drum-brake-equipped rustmobile that hasn't budged for decades complete? More than the Lada? We'll find out next weekend!

Naturally, we need to make a contest out of this battle, with fabulous prizes from LeMons HQ for the winner. To enter, just put the number of laps you think each car will finish in a comment below. The course is about two miles long and the race will go a full 24 hours, so the faster cars that run the whole time might get 600+ laps. These two cars aren't going to be so fast, and they will almost certainly might fall apart experience some technical difficulties on the track… but you never know! Win the contest and LeMons HQ will send you some shirts that they can't get anyone to buy at the races cool 24 Hours Of LeMons swag!



Total Loss Racing's 1987 Lada Signet


Team Police Brutality - Beating Up Breast Cancer's 1961 Cadillac Series 62

Yes, this '87 Accord (go here if the ad disappears) is now for sale, and it's a proven desert jumper! Why would anyone sell such a great car? According to the seller, "Reason for selling: it's too damn ballin for us. We want to tone it down a bit and maybe get a Rally Van." And there you have it! Thanks to LTDScott for the tip!
[KSL]

I've learned from my searches for French Project Car Hell candidates that the 505 is by far the most numerous French car available in North America. Is that because the 505's reliability has been so appalling that none of them can wear out, or because they're that good? And what happened to all those 504s?

Nowadays, a 3,700-pound sedan with a 375-horsepower V8 under the hood is pretty respectable, but back in 1987 it was utterly insane. You'd have paid over 170 grand for an '87 Mercedes-Benz 300E with the full 6.0 liter AMG treatment, and that comes to about $318,000 in 2009 bucks. So, what we have here is such a car, with just 19,600 miles on the clock and apparently in excellent condition, and the owner has set a $57,500 Buy It Now price for it. Let's face it, this thing is one of the all-time great factory hot rods and no doubt quite valuable, but is 58 grand edging into Crack Pipe pricing territory with the economy the way it is now? You decide!
[eBay Motors, thanks to John for the tip!]

OK, so it's a Mondial, the only kind of Ferrari I've managed to find down on the Alameda street. Many self-described Ferrari purists sneer at the Mondial, for reasons that would probably require a platoon of Italian psychiatrists to explain, but it's possible to tune out the anti-Mondial propaganda when you check out the odo on this one: 5,944 miles! Is $37,995 worthy of Nice Price honors?
[eBay Motors, thanks to Flyboy333 for the tip]

We were a little startled to find that 64% of voters felt the low-mile 2001 Mexi-Beetle was overpriced at $10,900, but perhaps our readers are more interested in Barrett-Jackson-grade stuff. So be it! This GNX looks just about perfect, though there's no description other than a bunch of lo-res photographs. If it's all legit and the numbers are real, it's going to be a priceless worship object to millions of car freaks; after all, this is one of GM's all-time great musclecars, with astounding performance for its time. But is 145 grand totally out of line? You decide!
[IMMKE.com, thanks to David for the tip]

First, let's listen to the song I always hear in my head when contemplating a tiny Subaru from the days before mall parking lots were full of the things. Dr. Demento was a big fan of this tune, of course:




I've driven a couple of these cars, and "underpowered" doesn't really do that 66-horsepower 3-cylinder justice. In fact, the only post-WW2 vehicle I've ever driven that was slower than the Justy was the VW Rabbit Diesel my high school used for driver training class.


But so what? This thing can probably cross several counties on a shotglass of fuel, and it proves that you don't need a Sprint for 3-cylinder 80s action.

First, we need to get in the right mood to appreciate this fine automobile. A little music, comrades?

A while back, I was running errands in Toronto's west end. As I approached a stoplight, I swore I saw the distinct profile of a Russian limousine among the crossing traffic. It was long gone by the time I got there.

A week later, I saw it again and collected these shots.

OK, so I only have 5 photos. I was rushing, my camera battery was dying, but damn, just LOOK at this thing. How thoughtful of the owner to include a little background info via window sticker. Glasnost indeed! Photographed on Parkside Drive in Toronto.

Imagine, if you will, the conversations that once took place in the back seat.

Here's a link to where the car is for sale.

Hopefully you find this interesting

What do you think about that $27,500 (Canadian) price tag? Maybe we need a Down On The Crack Pipe Bonus poll!

Back when we were gearing up for some toe-to-toe nuclear combat with the Rooskies, a man could walk into his friendly Dodge dealership and order him up a Town Wagon, to haul six or eight passengers reliably (if not comfortably), or he could opt for the military-truck-based four-wheel-drive Power Wagon and flee those mean ol' Tsar Bombas in an off-road run to the mountains (although you'd need to get quite a head start to escape the blast radius of the Tsar Bomba). Or, because this is the greatest nation on earth, he could have had both! Yes, you could buy a Power Wagon Town Wagon, with four-wheel-drive and lots of seats. Fine vehicle, the Power Wagon Town Wagon, but where can you find one today? They've all rusted away or tumbled down ravines, stuff like that. Except, of course, for this '60 (go here if the ad disappears), which Mad_Science has found for us in Reno. As Mad_Science observes: "note the guy in the picture for scale. Either that guy's a midget or this thing is enormous!" Does it run? Is there rust? What's the interior like? We don't know any of that, but we do know that it's only $1,695 and maybe even, as the seller claims, the "rarest 4x4 in america!" Should be an easy project!

You couldn't buy the Lada in the United States, because we didn't do business with gulag-havin' Stalinists, you betcha. However, the Canadians thought the Soviet-made Fiat 124 sedan clone was so good that they were willing to do business with the Evil Empire, if that's what it took to get their mittened hands on that fine Russian interpretation of an ancient Italian design. That means you need to head up north to Lada Land if you want an example of Late Cold War machinery for your own… and SoNaive has pinpointed the location of this fine '87 Lada Signet (go here if the ad disappears) for us. No mention of running condition is given, but is that even necessary? This is a Soviet Fiat, people! Naturally, you'll want to get on the horn to Italy right away and order up every possible hot-rod engine part you'll need to build a seriously hairy Fiat Twin Cam, or maybe you'll perform a not-yet-found-in-nature Japanese-Soviet-Italian swap and put an SR20DET in this sucka! You might have some issues getting it registered in the United States, because the Lada was never certified to meet US emissions, equipment, or safety standards, but we're sure you'll find the folks at your local DMV are eager to smooth your path to fully legal Lada ownership! Whatever you do to this car, you'll be performing the work in the manner of a Glorious Hero Mechanic Of The Proletariat, because this car comes with a set of Soviet wrenches! Oh yeah! Suddenly I must have a Soviet wrench set!

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The four-wheel-drive Syncro didn't sell at all well in North America, no doubt because Detroit and Japan were filling showrooms with burly off-road hardware that made the VW look like something only Yurp-lovin' effete snobs (not to mention nattering nabobs of negativism) would choose to drive.


South Africans loved the Syncro so much that VW continued selling them there into the current decade; see the most annoying car-ad jingle ever made.

How much did this car cost new? $55,300, or 107 grand in today's dollars. That's $3,600 less than a Porsche 928. The Porsche gave you 316 horsepower versus 238 for the Benz, but which one would most impress your co-conspirators at a collapsing S&L? Exactly.


This one's not in what you'd call pristine shape, but it looks pretty good and gets driven. I know of a pretty solid W113 not far from this car, so we'll be seeing a pagoda roof pretty soon.