Just picture it: you head into the friendly blue-and-yellow warehouse store, shopping for a race car. Do you go for the Röttrï RX-7, or maybe the Chëëtüß E30? No, you want the Ford V8 in an intensely Swedish Volvo 240! Grab the flat-pack of the Swäpt V8olvo and put it on your heavy-duty shopping cart! I'll be wearing my Swäpt T-shirt with great pride.

We see an exquisitely mid-80s British couple having a Silvia-style rendezvous, he with the silver manual-trans car and she in the slushbox red one. Sure, they'd both have looked a lot cooler in TVR 280is, but he'd probably have ended up sliding off the road and into a drainage ditch, while she'd have been incinerated by the inevitable electrical fire.

Ford's marketers seemed to have a special focus on pitching the Mustang's transformative powers to the ladies. A dowdy, lab-coated scientist- no doubt cooking up new varieties of napalm to drop on Charlie Cong- becomes an irresistible man-magnet when she grabs the keys to a new '68 Mustang, while an '81 turns your average Jane into the Queen Of The Club Herpes Discothèque. We've got some good examples of this in our Top Ten Mustang Ads (plus a bonus pair of Mustang siblings to round out the selection).

You like the old-timey car ads? Oh, we got us plenty more! When you're done here, you can head over to the Top 20 Vintage Renault Ads, Top 20 Vintage GM ads, Top 20 Vintage Chevrolet Ads, Top 20 Vintage Datsun ads, Top 20 Vintage Toyota ads, and Top 20 Vintage Chrysler ads. Not enough for you? Go to the Top Car Commercials Of The 1960s, 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s.

1981 Mustang	1978 Mustang II Ghia	1985 Mustang
1968 Mustang	1986 Mustang	1979 Mustang
1969 Mustang Mach 1	1968 Shelby Mustang GT	1974 Mustang II
1968 Mustang	1980 Mercury Capri	1968 Mercury Cougar

You see, while it's fun to see Germany or Japan or the USA take on (and occasionally defeat) a member of the Unholy PCH Trinity of Britain, France, and Italy, the real Hell Garage battles take place between the Superpowers. France won the last cross-Channel PCH matchup, with a Simca Aronde edging out a Humber Sceptre, and today we're having the rematch!

We fear French cars, of course, but we also worship them… but clowns? It's straight-up fear, unalloyed with worship. So what do you get when you buy a weird orphaned French car that was once owned by Emmett Kelly Jr, the World's Most Famous Clown? You get a great deal, that's what you get! This 1959 Panhard Dyna Z-16 is being sold by the late Emmett Kelly Junior's mechanic- yes, the World's Most Famous Clown had a thing for French cars- and the top bid of $2,225 failed to meet the reserve price. How much is that reserve? We're willing to bet Monsieur Clown Mechanic will pay attention to the sound of rustling Benjamins, were you to shoot him an email right now! It might even run; the engine "starts eagerly at a tug of the start knob," but it hasn't been driven in years. The interior is completely fried by the Arizona sun and no doubt every component that ever touched fluid will need replacing/rebuilding, but it's a reasonably complete car. How hard could it be? Imagine the joy of cruising your town in this suicide-doored beauty! Thanks to Mark for the tip.

That Panhard definitely gets the drool flowing, no doubt about it, but the Dyna Z sent only 50 horsepower to the front wheels. What if you want to die in a flaming high-speed wreck do some spirited high-performance driving? A British car you can afford, with crazy turbocharged power and tarmac-grabbing handling? Well, then, it comes down to pretty much one choice: Lotus Esprit Turbo! Before the Financiapacolypse, you couldn't get a running example for less than five figures, but the ticket to Lotus agony glory is now far cheaper! How much cheaper? Get ready for this: a 1985 Lotus Esprit Turbo (go here if the ad disappears) for only $6,500! You can find more details on this super-steal here. Much like the Panhard, the engine can be started, but it's not in "running/driving" condition. Oh yes, and it was "involved in a theft" and the center console was damaged… which means those high-quality Lucas electrics are likely to be even shakier than usual. Dim, Flicker, and KABOOM! We won't lie to you- this thing is scary even by Hell Garage standards; it runs well enough to give you hope, yet it's fully equipped with everything it needs to crush your spirit… forever! Still, having your own Esprit Turbo- just imagine how great that would be! Thanks to Adam for the tip!

Having helped build a LeMons racer, I can tell you right now that it costs way more than 500 bucks to prep a car for the race, even if you're not cheating. That's because safety gear (including stuff like roll cage, brakes, wheels, seat, etc.) isn't covered by the $500 limit, and then you have all the gas money spent running around chasing junkyard parts, and all the money you don't make in your phishing scam while you put the car together, and… well, it really adds up. Wouldn't it be easier if you could just buy a proven LeMons winner- complete with roll cage already installed- so that all you had to do was buy some good tires, add decorations, and go? That's what Black Iron Racing, winner of the October 2007 LeMons SF event is offering you here, for the dollar figure that LeMons Chief Perp Jay Lamm has assigned to the car for future races. Personally, I think that building the car is even more fun than racing it, but that's just me; for those of you who just want to get out there on the track in a contending car- say, in the Reno or Buttonwillow events- this is an option worth considering. The question is: how nice is the price? Do you need to be smoking the serious hubba rocks to believe a race car that's been beat to shit in the most notorious LeMons event in history (a race so crunch-o-riffic, so incredibly violent that pit crews wore out more Sawzalls and sledgehammers than the next 10 races combined, so punishing to the cars that veterans have dubbed it "the Demolition Derby LeMons") is going to hold together for another race? Your call!
[Craigslist Los Angeles, go here if the ad disappears. Thanks to Vince for the tip!]

We've got an '85 4WD Toyota pickup with just 25,000 miles on the clock, no rust, and a freshly rebuilt 22R (which must be a record for the fewest number of miles prior to a rebuild on any Toyota R engine in history). We can't manage to slog all the way through the CAPS LOCK-enhanced, red-and-blue-text description (which features such brain-scramblers as "HE HAVES OVER $8,000 WIYH THE MECHANICAL WORK"), but you can tell this truck is pretty damn nice from the photographs. It failed to sell with a $6,000 Buy It Now; in fact, nobody even tried to meet the $1,000 starting bid price. Nice Price? Crack Pipe? You decide!
[eBay Motors, thanks to Parrish for the tip]

We've seen that it's possible to stuff a Cadillac 4.9 V8 into an X-11 Citation and it goes without saying that we totally approve of that project. However, the supercharged 3800 V6 engine is easy to find, fits nicely under the Citation's hood, and belts out more power than the lamentably semi-sucky Cad V8. How much power? Well, get yourself a Series II supercharged 3800 and you'll have 205 horses torque-steering your Citation into the nearest concrete object launching that sub-2,500-pound X-11 like it's got JATO assist! That's what we've got here: a pretty clean-looking '85 Citation X-11 with a Series II blown V6, and all for just $7,500. Think that's a good price?
[Craigslist Tampa Bay, go here if ad disappears. Thanks to Nick for the tip!]

The global economic meltdown doesn't mean you have to take a break from Hell Projects. In fact, it's more important than ever that you break out your Hell Project skills in order to give you and your'n an edge when it comes time to hit the road in search of work, handouts, escape from rampaging urban mobs, etc… and that means building a vehicle that can haul you, your loved ones, and a large percentage of your personal possessions around the land. We're talking pots and pans, crates of squawking chickens, and mattresses strapped to the outside of the vehicle here, with maybe Grandma lashing down the spare engine with bungee cords as you horse-trade some crafty yokel for a sack of cornmeal to feed your white liquor still. Sure, you could just buy a diesel Econoline and be done with it, but it's not just enough to survive, like rats or roaches. You need to roam the land in style!

The 1957 Cadillac is one fine-looking car, no doubt about it, and Cadillac built bulletproof forged-crank engines back in those days, but even a Fleetwood wouldn't be voluminous enough for your Joad-style peregrinations. Time to go Winnebago shopping? Hell no, not when you could have this 1957 Cadillac camper, which is now sitting on eBay with a price tag just barely into four figures, no reserve, and an auction end time just hours away. It doesn't run at the moment, but as the seller says: "IT MIGHT FIRE UP WITH A FRESH BATTERY AND SOME FRESH GAS." Even if it doesn't, the junkyards are full of Cadillac 472s, and even a smogified 425 will get the job done. Check out that luxurious interior- plenty of room for everyone! Thanks to Ian for the tip.

That Cadillac camper is great, but you and your fellow Joads would be forced to panhandle twice as hard to keep it fueled up (or, even worse, you'd be forced to use your whiskey still to make 200-proof to burn in the engine). What you need is a vehicle with space for family members, pets, livestock, weapons, etc., yet doesn't go through gas the way the Federal Reserve is currently going through banknote-printing ink. You could get one of those Toyota truck-based campers, but living in one of those isn't really living. Instead, this 1985 VW Rabbit six-door limo will do the job. It's got plenty of space, an economical four-cylinder engine, and will show all those other losers at the hobo jungle that you've got class! The engine isn't in the car- something about an attempted VR6 swap- but the seller will include it in the deal. You might even consider grafting the bed from a VW pickup onto the back, for more carrying capacity. You might need a running start to get up hills, but that's no big hardship! Thanks to Nitroracer for the tip.

As we now know, the 80s were the last gasp for lengthened, four-door hatchback versions of Japanese subcompacts; once the minivans and SUVs took charge, the cold-eyed accountants at Toyota knew they wouldn't be making these things in quantity for much longer. In this case we've got a four-door hatch Corolla, fairly well beat up but still getting the groceries.


Chevrolet sold a badge-engineered version of this car, built about 25 miles south of here and given the Nova name. You could also get a Fremont- built Corolla FX in the mid-to-late 80s.

Now, yesterday we saw a 69% Booth Numbah Two recommendation on the $8,995 Chevette, and now we're looking at a car from the same era that's priced at six grand more… yet I suspect we're going to see a little more enthusiasm for the price tag on this pristine example of Wankel history. It's for sale by the original owner. It's a California car, and it was always garaged. The odometer hasn't even hit 2,500 miles yet! It's been bid up to nearly 10 grand by now, but anyone willing to fire a big $15,000 Buy It Now cruise missile right this minute can take it home ASAP. Is it worth it? You decide!

[eBay Motors], thanks to TK for the tip.

We've had some PCH Lambos before, including a Diablo, another Diablo, an Urraco, an Espada, and another Espada. But we've never had the most Lamborghini-ish Lamborghini of them all, the ridiculously awesome Countach. Sure sure, the Countach would get eaten up by a lot of not-quite-supercar factory hot rods these days, but you still need one! The problem is finding one that's an affordable project, which isn't easy… but we've managed to find this 1985 Lamborghini Countach for you, and it has a Buy It Now of only $22,500! Heck, that's what you'd pay for a nice Fieroborghini, but it's the real deal! Now, there's a reason for the cheap price tag, and it becomes apparent once you look at photos showing anything other than the car's nose. Turns out there was a bit of an overheating problem, so severe that the entire rear of the car was pretty much obliterated. The engine and transmission are gone, but you can get yourself a replacement V12 right here, and it's only $6,800. Lamborghini purists will hate you, but they already hate you and yours on general principle anyway. As for the missing body panels, you just need to get yourself some readily-available Fieroborghini parts. See, you'll be driving a hideous parody of a genuine Countach in 25 years no time!

What are you, some kind of crass nouveaux riche show-off, looking to come on like David Lee Roth in a silly cocaine-injected 80s Italian supercar? Of course you aren't, and that's why someone of your stature needs a vintage Rolls-Royce leaking forlornly standing proudly in your driveway. The best Rolls to get is one from the immediate postwar era, during which Britain's bombed-to-hell economy was in utter shambles, food rationing was the rule, the Empire was slipping away… and the downtrodden masses were eating mud kicked up by exquisitely crafted luxury machines such as this 1949 Rolls-Royce Silver Wraith, driven by a handful of war profiteers who grew fat on the suffering of millions. Now that's a luxury car! Thing is, the decades have taken their toll on this Roller, and you'll have incredible quantities a few parts to replace, and that will might cost a fortune a few bucks. There's not much description, but "The car needs complete restoration" is all you need. Hey, it's only $12,950!

It's plenty rough, with sun-bleached paint and lots of dents, and it never seems to move from this spot. Did the dreaded $1,000 timing belt let go? Is it unable to pass the smog test? The tags expire on Halloween, so action will need to be taken soon.


This was the most affordable Porsche you could get in 1985, its $21,440 price tag less than half the size of the 928's and ten grand lower than the cheapest 911. That still wasn't cheap; you could have bought a top-of-the-line '85 Mazda RX-7 GSL-SE for $15,095, giving you 135 horsepower in a 2,345-pound car (versus the Porsche's 143 horses and 2,675 pounds). The Mazda had a slight power-to-weight edge, the Porsche had more torque and (arguably) better handling… but an RX-7 plus six grand in hop-up goodies would likely have eaten the 944 alive. Which would you take?

Sure, it was a nightmare to make the Wankel pass America's ever-toughening smog standards (and let's not even mention the complexity of the later RX-7 Turbo's emissions gear), but the power-to-weight of that little engine was nuts. The '85 GSL weighed a mere 2,345 pounds and went pretty well with 101 horses. However, the following year was the debut of the Honda CRX Si, with 91 horses driving just 1,865 pounds. Sure, the Honda had front-wheel-drive, but the Mazda was suddenly looking a bit heavy.


This car's owner must be treating those apex seals right, because I see it on the move frequently. A 23-year-old daily driver with a Wankel!

What's the difference between the '85 Chevy Cavalier and the '85 Cadillac Cimarron? Some emblems, some leather… oh, and an extra $7,045- more than twice the cost of the $6,477 Cavalier (though the $560 cost of the optional V6 pushed the Chevy's price up to just about exactly half that of the Cad). The General's management, already reeling from relentless Japanese competition, the Fiero fiasco, and a bad case of Cerebral Screw-Worms, figured they'd better hunker down and go back to building cars for the over-80 set until the Catera was ready to zig Cadillac back to solvency.


This example is quite rough, partly due to a lot of hard miles and partly due to GM's legendary 80s build quality. Say what you will, but this car still gets from A to B when called upon.

It's been lowered a bit and sports the obligatory large exhaust tip, but overall it looks quite intact. Perhaps it spent the first 20 or so years of its life as a sedate daily driver.


I saw quite a few of these emblems at the Motoring J Style show a month ago. Hey, do you think we'll start seeing Echos with Platz emblems? Avalons with Pronard badging?


Yes, that's a NorCal Drift Academy T-shirt being used as a seat cover; let's hope the owner of this car keeps the body in one piece and the engine block unventilated as he slides around the track.