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PCH, Book Of Revelations Edition: Gray Market V12 Jag or Cheap 6.9 Benz?
Detroit, 5:52 PM
Sun Nov 29
11 posts in the last 24 hours
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PCH, Book Of Revelations Edition: Gray Market V12 Jag or Cheap 6.9 Benz? |
Original material is licensed under a Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing with attribution.
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If you want the thrill of owning a gray-market car, always staying one parking space ahead of John Law and a quick trip to the crusher, why wouldn't you go for something that was never available here in any edition? Like universal healthcare and all-day antipasto, something exotically unobtainable like a Ginetta, Opel Monza or that freaky-deaky Isdera from back in the day, might be more likely to get those adrenal glands a pumpin'.
And that 6.9 Benz? Yeah right, if you've always dreamed of being a dentist. The big kraut offers ostentatiousness with anonymity . Mmmm, unobtrusive. These things are pretty much a dime a dozen, and with 8MPG city, you'll need all those dimes.
Of the two, you know that the Jag was built by unionized British auto workers who were more interested in planning their next strike and ogling the racks on the Page 3 birds than tightening all those bolts to the specified torque settings. The Benz, on the other hand, was built by Turkish immigrants who were petrified of not doing an acceptable job and being sent back to Turkey to participate in camel wrestling matches and eating awful falafel waffles. So, win goes to the Jag.
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Hey, Benz. Cheap. Almost seven liters of giant V8. Does the suspension work? Well, it's not sitting that low, is it? Not like the frame's being supported by those steel rims the seller's talking about... or is it?
Hey, doesn't matter to me! I've got a set of those rims in my garage, so I'm practically there already! Whoohoo!
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So my vote goes to the Benz since I know it is as unreliable and more complicated and it's missing parts.
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But you're right that you can't swap a SBC to the existing TH400. The Jag TH400 is a Jaguar specific bellhousing. Swapping a Chevy engine and transmission however is fairly straightforward, since at least the transmission mounts are the same.
I'm just lucky that the Jag is far enough away to dissuade me. I have such a hard time turning away from sub-$1k v12s.
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...actually, you're right, it'd be best if it caught fire on the road, four hours from home, preferably either on a back road or in rush-hour interstate traffic.
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Clearly, there is an easy and cheap way to go; many people have done the Jagrolet conversion, and swapped out that V12 with a Chev V8. Repairing an old Mercedes, however, now that takes some cash, man. Anyone who's ever done maintenance on a Merc knows, you'd better be ready to remortgage your home to pay for it. This, of course, makes The Lord happy, because, the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. (Timothy 6:10)
Furthermore, as we're all aware, the Jaguar is a child of the Prince of Darkness himself. And Matthew (not Hardigree) has multiple points on this topic: but the sons of the kingdom will be cast out into the outer darkness (8:12). If that doesn't describe driving home at night in a Jaguar, I don't know what does. And to those who attempt to live with Lucas Eletricals in their car? In that case, the Lord shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth (13:42). Think of your teeth, man. How are you ever supposed to get lucky with a car if you've gnashed away all your teeth?
Clearly, then, for the sake of your soul, the choice must be the Merc. And the Jag? Touch not; taste not; handle not. (Daniel, v. 27)
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BTW, you put forth a good argument for finding a good priest along with a machine shop.
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Religion trumps logic, any day of the week. I've lusted after a 6.9 since I knew they existed, though this one sits a little lower on my totem pole of hopeless desire due to its not being the Euro-spec version. So, point to the Jag. But despite the Lucas-era electronics (which I think should have taken the name "Sparkomatic" from the old electronics manufacturer), the German (correctly pronounced, "Grrrr-Man, like Gene Hackman in 'A Bridge Too Far') has _more_ of those wires.
Oh, those WIRES. Those lovely, colored wires! With insulation that crackles like the fire in my hearth, and terminations looser than the 42nd president on his second 6-pack. Hell, I've got a 300D sitting in my driveway, the A/C controller torn into 1,237 bits on my work bench, with NO HOPE WHATSOEVER of ever getting it to coax the compressor to ever blow a single molocule of air a single degree lower than ambient temperature, ever again.
And that's just the A/C. Imagine, if you will, a car populated with dozens of "A/C" units, controlling the ride, fuel, shifting, seat position, illumination, climate control...
And here is the most critical bit. When you buy a Jag, you expect it to be hell. Hey, its a Jag! So you buy two of them, one of them is always in the shop, and you're good. But the Merc? The movie quote from 'Dogma' goes "The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist". The Merc will try to convince you that it can't be _that_ bad. I mean, come on, its a _MERCEDES_, its got to be good, right? Right? Oh Beelzebub, Oh Mephistopheles, Oh Lucifer, Oh Great Prince of Darkness! What hell hath wrought thee? The Fire! The Hot Smouldering Embers! How they snarl and nip at my eyes! How the Great Snake doth strike at my heel! Serpent of Daimler, thous hast tricked me! And yet I cannot avert my gaze.
11/19/08
As for the cars have to go with the M-B. Sure it COULD be fixed the easy way with cubic wheelbarrow loads of cash to the Classic Center but remember this was the PARTS CAR! All the common parts that break have already been removed. Maybe this guy treated the car better than you would a junkyard car, maybe not. You can only hope that he didn't remove parts with a crow bar, tin snips, and a sledge hammer while cutting every wire. Maybe he was nice and didn't, what are the chances, he is selling it for $400. That's getting close to the scrap steel price for something this big. Heck, fill the tires with water, tow it to the scrap yard and you might make a few bucks.
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I do like that the seller of the Benz doesn't want to give up the wheels, despite my near-certainty that those are the wheels those cars came with.
The Jag, however, will look really cool in your driveway, even though it will be apparent that it is a giant decoration that cannot and will not move. Ever.
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But anyone dastardly enough to pull the alloys off an ailing 6-point-freakin'-9 for sale deserves eternal hell.
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