The Maserati-powered Model T definitely made an impression at the last Billetproof Nor-Cal, which is totally understandable. After all, the [flawless Model A, B, or T] + [Chevy or Ford OHV V8] formula has been done so often and so well that you need a body machined from pure plutonium to really stand out these days, while the [rusty-ass ancient non-Ford] + [weird yet hypnotically cool engine] formula still offers plenty of fun for each pint of blood you spill in the Hell Garage. Tonight, we're going to look at a total of nine possible vehicle+engine combos, any one of which would draw vast crowds of Bettie Page lookalikes at the next Billetproof. Hear the rusty iron doors of the Hell Garage swinging open for you? Once closed, they'll be welded shut until you're done... or insane!

Every time I see the amazing DOTS '47 Plymouth rumbling through my neighborhood, I realize anew that old suicide-door Plymouth sedans let you roll in the purest Hell Garage style. Affordable examples are quite easy to find in diamond-in-the-rough condition, too. Say f'r'example, this 1937 Plymouth sedan, which has a no-doubt-negotiable $1,000 price tag. The patina is already perfect, and the "toast" interior should be viewed as an opportunity to commission a special burlap-and-studded-pleather extravaganza!

It's tough to argue with the appeal of a 62-year-old sedan, but an elderly pickup made by a farm equipment manufacturer might make you forget all about that Plymouth. This '38 IHC pickup, which has been sitting in an Iowa field since Syngman Rhee was in office, has the perfect paint finish for Billetproof stardom, though we're not sure that "no bullet holes" is really a selling point. No matter, though- you can always make your own bullet holes!

Sedans? Trucks? Don't forget station wagons! Sure, you'd like a two-door wagon, and a Ford Ranch Wagon would be an excellent choice... but even that might veer uncomfortably close to the overchromed aesthetic behind those hyper-sanitary Chevy Nomads we see at mainstream car shows. Don't worry, because LeMons Rabbit racer Casadelshawn has tipped us off about this Opel Olympia Caravan, which is priced right in LeMons territory... which isn't relevant, because you know that mini-Euro-Nomad will be just the car to receive the engine of your deepest fears dreams! And, speaking of engines...

Now that you've picked out your chassis, what would you say to a 317-horse, DOHC/4-valve aluminum V8 that should be making good power until the Sun goes supernova? You can get this Nissan VK56DE out of a Nissan Titan pickup for well under two grand, though you'll need to spend many a few more bucks setting it up with an octet of Weber carbs and some sort of transmission.

A Nissan 5.6 liter V8 would be fun, but imagine all the wild Teutonic Maltese-cross decor you could put on your Opel, Plymouth, or IHC if you were to drop a Mercedes-Benz 5.6 liter V8 into the engine compartment? An M117, freshly torn from the still-twitching corpse of a big ol' Cocaine Dealer Grade 560SEL, would be just the ticket, and here's a 69,000-mile specimen for a mere 710 bucks! You'll need to ditch that irritatingly modern fuel-injection system and replace it with some carburetors, of course, and we recommend a homemade pipe-organ-style intake manifold made from galvanized plumbing fittings and sucking fuel from as many updraft Cessna carburetors as you can obtain. Then you'll start your junkyard quest for a functional junkyard transmission. How hard could it be?

Is there some rule that states you've got to have a V8? No? Well, how about one of GM's coolest engines ever, a high-performance inline six that struggled to get attention while in the shadow of big-inch monster V8s during the Muscle Car Golden Age? Yes, we mean the Pontiac OHC six-cylinder, which was a Chevrolet 230 or 250 six equipped with a futuristic (for 1960s Detroit) belt-driven overhead-cam cylinder head. The high-performance Sprint version, installed in regrettably few Firebirds and Tempests, could hold its own against V8s with vastly more displacement... but real Sprints are hard to find. No problem, though, because you can build your own Sprint from this Pontiac OHC 250, which is sitting with a top bid of just 150 bucks.

Ready to decide? Let's vote!

Yes, folks, this is the most expensive vehicle for sale in the Hemmings Motor News classifieds (speaking of which, do yourselves a favor and check out the stuff at Hemmings Auto Blogs- which is like mainlining the uncut stuff if you're a car junkie- when you're done here). It lives just a few miles from me, over at Fantasy Junction, and the guys selling it are the same ones who ran the not-quite-as-valuable BMW 633CSi at the Arse Freeze-A-Palooza 24 Hours Of LeMons. It's one of two Spohn-bodied convertibles made, it's powered by an airplane engine, and it evaded destruction by the RAF, the Eighth Air Force, the Red Army, and- most dangerous of all- the Rust Monster. You can have it… for three-and-a-half mil! Reasonable price, or would you need to fortify yourself over at Booth Number Two to see it that way?
[Hemmings Motor News, Fantasy Junction]

I went inside the shop to talk to Matt, the very friendly über-gearhead running the joint, and the place was full of rod projects, vintage car magazines and posters, even a breathtakingly original Jag E-Type.


It turns out that the '38 has a storied (though somewhat murky) racing history dating back to the 1950s, and it's currently inspiring feverish dreams of driving the ultimate rat rod in the minds of just about every right-thinking person who catches sight of it. I am forced to admit that I contemplated the logistics of buying it as my personal Hell Project, but I have about 0.004% of the wrenching chops needed to make this thing come back to life. Let's read what Matt has to say about this car:

I am flattered and enthusiastic to get a post up on Jalopnik. Hopefully from visiting RoadSideWerx, it is evident that we build and collect Classic Cars and Hot Rods with pure heart and soul; many people are in it for the money. We are in it for the nostalgia of the sport, and to pay tribute to the men and cars themselves that created a classic American era. To tell you a little bit about the car, I would most respectfully like to correct you in that the car is not a '36 Ford race car, rather it is a 1938 racer. More specially, a 1938 Ford Special Deluxe Business Coupe, which I'm sure you already know is a gem in its rarity to the era. I would also like to tell you that while I may not know the exact history behind the automobile, the factoids and stories I have come across tell me that this is not a piece of automotive history to be overlooked.

Being a survivor of the 1964 Denver flood, much of the car's exterior and interior has been left rusted and worn. Fortunately, for history's purpose, on the driver's side door, one can clearly see that this is car #66 that was raced at Lakeside Amusement park/raceway. From the history that I have received on the car, it was also raced on the Englewood speedway, which was prominently active in the 1950's and 1960's by local gear-heads and builders. The car is also known as a dirt oval, the earliest form of a NASCAR. To my knowledge, it is in its complete and original form from this period in which it was driven.

Logistically speaking this is what we know about the car's build and engine:
* Driven off the track
* 24 stud - flathead engine
* 1938-1939 - 3 Speed - Top-loader transmission
* Ford wide bolt pattern with custom off set for oval racing
* The wheels are Volkswagon style, which offered better performance for racing because it didn't tear the lug nuts out.
* Custom offset wheels that were done by the owner, showing his true early race background. It also demonstrates that the builder put true thought and detail behind this racer.
* The rear bumper is a narrow gauge railroad track piece... not really significant to performance or ability, but just a fun fact about the car to be shared and mentioned.
* The front wishbone was used as a radiator protector
* Steering shaft with sector gear on the front was removable to remove tow bar, the car then, was towed behind a car to the track.

As I mentioned earlier, I unfortunately cannot provide you with the exact history of racer #66. From what I am told, it is from two brothers with the last name of Bluemont. I was also loosely told that they it is likely that these brothers (Art is the name of one of the brothers), were local racers and perhaps owned a gas station or two. My guess would be that their gas stations had affiliation with Amoco, due to a sticker that is on the car. Don't take my word for it, but that would be my best guess. The car itself was found fenced into a backyard that couldn't be seen from the road. It sat in this yard from the late 50's or early 60's until I was lucky enough to stumble upon it. The woman whose yard it resided in is probably close to 90 years old. That being said, I'm not sure her accuracy is up to par, but it is thought that her husband and/or brother-in-law owned and raced the car. This was outstanding to me, if that is true, than this makes me only the second or third owner of a car that is around 70 years old. Sadly, at this point in my e mail, my story and knowledge of the car is limited. I do look forward to learning more about it, and experiencing this true find of an authentic hot rod.

Best,
Matt

The Ford Mainline has a cool name, as does the Packard Patrician. Oh, sure, you can find all manner of old American vehicles with cool names, but we challenge you to find one that measures up to the Studebaker Dictator (OK, gauntlet thrown down, get busy with the names). Studebaker Dictator! Try saying it a few times. Take it for a spin around the block, see what you think. Of course, taking the name around the block will have to suffice for now, because this 1938 Studebaker Dictator (go here if the ad disappears) looks better suited for a drag- or maybe a scrape- around the block. But it's only $1,000. That's right, just a grand and you could be the proud owner of your own 60-year-old Dictator. You'll feel like Francisco Franco, only with mistresses and minus the brutality, as you cruise the boulevard in this fine Stude. Naturally, the seller says nothing about its condition, but you pretty much have to figure on fixing everything with a project like this, so any description in the ad would have been a waste of time. Supercharged 289? Why, of course- money is no object!


That Dictator looks like a strong contender, so we're going to break out the big guns from one of the PCH Superpowers here. Yes, the reigning PCH Intergalactic Superpower, Italy! And not just some sort of ordinary Alfa or X-1/9; no, we need a low-production Italian specialty vehicle, preferably based on a notoriously unreliable chassis. The OTAS 820 meets those criteria quite nicely, but is it even possible to find one within spittin' distance of the Dictator's price tag? Sure it is- just take a gander at this 1968 OTAS 820, which is priced at just $2,700 (or a dollar per rust hole). The seller says "THIS CAR IS MISSING THE ENGINE LID, REAR BUMPER, AND REAR EMBLEM," which means endless days of scouring the globe for OTAS parts, before you finally give up and have your local fabrication shop turn terrifying amounts of your cash into the missing pieces. But don't worry, because "EVERYTHING ELSE SEEMS TO BE THERE, EXCEPT WHAT THE RUST MONSTER HAS EATEN." The Rust Monster is always hungry for Italian food, even in California! Don't think of the negatives, though; just imagine this rear-engined Italian thoroughbred wailing through the turns on a picturesque mountain road, with you at the wheel. Of course, you might be 78 years old by that time, but it will all have been worth it.

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Let's face it, there's an unsavory air about late-30s German machinery, what with the stench of the most loathsome regime of the 20th century seemingly embedded in their very sheetmetal. But, really, you can't blame the cars for the horrors of the era... which doesn't prevent them from being tainted with all manner of perceived Bad Juju, thus increasing the Hell Factor. But damn, the Mercedes-Benzes of the era sure looked sharp, and when you see something like this 1938 Mercedes-Benz 170V for only $8,950, it's hard not to imagine yourself having the only 70-year-old Benz in town. The seller claims the car is "complete," and you'd better hope it's true... because parts for this thing isn't going to be easy to find (though there's some interchangeability with postwar models). The interior doesn't look too bad, and maybe the engine and transmission aren't seized solid. Hey, you never know! If the engine isn't salvageable, you can always drop a 6.9 in it...

There's no way a 1938 Cadillac, Lincoln, or Packard is going to be as hellish as their Mercedes-Benz counterpart, because parts aren't impossible enough to locate. That's why we need to go with a Graham-Paige instead! With a supercharged six-banger under its long hood, a '38 Graham-Paige is just the car to make the Benz look low-end... but they're not cheap. Still, we think 42 grand might be a bit steep for this '38 Graham-Paige Touring Special Sedan, especially given its execrably bad somewhat rough condition. From the description, it seems that 1951 was the last year this car moved under its own power, and 20 years in South Dakota followed by 37 years in Texas haven't been kind to its finish. But don't worry, because "just about all pieces are there," according to the seller. If that big Buy It Now price isn't met- and we're pretty sure it won't be- you can swoop in and pick it up for a more reasonable price after the auction closes.

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Do you feel like tackling an 81-year-old car that's so incomplete that the seller isn't even sure what it is? The seller's best guess is that this $500 car (go here if the ad disappears) is a 1917 Overland. If so, that means it's the great-great-great-grandaddy of every Jeep ever made! Now, you figure a price that low for a car this old, well, it might be missing some stuff. You figured right! Still, it's a vaguely car-shaped collection of rusty parts, which could be the start of a staggeringly frustrating and costly restoration project... or a marginally less frustrating pre-WW2-style hot rod project. Get yourself a flathead Ford V8 and start banging on sheet metal, and maybe a few years later you'll emerge from the garage- bloodstained, exhausted, and broke- driving something that would have made every hoon in 1939 stagger back in awe.

There's a lot of anti-front-wheel-drive grumbling around these parts, but how could anybody possibly look at a Citröen Traction-Avant and lump it together with, say, a Hyundai Excel? You may have bemoaned the impossibility of ever having your very own Traction-Avant, due to their rarity and high cost... but never give up on your project car dreams! Here's a 1938 Traction-Avant that's only been bid up to $405 at the time of this writing, and we're guessing the reserve price won't be too crazy. Everything seems to be an ominous red-orange color, but the seller says "No major structural rust," so you'd have some sort of longshot possibility of making a drivable machine out of this collection of parts. You get a "later-model" engine (which we hope means later-model Traction-Avant), and it looks like most of the important parts are included. What kind of project to build out of this thing? Keep it original, or go nuts with crazy modifications? Either way, it's French, it's in pieces, and it's 70 years old! Thanks, and a half-credit towards a Project Car Hell Tipster T-shirt to zweirad for the tip.

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