http://cache.jalopnik.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/jalopnik.com.png http://jalopnik.com/tag/stupid criminals http://jalopnik.com/tag/stupid criminals

This video's dangerous, because it convinces people the best way to avoid arrest is to act like a moron. Cop trying to give you a ticket? Lock your door, drive off, and then crash into him. Seriously, it worked. More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5763041&view=rss&microfeed=true

Rather than endure a few more minutes in custody, this genius criminal jumped out of the back of a police car moving at 30 mph, only to injure himself and get arrested again. "Freedoooo...oh it hurts it hurts it hurts." More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5744955&view=rss&microfeed=true

A Dallas TV news crew at the scene of an ATM robbery noticed a man hanging around who matched the description of a suspect. Their suspicions grew when the man robbed a driver in front of the camera. More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5713334&view=rss&microfeed=true

You rent a moving van, then decide to take a dubious shortcut involving forbidding Montana dirt roads. Things don't go so well after that, and the van ends up stuck in a ditch. No, wait— you were hijacked! More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5613420&view=rss&microfeed=true

Three teens in the Maryland suburbs of Washington were trapped by a police officer after carjacking a Ford Escape. So the driver decided to try running over the officer's Crown Victoria in reverse. Physics sides with justice on this one. More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5609535&view=rss&microfeed=true

If you're stopped by Boston police at 3:30 AM while pushing home an electric scooter that you've just stolen, here's a helpful tip. Don't tell them you're just pushing it to AutoZone to charge it. They will not believe you. More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5600125&view=rss&microfeed=true

After getting ripped off in the past, a Ballard, Washington, resident installed a motion-activated camera on the front porch… and caught a woman stealing packages. The getaway car's reflection can be seen in a window. Mazda 323? Toyota Tercel? More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5460436&view=rss&microfeed=true

18-year-old James Miller, of Cincinnati was pulled over on suspicion of drunk driving. Convenient for the officer as Miller had brought his own breathalyzer in the form of his Halloween costume. "Blow here" indeed. Oh, the irony. [NBC4] More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5396961&view=rss&microfeed=true

Last week brought us the worst BMW parking job ever, resulting in a crushed Hyundai Elantra. Hyundai Canada stepped up and gave the Elantra's owner a new one. Aww, isn't PR cute? [AutoNorth.ca] More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5394848&view=rss&microfeed=true

Bailing on a moving stolen vehicle in the middle of a car chase makes you a bad criminal. Bailing on a moving stolen vehicle with your girlfriend still inside makes you an awful boyfriend. Defending the driver? You're Dylan Ratigan. More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5345095&view=rss&microfeed=true

So you've knocked back numerous Goldschlägers (drink of choice for severed-finger-in-Wendy's-chili associates) at the local watering hole and it's time to pilot the ol' minivan back to the pad. Suddenly, red-and-blue lights in the rearview! More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5322430&view=rss&microfeed=true

What kind of car would a couple of no-nonsense plainclothes Los Angeles cops drive in 1967? Forget those big lumbering full-size sedans! Joe Friday and Bill Gannon insisted on a snappy-looking '67 Fairlane. More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5188591&view=rss&microfeed=true

It goes without saying that we thoroughly approve of a late-80s Sedan DeVille with the full-on pimp treatment. However, when John Law suspends your license, you don't try to drive said car from the courthouse. More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5145999&view=rss&microfeed=true

A man in Adelaide was ticketed and his car impounded after he performed repeated burnouts in the parking lot of a police academy during their graduation ceremony. Dumb. More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5137535&view=rss&microfeed=true

On December 14th, Sean L. Hawkins Jr. walked out of Prince George's County Jail in Maryland on his own recognizance. He immediately carjacked a Toyota 4Runner because he "needed a ride home from jail." More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5122437&view=rss&microfeed=true

Vernon Jones had managed to elude a warrant for attempted murder for 15 years until his delivery route brought him back through Maryland. You can guess what happened next. More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5111372&view=rss&microfeed=true

An ambulance crew in Nevada found a new way to save lives by pulling over a woman apparently too drunk to realize EMTs don't have arresting powers or notice the gas nozzle sticking out of the tank on her Subaru wagon. More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5101276&view=rss&microfeed=true

After eluding numerous spike strips and attempts by a Dodge Charger Police Edition to run them off the road, the brothers behind the helm of this Mitsubishi Galant raced off the Oklahoma highway and into a Chili's parking lot. Once inside the parking lot they were easy pickin's for the state troopers, slamming into a parked car. What compelled them to race at speeds above 130 MPH to get to a Chili's? Was it a Mitsubishi Galant GTZ? According to reports, police found some Mary Jane in the car, which leads us to believe a plate of Southwestern Egg Rolls may be the real culprit. [MSNBC] More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5098595&view=rss&microfeed=true

Let's say you're MacGyver, you've turned to a life of crime and need to steal a car. All you have is a shoelace, some tin cans and a nail. Of course you punch a hole in each can, string them together and hook them to the bumper of a car then lie in wait to pounce when the driver gets out to see what's making all that racket as they pull away. As perfect as this plan may be, we suspect it's probably staged since the otherwise clever plan would be thwarted when the would-be victim approaches from behind and sees cans hooked to the car. Plus the 'get in, start up, drive, stop and get out' sequence happens too fast to believe it wasn't staged. But who are we, CSI? Judge for yourselves. [youtube] More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5097544&view=rss&microfeed=true

Police in Morgan City, Utah were outrun and outwitted by a drunken man in what they describe as a souped-up golf cart. Trev Dawson was hanging out with friends, drinking and doing donuts on the lawn of the Morgan City Park when local Sheriff's deputies happened upon him. Rather than face a count of drunk driving or public destruction and risk having something happen to the beloved cart, Dawson fled the scene. Officers gave chase across yards, down streets and through parking lots before Dawson fled into an alfalfa field and jumped over a few irrigation ditches, which is something that police cruisers typically can't do. How was he caught? More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5066741&view=rss&microfeed=true

The three robbers in Saujana Impian, Malaysia, had almost all the details worked out for the perfect crime. Almost. They did pretty well with the part involving the hijacking of an armored Toyota van carrying cash for ATMs. And the getaway? Flawless! Then, however, the weak link in their scheme made itself known; their Perodua Kelisa proved too small to fit all the loot, and they had to leave nearly half the cash behind in the van. The Kelisa, you may recall, is the car Jeremy Clarkson described as being "made in a jungle clearing by someone who went to work on an ox," enraging the Malaysian Parliament. Make the jump to see the Kelisa's famous appearances on Top Gear. More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5056722&view=rss&microfeed=true

Given the frequency with which police chases are aired on television, it is a bit of a surprise that Baker County, Florida senior citizen Mary B. Davis didn't know the proper way to bail out of a vehicle. Maybe she was upset that her son had been arrested after a domestic dispute call. Maybe it was because she was 63. Maybe it was the van she was driving. Whatever the reason, the local Sheriff claims that the woman was threatening locals after her son's arrest and rather then risk arrest herself, she jumped in her van and hit the road, but not before hitting a few other things. More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5050709&view=rss&microfeed=true

Ultimate Fighting Championship Champ Quinton "Rampage" Jackson lived up to his nickname in Orange County Tuesday when he took his camouflage-covered Ford F-250 on a wild Grand Theft Auto-type run through the city, until being pulled over and arrested at gunpoint by local police. How'd they find Jackson? There's a life-sized photo of him on the side of his getaway truck. That, and the UFC champ twice drove on the sidewalk, swerved across lanes and ran through several red lights. Surprisingly, there was no evidence of drug or alcohol usage. Maybe they should test him for bull steroids. [Deadspin, Photo Credit: TMZ] More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=398634&view=rss&microfeed=true

It seems that Honda sprayed half its early CRXs white, but not many regular Civics got that color, especially not by the late 80s. The rarity of white fourth-gen Civics proved to be the undoing of Thomas Kenney, the Lawn Guyland resident known to police as the "Bad Hatter." Mr. Kenney wore some great hats during his robberies, and he even thought to bandage his fingertips to avoid leaving prints... but DNA traces on a dropped bandage and the rarity of white '89 Civics with no hubcaps unraveled his criminal master plan, and now he'll be stamping out license plates for brand-new Civics for the foreseeable future. [Newsday] More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=395062&view=rss&microfeed=true

On the list of vehicles that we can say definitively don't make great getaway cars, we now have Good Humor ice cream truck to add to Krispy Kreme truck and gardening truck. Shawn Stewart and Wesley Jumper were, apparently, quite dirty as they deviated from Stewart's normal ice cream route and stopped at a La Plata, Marlyand CVS and boosted $500 worth of shampoo and soap. A hot date deserves hot hair care products, eh? They'd have gotten away with it, too, had it not been for a couple of minor details. More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=386510&view=rss&microfeed=true

A little bit of advice for any prospective carjackers out there, bring any of the many GPS units we talk about here with you. In addition to impressing potential victims with your foresightedness, it'll also help you avoid the fate of one slow-witted 19-year-old Cleveland man. Having commandeered a vehicle at gunpoint, the young man realized he was lost and had to ask someone for directions. This is bad because you're going to be giving someone else a general idea of where you're going. Second, if you do have to ask for directions it may not be a good idea to ask a television news crew. More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=383981&view=rss&microfeed=true

Justin D. Grill, 19, was just minding his own business, taking his '87 Crown Vic out for a little spin in Chippewa Falls. Oh sure, he had a sandwich in one hand and a cellphone in the other (no doubt delivering one of those riveting monologues that goes like "And so I MFFGP SMOFF told that sumbitch GLOOMPH NARF GLRMPH he could kiss my SPLRMPH GRUNCH..." and makes you wonder whether the unseen spirit of Miss Manners had a hand in subsequent events) when he sideswiped an oncoming police car on a bridge, but you really couldn't say that was his fault, right? His reaction? "I'm getting a ticket? For what?" [Chippewa.com] More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=381310&view=rss&microfeed=true

Take note: You do not mess with the motorheads at Beyond.ca unless you want 46,000 righteously angry, resourceful, and tech-savvy Canadians on the lookout for you. This is especially true if you're an easily recognizable eight-fingered stoner who's too stupid to stash one of the more visible and distinctive cars in Calgary. Before long you'll have an unflattering new nickname and a target on your back that — thanks to Google Maps — is almost literally visible from orbit. More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=375978&view=rss&microfeed=true

Our philosophy of cotomer sevis has always been to recognize that all businesses make mistakes and that the good business is the one that does what's necessary to correct those mistakes. Taking that one step further was Assi Touti of Forrest Hills, New York who, apparently, wasn't satisfied with the job a Mr. Hand Car Wash did on his Chevy Silverado truck. The management offered him a second wash but explained that he'd have to wait in line before going through again. This made Mr. Touti a little upset. So upset that he crashed his truck into the equipment (not pictured), trapping three employees. More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=374564&view=rss&microfeed=true

Forget the Interceptor, Johnny Law (or is that Mohammed Law?) in Dubai rolls in 5-series BMW's. How else do you keep up with the wonderful and unreasonably fast Arab prince specials? This has to be a bit rough on local thieves, forced to escape the clutches of the Bavarian police cruisers. Hey, if you can't beat'em, join'em. And if you can't join'em, steal their cars. More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=365940&view=rss&microfeed=true

Finding the right parts for your project car can be tough. Who can you trust these days? As we learned with the Unique Performance saga, even seemingly reputable businesses can turn out to be suspect. Things get even tricker when buying things over the web, as this horny car-jacking victim discovered. Thankfully, we've got television news investigators on our side. [My Fox Detroit] More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=361854&view=rss&microfeed=true

As we all know, Craigslist can be a source of classic cars, parts and memorabilia. Completely unbeknownst to anyone at Jalopnik, it can also be used to solicit sex. A 23-year-old Brentwood man responded to an ad offering sex at what we assume was an attractive rate. But instead of "hittin that," a pair of men hit him in the head with a shotgun they were carrying. The man escaped with his life, but the criminals escaped with his money and GMC Sierra truck. More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=361761&view=rss&microfeed=true

Leave it to a mechanic named Wang to think of using parts from a public toilet to improve his Mercedes-Benz. Mr. Wang was planing to increase the performance of said car by ripping the heat sensor out of a public toilet and attaching it to the engine. He might have gotten away with it, too, had it not been for the fact that someone caught him breaking into the bathroom where he planned to steal the sensors (we guess he's pouring all of his money into the car). Just to be safe, Taiwanese Mercedes-Benz dealership made a public statement where they declared that their cars cannot be tweaked with potty parts. More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=358021&view=rss&microfeed=true

If you're like us, you read the New Straits Times religiously. You therefore may have noticed a piece in today's issue about a couple of would-be cattle rustlers that managed to get an adult cow in the back seat of a mid-sized sedan before a group of villagers in the area noticed. When the villagers did finally realize something was awry they gave chase, causing the driver of the vehicle to lose control. More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=348663&view=rss&microfeed=true

Pennsylvanian Robert Coulson Lavery figured he had all the details planned to pull off the perfect crime: cover his face with a coat of drywall compound, rob a bank, then make his getaway in a car decorated with a Rusty Wallace souvenir license plate. Unfortunately for Mr. Lavery, a tipster recognized the Rustymobile, which was found with telltale smears of joint compound on the upholstery (cue sound of cell door slamming). [Associated Press] More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=344372&view=rss&microfeed=true

Ontario police caught a young-at-heart and lead-of-foot 85-year-old Canadian man going 100 mph (40 mph over the speed limit) in his Oldsmobile Intrigue, which makes him the oldest person to be charged under a new street racing law. The new law states that anyone going more than 31 mph over the speed limit can be charged with racing, even if it's just solo racing. The man, one of 2,300 to be busted under the law, claims he was just "going to the bank and shopping." More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=341569&view=rss&microfeed=true

As if it's hard enough to get a good deal when buying a new truck, imagine if you're mentally ill. Then imagine that you let on that you're not well and have tons of money in cash at home. What happens next is the sales team at Douchebag Brothers Autos first goes to your house and steals about $70,000, then takes $30,000 for the truck and then, when you're committed to a mental hospital, takes the truck and puts it in their name. At least, that's what Paul Rimbley is convicted of doing. More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=341519&view=rss&microfeed=true

It seems that there's nothing to do in Minnesota but drink and drive, at least over the holidays. According to police, they were making a stop on the suspicion of a DWI when a car full of twenty-something women from St. Cloud plowed into the parked police cruiser. These are the times when we make crucial decisions in our lives and, in this case, the young lady driving the car didn't make the right decision. More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=336397&view=rss&microfeed=true

When you're 18 and and maybe drunk and have a girl with you, stopping for the police maybe doesn't sounds like a good idea. Your Honda Civic can totally outrun that Charger, right? Oh, and there's nothing smarter than driving through a gas station car wash. That'll totally lose them the Wisconsin coppers. And you'll get the car clean for mom! More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=335119&view=rss&microfeed=true

Yesterday we told you about the guy that drove his Ford Taurus off a parking garage only to be saved by a few cables that prevented the oval auto from crashing into the ground 200 feet below. We were fairly sure that it was a botched suicide attempt, but we were wrong. It turns out the guy was just totally hammered. More »
]]> http://jalopnik.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=334179&view=rss&microfeed=true